“The Road Not Taken”

“The Road Not Taken” is a short poem written by Robert Frost. I think about it now and then, especially when making a major life decision. I see it as a reminder that sometimes it pays to take a less conventional path and that’s why it’s stood out in my mind for so many years.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

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Sharing Lessons from the Mountain

Although I’ve almost always held an optimistic view of the future, there are times where I felt all was lost and I wanted to escape and live in a secluded area for the rest of my days. There are people who have done and continue to do this, such as deeply religious people who live simple lives in isolated regions. While that sounds interesting, I’ve never done anything like it. If I did, I probably would only do it for brief periods of time; I don’t think I could live like that indefinitely.

While I think people who live most or all of their lives in secluded regions are fascinating, I wonder how much they’re doing to change the world. That’s why I’m more interested in those who have spent a great deal of time living like that and then went back to their regular lives, often having been changed for the better by their time away from everything. Within the past few weeks, I realized how much I’ve benefited from these people who “went to the mountain” and brought back what they found. Some of them went on grand trips to exotic places, others stole away to their cabin or homestead, and still others simply spent a great deal of their free time alone with their thoughts while living an otherwise “normal” life. A few of them later shared their experiences by writing books, making videos, giving interviews, etc. Many of my biggest breakthroughs have come from learning about their revelations and applying those lessons to my life. I think my purpose in life is to do that very thing for others.

So far, my “mountain” has primarily consisted of reflecting on things I’ve learned from books and videos, relaxing in my hammock, healing past pain, and improving myself in as many ways as I can (along with an occasional brief vacation, which gives me a chance to “reset” myself). I’ve mainly used this blog and social media to share my experiences but I also talk about them in person or over the phone with a few close friends. I love having a blog because it allows me to share my ideas with nearly anyone, even if I don’t know them personally. I’ve always loved learning about a variety of things and then sharing my findings with others. Also, I’ve enjoyed trying to find connections between different things (such as in six degrees of separation and variations of that idea), including things I’ve been looking into for the past few years now.

Many of the books I’ve read have overlapped each other in many ways; this makes it easier to remember the information by reading it several times and it’s also cool to see different takes from authors writing about similar matters. Plus there may be a lesson in one book that strengthens a lesson from another, making the combined lessons much more powerful than either one would be by itself. The more I read, the more connections I find, and the easier I can see the image they create in my mind. It’s like putting together a puzzle, except in this case that puzzle is my place in the world. Right now, I’m focused on gathering a lot of information and ideas and putting together the puzzle pieces. I just sort of fell into this, so I take that as a sign that I’m where I should be. I want to leave the world better than I found it and my long-term plan for doing that is helping to create close-knit communities where people can live, work, play, and support each other in peace. I think the life lessons I’m learning will help me with that and I’m excited to see how everything plays out.

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Review of Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice is my favorite Tim Burton movie and it seems to get better every time I see it. I watched it on Wednesday and found a lot of little gems in it that I had either forgotten about or never noticed before. If you want to avoid major spoilers, then I suggest avoiding this review or skipping to the final paragraph.

The movie stars Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis as Adam and Barbara Maitland, a young couple taking some time off from running their hardware store to work on their house and enjoy each other’s company. On their way home, they swerve to avoid hitting a dog and are killed when their car falls into the river. It takes them a bit to realize they’re dead, but after noticing that they have no reflections in the mirror, can’t recall how they got back home, and get stuck in a large desert-like environment with strange creatures whenever they step foot outside the house, they accept their fate and try to figure out what to do about it.

While they try to navigate the strange, bureaucratic afterlife with the help of a caseworker named Juno and their Handbook for the Recently Deceased, they are distressed to see a family called the Deetzes move in and transform their house into something totally bizarre. The only living person who can see the Maitlands is the Deetz’s goth daughter, Lydia (played by Winona Ryder). Desperate to scare the Deetzes away and have the house to themselves again, the Maitlands give it their best before turning to a ghost named Betelgeuse (played by Michael Keaton) for help. When he proves to be more trouble than he’s worth, the Maitlands team up with Lydia and try to stop him and his crazy antics.

Like other Burton movies, Beetlejuice has a visual style that’s incredibly strange, twisted, and creative. A combination of practical effects, stop motion, and special effects, alongside highly intricate set pieces, gives this movie a highly recognizable and distinctive look. It also has a wacky sense of humor, which is probably the main reason I like it so much. To me, Beetlejuice is a fun, goofy movie with great characters and I always enjoy watching it, and I look forward to watching it again soon.

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Mindfulness Buddy

One entry in Tim Ferriss’s book Tools of Titans covers some of Chade-Meng Tan’s ideas regarding mindfulness and meditation. Among other things, Meng talks about having a “mindfulness buddy” who can help you with your mindfulness practice. I liked that idea and decided to try it out. A friend who shares many of my interests agreed to give it a shot and we’ve kept it up for a good while now. Here are some things that have come out of this shared practice.

Although Meng recommends that mindfulness buddies ask each other a few specific questions when they check in, we’ve done it differently. Our approach has essentially been to talk about our ideas, experiences, and breakthroughs as they happen. Since we’re normally separated by a great distance, we’ve discussed most of this over the internet. We’re not always able to respond right away (especially since we’ve both started taking more time away from social media), but we come back to the conversation when we can and give a thoughtful response. This has also been a great way to keep in touch and learn more about each other, which I’ve enjoyed quite a bit.

I sometimes talk about my bigger ideas with certain people who are receptive to them but I don’t think I’ve ever had a mindfulness buddy before. Also, I’ve done most of my self-improvement work in solitude, so this has been a new adventure for me. With all this in mind, being able to talk to someone about this stuff, check in with each other to see how we’re doing, and share useful things as we find them has been amazing. One of my favorite parts of this experience has been the ability to confide in someone who’s walking a similar path and share things that other people may not understand or accept. We’ve both learned a great deal from each other through this and we also inspire and encourage each other to follow our own advice, so there’s a great deal of accountability that’s come out of simply discussing our ideas. If you’re on a self-improvement journey, I’d highly recommend finding a mindfulness buddy and discovering for yourself the joy of walking that path with someone who is on a similar journey and will help you along the way.

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Some of My Thoughts on Education, Learning, and Schooling

There are a lot of arguments about schooling, many of which can get hostile. Most arguments I see with regards to schooling focus primarily on what will be taught and who will pay for it. Nearly everyone I see weigh in on this subject takes for granted the current model that looks something like this: a handful of teachers are responsible for instructing dozens or even hundreds of students in a big building where almost everyone there spends the bulk of their day from early in the morning until well into the afternoon. Nearly every conversation on education involves simply tweaking one element of that model (teacher pay, start time, source of funding, and so on); I rarely see anyone thinking outside that model and discussing whether or not it should be drastically changed or even eliminated in favor of one or more alternative models. I have some thoughts on this subject that I’d like to talk about in this blog post.

The current model of schooling works well for some but leaves much to be desired for others. For example, kids are most often grouped by age rather than ability. As a result, kids who are exceptionally bright may become bored or restless by a curriculum that’s too easy for them while kids who need more time and assistance might feel that things are moving too fast for them to keep up. Additionally, some schools have minimized or completely abolished recess. This hurts kids who can focus better after taking some time to run around, play, have fun with their friends, burn off some extra energy, and enjoy being in a more relaxed environment. Personally, I loved having time to play in elementary and middle school and I can’t imagine getting through the day without some type of physical activity, and I feel sorry for the kids who are or will be in that situation.

Teachers also have a difficult time in the current schooling model. Among other things, they have to create lessons plans, instruct for hours at a time, maintain control of the classroom, grade assignments, and alert parents and administrators to problems they see. Sometimes they get blamed for problems that arise even someone else is at fault. When things are going well and major problems don’t arise, their normal workload is still massive and takes up a huge amount of their time both during and outside of school hours. The intense workload that both students and teachers have to bear, alongside a system that’s gradually become increasingly more centered around getting good grades on standardized tests, affords very little time for teachers to give additional assistance to students who need it; they also have almost no time to help kids become well-rounded, capable adults.

So many parents work long hours outside the house to support their families and countless kids are at school (or doing something related to school, such as homework, getting ready in the morning, and going to and from school) for most of their waking day. That’s a lot of time that kids can’t spend with their parents during their formative years, which is often hard on both kids and parents alike. The time they could spend together is often further reduced by the hours of homework that many kids have to do once they get home from school and the exhaustion lots of parents feel after working all day. Then, before anyone realizes what’s happened, the kids have grown up and left home to start careers and families of their own, leaving sporadic special occasions as the only opportunities for family members to reunite.

All of this has caused me to favor homeschooling. Time is precious and if I end up having kids, I’d want to be around them as often as possible. Even better if I could work from home and spend more time with my family. Plus I’d want to design lesson plans around the needs of each of my kids and teach them some practical life skills that are no longer taught in most schools. I’ve seen this sort of lifestyle firsthand as I have some friends who work from home and homeschool their kids; they’re grateful that they can spend so much time with them and do things they never could in a more conventional lifestyle.

While my preference is for homeschooling, I’d be content to see more awareness and use of different schooling options so every individual and family can find something that works well for them. Some of this could be done now by taking advantage of resources such as the Khan Academy, books that can be obtained for little to no money through the internet or libraries, educational materials on YouTube, and online teachers who can teach kids from almost anywhere in the world. The internet has opened up so many possibilities for learning and I’m glad to see people increasingly using it for educational purposes. However, I think some fundamental changes to how modern societies are structured would be necessary to bring about the next phase in education, including but not limited to the following: a system that allows most people to work from home instead of commuting to a job nearly every day, more community-based aid (neighbors taking turns babysitting, sharing money when times are tough, helping each other with repairs, etc), giving every kid a curriculum based around their strengths and weaknesses, and abandoning the idea that there is one direct path to success and fulfillment as well as the accompanying idea that anyone who chooses a different path is a failure.

Mark Twain reportedly said “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” This may initially sound like an attack on schooling, but I see it differently. I think it shows that education need not be confined to any one model or system and that learning can come from a variety of situations, even ones that look quite different than the ones to which we’re accustomed. Personally, I learned a lot from my time in school and I’ve continued learning through self-directed means. I don’t have a grand plan that will work best for everyone, and I don’t think there is such a plan. As I said above, I just want there to be more opportunities for people to find what works best for themselves and their families. I think most people want that as well, and if we really work toward making that happen, we can make it our reality.

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“The Paradox of Our Age”

In “The Paradox of Our Age”, Dr. Bob Moorehead shows how we often lose sight of the truly meaningful things in life and focus instead on trivial matters. Works like this remind me to keep my priorities in order and focus on what’s important.

We have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways but narrower viewpoints; we spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less; we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, yet less time; we have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge but less judgement; more experts, yet more problems; we have more gadgets but less satisfaction; more medicine, yet less wellness; we take more vitamins but see fewer results. We drink too much; smoke too much; spend too recklessly; laugh too little; drive too fast; get too angry quickly; stay up too late; get up too tired; read too seldom; watch TV too much and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values; we fly in faster planes to arrive there quicker, to do less and return sooner; we sign more contracts only to realize fewer profits; we talk too much; love too seldom and lie too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space; we’ve done larger things, but not better things; we’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less; we make faster planes, but longer lines; we learned to rush, but not to wait; we have more weapons, but less peace; higher incomes, but lower morals; more parties, but less fun; more food, but less appeasement; more acquaintances, but fewer friends; more effort, but less success. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; drive smaller cars that have bigger problems; build larger factories that produce less. We’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, but short character; steep in profits, but shallow relationships. These are times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure and less fun; higher postage, but slower mail; more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more divorces; these are times of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, cartridge living, thow-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies and pills that do everything from cheer, to prevent, quiet or kill. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stock room. Indeed, these are the times!

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“Slow Dance”

This is a poem David L. Weatherford wrote about slowing down and enjoying life instead of racing through it. I first read it in The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. It’s a great reminder to be present and appreciate the small things life has to offer.

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round? 
Or listened to the rain 
Slapping on the ground? 
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight? 
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? 
You better slow down. 
Don’t dance so fast. 
Time is short. 
The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day 
On the fly? 
When you ask “How are you?” 
Do you hear the reply? 
When the day is done, 
Do you lie in your bed 
With the next hundred chores 
Running through your head? 
You’d better slow down. 
Don’t dance so fast. 
Time is short. 
The music won’t last.

Ever told your child, 
“We’ll do it tomorrow”? 
And in your haste, 
Not see his sorrow? 
Ever lost touch, 
Let a good friendship die 
‘Cause you never had time 
To call and say “Hi”? 
You’d better slow down. 
Don’t dance so fast. 
Time is short. 
The music won’t last. 

When you run so fast to get somewhere 
You miss half the fun of getting there. 
When you worry and hurry through your day, 
It is like an unopened gift 
Thrown away. 
Life is not a race, 
Do take it slower. 
Hear the music 
Before the song is over.

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Review of Good Will Hunting

After many years and several recommendations from people I know, I finally watched Good Will Hunting yesterday. I had heard a lot of good things about it and enjoyed the clips from it that I’d seen, but I had no idea how much I’d enjoy the movie in its entirety. If you want to avoid spoilers, I suggest either skipping to the final paragraph of this review or coming back here after you watch the movie.

Good Will Hunting stars Matt Damon as the title character. Hunting is brilliant, especially at mathematics, but works at manual labor jobs to support himself; he first works as a janitor and then later as a construction worker. While cleaning the floors at MIT, he sees a difficult math problem that Professor Gerald Lambeau (played by Stellan Skarsgård) has posted as a challenge for the students. Hunting solves the problem in his spare time and anonymously writes the answer on the hallway blackboard. Lambeau is astonished that anyone could solve it so quickly. When he poses an even more difficult problem, Hunting once again solves the problem, but this time Lambeau catches him in the act; Hunting, being an aggressive and private person, walks away while cursing at the professor. After Hunting is arrested for getting into a fight, Lambeau bails him out and agrees to keep him out of prison if he uses his talents to help the professor and regularly sees a therapist.

However, Hunting is uninterested in therapy and does whatever he can to drive away each therapist. In desperation, Lambeau turns to his old college roommate, Sean Maguire (played by the late Robin Williams), for help. Maguire agrees to talk with Hunting despite being a psychology professor rather than a practicing psychologist. Unlike his predecessors, Maguire shows more interest in learning about Hunting as a person than trying to steer him in a certain direction or put him into a box. Over time, the two become friends due to their honest conversations and similar life experiences. Meanwhile, Lambeau becomes increasingly frustrated with Hunting’s disinterest in pursuing a career in mathematics and, in Lambeau’s eyes, setting himself up to become a failure, which is how Lambeau sees Maguire. Ultimately, their frequent interactions cause both of them to rethink some things in their own lives and the two part ways when their time together is through, with Hunting choosing to forgo a promising job offer in favor of trying to reconcile with his ex-girlfriend (played by Minnie Driver) and Maguire setting off to travel the world while attempting to recover from his wife’s death a few years prior.

In addition to amazing performances, Good Will Hunting is a gorgeous movie. Director Gus Van Sant makes use of a lot of long takes during which the actors can move and talk naturally. There is great use of music throughout the movie but also many quiet moments, with the only sounds being those created by the actors on set. This, combined with the long takes and stellar performances, gives the movie a sense of realism that is also present in many of my other favorite movies. Good Will Hunting feels like a glimpse into the lives of these people and an exploration of what drives them. The movie is rated R for its strong language, but if you can get past that, I highly recommend checking it out. It’s one of the best movies I’ve seen and I’m glad I gave it a watch.

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Celebrating Victories

I’ve written before about how winning a lot of small victories paves the way for winning big victories later on. However, finding the motivation to continue through challenging times can be hard even with small tasks. Something I’ve found helpful for pressing on through the difficult parts is celebrating each victory as I win them.

When I’m learning something new, I often go through phases where I don’t notice any improvement. Sometimes I even appear to get worse for a while. What helps me get through those times is to remember the progress that I’ve made and think about how I’ve gotten through many of these phases in several areas. This works even better if I’ve been noting and celebrating my progress along the way, even if the improvement is minuscule.

I’ve also found it useful to take more of a systems approach instead of a goals approach, an idea I got from Scott Adams’s book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big. A goals approach usually has a definite deadline or end point, expectation of rapid progress, pressure to improve, and frustration at missing the deadline or not improving at a certain rate. In contrast, a systems approach simply involves regularly working at something for an indefinite amount of time and not being overly focused on improvement or regression.

For example, the system I use for learning how to ride a unicycle looks like this: “I’m going to spend a bit of time each day practicing with my unicycle and having fun.” I don’t have a set amount of time that I practice each day, I take breaks whenever I feel like it, and I don’t get distraught if I appear to be stalling or even regressing. When I get a good ride, I smile and do a little dance; that serves as a celebration of my progress, a way to relax me (which also helps me do better), and a reminder to have fun and not take it too seriously. As a result, I’ve practiced every day since I got the unicycle and have seen fairly rapid progress while having fun along the way. And I know that I’ll eventually get the hang of it as long as I continue using this system.

This relates to something that Charles Duhigg talks about in The Power of Habit. He says that when trying to develop a new habit, giving yourself a reward (such as having a smoothie after getting back from the gym) increases your chances of sticking with the new behavior long enough for it to become permanent. I think celebrating my victories has been the reward I needed to continue even when there’s not much to celebrate. This is a simple but effective life hack and I’m glad I can use it whenever I like.

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Pros and Cons of Social Media

I have very mixed feelings about social media, and so do many other people I know. I’ve thought about how the different platforms are commonly used and the ways that they could be used, so I’d like to share my thoughts about all of that in this blog post.

Social media allows friends and family members to keep in touch even if they live nowhere near each other and can’t regularly visit in person. People who live near each other can use social media to discuss their shared interests and plan events to do together. It can be a way to relax during stressful times by seeing uplifting or entertaining things, and it can be used to spread hope by sharing examples of things that are going in the right direction. Charities and other good causes can quickly gain more attention and resources with a few viral posts. Business owners can use social media to market themselves in ways they previously never could. And people who are struggling and are uncomfortable asking for help in person can use social media to reach out to close friends or family members. Those are some positive uses for social media that I’ve seen.

Now onto the negative uses of social media. It can be used to create echo chambers and bring about all the problems they contain. Along similar lines, it can be used to show the bad things in the world without mentioning the good things, making the state of things appear to be worse than it actually is. Bullies are fond of using social media to harass people in ways they’d never do in person. Because many platforms make extensive use of text, misunderstandings can easily happen due to the lack of facial expressions, body language, and vocal inflections, all of which communicate how someone feels and where they’re coming from in a conversation. Finally, social media can be a huge temptation to waste time by mindlessly scrolling, repeatedly refreshing pages, and arguing with strangers about things that don’t matter (and even if the argument is over something important, it almost always goes badly for everyone involved).

Does this make social media good or bad? My take is that social media is neutral. I see it as a tool and, like any other tool, it can be used for positive or negative purposes. A hammer can be used to build a house or kill an innocent person. A car can rush someone to the hospital or run them over. And social media can be used to spread goodness or perpetuate toxicity. I use it for the former whenever I can and do my best to stay away from the latter. This often means taking some time away from it so I don’t spend too much time there or start using it negatively. I usually feel better when I’ve stepped away from it and focused on something productive or just taken some time to relax and watch my thoughts. Then when I return to it, I have a much easier time avoiding drama and using it for good. Social media appears to be here to stay, so I’m going to do my best to make good use of it, and I hope everyone reading this does as well.

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