Moving Away from Materialism

Posted on March 20, 2019 by admin

For around a year now, I’ve been working on and off at decluttering and moving away from materialism. I still have a lot of stuff and occasionally buy more of it (usually books), but my interests have changed a lot over time. It was a slow, gradual approach, but I’m now at a place in life that I never thought I would be.

I’ve realized the extent to which I and most other people in the US can get caught up in “keeping up with the Joneses” and all the trouble that can cause. The more stuff I have, the more space I need to store it; if I have too much stuff to fit in a house, then I’d have to pay for another place to store it and periodically check on it. Plus, no matter where I store my stuff, there’s always a risk of someone taking it. Protecting it requires even more time and money, which drastically reduces my ability to pursue bigger, more exciting things in life.

In contrast, the less stuff I have, the more freely I can move around and travel without being so tied down to one particular place. I’ll be able to spend more money on things I truly value and less on accumulating things I don’t really want, need, or use in the first place. If I have very few possessions and I lose everything, it’ll be much easier to rebuild than if I had a ton of stuff. I can support important causes with the money that I’ll save by not buying and storing everything that catches my eye. And, by getting rid of a lot of small stuff that doesn’t serve me, I can make room for the important stuff I do want to keep. Whatever stuff I do end up keeping, I want it to be my servant rather than my master.

As I said in my post about Classic City Swing 7, I’d rather have a heart full of memories than a shelf full of trinkets, and I’ve been living accordingly as much as I can. Instead of always being on the lookout for new stuff to buy, I prioritize traveling and trying new things. I focus on learning new skills and improving at the skills I’ve already developed. And, whenever possible, I enjoy spending time with other people while doing things that cost little to no money. My best stories all involve experiences I’ve had, not stuff I’ve owned. And the less stuff I have, the more freedom I have to pursue meaningful experiences with the most important people in my life and create wonderful stories that I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.

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The Source of My Optimism

Posted on March 19, 2019 by admin

Until the past few months, I had never thought much about how I developed the strong sense of optimism that I’ve had from a young age. Now that I’ve thought about it for a bit, I think I have an answer.

I watched a lot of TV shows and movies and read a lot of books growing up. Many of these contained stories of people overcoming tremendous obstacles, becoming better versions of themselves, and mending broken relationships with their friends and family members. There wasn’t anything that they couldn’t talk about, work through, or transcend together. No matter what happened, everything always turned out well in the end and all the main characters got their happily after ever.

I read and watched these stories about near-ideal worlds almost every day. I’m sure that this, in addition to having a pretty sheltered life growing up and possibly having a natural sense of optimism, is where the vast majority of my optimism came from. I’m also sure that it’s a huge part of why I got so upset whenever a situation didn’t have that happy Disney movie ending. Those upset feelings usually manifested as anger and then often became sadness later on. I had to learn that sometimes people don’t listen, sympathize, or change their hurtful ways. Sometimes everything doesn’t get wrapped up in a nice bow by the time it’s over. Understanding and accepting that has been incredibly hard for me. The lowest times in my life came when I had lost my optimism and became convinced that everything would just get worse over time.

Eventually, however, I got out of that funk and experienced what felt like a rebirth into a new life full of wonder and possibilities. That started me off on a path of exploration and discovery that eventually resulted in my starting this blog as a place to record my observations and work through my ideas. Additionally, as I’ve gotten better at accepting and working within the world as it is now (which I think is essential before trying to make it into what it could be), it’s also given me a better sense of how to navigate life. Instead of burning myself out trying to force something that clearly isn’t meant to be, I can work on something that, though it may still be difficult, is well worth doing and adds a great deal of value to my life. Focusing on things that are directly within my control has given me a greater sense of optimism than I’ve ever had, and I look forward to seeing what the future holds for everyone.

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Overcoming Defeatist Thinking

Posted on March 18, 2019 by admin

I’ve never been good at accepting what I see as artificial limits that some people try to impose on others. This includes not seeing eye-to-eye with anyone who says that the world has always been like this and will always be, so there’s no point in trying to change anything. They’re right in a way, since taking that attitude inclines one to refrain from trying to make a positive difference, thereby making their statement a self-fulfilling prophecy. I used to argue a lot with those people but, eventually, I realized that doing so is a tremendous waste of time and prevents me from focusing on things that I can do to make the world a little bit better.

More often than not, when someone says “That’s impossible”, they’re really saying “I can’t think of a way that could be done”. They’re doing themselves a great disservice by limiting their thinking like that. The Magic of Thinking Big includes a passage that wonderfully illustrates the degree to which our mindsets affect the way we view the world. In short, thinking that a given task is impossible prevents us from seeing any way to accomplish it; thinking that that same task is possible causes us to think of several potential solutions. If someone has spent most of their life in a defeatist mindset, it may take a great deal of time for them to start seeing a myriad of possible solutions for any given problem. Likewise, if they’ve spent a lot of time seeing the world in terms of possibilities instead of obstacles, then potential solutions can come to them almost immediately and with little to no conscious effort on their part.

I’d rather start by putting every idea I can think of on the table and then trying them out than limiting myself by immediately throwing out “unrealistic” ideas. Sometimes the best ideas turn out to be the ones that initially seemed crazy or counterintuitive. In other cases, I might never end up needing an idea way down on the list because an earlier idea worked just fine, or I might find out from experience that that idea fails and look for another possible solution. To me, the more options in any given situation, the better the chances of finding a terrific solution.

At this point, I pay little to no heed to those who say that we can’t possibly overcome a particular problem. Instead, I look at the people who are already well on their way toward solving that problem, especially if they explain how they’re doing it. I’ve always been drawn to these kinds of people and the way they ignored those with defeatist mindsets, dreamed of a better world, and then did everything they could to bring it about. They didn’t always succeed in exactly the ways they had envisioned, but they always accomplished much more than those who never bothered to try. What if we took a page from their example? What if we set our minds to the idea that that we can change things and then went to work to make it happen? What would the world look like if we did that? I want to find out. Do you?

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Review of The Truman Show

Posted on March 17, 2019 by admin

The Truman Show is a wonderful movie. Before I delve into it, I’ll warn you that I’m going to spoil most of it down below, so I recommend skipping this post and watching it for yourself first if you’ve never seen it. With that said, on with the review.

The movie centers on a man named Truman Burbank (played by Jim Carrey) who is living in an artificial world. For his entire life, Truman has lived inside a massive Hollywood television studio made up to look like a small seaside town called Seahaven. Everyone in the town, from his neighbors to his coworkers to random passersby and even his wife and best friend, is an actor. They, along with everyone behind the scenes, work nonstop to make Truman think that he is living a normal life. The truth is that Truman’s whole life has been broadcast on television 24/7 for nearly 30 years. In a rare interview, Christof, the show’s creator, talks about how the viewers enjoy watching Truman’s genuine actions and reactions as he goes about his life, unaware that he is the star of an international reality TV show. Christof also says that Truman could discover the truth and leave if he really wanted to, and that there’d be nothing they could do to stop him.

Gradually, Truman begins to suspect that something is up. His first clue comes in the form of a studio light that falls out of the sky early one morning. However, he only truly begins opening his eyes once he sees his father, who was “written out” of the show in a fake death when Truman was a little kid in order to extinguish Truman’s desire to explore and see the world. From there, he notices one mistake or oddity after another until he knows that there’s more to Seahaven than meets the eye. Once he catches onto the scheme, he abandons his normal routines in favor of finding more “glitches” and seeing how far he can push the limits.

Eventually, once his “wife” leaves him after being scared senseless by his increasingly erratic behavior, Truman seems to return to normal, resuming his regular routines and mostly acting as if he had never noticed anything unusual. One night, though, the crew are surprised to discover that Truman has escaped. This leads to a massive manhunt all across Seahaven and, for the first time in the show’s history, cutting the broadcast. After searching the land proves fruitless, Christof orders the crew to bring up the “sun” and check the water. To everyone’s surprise, Truman is on a boat, sailing away from everything and everyone he’s ever known. Desperate to keep the show going, Christof resumes broadcasting and orders the crew to assault Truman with foul weather, wind, and waves; despite their initial reluctance, they oblige. This fails to stop or even slow Truman, however, so Christof increases the intensity until Truman nearly drowns. Truman recovers once the weather calms back down and continues sailing until he crashes into a wall on another side of the studio. He gets out of the boat and finds a door marked “exit” at the top of a small staircase. Right after Truman opens the door, Christof starts speaking to him through a microphone, finally revealing the truth and trying to get him to stay by promising him safety and security in Seahaven. Ultimately, Truman chooses to walk through the door and into a life of his own choosing instead of settling for Christof’s imaginary world.

The central message of The Truman Show is that some people will lie to you and manipulate you (sometimes going to incredible lengths in the process) to maintain the status quo and preserve the world as they want it to be, even if doing so requires keeping you trapped in an illusion. This could explain all the forced pleasantries and mundane activities of modern life that nobody really wants but everybody thinks are necessary or inevitable. These help to create and maintain a relatively “safe” existence for most people, but that quickly becomes repetitive and boring. Many people dream of abandoning that secure, predictable system in favor of forging their own path through unknown territory and rejecting the “normal” route, and a few brave souls actually do it. Fortunately, there are always a number of disruptions that slowly unveil the illusion to those who are listening and putting the pieces together.

Finding freedom from illusions isn’t always easy, though. In addition to the difficulty in noticing a illusion and figuring out how it works, there is often a great deal of pain involved once you begin separating yourself from it. For some, the pain, which can include severing ties with the people and institutions that kept them in the dark and drastically changing their life, can be so great as to keep them where they are. Others, however, choose to embrace the truth instead of remaining stuck in someone else’s imaginary world. These people are willing to pay whatever price is necessary to wake up and be free.

As you might have guessed by now, The Truman Show is one of my favorite movies. I’ve seen it three times now and I always find something new each time I see it. If you’d like to see more analyses of the movie, I highly recommend checking out these three videos. Each one does an excellent job exploring several awesome things about the movie and discussing them in plain English. I hope this review has been able to enhance your enjoyment of the movie and maybe point out some things that you hadn’t considered before. And I look forward to watching and enjoying the movie many more times.

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Control

Posted on March 16, 2019 by admin

I’ve read several books on persuasion and they’ve helped me protect myself against unwanted influence from other people. I’m still not great at saying no, but I’m a lot better at it than I used to be. However, I’ve noticed that I tend to go overboard with persuasion. It’s easy for me to get upset over what other people do and try to get them to stop; when I don’t succeed in changing their behavior, I can get even more upset and let my emotions ruin whatever situation I’m in. Being aware of all the trouble this causes me has motivated me to make some changes in my interactions with others.

I think a lot of this stems from feeling a lack of control over myself and fearing what other people might do to me. This can manifest as people pleasing or being controlling. Either of those are especially likely when I’m in a negative state of mind. If that’s the case, then getting better at controlling myself is key to breaking out of these traps that both involve trying to control other people.

This ties into something I’ve known for a while but have only just recently started abiding by: the fact that I can’t control anyone else. The most I can do is try to persuade them to do something. Even in that scenario, they’re still making the final decision about what they do. And I incur costs in the process, as Harry Browne so wonderfully put it in this quote from How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World:

“The paradox is that you have tremendous control over your life, but you give up that control when you try to control others. For the only way you can control others is to recognize their natures and do what is necessary to evoke the desired reactions from those natures. Thus, your actions are dictated by the requirements involved when you attempt to control someone else.”

Persuasion has its place, but I find things generally go much more smoothly when I relax and enjoy myself around others instead of trying to nudge them in a particular direction. So, rather than try to control anyone else’s behavior, I’m going to focus on controlling my reactions to what they do, making the best decisions I can for myself and those close to me, and steering clear of negative situations whenever possible. I think that will give me much more peace, joy, and freedom than I could ever have by worrying about what other people do, and I’m looking forward to making it a regular practice in my life.

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Unplugging

Posted on March 15, 2019 by admin

I’m just old enough to remember what life was like before cell phones became ubiquitous and the internet was THE place to be nearly 24/7. However, I’m also young enough to have fallen into the trap of spending way too much time on both my phone and the internet. I can take longer breaks away from them when I choose, but it feels strange and I often find myself reaching for my phone out of habit even when it’s not there.

While there can be a lot of benefit to being plugged in, there is also a lot of benefit in taking a break from it. I don’t want to miss out on enjoyable activities in my life by being stuck on the internet more often than not. Some people miss nearly their whole lives because they’re always focused on their phones; even when they’re paying attention to something in their immediate vicinity, they’re usually seeing it through their phone’s camera instead of looking directly at what’s right in front of them.

Years ago, I lost my phone for a few days before getting it back. Instead of feeling deprived during this period of absence, I actually enjoyed it and felt a sense of freedom. I didn’t miss any important calls or texts during that time, and there was no harm done by my being unavailable for a bit. Then a few years after that, I went on a cruise and didn’t buy an internet package, so my phone was essentially useless even though I had it with me most of the time. That was another nice break and allowed me to better enjoy my time with those around me. And, just like when I lost my phone, I didn’t miss out on anything important.

I already try to unplug at least a bit during the day and I’ll usually take more time away from my electronic devices on Wednesdays. This helps me avoid drowning in information or getting caught up in drama and gives me time to focus on the important things. I’d like to further decrease my time in front of screens, though. I plan to start small and gradually work up to increasingly longer breaks. I find that this approach works well for me with most other things and I think it will also work well here. The more time I can spend unplugged from electronics, the more time I’ll have to tune into the things that make life worth living.

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A Few Reminders

Posted on March 14, 2019 by admin

Although I’m framing all of these reminders in the second person, if anything, I’m writing them for myself because I need to keep them in mind. I know my struggles inside and out but I don’t know yours. Still, I hope you find some value from this list.

  1. Breathe
  2. Stand up straight
  3. It’s ok to stand up for yourself and not let anyone walk all over you
  4. Forgiving someone who’s hurt you doesn’t require giving them the opportunity to hurt you again
  5. Making time to rest and recharge is not only beneficial, it’s essential; you can’t pour from an empty cup
  6. You are perfectly capable of becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be
  7. Surrounding yourself with people who love you and want the best for you is one of the most important things you can ever do for yourself
  8. Forgiving yourself is crucial for healing and progress
  9. Calm is contagious
  10. There are many decisions you can make that will give you a great deal of personal freedom
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People Pleasing

Posted on March 13, 2019 by admin

Within the past year (and especially the past month), I’ve realized that I’ve spent most of my life being a people pleaser. Overall, I’ve been hesitant to speak or act differently from those around me, and I’ve done a lot of things simply to appease others instead of sticking up for myself. I think this comes from a place of fear. Subconscious fear that someone will hurt me or push me away if I do something they dislike. The desire to fit in and be accepted likely comes from our dependence on one another for survival (except for the few people who grow their own food, have ways to get clean water by themselves, and are truly capable of independent living), so fear of rejection arises from the risk of death that would follow from ostracism. I think everyone has this fear to a certain extent but some people, whether because of their genetics or their life experience, either have more of it or are more controlled by it.

I’ve gradually gotten better at managing this fear. When I know someone well enough, I’m comfortable speaking my mind even if we end up disagreeing. I find this easiest when interacting with friends one-on-one and in small groups. Doing this a lot for several years in a variety of different situations has slowly but surely made me more comfortable going against popular opinions and sticking up for myself. Additionally, getting used to interacting with a wide variety of people and being in situations in which I’ve had to say or do something they didn’t like, such as telling a customer that we’re out of a particular product, has shown me that letting someone down is not the end of the world (outside of cases such as surgery where it’s important to get things right). Most of the time, the worst thing that happens is they feel disappointed for a bit and soon get over it. They’re extremely unlikely to physically attack me or otherwise harm me, and keeping that in mind has taken an enormous weight off my shoulders.

Another realization that I’ve had recently has also helped me avoid people pleasing. If I’ve just met someone and I don’t like how the interaction is going, I don’t have to stick around. I don’t owe them any of my time and I can leave if I want to; I did just that during one interaction within the past few weeks and I felt much better once I was out of that situation. This works especially well when I’m unlikely to interact with someone more than once, so I don’t have to gain their acceptance or approval. Lastly, this video from Charisma on Command (which was uploaded about the same time that I was thinking about all of this) has given me some solid life hacks to avoid people pleasing as well as understand the difference between people pleasing and genuine self-improvement. If you’ve also struggled with people pleasing, then I hope this has been helpful to you and gives you the tools you need to stand up for yourself.

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The Power of Forgiveness

Posted on March 12, 2019 by admin

Forgiveness is something we all hear about from a young age, but what exactly is it and what is its purpose? I don’t have all the answers to those questions but I have some thoughts about them that I’d like to share. Many of these come from different resources I’ve studied and, in some cases, my experience in trying them out and seeing how much they’ve improved my life.

At its core, I think forgiveness has more to do with healing yourself than living peacefully with someone who’s hurt you. Holding a grudge against that person doesn’t do anything to them; it just limits yourself by keeping you trapped in negativity. All the time and energy you spend thinking about them and what they did to you could be much better spent on things that will improve your quality of life. Continually being upset with someone instead of forgiving them is akin to locking yourself in a jail cell and sitting there while holding the key. You put yourself there through your reaction to the other person and you have the power to free yourself by forgiving them. This doesn’t mean that what they did to you is acceptable or that you have to continue associating with them. All it means is that you’re choosing to avoid being hurt over and over again by holding onto those negative feelings and letting them live rent-free in your head. You instead choose to forgive them, reclaim control over your life, and then work more on healing from this and other negative experiences you’ve had.

All of this also applies to forgiving yourself for things you regret doing (or things you wish you had done). This is essential for being at ease with yourself and living your best possible life. If you’re constantly beating yourself up over past mistakes, you won’t be able to enjoy the present moment or look forward to future adventures. You’ll have a sense of inferiority and lack of worth, which will come through in your words and actions and negatively impact your relationships with those close to you. By loving yourself enough to forgive yourself, you can shed that excess mental baggage, gain more confidence, and better connect with the most important people in your life. And forgiving yourself for not being the person you want to be will do so much more to help you become that person than talking down to yourself ever could.

I struggle a lot with forgiveness but I’ve found some things that have helped. If a particular situation keeps replaying itself in my mind, I’ll watch my thoughts for a bit and try to figure out what causes that experience to stick out. Usually I realize that I’m upset with the way I handled the situation and I’ll try to think of a better way to navigate similar situations in the future. I also try to keep in mind that someone may have done something I didn’t like because they’re hurting and that pain came out during our encounter; although I was on the receiving end of it, it wasn’t necessarily meant for me or based on something I did. I usually then recall situations in which I’ve taken out my frustration on someone who didn’t deserve it, which makes it much easier to forgive anyone who’s done that to me. I finish by forgiving myself, reminding myself of how much progress I’ve made with self-improvement, and making a commitment to do better next time. All of this has given me a great deal of mental peace and enhanced every area of my life. I still have a lot to work on, so I’m excited to see how continuing to refine this practice further helps me. I hope it helps you as well.

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The Value of Comedy

Posted on March 11, 2019 by admin

Comedy is abundant in most societies. Funny TV shows, movies, videos, and books are all incredibly popular, and most people use one or more styles of humor in many areas of their lives. Why is that? The answer that most quickly comes to my mind is that comedy acts as a source of relief from the tougher aspects of life, which helps us feel better so we can keep going. But I think comedy also does a lot more than that.

Comedy can be used to provide a different perspective to commonly-accepted ideas, which can help us decide if those ideas are worth supporting or abandoning. Many comedic movies and TV shows that are now considered classics did exactly that by pointing out flaws, contradictions, and other issues in contemporary people and institutions that were revered and seldom questioned at the time. Being able to laugh at something puts some distance between it and yourself, which allows you to think more critically and less passionately about it. In extreme cases, comedians can go so far with their work as to almost approach nihilism and begin to lose their sense of meaning to life. That can be a downside to taking a skeptical perspective toward nearly everything in life and poking fun at anything that pops up, so it’s best to not go overboard with that type of comedy.

Sharing laughter with another person also strengthens the bond between the two of you. This can be intentional in such cases as seeing a funny movie together or unintentional, such as both of you saying the same thing at once without planning it. Additionally, laughter helps defuse tension and facilitate relaxation; this, along with its ability to strengthen bonds, makes it effective (when done properly at least) in breaking the ice when meeting someone new.

Like many other things in life, comedy is a tool that can be used for good or bad purposes. Comedy is best used to help heal, bring people together, and discuss solutions to a variety of problems in the world. However, even when comedy is used in a negative way, the fault remains with the comedian as comedy itself is neutral rather than being inherently good or bad. And, when it comes to those who use comedy to cause pain, the best thing to do is ignore them and focus instead on those who use comedy to bring healing. That way we can all laugh together as we work together to make the world a better place.

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