What Do You Mean?

Posted on June 14, 2019 by admin

A lot of hostile exchanges originate from misunderstandings. When a misunderstanding occurs, there is an opportunity to ask for clarification, which can be done simply by asking “What do you mean?” in a calm, sincere fashion. If this opportunity is seized, it can get everyone on the same page, foster goodwill between all participants, and allow the conversation to continue without a hitch. However, if someone avoids asking for clarification and instead makes assumptions about what someone else said or the way they think, the whole exchange can quickly go off the rails. I’ve seen this happen a lot, especially in conversations about sensitive subjects where emotions tend to run high and it’s easy to speak before thinking.

I’ve found it helpful to avoid conversations that can easily turn into altercations and serve little to no good purpose even if they remain civil. That makes me less likely to say or do something I’ll regret later and gives me more time to focus on beneficial conversations. If I notice a conversation is starting to get tense, I’ll try to release some of that tension via one or more methods. Making the people around me laugh, distracting or surprising them with something unexpected, pausing for several seconds (sometimes longer), and changing the subject all work well if I do them in time. Disrupting everyone’s OODA loop, which each of the methods in the previous sentence can do, often diffuses confrontational situations and allows everyone involved to relax. This makes it much easier to get the conversation back on track or end it on a good note if it’s run its course.

As much as I talk about this stuff and encourage other people to do it, I don’t always follow my own advice. Sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me and then I’ll start doing things that I know I should avoid. This always produces negative results and makes me wish I hadn’t done it, although that feeling probably makes me less likely to fall into that trap the next time it presents itself. Whenever I stop, take a breath, and ask for clarification, it always makes the conversation go more smoothly. This can turn a hostile exchange into a more civil one, or even prevent it from becoming hostile in the first place. I’d rather someone ask me to explain my perspective instead of making assumptions about the way I think, so I try to do the same for others whenever I can. And that can make all the difference.

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Review of The Signal and the Noise

Posted on June 13, 2019 by admin

The Signal and the Noise is a cool book by Nate Silver. Silver, who is a statistician, talks a lot about predictions and the many things that relate to them. The book is centered around finding the useful information that allows people to make accurate predictions (the signal) and everything else that can mislead them or distract them from the important stuff (the noise). This has applications for a wide range of disciplines, including economics, sports, gambling, and weather forecasting.

Silver has several good points for predictors, whether professional or hobbyist, to keep in mind. One of them has to do with their ability to make predictions. Some predictors think of themselves are more skilled than they actually are, which can result in them making extremely bold predictions that completely miss the mark. Even when they’re making predictions about common events and have a great deal of information about those events, they still deal with a lot of uncertainty. They often fail because they either overestimated or underestimated the probably of something occurring. For example, if someone regularly sees a lot of news reports about crime, they may think that crime is more common than it actually is. On the other hand, they may be totally unaware that something else ever occurs until it breaks into their world and takes them completely by surprise; in this case, they would be unlikely even to make a prediction about it in the first place since it would be an unknown unknown to them.

Something else that greatly affects the accuracy of someone’s predictions is the quality of the models they develop for making predictions. The more information someone has, the more accurate their predictions should be; bad models make worse predictions when they get more information. So if someone has access to a lot of information but they continually make incorrect predictions, they should either improve their existing models or abandon them in favor of better models. On the subject of accuracy, Silver encourages predictors to make the most accurate predictions they can based on the information they have and the models they use. They shouldn’t adjust their predictions in the hopes of becoming famous, advancing their careers, making a name for themselves, or otherwise trying to win favor from other people. Valuing accuracy over notoriety may not get them as much attention, but it sharpens their skills and allows them to better understand and navigate the world, which is much more useful and important than fame.

One of my favorite parts of the book dealt with Bayes’ theorem, which is a way to determine the probability of a given event. This requires having information about past occurrences of that event (if there are any) and making reasonable estimations of a few related pieces of information before plugging those numbers into a formula and getting the answer. I particular enjoyed this subject because it comes the closest I’ve ever seen to describing a formula for accurately predicting the future. This also ties in with an point from Pierre-Simon Laplace that Silver discusses earlier in the book: if we had perfect knowledge of all particles in the universe and all the ways that they’re affected by universal laws, we could make perfect predictions. Until that point, we can strive to get our predictions as close to perfect as we can even if we never achieve perfection.

The Signal and the Noise was a fun read for me since I spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and enjoy finding things that increase my chances of being able to correctly predict it. One of my all-time favorite books is The Fourth Turning, but that book is more about several predictions that the authors made and less about the different elements that are involved in making predictions. As far as I can remember, this is the first book I’ve read that explores what goes into making predictions in great detail, and learning this stuff was a lot more enjoyable than I initially thought it would be. Since I started reading the book, I’ve noticed myself trying to read a variety of situations and correctly predict their outcomes to an even greater degree than I usually do. I don’t know if I’m any better at this than I was before I read the book, but I’m having fun doing it. And, as Silver says toward the end of the book, the only way to get better at making predictions is to make a lot of them and hone in on what works while ignoring the rest. So if you’d like to learn more about this stuff and see how it affects your view of the world, I recommend checking out The Signal and the Noise.

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Achievement Without Effort

Posted on June 12, 2019 by admin

One of my favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone is called “A Nice Place to Visit”. It involves a thief who is fatally shot and finds himself in a place where he gets anything and everything he wants. He doesn’t encounter any resistance at all and he doesn’t even have to try to get his way. Figuring he must be in Heaven, he initially loves this place and enjoys everything it has to offer. After about a month, however, he grows weary of knowing that things will always work out in his favor and misses the rush that comes with uncertainty. He tells his guide that he doesn’t belong there and would rather be in Hell. In response, his guide replies that this is Hell and then laughs at him as he realizes his fate and tries desperately to leave.

This episode wonderfully illustrates an important point: getting everything you want without having to exert any effort would soon become boring and unfulfilling. I get a great feeling of accomplishment when I learn something new as well as whenever I reach a new milestone along the way. That feeling inspires me to keep going until I reach my goal, even if the journey is long and difficult. When I get where I want to be, I can look back on how far I’ve come and take satisfaction in what I’ve accomplished. However, if everything came naturally to me and I didn’t have to practice or fail along the way, I’d quickly grow bored and long for something challenging to do.

I recently started thinking about this episode because my life is way easier now than it’s been in a long time. A lot of the stress and challenges I once had are gone and it feels like I’m on an extended vacation, even on days that I go in to work. This started as a nice break from my previous job and schedule, but now it feels like things are too easy for me and that I’m starting to get soft. This may be why I had a lot of low-level anxiety last week and felt stressed even in calm situations; without sufficient challenges, I’m finding it harder to adjust to difficult or unexpected events and avoid taking things personally or make assumptions.

It helps that I’m still working on learning or getting better at several skills, including unicycling, dancing, and Spanish. That keeps some familiar challenges in my life and lets me see the progress that comes from regularly practicing them. Additionally, I try to keep in mind that this season in my life may be here so that I can rest. Maybe it’s here so that I can shake off the previous season and prepare for the next one. Sometimes I have to slow down and this may be one of those times. And now that I have more time and less overall stress, I can work on some of my bigger life goals in ways that I couldn’t before. So moving forward, I’m going to focus on enjoying this calmer season while still taking care of myself and working on the things that are important to me. I think that’s a good balance and the best way to handle this time in my life, which could turn out to be a stepping stone to something amazing.

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Creative Destruction

Posted on June 11, 2019 by admin

There is an economic concept called creative destruction. This refers to the continuous changes that occur within an economy as old systems are eliminated and new systems arise. I’ve also heard this applied to specifically to industries or even individual businesses. It’s important for those in business to find out what products and services people want to buy and satisfy those wants, and that includes changing their offerings as the demands of their customers change over time. In other words, it’s about knowing when to stop trying to making better VHS tapes and start making DVDs. Companies that adapt and provide what their customers want stand a much better chance of surviving than companies that don’t adapt.

I’ve mostly seen creative destruction mentioned in economic and business discussions, but it also works for self-improvement. By regularly evaluating my routines, interactions with other people, thought processes, and uses of time, I’ve been able to find out what works, what could be improved, and what needs to be abandoned. Getting rid of the dead weight allows me to try new things and develop better habits; doing this for a long time has resulted in a lot of major positive changes in my life. I wouldn’t be in a great place right now if I had only focused on improving the good stuff without getting rid of the bad stuff.

Creative destruction is one of many things that I’ve found useful in an area where it isn’t usually applied. I find a lot of useful things without even meaning to since I’m always learning more and trying out different things, often subconsciously. At some point, I’ll notice that things are going smoothly for me and realize that I’ve adopted something beneficial or stopped doing something harmful. A lot has changed in my life and there’ll be even more changes in the future, but I’ll always keep accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative wherever I can.

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The Method of Loci

Posted on June 10, 2019 by admin

Over the course of my life, I’ve used a lot of mnemonic devices, which are techniques for remembering things. One of the best I’ve found is called the method of loci. Also known as the “memory palace”, this mnemonic involves imagining a particular place and then adding things you want to remember at specific points along a path through that location. The place you imagine can be real or it can be imaginary; some people use buildings from popular fiction and others design their own place. I tend to use the front rooms of my house since I’m extremely familiar with them and I can easily visualize walking through them while “seeing” the things I want to remember. Visualization is often difficult for me, so it helps to use a familiar place that I know very well.

I primarily use the method of loci to memorize lists, especially when those lists contain a lot of things that I can easily visualize. For example, I might memorize a shopping list this way: I’ll put an orange on my front porch, a gallon of milk in the foyer, a box of cereal in the first room, and a pitcher of sweet tea in the next room. If I want to memorize a longer list, I can use more rooms and put more things in each room (maybe one thing on a couch, another thing on a chair, and so on). And the more interesting and unusual I can make the images, the easier it is to remember them. I find it more difficult to use this technique for remembering things that don’t have a strong visual element. However, competitors in the World Memory Championships have found ways to convert numbers, letters, words, and other things into images that they can put in their memory palaces. I’ve had some success with this, although I prefer to keep it simple as I don’t compete in memory competitions.

Even though I enjoy the method of loci, I don’t use it very often. There aren’t a lot of things I want to remember that work easily with this technique. For most things, I’ll either use another mnemonic or just memorize them. However, this mnemonic still comes in handy from time to time. It makes it much easier for me to remember lists that have highly visual things and it’s also fun to use. I hope you found this interesting to read, and, if you decide to try the method of loci, I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

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Crescendo Amelia Big Band and the Roaring Twenties Dance

Posted on June 9, 2019 by admin

Last night, I danced to some awesome music by Crescendo Amelia Big Band. This was the first event of theirs that I’ve been to in a while and I had a blast. Here’s an overview of that great night.

The event was pretty close to my house, which was nice since I’m used to driving much farther to dance. I arrived early to help set up, spent some time working the cash table during the dance, and stayed afterward to help with the breakdown and reset. There was a good turnout and nearly everyone was dressed in their coolest vintage-style clothes since the theme of the dance was Roaring Twenties. This made for a lot of great photos and gave the whole event a wonderful feel. I saw several regulars in the Jacksonville swing dance scene and some people that I hadn’t seen or danced with in a while.

There were a lot of fun moments from last night, but my favorite was the conga line that started toward the end of the dance. Almost everyone on the dance floor joined in and we would have danced right out the door if that song had gone on a little longer. That’s exactly the kind of goofy fun that I love about swing dancing and the people with whom I get to share it. It’s nice to be around others who have a similar sense of humor and are always up for a good time.

I thoroughly enjoyed dressing up, dancing, listening to the music, and seeing everyone. Plus it felt good to help out and make things easier on the people who put together the event. It was nice getting to visit and dance with so many awesome people. That’s really what I love about going to these kinds of events. Even if I have to drive longer to get to one, it’s always worth it.

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300 Posts

Posted on June 8, 2019 by admin

This is my 300th blog post. I’m amazed at this for several reasons. First, I remember when I started my blog and hadn’t yet put up a single post. Sometimes that feels like ages ago and other times it feels like I just started. And second, I’ve been able to stick to my goal of a post every day for just about two months shy of a year now. I’ve gone on several multi-day trips, spent several days working 10+ hours at two jobs, and had other extremely busy periods since I started blogging, and yet I’ve always managed to find time to prepare a blog post. They haven’t always been groundbreaking, insightful, or useful, but I’ve always done my best to at least make them entertaining and worth reading. And I am proud of the quality of several posts that I started and finished within the same day. I think that’s only possible since I read nearly everything I can get my hands on, regularly discuss big ideas with other curious people, think through a lot of things before I ever start typing them out, and am so used to working on my computer. That makes it much easier to crank out posts than it would be if I were missing any one of those habits.

I had originally planned to put up a post every day for a year and then switch over to a more relaxed schedule, perhaps a post a week. That would mean putting up my 365th post halfway through August of this year. However, I decided a while back to continue my daily posts through the end of 2019. That way I’ll have posted each day for a year from the time I started blogging as well as a full calendar year. Once I’ve finished that (by which time I’ll have well over 500 posts), I’ll probably start posting once a week, which will give me more time to assemble posts, improve their quality, explore more new ideas, and devote more attention to other things in my life. That will also give me more time to comb through my past posts and figure out which ones would work well in the book I’m writing. Although I’ll probably miss posting every day for a while, I think moving to weekly posts will be a welcome break and a good change of direction.

As I’ve mentioned in this and other posts, it’s often difficult for me to come up with new posts. I’ve gone through a lot of ideas that I’ve spent years developing and can explain easily, so it’s been a stretch much of the time to think of and flesh out the next idea. Some of my posts have explored the same subjects from different angles, which I’ve enjoyed doing. Revisiting a subject once I’ve gathered more knowledge and experience has given me some additional nuance and perspective, and it also gives me more appreciation for that subject. I like the challenge of constantly finding new things worth sharing and seeing how much that’s improved my ability to learn new things, quickly find solutions to problems in all areas of my life, and articulate my ideas both verbally and in written form. But above all else, I’ve kept this up because of everyone who’s enjoyed my blog. I regularly get positive comments and reactions when I share my posts on social media. At least once a month, someone will say that a particular post helped them just when they needed it. I’ll occasionally hear that and other positive comments directly from some people I know in person as well. I’ve always loved sharing my ideas with other people and this blog has been a great way to do that. As long as I have ideas worth sharing, I’ll keep putting up posts about things that have changed my life for the better and hoping that they continue to do the same for others.

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What’s the Rush?

Posted on June 7, 2019 by admin

How many people do you know who are always rushing around, never stopping to catch their breath or smell the flowers? For them, the present is an obstacle preventing them from getting to some point in the future where they’d rather be. However, even when they get to the future, they can’t enjoy it because they’re thinking about yet another future moment. Or they might see the present as a protective barrier between themselves and a future that they dread. They’re so busy worrying about the future that they can’t find any peace in the now. In either case, they’re living their whole lives for the future and never for the present.

They can even do this when they go on vacation. Because they’re so used to rushing through life, they might also rush through what should be a time for them to slow down and relax. In fact, getting out of their normal routines, being in different places, and feeling like they have to do everything on their itineraries may make them even more stressed during their vacations than they are in their regular lives. This defeats the entire purpose of the vacation and just reinforces the bad habits they’ve developed for navigating life.

Of course, this is all completely unnecessary. There is no need to rush. Since rushing is caused by an anxious state of mind and is not simply moving quickly, you can settle your thoughts and still move at a fast pace without feeling panicked, stressed, or any other type of strain that originates from rushing. Even if you go on vacation, you can follow a set schedule and still do everything at a leisurely pace. The key is to live in the present moment and take things one step at a time. This allows you to fully experience whatever situation you’re in and enjoy it if you so desire. If you get anxious or start thinking about the future again, you can try focusing on your breath, watching your thoughts, or listening to a guided meditation (like this one from Alan Watts) to bring you back to the present. This way, no matter your life situation, you’ll feel much better and be able to act far more effectively than you ever could by rushing. Your life exists in the present moment, so don’t rush through it and miss out on everything it has to offer.

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Life Paths

Posted on June 6, 2019 by admin

There is so much pressure to follow a certain path in life. I see so many people who are burnt out, going through the motions, and doing things that other people want them to do instead of things that they want to do. A lot of this comes from family members, especially older ones who followed paths that used to work well but no longer do. They’re doing well because of the paths they chose, so they think that those paths will also work well for anybody who follows them. Unfortunately, many of them don’t realize that the world in which they grew up no longer exists, so attaining fulfillment and success often requires finding or even forging a new path. Friends can also add pressure in these situation, and all this pressure from friends and family members can cause a lot of conflict in these relationships.

Someone who doesn’t want to follow a more traditional path may feel resentful toward those who expect them to do so; they may feel like they’re being forced to live a certain way and do things that they “should” do just to please the people close to them. The family members may want to help them avoid getting hurt, failing, or otherwise ending up in a bad life situation; they may think that the person they’re trying to help is ungrateful or foolish. It’s possible for some people to have bad intentions behind their words and actions, but it’s more likely that everyone involved has good intentions. Poor communication skills, including making assumptions, speaking without listening, and listening to reply instead of to understand, make these kinds of situations worse and turn people away from each other. Improved communication can make things better, but it doesn’t guarantee that anyone will agree with your position. You may still have to decide between following your dreams and living how other people think you should, and that can be a very difficult decision.

Fortunately, you can still take ownership of your life, live intentionally instead of just automatically doing what’s expected of you, and figure out a plan that works well for you (if you haven’t already done that). Thanks to the internet, it’s easier than ever to discover and investigate many different life paths, get advice directly from people who are living their dreams, and figure out how to live as you like. This wasn’t available until relatively recently when the internet exploded in popularity and usefulness, so people who grew up without it had far fewer opportunities to find alternatives to traditional life paths. A select few had access to someone who lived differently and could show them the way, but most people probably ended up choosing a life path based on the way their friends and family members thought they should live. Nowadays, you can befriend and regularly converse with people who share many of your life goals regardless of your location; even if they live far away from you and there is nobody in your neck of the woods who understands you, you can still find solace and support in your long-distance friends.

I’ve gotten mixed responses whenever I’ve mentioned some of my life plans. My family members have typically recommended that I pursue a more common path and have even attempted to talk me out of my plans. As a result, I’ve refrained from saying much more to them, especially since they haven’t tried what I have in mind and can’t offer me advice about how to do it or whether or not it’s worth pursuing. In contrast, several of my friends have encouraged me to pursue my plans them and, in some cases, said that they have similar plans of their own; a few of them have even done some of the things that I have thus far only dreamed of doing. Whenever someone close to me responds positively to my goals and offers me practical advice for achieving them, I feel like we grow even closer and that I can share more of my heart with them. I’m fortunate to have several friends like this in Jacksonville and in other parts of North America. They’re either living the life of their dreams or working toward it. They motivate me to keep pursuing my dreams with their encouraging words and actions, they sometimes give me advice on how to get where I want to be, and they’ve helped me get onto and stay on this productive path. I’m grateful for their friendship and everything they’ve done to help me figure out the life path that’s right for me.

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Adding Positive Experiences

Posted on June 5, 2019 by admin

I discovered a life hack last year that works wonders for recovering from difficult, awkward, or even painful situations. I have a hard time forgetting such situations and I tend to replay them in my head. Mindfulness meditation and floating have reduced this tendency, although it still happens more than I’d like. What I’ve found helpful for dealing with this is to revisit the places where those bad experiences occurred and have good experiences in them. This way, I have something positive to think about, which balances out the negative and takes a great deal of weight off my shoulders.

Most of my travels have been fairly smooth and largely free of issues. However, I have had some negative experiences in Alabama and Orlando, Florida, within the past few years. What’s helped me accept and move past these experiences is going back and having fun there. Both of my enjoyable experiences happened to involve swing dancing: I went to Orlando last year for an evening of dancing and I went to Alabama earlier this year for Lollies and Lemonade 2019. At this point, when I think about the hard times I had in those places, I can also think about the good times I’ve had there, which always makes me feel better. This has also gotten rid of the fear and anxiety that I developed after those negative experiences and replaced it with a sense of peace and excitement. As a result, I’ve been able to go on a lot of trips and keep a positive attitude, knowing that I can take steps to avoid most potential problems and find solutions for any that do occur along the way. This has made my trips much smoother and more enjoyable and allowed me to indulge my love of traveling.

This also works when I’ve had an awkward interaction with another person. After such an interaction, I’ll often give them space for a while so we can both process what happened and respond in our own ways. Once we’ve had some time to do that, it’s easier to reconnect and have a more enjoyable interaction the next time since I now have a better idea of what to avoid doing. Even if I’ve had some awkward interactions with other people, having a lot of positive experiences with them definitely makes me feel more at ease around them and I’m sure it works the same way for them as well. Whether I use this life hack to feel better around people or places, it always does the trick and allows me to move forward in life with excitement and confidence. And I hope it does the same for you.

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