I’ve had some odd experiences in my last few floats. I fell asleep in each of them, but I’ve done that in most of my floats, so that isn’t the odd part. The odd part is that I’ve gotten fidgety toward the end of them where, previously, I had always found it easy to stay totally still. Lately, my legs have felt restless, I’ve had to stretch and move around to feel comfortable, and I’ve even found myself wanting the experience to end sooner than my allotted time. For whatever reason, this has only happened shortly before the end as I’ve still enjoyed the majority of each float. During and after yesterday’s float, I had some realizations that I think explain what’s been going on.
The first thing I want to explore is being honest with myself when I dislike how something is going. That will avoid creating any disharmony in myself by acting as if I feel one way when I actually feel differently. Once I acknowledge and accept the way that I feel, then I have the opportunity to do what I can to improve the situation, get out of it, or find some way to enjoy it as it is. I did this to a greater degree in my most recent float than I did in the ones before it. I relaxed as much as possible from the start, moved my body when it wanted to move, and accepted my response to the situation as best as I could. This helped me feel better and enjoy the last few minutes of my float, and it even made me laugh when I realized all of this. So far, so good.
There is also the matter of expectations. I’m used to getting helpful insights out of my floats, so I’ve been going into them with the hopes of getting some answers to several things that have been weighing on my mind lately. Instead, I fell asleep and didn’t notice any insights, which made me feel disappointed. That feeling of disappointment probably carried over into each successive float and contributed to my negative experiences toward the end of them. Eventually, I remembered something that I realized after my first few floats: each float gives me exactly what I need. Since I’ve fallen asleep a lot while floating, it stands to reason that sleep is what I need the most when that happens. This could be because I’m not getting enough sleep at night or because I need to relax and it’s easy to relax while sleeping, or a combination of the two. Either way, I think this has been an important lesson about getting something good out of a situation without expecting it or even looking for anything specific.
My last realization has to do with enjoying the journey instead of just seeing it as a means to an end. Alan Watts often compared life to a dance or musical composition; just as our objective isn’t to get to a particular place on the dance floor or to arrive at the end of a song as quickly as possible, neither should we try to do either of those things in life. Of course, this also applies to smaller things, such as floating, traveling, spending time with loved ones, and so on. In my last float, I realized that I’ve been seeing floating as simply a means to an end rather than something to be enjoyed for its own sake. That may be part of why my last few floats weren’t as meaningful or enlightening as I’d hoped they’d be. On my next float, I’m going to try to focus on the many things that I enjoy about floating: the feeling of weightlessness, getting a break from all the noise and distractions of life, quieting my mind, and feeling safe in a cozy, peaceful place. I’m sure that that will give me a better experience and
While I had these realizations about floating, they apply equally well to life. Enjoying the journey, finding good things even when I’m not looking for them, being honest with myself, and taking ownership of whatever situation I’m in are all things that I can do each day. Only working on them during my floats won’t do much for me in my regular life, so I have to practice what I’ve learned if I want to benefit from it. As long as I remember to do that, it’ll become habitual and I’ll be in good shape for enjoying the dance of life.
