The Choice We All Have

Every day, we all have the choice to make the world a little bit better or a little bit worse. If we treat other people well, that makes them feel good and adds a little bit of positivity to everything they do for the rest of that day; treat them poorly and that gives them a bit of negativity that follows them everywhere. Either way, they pass on how they’re feeling to the other people they meet, which then influences their behavior, and so on; eventually, our actions will have impacted people we’ll never meet or even know exist. In short, there is tremendous power in the words we use and the actions we take even if we don’t always see the fruits of our decisions.

Big actions such as buying another person a meal, sitting with them when they need a friend, and helping them through a major struggle do the greatest amount of good. However, small gestures can still make a big difference. Refraining from honking at the slow driver, holding the door for the next person, choosing to be a peacemaker instead of telling someone off, etc. Even something as simple as giving someone a genuine smile can begin to turn their day around. You never know what they’ve been going through and what such a seemingly small gesture will do for them. So even if you don’t undertake some huge project, you can still use small actions to make a difference for other people.

The better we treat ourselves and the more we love ourselves, the easier it is to do random acts of kindness for others. When I’m not taking care of myself as I should, I end up stuck in my thoughts and find it almost impossible to care about anyone else. In contrast, when I’m feeling relaxed and peaceful, I find it easy to remember that those who lash out at others do so because they’re hurting. This helps me empathize with them and makes me want to do something to relieve even a little bit of their pain. I greatly enjoy being in that state of mind and try to abide there as much as possible, though I’m not yet as good at it as I’d like to be. I’ve seen a few people who have spent most of their lives in that state and it’s amazing to see how they live and what they do. What would the world look like if more people lived like that? What would happen if more people loved themselves and others and chose to make things a bit better everywhere they go? I want to find out the answers to those questions and many more like them. How about you?

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A Lesson from Failing to Jump Start a Car

Two women came into my job yesterday and asked if we had jumper cables. I didn’t see any laying around, so I said they could use mine before going to my car and driving to where they were parked. A guy was there (I think he was boyfriend to one of them) and he hooked up the cables once I pulled into position. I thought he might have connected them incorrectly so I took one off and pulled up an Art of Manliness video on how to jump start a car. This apparently upset him as he completely disconnected the cables and held them out to me. I stared either at him or the cables and stayed quiet while he told me repeatedly to take them back. I don’t remember exactly what I said but he said this wasn’t his first rodeo (which I could neither confirm nor deny since I had just met him and had no knowledge of his competence with anything) and seemed to not like what I was doing. So I took the cables back, apologized to the women who were with him, said I hope they’re not stranded too long (he said they won’t be since he had insurance), parked my car, and went back to work.

I was steaming mad but I immediately started helping one of my coworkers with a project, talked with a few other coworkers, and assisted some customers; all of this calmed me down a lot. As I did that stuff, I used whatever life hacks came to mind and made an extra effort to treat others well for additional stress relief. On my lunch break, I listened to “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin, which gave me the greatest feeling of relaxation that I’d had that day. After the song ended, I thought about the earlier experience with a much clearer head and I think I figured out the lesson it was meant to teach me: controlling my ego when I’m interacting with other people and it’s not going my way. In that situation, I got upset that he didn’t want my help and felt that he had wasted my time. I wasn’t thinking about his perspective, the kind of day he’d had, or how my actions and words might have come across to him. I was so focused on doing something nice for somebody else and being the hero (a sure sign that my ego had entered the situation) that I took his response personally and felt upset for much of that afternoon, never once stopping to consider his side. This realization took away the majority of my remaining negativity and I got rid of the rest of it on my way home by saying something good about him to myself. It felt wonderful to finally be free from that negativity and to remember that I have the ability to choose how I feel.

That experience was also a good reminder that even though I’ve made a lot of progress with this stuff, I still have plenty of room for improvement, so I should refrain from thinking of myself as some kind of super enlightened guru who has everything figured out. Although I’m much better at managing my ego than I used to be, I still slip up and (usually) realize later on that I let it get the best of me. I try to use uncomfortable situations as learning experiences and that’s worked pretty well for me, especially when I go easy on myself and avoid beating myself up over my mistakes. As long as I keep getting better, I’ll be satisfied with my progress and the knowledge that I’m on the right track with all of this.

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Now What?

“Ok, now what?”

That’s what I often find myself asking when I finish listening to something that’s full of motivation but devoid of direction. I believe motivation is important for working regularly at something, but I also believe that having a good reason for doing that thing in the first place is crucial. Motivational speeches are great for getting people pumped up, but that emotional high is temporary. If that’s the only thing keeping someone interested in any given project, then they’ll quit when their emotions return to normal. I can think of many such experiences in my own life where I felt great after listening to someone but had nothing I could really take away from it. I remember those experiences because of the strong emotions I felt during them even though they failed to change my life in any meaningful or lasting way.

I’ve found plenty of motivating resources and, while I’ve enjoyed ones that have nice sentiments, the ones that have benefited me the most have also contained a great deal of practical things to do. For instance, I use life hacks I’ve learned from books such as The Power of Now, The Four Agreements, and The Power of Positive Thinking nearly every day; these books have helped me make rough situations more bearable and good situations more enjoyable. Whenever I find a particularly useful book, video, or article, I like to share it in case anyone else finds it beneficial. Even if only one person says it helped them, it’s worth the effort, and usually several people respond positively to it. So if you enjoy listening to motivational resources, I recommend you find ones that give you something solid that you can use in your life. That’s what’ll keep your fire burning bright long after the pep talk wears off.

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Overcoming Shyness Through Action

When it comes to meeting new people, some appear to be naturals at it. They open up right away, jump headfirst into a conversation, and act like they’re reconnecting with an old friend. I’m not like that. I’m much more comfortable meeting someone if I’m in a situation where I can do something other than simply talk to them. For example, I feel no shyness most of the time at work when I help a customer load up their purchase because I get to move heavy objects around while we talk. That helps me avoid thinking too much about what I say or what they might be thinking about me. This is also the case when I’m playing a sport, swing dancing, or juggling with someone else.

If I start a conversation with someone I’ve just met without doing something with them first, there are typically a lot of awkward silences and questions about work; I prefer to avoid both of those whenever possible, especially in introductory conversations. In contrast, when I meet someone in a situation where we start off with an activity that takes up most of our focus (even something that’s not very physical like a board game), I feel more relaxed and have an easier time socializing without feeling nervous or unsure of myself. This makes the exchange go much easier for both of us and avoids a lot of the awkwardness in situations that begin with a conversation.

I think this comes down to the fact that I rarely feel comfortable talking to someone if I don’t have a feel for their personality. Once I have an idea of how they act and find them likable, I feel much more at ease and then look forward to talking with them. I’ve met many of my closest friends through swing dancing and I don’t think I’d feel nearly as comfortable around them if we had met at a networking event or some other situation with a lot of talking and almost no fun activities. Realizing all of this has given me some great life hacks for avoiding awkwardness and becoming a better communicator, and I’m grateful for the major life improvements that have followed from making those changes.

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The Great Awakening

This is an exciting time to be alive. More people are finding out that they don’t have to be slaves to their minds and are waking up out of deep suffering to see the beauty in life. What’s more, those with more experience at this are showing others how to get there, though each person must choose to walk that path or avoid it. For many, tremendous pain is what points them toward presence and peace, and some put up with a great deal of pain before finally surrendering and being free. Although many people wake up when they’ve had enough, others only sink into deeper sleep and never find out for themselves what freedom is like.

More people are losing faith in old, corrupt systems and are looking for new ways of doing things. Instead of depending on someone else to create the world they want to live in, they’re taking matters into their own hands and creating that world themselves. Accordingly, they’re spending less time paying attention to distractions and things that don’t matter so that they can focus on the truly important things in life. The culture is slowly shifting into a higher place where meaning is valued above empty pleasure.

Glitches and holes in the conventional perspective of the world we live in are becoming increasingly more common and easier to notice. Seeing those inconsistencies helps us break through illusions and get closer to the truth of our reality. Knowing how our minds work and how to see (as well as fix) our own blindspots and weaknesses is paramount to getting along with each other. Realizing that we’re much stronger standing together and helping each other than we are when fighting with each other is the way out of the present suffering and into a future of harmony and wonder. I’m grateful to be around to see this great awakening and I’m excited to watch it unfold.

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Eric Weinstein’s Thoughts on Kung Fu Panda

Someone asked a question about the movie Kung Fu Pandaon Quora and Eric Weinstein wrote a fantastic response to it. I’ve seen the movie but never thought about it the way Weinstein so wonderfully put it. Both the question and his response are included below for your perusal.

“In Kung Fu Panda, how does Po end up developing the capability to be an awesome Kung Fu fighter? How does he shift from being a total fat slob to becoming capable of defeating Tai Lung?”

-Quora questioner

“This is an important question for our time and must therefore be considered carefully. 

First one must challenge the assumptions of the questioner. Po is not a slob. He is a panda with an appetite and lack of athleticism to match, and principally fat because of this. 

From a defensive perspective, we find out early that Po’s rolls of fat insulate his nerves from being easily accessed by Mantis’ acupuncture needles. We also learn that Tai Lung’s most impressive power is his perfection of various nerve attacks in the style that Master Oogway used against Tai Lung to keep him from the dragon scroll. Thus we see at the climax of the film that it is Po’s very fat that keeps Tai Lung’s nerve attacks from having any effect on Po beyond a tickling sensation. 

Next, Tai Lung underestimates Po as an opponent. The snow leopard is so contemptuous of Po that he never focuses on defeating him until it is too late. Instead, Tai Lung is focused exclusively on gaining the dragon scroll as he sees it as his rightful entitlement. This gives Po plenty of opportunity to understand Tai Lung as an opponent while Tai Lung chases the scroll and Po chases them both. 

Lastly, and most importantly, Po is not a classic ‘student’ of Kung Fu. There is no ‘bear style’ and Shifu, mindful of his failure with Tai Lung,  teaches no one techniques like the WuXi finger hold.  Thus Po is left to find the secrets of his own power as a self teacher. And this, in my opinion, is the real secret to the whole film. 

Oogway is a self-teacher. As a turtle, he is even less appropriate than a Panda as a Kung Fu archetype. But we learn that it is Oogway who, in apparent solitude at the pool of sacred tears, unravels the ‘secrets of harmony and focus’. Thus Oogway is a self-teacher trying to pass the secret of self-teaching. But how can he do this as to train a student risks crowding out the self-teaching modality? So he decides to pick a self-teacher by choosing the panda whose only  achievement is to break into a Kung Fu competition by turning a fireworks cart into a makeshift rocket to hop a wall. Yet this act of improvisation tells the great turtle that he is better off working with this humble unconventional maverick than with the overtrained tigress or other conventionally trained high achievers. 

Po then realizes that he can create without waiting to receive wisdom down the chain of masters. Po uses Tai Lung’s own power and vulnerabilities against the snow leopard and finishes him off with a trick that he realizes he can reverse engineer without needing to wait for a knowledge transfer from Shifu that will likely never come. 

This is a highly subversive,  deep, and subtle film. Pretending it is a comedic children’s cartoon with a simple ‘be yourself’ message is perhaps the ultimate Kung Fu move. You are so busy being distracted, you never really see it coming. 

Skadoosh.”

-Eric Weinstein
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All Work and No Play

I’ve never been into working for long, unbroken stretches of time. Whenever possible, I prefer to do a bit of work and then take a short break, alternating the two until my work is done. I find that to be much easier, less draining, and more effective when it comes to getting things accomplished. Sometimes I’m comfortable working for longer periods, such as when I have a deadline to meet, I’m feeling very inspired, or I love what I’m doing. Overall, though, I like to break large tasks down into smaller ones and spread them out.

This also gives my subconscious time to think through whatever I’m doing and come up with new or better ways to get it done. For example, I often get some of my best ideas for writing when I’m engaged in a fun, playful activity instead of sitting at the computer struggling to come up with something. Whenever I’ve hit a sticking point on a project, I always find a break helps me relax and overcome that obstacle when I return to work. In contrast, trying to force a solution more often than not only serves to make me more frustrated and less capable of being creative.

I think everyone would benefit from taking more regular breaks from work and having a little time to play. This could be facilitated by getting rid of “busy work”, which I consider to be tasks that serve no productive purpose and are only assigned to give people something to do. Along similar lines, eliminating the 20% of things that cause 80% of your problems and focusing on the 20% of things that provide 80% of your results (this is known as the Pareto principle, which Tim Ferriss talks about in The 4-Hour Workweek) can also free up time to play and take it easy. This would give coworkers more time to get to know each other and even become friends rather than just being workplace associates, which would make their time at work more enjoyable. I’d like to see some major changes that would allow more people have time for breaks at school, on the job, and anywhere else they work. This way, they can relax more, enjoy each other’s company, have time to pursue their interests, and avoid stress and all sorts of other negative things that come from too much work and not enough play.

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“If”

“If” is a short poem written by Rudyard Kipling about the importance of rising above difficult life situations. It’s a great reminder for me during challenging times and I hope it also serves you well.

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

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Review of The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

Whenever I sit down to watch a movie, I try to pick one that I think I’ll enjoy because of its high quality. Sometimes, however, I’ll end up seeing a movie that I enjoy because of its poor quality. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is definitely in the latter category. Spoilers abound, so consider skipping this review if you want to see the movie first.

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra was released in 2001 but looks and feels like one of the many B movies from the 1950’s and 1960’s. The creators clearly had very little money to work with but they still ended up making an incredibly entertaining movie. The plot (what little plot there is) involves a scientist and his wife, an alien couple, and another scientist all trying to get a meteorite that contains an element called atmosphereum. The first scientist wants to study it so he can become famous, the aliens want to use it to power their ship and return to their home planet of Marva, and the other scientist wants to use it to bring the “Lost Skeleton” back to life and rule the the world alongside it. There is also a mutant and a woman created by the aliens’ transmutatron from a combination of several different forest creatures.

As you might have guessed from the previous paragraph, this is one of the most bizarre movies I’ve ever seen. The effects were incredibly simple and fake-looking, the writing felt like something written by auto correct combined with predictive text, and the performances were as over the top as could be. And I had a blast watching it. I think there are a few reasons that I enjoyed it so much. First, it seemed to relish in its corniness, as if everyone involved tried to make it as fun and goofy as possible; it never felt like it took itself too seriously or acted as if it were anything spectacular. And second, I watched it with a group of friends and we mocked it in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000 the whole time. I had never even heard of this movie until a few hours before I saw it and I don’t know how I would have felt about it if I’d seen it alone. This seems like it was made to be watched with other people who don’t take it seriously, and that made for an incredibly entertaining experience. This is one of the best bad movies I’ve watched and, if you enjoy movies that are so bad they’re good, give this one a watch with some of your friends. You’ll have a blast.

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Saturday Adventures

My Saturdays tend to either be quite relaxing and uneventful or action-packed and full of things to do. This past Saturday fell into the latter category for me and several of my friends. I got to visit with many of them, including a few I had not seen in a long time, at three different events. Here are some of the highlights from that awesome day.

I started off by going swing dancing for a while at the Riverside Arts Market. Bold City Swing typically goes out there one Saturday each month to dance and reach out to those interested in swing dancing. We had fun dancing and visiting with each other and talking to a few people who stopped to watch. I ended up leaving early to do a few more things at home, including getting ready for a friend’s baby shower. She invited me well in advance of the big day and, since it was on a Saturday (one of my days off from work), I accepted. I had already purchased the gifts but still had to wrap them up at home before heading back out. We played a few games, ate some good food, visited with people I had previously met and some I first met that day, and watched the main couple open their gifts. This is the first baby shower I’ve been to in several years and the third one for me overall. When the time came for me to go, I said my goodbyes and set out for my next stop.

For my final adventure of the day, I relaxed with another group of friends and watched a couple of B movies. Most of us had no idea what we’d be watching until that night; we ended up seeing The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra and Vampire Assassin. It was clear that both of them had almost no budget, but we all enjoyed watching and mocking them in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Personally, I liked The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra much more than Vampire Assassin. The former seemed to relish in its corniness, as if everyone making it decided to make it as fun and goofy as possible, and it seemed like a parody of classic B movies from the 1950’s and 1960’s. On the other hand, the latter felt more like it was trying to be a cool, action-packed movie when it clearly wasn’t anything of the sort. Plus, we were all getting tired by the time Vampire Assassin started and had nearly laughed ourselves out during The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, so that probably made the second movie less enjoyable. While we were there, we also had fun celebrating another friend’s birthday with a surprise party. It was a great way to finish off a wonderful Saturday, one that will stick with me for many years to come.

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