Save Some Time for Yourself

Posted on October 12, 2018 by admin

Before this past Wednesday, it had been a long time since I took a whole day to rest and do a few things for myself. For over a month, I went out somewhere and did something with other people. I love doing fun things with friends, but eventually it became too much for me. I found myself getting anxious, frustrated, and tired much more easily than usual. Plus I felt distanced from my friends and started making assumptions and reading into things, which only made me feel worse. Normally I go swing dancing on Wednesday nights but this week I decided to stay at home and relax; the place I go was closed that night, so I didn’t even end up missing anything. Since I didn’t have to go into work that day, I spent my time relaxing and doing things that I enjoy, which is one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time.

One of the first things I did on Wednesday after my usual morning routine was tend to my back. I had been dealing with pain around my shoulder blade since Monday and I finally decided to do something about it. My store manager said it was probably a muscle thing (she’s been dealing with that as well), so I reread this article from The Art of Manliness and went to work. I grabbed a racquetball, found a good wall to use, and rolled the ball against the areas of my back that hurt the most. After doing that several times in short bursts, the majority of my pain was gone and I could stand up straight and breathe much more easily.

After I had given my back some relief, I relaxed on the couch with my dog and watched “Groundhog Day”, which is one of my favorite movies. As I normally do when watching a movie, I put my phone on the table behind me and forgot about it until the movie ended. Unplugging from the internet and social media for almost two hours while enjoying a great movie was one of the most enjoyable things I did that day. Also, the movie inspired me to write a blog post about it, which I worked on here and there until I was satisfied with it. For the remainder of that day, I organized part of my room, talked with a friend on the phone, juggled a bit, and played a fun computer game. 

It was wonderful to have a day to myself and be able to take it easy from beginning to end. I still got some productive things done, but I was able to avoid rushing and do them on my own time based on what I felt like doing. By the time I went to bed, I felt like I had had three days off instead of one since I used several tricks to slow down time; I hadn’t done that in a while and it was nice to get back to it. Wednesday was a much-needed break from always being on the go and never having much time to truly rest. As I write this, I feel at peace, refreshed, my back feels much better, my anxiety is gone, and I’m looking forward to interacting with others instead of dreading it. If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, frustrated, or otherwise burnt out, I highly recommend taking a day to rest and take care of yourself. It’s amazing how refreshing that can be and you don’t want to miss it.

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Review of Groundhog Day

Posted on October 11, 2018 by admin

Groundhog Day is a classic comedy movie, but it also works on a deeper level. Bill Murray plays a weatherman named Phil Connors who travels to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to cover the annual Groundhog Day festivities. Connors is an arrogant, conceited man who wants nothing more than to get out of town and back home as soon as possible. Stuck in Punxsutawney due to a blizzard he predicted would pass over them, he finds himself stuck in a time loop, repeating Groundhog Day indefinitely without rhyme or reason. The movie follows his journey and the changes he goes through along the way.

When he first realizes he is reliving the previous day, Connors is confused. As the day progresses, he finds it hard to accept but eventually does so after spending a night out with a few locals. He then decides to live it up and do whatever he wants: driving through a mailbox, running from the police, driving on the railroad tracks, stealing money, manipulating the townsfolk for his own purposes, etc. Nobody else is aware of the time loop, which allows Connors to get away with all of these antics. He gets the big thrills out of his system before turning his attention to his producer, Rita. Gradually, he learns about her and her interests and tries to create the perfect day so as to seduce her. However, he constantly fails and causes her to storm off in a rage, leaving him alone every night. This drives him to sadness and anger shortly thereafter. As the time loop continues, he finds his situation increasingly intolerable and tries to end it by repeatedly taking his own life in various ways, only to find himself waking up every day as if nothing happened.

Connors is unable to make any true progress until he accepts his situation, surrenders to it, and begins to turn his focus away from himself and toward those around him. He starts by giving the poor, elderly man he passed by every day a large sum of money and getting some snacks for his coworkers. Late one night, he goes back to the elderly man and takes him to the hospital. While there, he is shocked and saddened to learn that the man has died. The next day, he buys him a hearty meal at a restaurant and fails despite trying desperately to revive him outside. Aside from his inability to save the elderly man, Connors is quite successful at his other positive ventures: he saves a boy from falling out of a tree, replaces a flat tire for three women, performs the Heimlich maneuver on the guy in charge of the Groundhog Day festivities, and performs other charitable acts around town. In the process, he gains the affection of the townsfolk and truly becomes a better person. Where his earlier attempts to manipulate Rita into liking him failed, his sincere efforts to be a better person and live a good life draw her to him. They end up having a quiet but enjoyable and genuine time together and he awakens the next morning to find that he is finally freed from the time loop. The movie ends with the two of them heading out to enjoy the day and planning to move to Punxsutawney as they have both grown fond of the town and the people who live there.

The message I took away from Groundhog Day is the importance of recognizing when I need to learn a lesson, figuring out what it is, and then making it a regular practice in my life. In the movie, Connors is freed from the time loop and allowed to continue his life once he learns to think of himself less and think of others more; his priorities in life were out of balance and only after he got them in order was he set free. Those who, like Connors, became stuck in one season of life with no end in sight later realized that they were kept there until they learned whatever lesson they needed before they could move on. I’ve gone through many such seasons and that pattern seems to have been present in each of them. My own experience as well as the uplifting message of the movie affirm for me that the rough times contain a necessary lesson and making it part of my life is the way out. That’s why Groundhog Day is one of the best and most beautiful movies I’ve ever seen. 

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The Power of Relaxation

Posted on October 10, 2018 by admin

This is a very timely blog post for me as it’s about relaxing, which I haven’t been doing nearly enough lately. While this includes spending time at rest without doing much of anything, I’m talking about being able to relax during daily tasks. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of modern life and spend most of the waking hours stressed out or even in a state of panic. The faster and more intense life gets, the more important it becomes to know how to be at ease even when moving quickly, so that’s what I’m going to talk about today.

When I find it difficult or impossible to relax, it’s usually because I feel like I lack control in whatever situation I’m in or the situation is different than I’d like it to be. It took me a long time to realize this but once I had spent enough time working on myself, it became clear to me. I noticed that relaxing made every situation smoother and more enjoyable. Even when I was busy moving a lot of things around at my job or playing sports, relaxing and not worrying about how things were going helped. I found that it’s possible to do my best, expend a great deal of energy, accomplish a lot, and want things to work out for the best without stressing over any of it. This also makes me less likely to get emotional if a situation doesn’t go how I want it to go or make mistakes due to rushing through it. 

I’ve mentioned communication in several posts and how I’ve worked hard to get better at it. While reading books about communication, writing many of my thoughts down so that they’re better organized, and practicing it a lot have all been helpful, the thing that has made the biggest difference for me is relaxing. My best conversations and most eloquent moments have come from states of relaxation during which I wasn’t worried about what to say or how to say it. Ideas for both writing and speaking seem to appear most easily when I’m relaxed and not stressing over what to talk about. If I’m relaxed and easygoing, I think others pick up on that and act accordingly; the same appears to be true for when I’m stressed out or nervous. 

Communication is a major part of interacting with other people, but speaking is only one aspect of it. Not every moment has to be filled with words, and some moments are better left in silence. My tendency is to rack my brain for something to say during any moment of silence that lasts more than a few seconds so it doesn’t become “awkward”. However, as I’ve learned more about how to relax and take control of my mind rather than be controlled by it, I’ve started giving some moments space to be. I’ve found that saying something just for the sake of speaking or preventing an “awkward” silent moment tends to create more awkward moments than silence does. Relaxing into a moment prevents it from becoming awkward and offers space for everyone involved to be with each other, continue the conversation when it feels natural, or part ways if they so desire. Additionally, being relaxed around others helps me not feel embarrassed or ashamed if I say something or make a joke that doesn’t get the reaction I was hoping for.

As you might have guessed, there are several books and online resources that have helped me relax and worry less. The ones I’ve found most helpful have been The Power of Now, The Power of Positive Thinking, The Four Agreements, and The Righteous Mind (the last one may seem strange to put on this list but I included it since it helped me understand why people believe the things they do and that it’s not worth getting emotional in interactions those with whom I disagree). Charisma on Command has a lot of great videos on mindset and this one in particular has been a huge blessing to me. And last but not least, I’ve gotten a lot of useful stuff from The Art of Manliness website; even when I’m not looking for life hacks, it’s still fun to read through the articles. Knowing the importance of relaxing and how to relax has done a lot of good for me and I hope the ideas and resources in this post help you as much as they’ve helped me.

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Review of The 4-Hour Workweek

Posted on October 9, 2018 by admin

The 4-Hour Workweek is one of the most interesting books I’ve ever read. Tim Ferriss packs a lot of information into the book about how to free up vast quantities of time and live more of your life on your own terms. I’ll do my best to sum it up here and hit on a few of his best points. 

Ferriss talks about how he started his own company while working a regular job and quickly built it up to the point that it was bringing in $70,000 each month. However, he was also spending the majority of his waking hours working, which eventually burnt him out and drove him to seek an escape. To accomplish this, he streamlined his business by eliminating the 20% of things that caused 80% of his problems and focusing on the 20% of customers that provided 80% of his profits, a process known as the Pareto principle. This dramatically reduced his workload and allowed him to take a vacation in another country. By using online virtual assistants to complete the majority of his remaining work and setting up a plan that required minimal involvement from him, he was able to greatly extend that vacation into what he calls a “mini-retirement”, which he tries to take as often as possible now that he’s perfected his system.

As you can see, Ferriss thinks quite differently than the entrepreneur who spends most of their time working and has almost no time for anything else; he essentially flips that idea on its head and encourages his readers to do the same. He spends most of the book providing suggestions for accomplishing more at work in a shorter span of time using the Pareto principle, arranging to work remotely rather than having to go into the office every day, starting a business that requires minimal involvement from you, and delegating tasks to virtual assistants whenever possible. Additionally, he offers ideas on how to spend your time once you’ve freed it up, including information about cheap places to live in other countries for anywhere from a few months to more than a year, exciting things to do when you get to your destination, getting plane tickets to just about anywhere without breaking the bank, and the comparative safety of a number of different countries so you minimize your risks while traveling.

I greatly enjoyed reading The 4-Hour Workweek. It felt to me like a crash course in a new way to live, so I’ll probably have to reread it several times to make the best use of it, as well as continue my research about business. However, it was wonderful to imagine myself in some of the possibilities Ferriss describes and his mindset fits quite well with my own. I’ve spent the last few years moving away from a materialist mindset into more of an “experience” mindset. I’d much rather save up my money and go on several nice trips a year than spend that money on cheap trinkets, cable TV, or something else that drains money from me while providing me with little to no enjoyment. Several of my goals in life will require a great deal of time freedom as well as financial freedom, and Ferriss offers insight on how to acquire both. Additionally, I don’t want to get stuck in a system that makes me miss out on my life because I’m always working and never have enough time to pursue my interests, passions, and life purpose. Reading The 4-Hour Workweek gave me hope for the future I’d like to have and a lot of great ideas on how to bring it to life. If any of this sounds interesting to you, then I recommend checking it out. It’s definitely a book worth reading.

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The World Around Us

Posted on October 8, 2018 by admin

Everything we can perceive about the world comes in through our senses. There are many things about the world that we can’t perceive due to the limitations of our senses even when they’re working properly. Certain frequencies are too high or too low for us to hear, we can see only a small portion of light on the electromagnetic spectrum, and so on for our other senses. Additionally, most people have at least one sense that is deficient in some way, such as poor eyesight; everyone starts out with limited senses and anyone with one or more poor senses is at an even greater disadvantage.

However, all our senses do is gather information. Our brains receive that information and ultimately make sense of it. We can be shut off from information about the world if something goes wrong with our brains even when our senses are working properly. The question then becomes: how can we truly know anything about the world? If everything we can perceive about the world depends on our senses properly gathering information and our brains correctly interpreting it, then our knowledge ultimately depends on the trustworthiness of our brains. But how can we know our brains are trustworthy, especially when they can be fooled so easily through optical, auditory, and other types of illusions?

One might propose that we can compare our ideas about the world to the world itself and see if they match, but there is a problem with that. What use is comparing our ideas about the world to our perceptions of it in order to judge the reliability of our brains if the accuracy of our perceptions requires our brains to be reliable? Rather than providing a solution, this ends up taking us in circles without ever getting us closer to a definitive answer. Without some way to view the world objectively outside of our senses and our brains to test the validity of our ideas, we end up with only our subjective experiences to go by.

Michael Stevens covers this subject much better than I can in a great Vsauce video. This is interesting to think about and discuss with others, but, as Stevens says in the video, may frustrate some as it (as far as I know) doesn’t have any clear, objectively provable answers. Personally, I just enjoy thinking about it and don’t worry about its implications. What do you think about all of this? I’m interested to hear your thoughts about this subject if you’d like to share them. 

Michael Stevens from Vsauce talking about this subject
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The Importance of Being Self-aware

Posted on October 7, 2018 by admin

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said the following quote about our ability to choose:

“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.”

Being able to choose our response, as Covey indicates in the book, requires self-awareness, which, in turn, requires a high level of consciousness. I’ve learned from experience that I can’t be both lost in my thoughts and aware of my actions simultaneously. Once my ego takes over, I act automatically and without conscious awareness of what I’m doing. I then lose the ability to act according to my values and end up acting (or, more accurately, reacting) based on whatever or whoever around me exerts the strongest influence.

When I act unconsciously, in addition to being unaware of my actions, I am also indifferent to them. I generally try to treat others as I want them to treat me, but getting stuck in my mind causes me to abandon that and treat them however I feel like treating them. In that state, my emotions run high and I lose any sense of how to act properly as well as the feeling of shame for acting improperly. Since I’ve spent a lot of time examining myself and watching my thoughts over the past year, I can sometimes realize when I’m in or about to be in that state and put a stop to it; taking several deep breaths, doing an eye scramble, and trying to focus on the present moment help me snap out of it. However, if I don’t try to snap out of it, then I end up going too far and saying or doing something that I end up regretting later on once I’ve come to my senses. I still have a long way to go with regards to recognizing when my ego starts taking over and changing course before it’s too late, but I’ve gotten better at it since I started focusing on it. 

A lot of stuff in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has helped with my self-awareness, especially the parts about truly listening to other people and trying to understand where they’re coming from. Trying to keep in mind the importance of not making assumptions or taking things personally as The Four Agreements advises has also proven useful. And I think The Power of Now, with the depth in which it examines mindfulness, ego, and consciousness, has been the overall most useful resource for me in this area. Each of these books has given me several life hacks that help me be more kind, patient, mindful, and self-aware. I’m grateful for these and other great works that have helped me be more self-aware and move further down the road of self-improvement. 

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Optimism

Posted on October 6, 2018 by admin

I’m generally optimistic. While I’ve had plenty of moments of pessimism and negativity in my life, overall I’ve maintained a mindset that things will get better and work out in the end. I don’t know why that’s largely been my mindset, but I think it’s helped.

Being optimistic makes it easier to deal with difficult situations when they arise. No matter what situation I get into, I believe there’s a solution for it and that I’ll be able to find and implement it; most of the time there is a solution even if someone else ends up providing it. When the only solution is to just grit my teeth and get through it, it helps to know that this too shall pass and I’ll be able to do other things soon. Keeping an optimistic mindset helps me stay positive, which I think other people can sense and probably benefit from as well. If they get the sense that I want the best solution for everyone involved in a given situation, they’ll probably be more patient with me and know that we’re on the same page as we go through this together. Whether this actually works or not, I certainly feel better when I’m in an optimistic, positive mood than when I’m in a pessimistic, negative mood.

As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I have had many moments in which my optimism almost completely left me. I say it almost left me because I don’t think I’ve ever been totally devoid of optimism. Those who have often end up acting out violently against themselves or someone else. Even in my darkest times, I never planned to do either of those. I still found some reason to genuinely smile and participate in activities that made me feel alive and happy. I think it would have taken a lot more time and much more positive activities to get me out of my funk if I had a generally pessimistic mindset. 

My sense that things will ultimately work out is what allowed me to keep going through the most difficult times in my life and it’s what motivates me to keep chasing my biggest dreams. I’ve realized through years of reading nearly every book I can get my hands on that my ignorance will always exceed my knowledge and understanding, but I avoid despairing over that. Instead, I seek out useful information on how to improve myself and my life from the people who have done that for themselves and thousands of others before me. The stuff I’ve learned so far has made a huge positive difference in my life and has given me even more hope that the future will work out as long as I keep doing my best and seeing the good everywhere I can find it. 

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My Morning Routine

Posted on October 5, 2018 by admin

Most people have a morning routine, whether they consciously realize it or not. Some routines work better than others for starting the day off on the right foot and I’ve found one that works well for me. Skipping this routine makes my day more challenging, so I make sure to give myself time to do it every day. 

I have two alarms set fifteen minutes apart. When my first alarm goes off, I turn my light on and lay back down until I hear my second alarm. At that point, I turn off my fan, prop my pillow up on the wall at the head of my bed, and sit up while using my Kindle to see what’s going on with the people I know. After I’ve satisfied my curiosity, I sit on the side of my bed with my feet flat on the floor and my fingertips touching, close my eyes, and breathe deeply (I focus my breathing into groups of five in the following patterns: in and out through my nose, in through my nose and out through my mouth, in and out through my mouth, in through my mouth and out through my nose, and once more in and out through my nose). As I do this, I think of any negative thought or emotion I had the previous day or that morning and imagine it going out through the soles of my feet and down into the center of the Earth whenever I exhale. Taking a few minutes to do this each morning always makes me feel better, even if I was already in a good mood when I woke up. Once I’ve finished that, I’m ready to go about the rest of my day.  I do a similar routine before I fall asleep at night, with the only differences being that I do the nighttime routine in the dark and with less structure to my breathing.

This isn’t the first morning routine I’ve used, though I think it has been the most beneficial. By cleansing myself of negativity through meditation and grounding shortly after waking up, I start my day off with a great deal of positivity; my experience has shown that it’s much easier to keep the day on the right track once it’s started there than to start the day off poorly and try to course correct afterward. Starting off right also makes it easier to get along with the people in my life as well as accomplish productive activities during the day, which makes me feel more satisfied and fulfilled when I go to bed at night. If you don’t have a morning routine, I highly recommend finding one. It doesn’t have to be this one; the point is to find one that works for you. Whatever you end up doing, I hope it helps you get started on the right foot and gives you what you need to successfully navigate your day.

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“1000 Marbles”

Posted on October 4, 2018 by admin

This is a story I first read years ago. A clipping of it hangs on my refrigerator and inspired me to make this blog post. I hope you enjoy it and the wisdom it contains:

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the kitchen, with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.

Let me tell you about it. I turned the volume up on my radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning talk show. I heard an older sounding chap with a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business himself.

He was talking about “a thousand marbles” to someone named “Tom”. I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.” He continued, “Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”

“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

“Now stick with me Tom, I’m getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in my workshop next to the radio. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.

“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight. Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then God has blessed me with a little extra time to be with my loved ones. It was nice to talk to you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your loved ones, and I hope to meet you again someday. Have a good morning!”

You could have heard a pin drop when he finished. Even the show’s moderator didn’t have anything to say for a few moments. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to do some work that morning, then go to the gym. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.” “What brought this on?” she asked with a smile. “Oh, nothing special,” I said. “It has just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.”

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Communication

Posted on October 3, 2018 by admin

Everything we do with at least one other person involves communication. Whether we’re buying a house, arranging a group trip, playing a sport, making a movie, or any other group activity, we have to communicate effectively to succeed. When emotions run high and people are frustrated, communication tends to break down and become ineffective. Since I’ve written a lot, I tend to think quite a bit about communication and how to get better at it. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject. 

I see communication and speaking as two different things. I see speaking as someone getting on stage in front of an audience, reciting a speech verbatim, and not making a single mistake. They may be a great speaker but if they’re not saying anything of importance or they’re failing to connect with the audience, then I don’t think they’re communicating. A communicator may stumble over their words, backtrack a time or two, and not enunciate clearly; as long as they succeed in connecting with the audience and getting their message across, I’d consider them to be a good communicator. I think the pinnacle of communication, what constitutes a great communicator, is someone who leaves a lasting impression on their listeners, successfully delivers their message, and does so in a smooth, articulate style that is largely free of errors.

I’ve spent a lot of time studying effective communication and practicing it. For most of my life, I’ve been a terrible communicator, especially when I was upset. The work I’ve done over the last few years has made me a decent communicator and allowed me to know what thoughts are worth expressing and how to effectively express them. Some of the books that have improved my commuication skills are How to Win Friends and Influence People, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking, and The 5 Love Languages. Each of those books discuss looking at things from someone else’s perspective and trying to understand where they’re coming from, both of which are essential for good communication. I regularly use techniques from those books in my daily interactions with others, which makes them go much better than they once did. These resources have shown me that knowledge, practice, and patience can improve any skill over time, even non-physical skills. There are plenty of times in which my emotions get the best of me and I fail to apply the lessons I’ve learned to an exchange, but overall my communication skills are much better now than they once were. I plan to keep working on improving my communication as I see it as an essential element for everything I hope to accomplish in life and I want to give myself the best possible chances of succeeding. 

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