“1000 Marbles”

Posted on October 4, 2018 by admin

This is a story I first read years ago. A clipping of it hangs on my refrigerator and inspired me to make this blog post. I hope you enjoy it and the wisdom it contains:

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the kitchen, with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.

Let me tell you about it. I turned the volume up on my radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning talk show. I heard an older sounding chap with a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business himself.

He was talking about “a thousand marbles” to someone named “Tom”. I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.” He continued, “Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”

“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

“Now stick with me Tom, I’m getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in my workshop next to the radio. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.

“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight. Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then God has blessed me with a little extra time to be with my loved ones. It was nice to talk to you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your loved ones, and I hope to meet you again someday. Have a good morning!”

You could have heard a pin drop when he finished. Even the show’s moderator didn’t have anything to say for a few moments. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to do some work that morning, then go to the gym. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.” “What brought this on?” she asked with a smile. “Oh, nothing special,” I said. “It has just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.”

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Communication

Posted on October 3, 2018 by admin

Everything we do with at least one other person involves communication. Whether we’re buying a house, arranging a group trip, playing a sport, making a movie, or any other group activity, we have to communicate effectively to succeed. When emotions run high and people are frustrated, communication tends to break down and become ineffective. Since I’ve written a lot, I tend to think quite a bit about communication and how to get better at it. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject. 

I see communication and speaking as two different things. I see speaking as someone getting on stage in front of an audience, reciting a speech verbatim, and not making a single mistake. They may be a great speaker but if they’re not saying anything of importance or they’re failing to connect with the audience, then I don’t think they’re communicating. A communicator may stumble over their words, backtrack a time or two, and not enunciate clearly; as long as they succeed in connecting with the audience and getting their message across, I’d consider them to be a good communicator. I think the pinnacle of communication, what constitutes a great communicator, is someone who leaves a lasting impression on their listeners, successfully delivers their message, and does so in a smooth, articulate style that is largely free of errors.

I’ve spent a lot of time studying effective communication and practicing it. For most of my life, I’ve been a terrible communicator, especially when I was upset. The work I’ve done over the last few years has made me a decent communicator and allowed me to know what thoughts are worth expressing and how to effectively express them. Some of the books that have improved my commuication skills are How to Win Friends and Influence People, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking, and The 5 Love Languages. Each of those books discuss looking at things from someone else’s perspective and trying to understand where they’re coming from, both of which are essential for good communication. I regularly use techniques from those books in my daily interactions with others, which makes them go much better than they once did. These resources have shown me that knowledge, practice, and patience can improve any skill over time, even non-physical skills. There are plenty of times in which my emotions get the best of me and I fail to apply the lessons I’ve learned to an exchange, but overall my communication skills are much better now than they once were. I plan to keep working on improving my communication as I see it as an essential element for everything I hope to accomplish in life and I want to give myself the best possible chances of succeeding. 

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What Do You Want in Life?

Posted on October 2, 2018 by admin

What do you want in life, and what are you doing to get it? Are your actions taking you closer to achieving your dreams or have you gotten stuck in a rut, going through the motions rather than moving forward? I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I decided to write about my thoughts on the subject. 

There are two big goals I hope to accomplish in my life: travel extensively and help other people. I’ve made separate posts about each one but I’ll briefly go over them here.

Most traveling I’ve done has been in the US. I love going on road trips and seeing what this country has to offer. While I enjoy flying and have never gotten sick or anxious on a flight, I’d rather drive because it would let me see more and give me more time/freedom to explore wherever I go and take what I want with me. Someday I hope to spend a few years taking a road trip around the US, seeing the sights, meeting people, visiting with friends, and making wonderful memories along the way.

I’ve felt called to help people all my life and have spent years working on ideas to do so effectively. I believe that this is my primary purpose in life and that I’ve either been given or allowed to develop the tools to accomplish this. Although I can’t yet help people as much as I’d like, I still do what I can now as I work toward the ideas I have in mind. Things are already moving quickly in that direction, which is exciting and gives me hope that my ideas will come to fruition. 

Apart from my big goals, I have several smaller (though still important) goals. Perhaps the most important one to me that would also make all the other ones possible is to not get stuck in a system like so many others have. I want to avoid spending most of my waking hours working at a job (even if it’s one I enjoy) for the majority of my life and being left with almost no free time for my passions, interests, and friends and family. That’s why I’m interested in starting a business around my lifestyle. Even business owners can get caught up working their lives away, so I’m looking for something that will give me the financial freedom and the time freedom to enjoy the other areas in my life. When I’m on my deathbed, I don’t want to examine a long list of dreams I never tried to chase because I was so busy working. I want to be able to look back on a life full of warm memories and good times doing things I enjoy with the people I love. 

Personal development, which is another lifelong goal of mine, has helped me a lot with all of this. I’ve learned a lot about slowing down, thinking ahead, calming myself down, doing small tasks each day that will add up significantly over time, getting my priorities in order, and interacting positively with other people. This has all given me a sense that I’m in the driver’s seat in my life rather than a passenger; I have control over where I go instead of simply going wherever life happens to take me. I could fill many pages with specific goals I have, but this is an overview of what I want in life. If I get this right, I figure it’ll open the doors for getting everything else right as well. Thanks for reading this, and I’d love to hear what you hope to get out of your life. 

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Sharpen the Saw

Posted on October 1, 2018 by admin

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey introduces Habit 7 with the following story:

Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”

“You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?”

“Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”

“Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire. “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

Covey then spends the remainder of that chapter going through how to “sharpen the saw” in every area of our lives, which includes the physical, social/emotional, spiritual, and mental. It’s easy nowadays to get stuck in a busy routine and neglect ourselves. Eventually, though, that catches up to us and we have to take time away from everything else and focus on self-care. When we do that, we’ll be more effective at our regular tasks than before when we were running on fumes. 

The inspiration for this post coincided with my realization that I have been neglecting myself in the physical area by not getting enough sleep for the past few weeks. While I got away with it for a while, I realized yesterday that it was dragging down my mood, making it harder for me to focus, inclining me to get caught up in unimportant things, and making me worry. I feel a bit better today since I got a little more sleep last night and I’m going to keep examining myself to see if there are other ways I can sharpen the saw.

Buying and reading books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been an invaluable investment. Having in mind the life hacks I’ve learned from these types of books is what lets me figure out when something is off in my life and come up with an effective plan to fix it. Plenty of people have their lives in order to a much greater degree than I do, but I think everyone could benefit from reading great books. I’ll always be grateful to them and to their authors for helping me get my life together and get closer to being the person I want to be.

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Review of Airplane!

Posted on September 30, 2018 by admin

I just watched Airplane! with some good friends this weekend. While I had already seen the movie a few times, this was the first time I saw it in years and the first time I watched it with anyone outside my immediate family. Watching it with friends definitely made it more fun and prompted me to write this review of it.

Released in 1980, Airplane! is one of the wackiest comedy movies ever made. It’s full of fourth wall breaks, wordplay, puns, cartoon humor, and just about everything else you can think of. The story, which takes a backseat to the jokes, follows a group of people who need to safely land a plane after the pilot, copilot, and navigator are incapacitated. Ted Stryker, a pilot from a past war, is tasked with landing the plane. From beginning to end, characters regularly throw one joke after another at the audience while (mostly) acting in a deadpan, serious fashion. This contrast makes the movie that much funnier and more enjoyable. 

The movie is also a good example of how movie ratings have changed over time. There are several jokes, images, and lines in Airplane! that would give it at least a PG-13 rating and maybe even an R rating if it were made today. At the time it was first released, however, it was given a PG rating. The rating on the back of the DVD case, which I bought new in the store just a few hours before watching it, still has the PG rating. Since ratings have changed a lot in the past few decades, this is one kids should skip until they’re adults (or watched a censored version as long as it keeps a lot of the good stuff). 

Most comedy movies I’ve seen have made me chuckle a bit here and there but ultimately left me feeling disappointed. However, every time I’ve seen Airplane! , it has made me crack up and feel satisfied. This movie jives perfectly with my strange sense of humor and those who have spent enough time around me in person can see how much it has influenced me. If you like comedy movies and humor that pulls no punches, takes no prisoners, and throws everything but the kitchen sink at you, then I highly recommend giving Airplane! a watch. 

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Why I Love to Write

Posted on September 29, 2018 by admin

I’ve written a lot over the course of my life. Long before I ever even thought of starting this blog, I’ve written down my ideas on nearly every subject I know something about for years. I’ve shared some of them with other people and kept others to myself. Whenever my head becomes filled with ideas, I sit down in front of the computer and type away until I have nothing more to type. Sometimes I write out a page’s worth of ideas in one shot and other times I’ll write a bit here and there until I’ve said what I want to say. Regardless of my writing process on any given day, I have always loved to write. 

Writing helps me organize my thoughts. This has been extremely helpful for explaining my thinking to others in a way that makes sense; instead of trying to sort out my ideas on the spot, I can draw from something I wrote about them and use it as a framework to keep myself on track. This has also improved my speaking ability by reducing the amount of stammering and pausing in my conversations. Even if I don’t share a particular piece of writing with anyone else, I still get the benefits of writing out my thoughts. Sometimes I need to see my thoughts on a screen outside my head in order to flesh them out and connect them with other thoughts on related subjects. 

I’ve found that sharing my ideas through my writing has a different effect than sharing them through spoken conversations. I still enjoy conversations but my writing is a horse of a different color. Going back to the point about organizing my thoughts, I can organize my words through writing much more effectively than through speaking. I can take the time to think through what I want to say, find the right words to bring my ideas to life, and then arrange them in a way that accomplishes that goal. Unlike conversations, there are no pauses in which I try to find my next sentence, no stammering or talking in circles, and hardly any (though there still are some) instances in which I find myself unable to properly express an idea. Thus, any point I’m trying to make comes across more clearly and has a better chance of being well received through writing than through speaking.

Since I started this blog, many of my conversations have involved subjects in one or more of these posts. In most cases, someone else brings it up and we spend a few minutes sharing our thoughts with each other. As I’m still introverted in many ways, I can find my voice and the courage to use it more easily through writing than through speaking. I can easily write about ideas that I would feel uncomfortable bringing up in conversation or that I don’t get to fully express in person. Sometimes I cannot articulate my thoughts in a satisfactory way and other times I get talked over and am unable to continue. I’ve also learned that most conversations are going to end up leaving some ideas on the table, so writing allows me to go back and fully explore them out in a way that I can’t in conversation. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be a professional writer, but I think that would be cool even if I just end up publishing a couple of books or making money through online writing. Either way, I’ve always loved writing and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. As long as I continue coming up with new ideas, I’ll keep writing them out and sharing them with anyone who might like to hear them. 

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Review of No Country for Old Men

Posted on September 28, 2018 by admin

I saw No Country for Old Men for the first time on Wednesday and I loved it. The Coen Brothers did an excellent job with this movie, especially since it feels completely different than “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”, which is the only other movie of theirs I’ve seen thus far. I enjoyed both movies but this one is my favorite.

No Country for Old Men follows several characters (protagonists and antagonists alike) as they try to get hold of a briefcase full of money, outwit each other, and simply survive the harsh world in which they live.  The movie does an excellent job making me feel like I was in the same world of trouble as the characters. Several of my favorite movies have that quality and whenever a movie accomplishes that, I always enjoy watching it. However, I’m glad to not actually be in their world as the conventional formula in which the good guys beat the bad guys and live happily ever after is absent from this movie. The deaths in No Country for Old Men happen to characters who are positive, negative, and neutral; much like life, decisions are made and events occur that don’t always lead to satisfying conclusions or even have clear explanations. Except for a few clips I had seen before watching the movie, I had no idea where it was going, so I stayed invested in the story from beginning to end.

Unlike most movies I’ve seen, this one contains almost no music. Scenes that would normally contain a moving score instead play out in near-silence, with sound effects and dialogue providing the only sound for most of the movie. This adds to the realism of the movie and makes suspenseful moments even more intense. It’s a nice change of pace and shows that music isn’t always necessary to convey the emotion of a scene; the actors, sounds, and editing are more than sufficient to make each scene come alive.

No Country for Old Men definitely earned its R rating and plenty of people will be put off by the violence and language it contains. However, if you are a fan of the Coen Brothers and haven’t yet seen this movie but are interested in it based on this review, I recommend checking it out. This has quickly become one of my favorite movies and I’m sure I’ll be coming back to it time after time. 

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Don’t Rush

Posted on September 27, 2018 by admin

I have a bad habit of rushing through a lot of tasks, especially ones I’d rather avoid. It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized this was a bad idea and learned to slow down. Here are some things that made me slow down and some things I’ve discovered since then. 

Everyone has a limited amount of time on this Earth. Some have more than others, but once my time is up, that’s it. Every moment is precious and if I’m wishing I could fast forward to a future moment I think I’d enjoy more than the present moment, then I’m wishing away a part of my life that I’ll never get back. Even when that future moment arrives, it may not be as enjoyable as I thought it would be, especially if I’ve built up anticipation and importance in my mind for it. What I’ve tried to do instead is appreciate that I’m alive and get to do things even if they’re not the most exciting or enjoyable things to me. Changing my perspective is more important than changing my situation; if the situation is truly terrible, then I’ll work to change it, but most of the time a different perspective does the trick.

Additionally, the quality of whatever I’m doing suffers when I rush. Whether I’m doing something for the first time or the thousandth time, I always do better when I take my time. Slowing my breathing helps me relax, focus, and make sure I get the job done right. As I get better at a given task, I may be able to spend less time on it and speed up the process compared to when I first started it. However, even with those tasks, I make sure I do them at a pace that keeps the quality high and minimizes the risk of making mistakes. This also helps in situations where I have less time to finish a task since it takes less time to do something right than to mess it up and have to do it two or more times. 

Whenever I catch myself rushing, I remind myself to take a breath and slow down. I don’t always catch myself but I’ve gotten better at it over time. Now it’s much easier for me to accept each moment as it is rather than try to rush through it. This makes me feel like I have more time in the day and also makes me feel free instead of feeling burdened. Further, I think it helps me sleep better at night because I don’t have negative thoughts about the day weighing on my mind. These are some of the benefits I’ve found by slowing down and taking my time, and if you also have a habit of rushing, I highly recommend trying this for yourself. 

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Reflections

Posted on September 26, 2018 by admin

Every year around my birthday, I think about where I was on previous birthdays. Not just the physical location, but also my place in life, including things like my mindset, my finances, and my thoughts about the future. This year, I think it’s safe to say that I’m overall in the best position I’ve ever been in life.

For most of my life, my mindset was negative. I’ve long considered my outlook to be optimistic but looking back I realize how much negativity I had underneath and around the optimism. I would argue at the drop of a hat over just about anything, I said a lot of things I later wished I could take back, and I was far more focused on perceived flaws in others than in my own shortcomings. Focusing on being present, recognizing when my ego is in control of me and grabbing the controls back from it, and learning a lot about how to better get along with people and rescript myself for positivity has done wonders for every area of my life. My interactions and relationships with others have dramatically improved, I do a lot more productive things that put me in increasingly better positions in life, a lot of my shortcomings that I thought would never go away have been significantly reduced, and I’m much better at shifting my thoughts from negative to positive when I start feeling overcome with negativity. That last point can take on many forms, such as refusing to repeatedly condemn myself for past mistakes, noticing progress I’ve made in some area, and in general just being kinder to myself and treating myself like someone I care about. While I’ve made a lot of positive changes in my life, I think the changes to my mindset have been the most important and had the most profound impact. 

Last year, I was in a dead-end job I hated and that paid me terribly. I had picked up a second job the previous month and slowly got a feel for that. Rather than quit right away, I waited until I knew that I liked the other job well enough and would be able to do the work before deciding to leave my main job; even after I made the decision, I asked for minimum hours so I’d still have some extra money coming in and have more time to focus on other things. A few months after that, I gave my notice and prepared to leave. Amazingly, within a week of quitting my previous job, I got an opportunity for a lot more hours at my new job, which I gladly accepted. This job has enabled me to work in a much better environment and do work I like more than my previous job, as well as funded several amazing trips and other fun experiences I’ve had in the past year. Now I’m on the lookout for even better jobs to keep me moving forward while I work toward having multiple streams of income, including someday having my own business. My financial habits are better than they’ve ever been, which means my finances are also better than they’ve ever been. I’m much more careful to avoid needless spending, I save money every time I get paid, and I focus less on material things than any other time in my life I can remember. 

This brings me to my thoughts about the future. With everything I’ve done, learned, and experienced over the past several years, I now have a much clearer picture of an amazing future for the world and how to bring it to life than I ever have before. Vague, amorphous ideas have taken shape and feel solid. Obstacles that once seemed insurmountable now appear trivial. My mind is no longer filled with dread thinking about problems that will likely never manifest. While I’ve read plenty of amazing books and articles and watched many videos that have changed my life for the better, I would not be in this amazing place in life right now if not for the people who have been encouraging, supportive, uplifting, and enjoyable to be around. One of my principals said this quote at my high school graduation that will never leave me:

“Your friends are like elevators. They will either take you up or they will bring you down.”

Surrounding myself with the right people has been instrumental in turning my life around and I am forever grateful to those who have been there and continue to be there for me. In closing, I will say that 2018 has been one of my favorite and best years and I strongly believe that there are many years ahead that will be even better. 

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Classic City Swing 7

Posted on September 25, 2018 by admin

I just got back yesterday from an amazing weekend. The bulk of my time was spent at a swing dance workshop called Classic City Swing 7 in Athens, Georgia. This is only the second weekend workshop I’ve been to so far and it was a blast. Before and after the weekend, I also spent some time in Atlanta visiting friends, which was also wonderful. 

The event started on Friday but I drove up to Atlanta on Thursday to see some friends; I rarely get to see them, so I took advantage of the time I had. We spent most of Thursday and Friday catching up, talking about upcoming plans for the weekend (my dance event and a kids’ birthday party they were throwing), and enjoying the antics of their kids. Additionally, staying up there gave me a much shorter drive the next day to Athens than if I had come up from Jacksonville, Florida that day. When I got back to their place on Sunday night, we briefly touched base before heading to bed and spent a lot of time Monday sharing stories from both our experiences and visiting some more before I left for home late that afternoon. 

While Classic City is called a workshop, it had plenty of non-instructional dances. Friday and Saturday both had a main dance in the evening and a late dance around midnight, and Sunday had a farewell dance in the afternoon (with potluck food for those interested). The main dances featured an incredible live band and an amazing dance floor, which always makes dancing more fun. 

When it came to the lessons, there were four different levels, also called “tracks”, so everyone had a place to call home: beginner, intermediate, intermediate/advanced, and advanced. Those who skipped the optional level placement auditions could pick either beginner or intermediate, while those who went to the auditions had a shot at being placed in intermediate/advanced or advanced; which one depends on how the instructors evaluated their dancing. I went to the auditions and ended up getting intermediate/advanced, which I quite enjoyed. The instructors I had were Peter Strom and Naomi Uyama, Jon Tigert and Jenna Applegarth, and Peter Kertz and Elze Visnevskyte. They taught a lot of stuff I had never done before and some things I kinda know but could use some work. There were optional electives after lunch on Sunday and I decided to take Musicality and How to Practice Alone (taught by Naomi and Jenna, respectively). With all the instructors and all the classes, I enjoyed learning, dancing, and having fun with everyone. 

I stayed at my first ever Airbnb during Classic City, which was another adventure in itself. Some involve staying with whoever normally lives there but we had this one all to ourselves for the weekend; I did get to see and briefly talk to the owners right before I left, but other than that they stayed away. It was a nice, cozy house with plenty of room for everyone to have fun and rest up (plus we somehow made it work with nine people and only one shower). We spent a lot of time visiting and joking around after the late dances and even threw a surprise birthday party for two friends before the main dance on Saturday evening. I enjoyed the sense of home it offered and, given the chance to stay there again, I would in a heartbeat. 

I’m at a point in my life where I’d rather have a heart full of memories than a shelf full of trinkets, and this weekend gave me plenty of wonderful memories I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. I never would have seen myself doing something like this a year ago, but I’m so glad I did. Swing dancing has given me so much and what I enjoy the most about it are the opportunities it offers to spend time with dear friends, both new and old. If you don’t have something like this in your life, I highly encourage you to find something that gives you endless hours of joy and connection with loved ones. That’s exactly what swing dancing does for me and I’m so glad I found it. 

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