The Importance of Being Self-aware

Posted on October 7, 2018 by admin

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said the following quote about our ability to choose:

“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.”

Being able to choose our response, as Covey indicates in the book, requires self-awareness, which, in turn, requires a high level of consciousness. I’ve learned from experience that I can’t be both lost in my thoughts and aware of my actions simultaneously. Once my ego takes over, I act automatically and without conscious awareness of what I’m doing. I then lose the ability to act according to my values and end up acting (or, more accurately, reacting) based on whatever or whoever around me exerts the strongest influence.

When I act unconsciously, in addition to being unaware of my actions, I am also indifferent to them. I generally try to treat others as I want them to treat me, but getting stuck in my mind causes me to abandon that and treat them however I feel like treating them. In that state, my emotions run high and I lose any sense of how to act properly as well as the feeling of shame for acting improperly. Since I’ve spent a lot of time examining myself and watching my thoughts over the past year, I can sometimes realize when I’m in or about to be in that state and put a stop to it; taking several deep breaths, doing an eye scramble, and trying to focus on the present moment help me snap out of it. However, if I don’t try to snap out of it, then I end up going too far and saying or doing something that I end up regretting later on once I’ve come to my senses. I still have a long way to go with regards to recognizing when my ego starts taking over and changing course before it’s too late, but I’ve gotten better at it since I started focusing on it. 

A lot of stuff in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has helped with my self-awareness, especially the parts about truly listening to other people and trying to understand where they’re coming from. Trying to keep in mind the importance of not making assumptions or taking things personally as The Four Agreements advises has also proven useful. And I think The Power of Now, with the depth in which it examines mindfulness, ego, and consciousness, has been the overall most useful resource for me in this area. Each of these books has given me several life hacks that help me be more kind, patient, mindful, and self-aware. I’m grateful for these and other great works that have helped me be more self-aware and move further down the road of self-improvement. 

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Optimism

Posted on October 6, 2018 by admin

I’m generally optimistic. While I’ve had plenty of moments of pessimism and negativity in my life, overall I’ve maintained a mindset that things will get better and work out in the end. I don’t know why that’s largely been my mindset, but I think it’s helped.

Being optimistic makes it easier to deal with difficult situations when they arise. No matter what situation I get into, I believe there’s a solution for it and that I’ll be able to find and implement it; most of the time there is a solution even if someone else ends up providing it. When the only solution is to just grit my teeth and get through it, it helps to know that this too shall pass and I’ll be able to do other things soon. Keeping an optimistic mindset helps me stay positive, which I think other people can sense and probably benefit from as well. If they get the sense that I want the best solution for everyone involved in a given situation, they’ll probably be more patient with me and know that we’re on the same page as we go through this together. Whether this actually works or not, I certainly feel better when I’m in an optimistic, positive mood than when I’m in a pessimistic, negative mood.

As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I have had many moments in which my optimism almost completely left me. I say it almost left me because I don’t think I’ve ever been totally devoid of optimism. Those who have often end up acting out violently against themselves or someone else. Even in my darkest times, I never planned to do either of those. I still found some reason to genuinely smile and participate in activities that made me feel alive and happy. I think it would have taken a lot more time and much more positive activities to get me out of my funk if I had a generally pessimistic mindset. 

My sense that things will ultimately work out is what allowed me to keep going through the most difficult times in my life and it’s what motivates me to keep chasing my biggest dreams. I’ve realized through years of reading nearly every book I can get my hands on that my ignorance will always exceed my knowledge and understanding, but I avoid despairing over that. Instead, I seek out useful information on how to improve myself and my life from the people who have done that for themselves and thousands of others before me. The stuff I’ve learned so far has made a huge positive difference in my life and has given me even more hope that the future will work out as long as I keep doing my best and seeing the good everywhere I can find it. 

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My Morning Routine

Posted on October 5, 2018 by admin

Most people have a morning routine, whether they consciously realize it or not. Some routines work better than others for starting the day off on the right foot and I’ve found one that works well for me. Skipping this routine makes my day more challenging, so I make sure to give myself time to do it every day. 

I have two alarms set fifteen minutes apart. When my first alarm goes off, I turn my light on and lay back down until I hear my second alarm. At that point, I turn off my fan, prop my pillow up on the wall at the head of my bed, and sit up while using my Kindle to see what’s going on with the people I know. After I’ve satisfied my curiosity, I sit on the side of my bed with my feet flat on the floor and my fingertips touching, close my eyes, and breathe deeply (I focus my breathing into groups of five in the following patterns: in and out through my nose, in through my nose and out through my mouth, in and out through my mouth, in through my mouth and out through my nose, and once more in and out through my nose). As I do this, I think of any negative thought or emotion I had the previous day or that morning and imagine it going out through the soles of my feet and down into the center of the Earth whenever I exhale. Taking a few minutes to do this each morning always makes me feel better, even if I was already in a good mood when I woke up. Once I’ve finished that, I’m ready to go about the rest of my day.  I do a similar routine before I fall asleep at night, with the only differences being that I do the nighttime routine in the dark and with less structure to my breathing.

This isn’t the first morning routine I’ve used, though I think it has been the most beneficial. By cleansing myself of negativity through meditation and grounding shortly after waking up, I start my day off with a great deal of positivity; my experience has shown that it’s much easier to keep the day on the right track once it’s started there than to start the day off poorly and try to course correct afterward. Starting off right also makes it easier to get along with the people in my life as well as accomplish productive activities during the day, which makes me feel more satisfied and fulfilled when I go to bed at night. If you don’t have a morning routine, I highly recommend finding one. It doesn’t have to be this one; the point is to find one that works for you. Whatever you end up doing, I hope it helps you get started on the right foot and gives you what you need to successfully navigate your day.

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“1000 Marbles”

Posted on October 4, 2018 by admin

This is a story I first read years ago. A clipping of it hangs on my refrigerator and inspired me to make this blog post. I hope you enjoy it and the wisdom it contains:

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the kitchen, with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.

Let me tell you about it. I turned the volume up on my radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning talk show. I heard an older sounding chap with a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business himself.

He was talking about “a thousand marbles” to someone named “Tom”. I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.” He continued, “Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”

“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

“Now stick with me Tom, I’m getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in my workshop next to the radio. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.

“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight. Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then God has blessed me with a little extra time to be with my loved ones. It was nice to talk to you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your loved ones, and I hope to meet you again someday. Have a good morning!”

You could have heard a pin drop when he finished. Even the show’s moderator didn’t have anything to say for a few moments. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to do some work that morning, then go to the gym. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.” “What brought this on?” she asked with a smile. “Oh, nothing special,” I said. “It has just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.”

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Communication

Posted on October 3, 2018 by admin

Everything we do with at least one other person involves communication. Whether we’re buying a house, arranging a group trip, playing a sport, making a movie, or any other group activity, we have to communicate effectively to succeed. When emotions run high and people are frustrated, communication tends to break down and become ineffective. Since I’ve written a lot, I tend to think quite a bit about communication and how to get better at it. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject. 

I see communication and speaking as two different things. I see speaking as someone getting on stage in front of an audience, reciting a speech verbatim, and not making a single mistake. They may be a great speaker but if they’re not saying anything of importance or they’re failing to connect with the audience, then I don’t think they’re communicating. A communicator may stumble over their words, backtrack a time or two, and not enunciate clearly; as long as they succeed in connecting with the audience and getting their message across, I’d consider them to be a good communicator. I think the pinnacle of communication, what constitutes a great communicator, is someone who leaves a lasting impression on their listeners, successfully delivers their message, and does so in a smooth, articulate style that is largely free of errors.

I’ve spent a lot of time studying effective communication and practicing it. For most of my life, I’ve been a terrible communicator, especially when I was upset. The work I’ve done over the last few years has made me a decent communicator and allowed me to know what thoughts are worth expressing and how to effectively express them. Some of the books that have improved my commuication skills are How to Win Friends and Influence People, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking, and The 5 Love Languages. Each of those books discuss looking at things from someone else’s perspective and trying to understand where they’re coming from, both of which are essential for good communication. I regularly use techniques from those books in my daily interactions with others, which makes them go much better than they once did. These resources have shown me that knowledge, practice, and patience can improve any skill over time, even non-physical skills. There are plenty of times in which my emotions get the best of me and I fail to apply the lessons I’ve learned to an exchange, but overall my communication skills are much better now than they once were. I plan to keep working on improving my communication as I see it as an essential element for everything I hope to accomplish in life and I want to give myself the best possible chances of succeeding. 

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What Do You Want in Life?

Posted on October 2, 2018 by admin

What do you want in life, and what are you doing to get it? Are your actions taking you closer to achieving your dreams or have you gotten stuck in a rut, going through the motions rather than moving forward? I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I decided to write about my thoughts on the subject. 

There are two big goals I hope to accomplish in my life: travel extensively and help other people. I’ve made separate posts about each one but I’ll briefly go over them here.

Most traveling I’ve done has been in the US. I love going on road trips and seeing what this country has to offer. While I enjoy flying and have never gotten sick or anxious on a flight, I’d rather drive because it would let me see more and give me more time/freedom to explore wherever I go and take what I want with me. Someday I hope to spend a few years taking a road trip around the US, seeing the sights, meeting people, visiting with friends, and making wonderful memories along the way.

I’ve felt called to help people all my life and have spent years working on ideas to do so effectively. I believe that this is my primary purpose in life and that I’ve either been given or allowed to develop the tools to accomplish this. Although I can’t yet help people as much as I’d like, I still do what I can now as I work toward the ideas I have in mind. Things are already moving quickly in that direction, which is exciting and gives me hope that my ideas will come to fruition. 

Apart from my big goals, I have several smaller (though still important) goals. Perhaps the most important one to me that would also make all the other ones possible is to not get stuck in a system like so many others have. I want to avoid spending most of my waking hours working at a job (even if it’s one I enjoy) for the majority of my life and being left with almost no free time for my passions, interests, and friends and family. That’s why I’m interested in starting a business around my lifestyle. Even business owners can get caught up working their lives away, so I’m looking for something that will give me the financial freedom and the time freedom to enjoy the other areas in my life. When I’m on my deathbed, I don’t want to examine a long list of dreams I never tried to chase because I was so busy working. I want to be able to look back on a life full of warm memories and good times doing things I enjoy with the people I love. 

Personal development, which is another lifelong goal of mine, has helped me a lot with all of this. I’ve learned a lot about slowing down, thinking ahead, calming myself down, doing small tasks each day that will add up significantly over time, getting my priorities in order, and interacting positively with other people. This has all given me a sense that I’m in the driver’s seat in my life rather than a passenger; I have control over where I go instead of simply going wherever life happens to take me. I could fill many pages with specific goals I have, but this is an overview of what I want in life. If I get this right, I figure it’ll open the doors for getting everything else right as well. Thanks for reading this, and I’d love to hear what you hope to get out of your life. 

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Sharpen the Saw

Posted on October 1, 2018 by admin

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey introduces Habit 7 with the following story:

Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”

“You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?”

“Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”

“Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire. “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

Covey then spends the remainder of that chapter going through how to “sharpen the saw” in every area of our lives, which includes the physical, social/emotional, spiritual, and mental. It’s easy nowadays to get stuck in a busy routine and neglect ourselves. Eventually, though, that catches up to us and we have to take time away from everything else and focus on self-care. When we do that, we’ll be more effective at our regular tasks than before when we were running on fumes. 

The inspiration for this post coincided with my realization that I have been neglecting myself in the physical area by not getting enough sleep for the past few weeks. While I got away with it for a while, I realized yesterday that it was dragging down my mood, making it harder for me to focus, inclining me to get caught up in unimportant things, and making me worry. I feel a bit better today since I got a little more sleep last night and I’m going to keep examining myself to see if there are other ways I can sharpen the saw.

Buying and reading books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been an invaluable investment. Having in mind the life hacks I’ve learned from these types of books is what lets me figure out when something is off in my life and come up with an effective plan to fix it. Plenty of people have their lives in order to a much greater degree than I do, but I think everyone could benefit from reading great books. I’ll always be grateful to them and to their authors for helping me get my life together and get closer to being the person I want to be.

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Review of Airplane!

Posted on September 30, 2018 by admin

I just watched Airplane! with some good friends this weekend. While I had already seen the movie a few times, this was the first time I saw it in years and the first time I watched it with anyone outside my immediate family. Watching it with friends definitely made it more fun and prompted me to write this review of it.

Released in 1980, Airplane! is one of the wackiest comedy movies ever made. It’s full of fourth wall breaks, wordplay, puns, cartoon humor, and just about everything else you can think of. The story, which takes a backseat to the jokes, follows a group of people who need to safely land a plane after the pilot, copilot, and navigator are incapacitated. Ted Stryker, a pilot from a past war, is tasked with landing the plane. From beginning to end, characters regularly throw one joke after another at the audience while (mostly) acting in a deadpan, serious fashion. This contrast makes the movie that much funnier and more enjoyable. 

The movie is also a good example of how movie ratings have changed over time. There are several jokes, images, and lines in Airplane! that would give it at least a PG-13 rating and maybe even an R rating if it were made today. At the time it was first released, however, it was given a PG rating. The rating on the back of the DVD case, which I bought new in the store just a few hours before watching it, still has the PG rating. Since ratings have changed a lot in the past few decades, this is one kids should skip until they’re adults (or watched a censored version as long as it keeps a lot of the good stuff). 

Most comedy movies I’ve seen have made me chuckle a bit here and there but ultimately left me feeling disappointed. However, every time I’ve seen Airplane! , it has made me crack up and feel satisfied. This movie jives perfectly with my strange sense of humor and those who have spent enough time around me in person can see how much it has influenced me. If you like comedy movies and humor that pulls no punches, takes no prisoners, and throws everything but the kitchen sink at you, then I highly recommend giving Airplane! a watch. 

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Why I Love to Write

Posted on September 29, 2018 by admin

I’ve written a lot over the course of my life. Long before I ever even thought of starting this blog, I’ve written down my ideas on nearly every subject I know something about for years. I’ve shared some of them with other people and kept others to myself. Whenever my head becomes filled with ideas, I sit down in front of the computer and type away until I have nothing more to type. Sometimes I write out a page’s worth of ideas in one shot and other times I’ll write a bit here and there until I’ve said what I want to say. Regardless of my writing process on any given day, I have always loved to write. 

Writing helps me organize my thoughts. This has been extremely helpful for explaining my thinking to others in a way that makes sense; instead of trying to sort out my ideas on the spot, I can draw from something I wrote about them and use it as a framework to keep myself on track. This has also improved my speaking ability by reducing the amount of stammering and pausing in my conversations. Even if I don’t share a particular piece of writing with anyone else, I still get the benefits of writing out my thoughts. Sometimes I need to see my thoughts on a screen outside my head in order to flesh them out and connect them with other thoughts on related subjects. 

I’ve found that sharing my ideas through my writing has a different effect than sharing them through spoken conversations. I still enjoy conversations but my writing is a horse of a different color. Going back to the point about organizing my thoughts, I can organize my words through writing much more effectively than through speaking. I can take the time to think through what I want to say, find the right words to bring my ideas to life, and then arrange them in a way that accomplishes that goal. Unlike conversations, there are no pauses in which I try to find my next sentence, no stammering or talking in circles, and hardly any (though there still are some) instances in which I find myself unable to properly express an idea. Thus, any point I’m trying to make comes across more clearly and has a better chance of being well received through writing than through speaking.

Since I started this blog, many of my conversations have involved subjects in one or more of these posts. In most cases, someone else brings it up and we spend a few minutes sharing our thoughts with each other. As I’m still introverted in many ways, I can find my voice and the courage to use it more easily through writing than through speaking. I can easily write about ideas that I would feel uncomfortable bringing up in conversation or that I don’t get to fully express in person. Sometimes I cannot articulate my thoughts in a satisfactory way and other times I get talked over and am unable to continue. I’ve also learned that most conversations are going to end up leaving some ideas on the table, so writing allows me to go back and fully explore them out in a way that I can’t in conversation. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be a professional writer, but I think that would be cool even if I just end up publishing a couple of books or making money through online writing. Either way, I’ve always loved writing and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. As long as I continue coming up with new ideas, I’ll keep writing them out and sharing them with anyone who might like to hear them. 

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Review of No Country for Old Men

Posted on September 28, 2018 by admin

I saw No Country for Old Men for the first time on Wednesday and I loved it. The Coen Brothers did an excellent job with this movie, especially since it feels completely different than “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”, which is the only other movie of theirs I’ve seen thus far. I enjoyed both movies but this one is my favorite.

No Country for Old Men follows several characters (protagonists and antagonists alike) as they try to get hold of a briefcase full of money, outwit each other, and simply survive the harsh world in which they live.  The movie does an excellent job making me feel like I was in the same world of trouble as the characters. Several of my favorite movies have that quality and whenever a movie accomplishes that, I always enjoy watching it. However, I’m glad to not actually be in their world as the conventional formula in which the good guys beat the bad guys and live happily ever after is absent from this movie. The deaths in No Country for Old Men happen to characters who are positive, negative, and neutral; much like life, decisions are made and events occur that don’t always lead to satisfying conclusions or even have clear explanations. Except for a few clips I had seen before watching the movie, I had no idea where it was going, so I stayed invested in the story from beginning to end.

Unlike most movies I’ve seen, this one contains almost no music. Scenes that would normally contain a moving score instead play out in near-silence, with sound effects and dialogue providing the only sound for most of the movie. This adds to the realism of the movie and makes suspenseful moments even more intense. It’s a nice change of pace and shows that music isn’t always necessary to convey the emotion of a scene; the actors, sounds, and editing are more than sufficient to make each scene come alive.

No Country for Old Men definitely earned its R rating and plenty of people will be put off by the violence and language it contains. However, if you are a fan of the Coen Brothers and haven’t yet seen this movie but are interested in it based on this review, I recommend checking it out. This has quickly become one of my favorite movies and I’m sure I’ll be coming back to it time after time. 

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