April Fool’s Day Fun

That was a fun post, wasn’t it?

It’s April Fool’s Day, the day of pranks, confusion, laughs, and increased skepticism. Rather than post something shocking or upsetting as some people like to do, I thought I’d simply make a fun, bizarre post. Unlike most of my posts, this one follows no consistent pattern or logic and is intended simply to be entertaining.

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┴ɥᴉs dɐɹɐƃɹɐdɥ ᴉs ɯosʇlʎ ᴉuʇǝupǝp ɐs ɟᴉllǝɹ ʇo pǝɯousʇɹɐʇǝ ɐuoʇɥǝɹ ǝɟɟǝɔʇ˙ I pᴉpu,ʇ ɥɐʌǝ ɯnɔɥ ǝlsǝ ʇo sɐʎ qnʇ I ʍɐuʇǝp ʇo sɥoʍ ʍɥɐʇ ǝlsǝ ɔɐu qǝ pouǝ ʍᴉʇɥ ʇɥǝ ɥǝld oɟ ʇɥɐʇ ʍǝqsᴉʇǝ˙ dɐnsǝs So˙˙˙ ɥoʍ,ʌǝ ʎon qǝǝu¿ פoʇ ɐuʎ qᴉƃ dlɐus ɟoɹ ∀dɹᴉl Ⅎool,s pɐʎ¿ ɔɹᴉɔʞǝʇs ┴ɥᴉs ᴉs ɐʍʞʍɐɹp˙

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and that it’s given you a fun little diversion. And, if you’re planning to pull any pranks today, I hope they’re lighthearted and enjoyable for the prankster, the prankee, and the onlookers alike. Thank you for reading this and Happy April Fool’s Day to you.

Now, let’s start the post.

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Changes

Transitioning from one place in life to another can be scary, even if the new situation is far better than the old one. There is a great deal of uncertainty involved with not knowing if it’ll work out. If the change involves learning something new, then getting a feel for that and building effective routines around it will take time and come with some frustration and mistakes. And the thing that may be hardest of all is saying goodbye to the people you’ve come to know if they’re staying where they are while you move on. I suspect that the pain caused by parting with close friends is what keeps many people in a situation they’ve long since outgrown.

As difficult as change can be, it’s sometimes necessary and can lead to some wonderful things. For example, how many people slave away at jobs they hate and feel like they’re dying a little on the inside every day? Then when they clock out, they feel worse than before they went in and either try desperately to make themselves feel alive again by going all out after work or go home while dreading the thought of getting up the next day and doing it all again. Many people see this as inevitable in the modern age, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s quite possible for you to get to a better place, a place that will provide you with more opportunities for growth, success, and fulfillment. What’s more, you’ll feel better at the end of the day than you did at the beginning because you’ll love what you do and enjoy spending time with the people around you. Each new day will be filled with a sense of wonder and joy, and you’ll be glad you chose to make the changes that made this possible. That’s how some people already live. They chose to follow their dreams and figured out how to make them come true, and this allows them to do things that most people think are impossible. They probably had a lot of difficulty getting to that position, and they undoubtedly experience a lot of fear along the way. But they kept going because they wanted something different out of life and were willing to risk everything to get where they wanted to be. Right now these people are the exception, but I think they may someday be the norm. So many ideas about how life works are falling apart and that opens up a lot of possibilities for different ways of living life. While I don’t know what the future holds for all of us, I’m looking forward to finding out and enjoying the ride along the way.

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Review of Boundaries

I just finished reading Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. The book is all about setting and maintaining limits in interactions with other people. The authors explore many different scenarios in which a lack of appropriate boundaries causes a wide array of problems and offer suggestions on solving those boundary problems.

Much of the book discusses the importance of letting people face the consequences of their behavior. Those who can’t say no often intervene to prevent something bad from happening to irresponsible people, such as regularly covering for a lazy boss. When they do, they’re not preventing those consequences from happening; all they’re doing is taking them onto their plate and encouraging the other person to continue their irresponsible behavior. The solution is to recognize where your responsibilities begin and end and to stop allowing yourself to be exploited for the gain of others. Once people are allowed to face the consequences of their actions, they will begin making the necessary changes and those who used to cover for them will no longer get burnt out by shouldering more responsibility than they’re meant to carry.

As important as it is to establish boundaries, the authors are very clear that this is hardly an easy process. Undoing years of habits, thought patterns, and behavior that’s been ingrained by your early influences (especially family members) is an arduous journey. The authors repeatedly encourage having a support group where you can confide, practice setting boundaries, and draw strength to make changes in your life. Event then, they recommend taking it slow and starting by saying “no” to small things before moving onto bigger matters. There will be some bumps along the way as you confront people about their behavior and what you will no longer tolerate from them, but these will smooth out over time as you maintain your boundaries.

As you work on setting boundaries, you may have to temporarily distance yourself from those who continually try to infringe upon your boundaries. This lets them know that their behavior is unacceptable to you and they must change if they wish to continue interacting with you. If they still continue to disrespect you in this way, it may be best for both of you to say goodbye to them and let them work out their own issues. This is how boundaries reveal problems in relationships rather than causing them; those problems would still be there even if you didn’t attempt to set boundaries, but setting boundaries brings them into the light where they can be clearly seen and fixed.

Boundaries was one of the most mind-blowing books I’ve ever read. Most of the books I’ve read have been enjoyable and helpful, but there have only been a few that I’d put on the same level as this one. So much of what the authors said explained why I or someone else acted in a certain way and why many of the same problems have come up repeatedly throughout my life. This also resulted in some sadness and anger on my part as I recalled difficult times from my life and thought about them with regards to the information in the book. I feel like this initial reading has already dramatically improved my life by making me more comfortable around other people and better able to create (and maintain) appropriate boundaries. And, although the authors frequently mention the Bible and base much of their work on some of its passages, I think their insights and recommendations can work for anyone. Those who aren’t interested in the Bible will probably still benefit by reading Boundaries and incorporating its ideas into their life. So if any of this interests you, I highly recommend getting the book. I’m sure it will help you gain more peace and freedom in your life, just as it’s done for me.

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Turning off the Noise

There’s so much commotion and noise in modern life. So many people are stressed and suffering because they feel like they always have to be doing something. Even when they get opportunities to relax, they can’t turn it off and end up worrying about their business, family, health, or future. And there are some people who never even give themselves a chance to slow down or stop.

This is common in relationships as well. Silence is seen as strange, unusual, and uncomfortable, so most people try to avoid it. This leads to countless interactions where every moment is filled with words, forced laughter, or another kind of sound. It’s so common for people to respond as soon as someone else is finished speaking instead of taking some time to think about what they’ve said and formulating a genuine response. In a world that longs for connection, these shallow exchanges leave everyone feeling more distant and disconnected from each other.

How did this happen? How did so many people become so busy all the time? With so much going on nowadays, there’s a tremendous need (perhaps greater than there’s ever been before) to pause and be present in the moment, but it seems that so few people make time to do that. Whatever the cause, this isn’t sustainable. Being constantly on the go and constantly stressed leads to burnout, heart attacks, insufficient sleep, shorter lives, and reduced quality of life. Even if someone does arrive at where they want to be in life through continuously working and grinding away, they won’t be able to enjoy it if they’re still in the mindset of always looking toward the next task and never stopping to live in the present. There are much better ways to live. Fortunately, more people appear to be realizing this and moving toward quieter lives that involve a lot of self-care. They’re showing that it’s quite possible to be successful while still caring for oneself and getting enough rest. I hope that this becomes the norm rather than the exception, and I think it will.

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Life Spirals

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Take a look at that spiral. What do you notice about it? Most notably, it gets wider toward the top. This is consistent with the life path I’m on: I’ve found that the higher I climb in the spiral, the more opportunities open up. Learning new things, meeting people with similar interests, continuously improving at a variety of skills, and getting better at integrating all of this has lead me to some wonderful things. I could see some of these things and envision many more of them long before I started spiraling up, and it’s exciting to finally be experiencing them as I go.

Of course, this is looking at the spiral from one point of view. Looking at it another way, the spiral gets narrower as you go toward the bottom. I was once on a different life path that was taking me down into the spiral. Fortunately I didn’t go as low as I could have, but I would have eventually gotten there if I had kept going down that path. There are fewer opportunities down there, which makes it a lot harder for those close to the bottom to get out, and it’s much harder to stay motivated because not much light is visible down there. It’s also easier to spiral down because spiraling up takes repeated effort and practice at things that will build you up, while spiraling down requires none of that. This causes someone spiraling down to get tossed around like a ship adrift at sea. Without a bigger purpose or plan, it becomes almost impossible to not lose all sense of meaning in life and become hopeless.

Both spiraling up and spiraling down can start with small, seemingly insignificant actions. One bad decision usually isn’t enough to ruin your life, however, just as one good decision is unlikely to catapult you to the top. But it still pays to make good decisions and avoid bad ones as often as possible. Whatever types of decisions you most commonly make become habits and ultimately pave your life path, and that determines whether you spiral up or spiral down. Having been on both types of paths, I highly recommend spiraling up. I started spiraling up by making a few simple decisions: cleaning my room, reading every day, and meditating regularly. Those got me onto my current life path and pointed me toward all kinds of incredible opportunities. It’s only gotten easier to make good decisions and develop solid routines since then, and if this strategy can work for me, it can work for anyone.

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Multitasking

Contrary to popular belief, humans are incapable of truly multitasking. We can switch quickly between two tasks, but we can’t fully focus on more than one thing at a time. The people who appear to succeed at multitasking are really just quite good at quickly and smoothly switching between two tasks. Or, in some cases, they’re devoting their full attention to one activity and letting their muscle memory handle the other (such as someone who can juggle while riding a unicycle). Even though true multitasking is beyond our capabilities, I’ve still found ways to work on multiple things at once.

Something that’s pretty easy and well within the capability of most people nowadays is listening to a podcast or audio book while driving around. If I spend twenty five minutes on my commute to work, that’s nearly an hour almost every day that I could be using to introduce myself to new ideas or remind myself of old ones. Add in mealtimes and that brings my time for passive education up to at least two hours on most days. I don’t always do this, but I’m able to cover a good bit of ground when I choose to do so.

An even easier approach is to devote my full attention to one task while I have another one churning away in the background. For example, sometimes I’ll start a load of laundry before going to they gym. Although I have to put in the clothes and choose the proper settings, the machine does most of the work for me after that and I don’t have to be anywhere near it while it is working. This works with any task that can be either partially or totally automated.

Coming close to multitasking by finding tasks that don’t require my total concentration or involvement has allowed me to make good use of my time and get more things done than I otherwise could. This also lets me avoid the trouble that attempts at genuine multitasking can cause. So as long as I make sure to focus on things that are worth doing and not try to fill my day with tasks just for the sake of being busy, I’ll be in good shape moving forward.

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Breaking My Social Media Addiction

I’ve mentioned a few times that I’m trying to avoid spending excessive amounts of time on social media. Recently, I’ve started finding ways to actually succeed in doing so instead of just talking or thinking about it. Here are some things that I’ve found helpful.

Perhaps the simplest thing I’ve done is refrain from posting stuff that’s intended to upset people and start fights. This is hardly a new thing for me, but it’s taken me a long time to see just how effective that is. If nobody’s interested in fighting on my profile, that gives me fewer notifications to check. Many of my positive posts will get reactions and a few comments, but nowhere near as many comments as my past provocative posts. This makes me less inclined to log in and get caught up in something that takes up a great deal of my time.

After that, simplifying my social media presence has made me less interested in checking it. One way I’ve done this is by posting less stuff than I used to. The less activity I have online, the smaller the chance of someone commenting on something of mine or contacting me, which gives me fewer reasons to log on. Making my life more interesting and exciting has also made me less interested in taking a break from it. I’d much rather do fun things with cool people (or by myself) than mindlessly scroll through a website. I do take regular breaks from socializing so that I can recharge, but even then it’s nice to stay away from social media.

Last but certainly not least, preventing certain things from appearing on my newsfeed has worked wonders for me. It’s easy enough to hide, unfollow, unfriend, or even block people and posts I don’t want to see. I have used and will continue to use each of those features to avoid upsetting posts, frightening images, trolls, excessively negative people, and other similar things that remove value from my life. In short, I don’t want to have a messy, stressful social media presence that’s going to drain me every time I check it. At this point, I’d much rather use it to share things I find helpful with the people I love and have it serve as an occasional break instead of a second life. I’m sure I’ll find more life hacks for taking time away from social media, but so far, these have all worked well to give me more peace of mind and helped me spend less time online.

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Review of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World is a fantastic book written by the late Harry Browne. I had previously watched one or two videos in which Browne discusses some of his ideas about living life, but I had no idea how much thought and experimentation he put into it until I read this book. Here are some of his ideas.

The central message of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World is that you can live a great deal of your life in freedom, which Browne defines as “living your life as you want to live it”. To do this requires getting out of what Browne calls “traps”. He considers a trap to be an incorrect, unchallenged assumption or mindset that prevents you from living as freely and happily as you could be. Browne spends the first section of the book pointing out various traps, showing how easy it is to fall into them, and discussing some suggestions for getting out of them.

In the second section, Browne goes into detail about potential ways to be free from as many traps as possible. Many of these involve pursuing direct alternatives (actions you can take completely on your own) rather than indirect alternatives (actions that require someone else to act in a certain way). This way you’re acting within areas that you control, which prevents you from having to depend on other people to do something for you (or refrain from doing something to you). Taking control of your life and preventing yourself from being dependent on others is a major theme that is repeated throughout the book.

Browne spends the third and final section of the book discussing some ideas for putting these changes into action and building the life of your dreams. The result: you’ll be able to choose between two or more things that will increase your happiness (positive decisions) instead of trying to decide which of several courses will least reduce your happiness (negative decisions). According to Browne, the more opportunities you have to make positive decisions, the freer and happier your life will be. And he gives plenty of examples of what that looks like for him and what it might look like for you.

Browne’s take on a number of subjects is quite different than most conventional perspectives. In some ways, this is the most radical book I’ve ever read, and there were a number of things that surprised me. Some of those surprises were pleasant, especially when it involved a perspective I’ve held since long before I read the book and couldn’t recall seeing elsewhere. However, there were also several points where Browne and I didn’t see eye-to-eye. Some of these include our views on morality, the degree of selfishness that we’re comfortable practicing, and the lengths to which we’re willing to go in the pursuit of freedom. Despite our disagreements, Browne and I still arrived at many of the same conclusions on a number of matters even if we had different ways of getting there, and I still think the book contains a lot of great stuff.

Trying to list all the life hacks in How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World would take far too much space here, but there are a few worth mentioning: refraining from making important decisions during times of great emotion, mentally rehearsing possible outcomes to upcoming difficult situations to better prepare for them, and considering all the potential relevant consequences of your actions before making a major decision. I learned about several of the concepts Browne discusses from other sources last year, but reading about them in this book has helped me practice them more in my life. While I plan to read it several more times, I feel like my life has already become better and freer just from my reading it once and putting some of its ideas to the test. I highly recommend you check out the book. Normally I include a link to the books I review, but this case is a little different. I read this as a PDF on my Kindle, the book appears to be out of print, and many of the existing print copies are quite expensive. That is why I’ve not linked to the book in this post. Still, if any of this sounds interesting to you and you can find a good copy in print, digital, or audio form, check it out and see if it helps you find more freedom for yourself.

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What Are You Willing to Do?

What are you willing to do to live the life of your dreams? Whatever it is that you want in life, what changes are you willing to make in order to get it? Depending on what your life currently looks like compared to how you’d like it to look, you may have to change a number of things, including your schedule, habits, mindsets, responses, location, source of income, and ways you spend your free time. There are many other potential changes you could make, and they may be permanent or just temporary. With all of them, though, it’s up to you to decide if those changes are worth it if they’ll help you get where you want to be.

Of course, you first have to recognize that you can make changes to get where you want before you can be in a position to carry them out. So many people never accomplish their major life goals because they don’t think they can, so they fail to see opportunities to succeed or turn away in fear when those opportunities present themselves. It can be difficult, scary, and even painful to make major life changes, especially since you don’t know the outcome in advance. But if you can conquer all those concerns and pursue your plans wholeheartedly, you stand a much better chance of success than everyone who never tries.

I’ve been learning about all of this firsthand over the past year or two. That’s about when I started taking these things seriously and putting them into practice. Since then, I’ve seen major improvements in every area due to all the changes I’ve made, and I’m on the brink of some incredible opportunities that should take me into the next phase of my life. Occasionally, I think back to what my life used to be like and wonder how I was ever content with that. Then I wonder what I’ll think about my current life situation, as amazing as it is, in a few more years; I have a feeling I’ll see it as a period of laying the groundwork and preparing the soil for everything that’s on the way. And I’m so excited to see what that looks like.

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Positive Relationships

Any relationship, whether it’s between romantic partners, friends, acquaintances, or family members, requires both participants to want it in order for it to work. If you’re doing all the work, what does that say about the relationship? It means the other person doesn’t have to create plans, contact you, or initiate anything; there’s no need for them to do any of that since you’re already doing it all. That’s not much of a relationship, and even less of a friendship.

There’s no need to be friends with any particular person, especially if they’ve only shown interest in being an acquaintance. It’s fine to just be someone’s acquaintance and focus on shared interests when you’re with each other without spending a ton of time together. Likewise, it’s perfectly acceptable to remain friends with someone if they’ve made it clear that they’re not interested in having a romantic relationship. Trying to force an acquaintanceship to become a friendship or a friendship to become a romantic relationship only leads to trouble. Pressuring someone, either subtly or overtly, into associating with you in a way they find uncomfortable can put an end to the relationship and ruin any chance of it becoming something more, especially if it goes on for an extended period of time. Fortunately, there are much better alternatives.

The best relationships feel natural, genuine, and comfortable, and they’re free from the awkwardness and desperation that often plague shaky relationships. So instead of trying force a relationship with a certain person to go in a particular direction, why not look for another person who is already interested in going that way? As mentioned in the previous paragraph, you can still maintain your existing relationships and enjoy the time you spend with those people. But if you’re looking for something more, there’s always the option of finding someone with whom you can have the kind of relationship you have in mind. This way, you can relax in all your relationships, accept the relationships and the people in them as they are, and not expect any one of them to be something they’re not. Each relationship can grow and develop in the way that’s best for both people without any pressure to be anything other than what it is. I’ve benefited a lot in the short time I’ve taken this approach to relationships and I think many other people could also benefit. And, from what I can see, it looks like some are already finding that out for themselves.

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