Stepping Stones to Greatness

Posted on June 24, 2019 by admin

If you’re on a self-improvement journey, you’ll soon reach a point that is noticeably better than anything else you’ve had before and it’ll feel great to be there. Some people stop at this point and stay there for the rest of their lives, but you can keep improving if you want. If you do, then this point takes on a whole new meaning. Rather than being the pinnacle of your life and the end of your progress, it’ll be just one of many milestones and stepping stones to something greater. Continuing to improve your life will eventually get you to a milestone so amazing and so different from everything before it that it’ll make your first big milestone seem like nothing.

I think that a lot of people stop at their first big milestone because they think that they’ve reached their full potential. This doesn’t have to be the case, but they often convince themselves that they’ll never climb any higher in life than they already have. If you think that you can’t make any more progress, then you probably won’t. That defeatist mindset will prevent you from looking for and finding other ways to improve. You may make some small progress in the things you’re already doing as long as you keep doing them, but you probably won’t make any major progress like you once did.

To get out of this limiting mindset and into an empowering mindset, think about how far you’ve come and how much you’ve done that you never imagined yourself doing until you did it. After that, focus on a goal that you haven’t yet accomplished, find a lot of people who have accomplished what you want to do (or something similar to it), and then study their methods. If you can, get in touch with them and ask for guidance. In addition to getting lots of great advice and practical plans, you’ll probably also discover that they’re just like you. They experienced fear, doubt, indecision, and a whole range of negative emotions on their journey, and they probably still experience those things from time to time. That’ll show you that they’re not forces of nature who easily overcame every obstacle that crossed their path. They’re people just like you, and they found a way to make the life of their dreams a reality. What’s stopping you from doing the same? Asking myself that question and then giving myself space to ponder it has shown me the stumbling blocks and allowed me to figure out how to remove them. It’s often been difficult but it’s always been worth it, and I hope this post gives you what you need to discover that for yourself so you can make every year the best year of your life.

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Tuning Out

Posted on June 23, 2019 by admin

I spent most of my free time glued to the TV screen until I stopped watching TV altogether around 2013. At this point, I rarely ever think about it or miss it. On the rare occasions that I watch TV, it seems so strange to me and makes me glad that I gave it up. A lot of what happens on TV is incredibly forced and unrealistic, even when it’s supposed to showcase reality. Since I’ve been away from it for so long now, I think I can better communicate and interact with other people; my expectations are based on the way people actually behave in real life instead of how actors perform on the air.

In addition to refraining from watching TV, I also don’t watch the news. However, I never consistently watched the news even when I was a TV addict, so it’s almost always felt awkward and manipulative to me when I see a clip from a news show. Because I’m not getting sound bites, overly-simplified arguments, one-sided perspectives, or anything else that’s common in the news, I feel like I can better understand how the world really is and see other people in a positive light.

This has got me thinking about how much things would change if more people also did this. If you’d like to find out how your life would change, then you can try this experiment: avoid watching TV or the news for a week. That should give you enough time to get used to life without those things that you’ll notice how their absence affects you. If you don’t think you can go a week without turning on the TV, here are some things that might help. First, make a list of things you enjoy and do one thing on that list whenever you get the urge to watch TV or check the news. If you still have the urge to tune in, continue doing things on that list until the urge is gone. Second, whenever you succeed in avoiding TV, give yourself a small reward. These two tactics will make you more likely to stick to your goal over the course of the week since they will keep you focused on positive actions to pursue instead of negative actions to avoid and give you a feeling of happiness instead of pain each time you succeed.

Consider keeping track of how you feel during that week and noting any changes you observe in your mood, your use of time, your relationships, and anything else. Once that week is up, turn the TV back on if you like and see how you respond. Don’t try to make yourself respond in any certain way; just relax and respond however feels naturally to you. However you react, I think you’ll find this experiment interesting and, perhaps, insightful, especially if it causes you to permanently change some of your habits. I’d like to hear about your experience if you try this experiment. If enough people did this, I think it could do a lot to increase civility, unity, and understanding while simultaneously decreasing hostility, division, and disinterest. And I hope to see that happen.

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A Good Strategy for Dealing with Life (And Thanos)

Posted on June 22, 2019 by admin

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos proves to be a formidable foe. He easily fends off most of the Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy when they fight him one-on-one or in pairs. However, he couldn’t handle them when they combined their efforts. By restraining Thanos’s arms, forcing him onto one knee, and making him go to sleep, they overpowered him and nearly succeeded in removing the Infinity Gauntlet. This is a great example of how it’s much better to tackle a big problem from many different angles instead of just one.

Most big problems are composed of several smaller problems. With this in mind, rather than get overwhelmed by looking at the entire situation at once, find a small element of it that you can solve; once you’ve solved that part, find another easy thing to work on and then repeat the process. Doing that repeatedly will give you something simple to do and will gradually reduce the problem until it’s gone. And, usually, you can find a few key things that will make everything else fall into place once you’ve gotten them in order. Approaching any problem as a series of small victories to be won is a much better strategy than trying to tackle the whole thing at once or going in without any plan at all.

My life has improved tremendously by following this approach. I’ve done my best to cultivate good habits and eliminate bad ones in every area. Among other things, I’ve focused on improving my mental health, managing my finances more carefully, and having better relationships. This has put me in a much better position than I’d be in had I focused on just one of those areas. So if you’re trying to improve your life, solve a problem at work, or fight a big purple alien, your best bet is to keep it simple and work on one thing at a time.

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Some of My Thoughts on Culture

Posted on June 21, 2019 by admin

I’d like to share some of my thoughts on culture. The way I see it, a culture should originate from the ideas, values, and decisions of individuals, and it should adjust to the people living in it. This, as far as I can tell, is the opposite of the way it usually works; cultures are often shaped long before the people currently living in them are ever born and require people to adjust to them, which tends to suppress their individuality and preferences. A culture that is shaped by people inclines them to be proactive, while a culture that shapes people generally ends up making them reactive. Being proactive allows you to avoid the tendency to consume and accumulate resources. I think that this tendency is changing as people are becoming less reactive. I know many people around my age that regularly work on some sort of creative project and have chosen to live simply. Most of them create purely for the joy it gives them, but a few get paid for their creations. Either way, I love seeing their work, especially when I get to watch them in action and can see the passion behind their projects.

An unmistakable sign of being reactive is acting without thinking. So many people automatically follow whatever is popular, commonplace, or traditional without even realizing what they’re doing. It’s always fascinated me to see someone stop what they’re doing, think about it from a fresh perspective, and then decide that it’s not worth continuing. Thinking differently about common activities is the first step on the journey from being reactive to proactive. When you’re proactive, you can walk down a life path of your choosing instead of being pushed around and forced down a path that others choose for you.

There is value in studying and learning from many different cultures. For example, a lot of what I’ve learned about meditation and mindfulness originated in Eastern cultures, so I credit a great deal of my mental peace to the people from those cultures who figured this stuff out long ago and recorded their discoveries for future generations. In addition to learning about useful things, studying different cultures also provides opportunities to learn from the mistakes of others so we can avoid repeating them. It’s possible to do this by studying just one culture, but studying several cultures offers many more examples of some things that worked well and others things that didn’t. The more cultures you study, the better your chances of finding the best way to live and avoiding the many traps that can drag you down.

A lot of the inspiration for this post, including several of the ideas I’ve discussed, came from Island by Aldous Huxley. Huxley talks about so much in that book that makes perfect sense to me. Reading Island has helped me better organize my existing thoughts on this subject and has given me a lot of new things to consider. I’ll do a full review of the book once I’ve finished it, but for now, it’s worth mentioning how it’s shaped my thoughts on culture. I enjoyed thinking about this and putting my thoughts into words, and I hope you found this post interesting and thought-provoking.

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The Daily Stoic: “Stay Focused on the Present”

Posted on June 20, 2019 by admin

This is another great message from The Daily Stoic, and it’s one that I’ve been focusing on doing a lot more lately. While the quote from Marcus Aurelius sums it up nicely, the added commentary from Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman explain this wisdom in a way that I find easier to understand and apply. Without further ado, here’s the message about living in the present moment.

“Don’t let your reflection on the whole sweep of life crush you. Don’t fill your mind with all the bad things that might still happen. Stay focused on the present situation and ask yourself why it’s so unbearable and can’t be survived.”

– Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.36

When you look back at some of the most impressive, even scary, things that you’ve done or endured, how were they possible? How were you able to see past the danger or the poor odds? As Marcus described, you were too busy with the details to let the whole sweep of the situation crush you. In fact, you probably didn’t even think about it at the time.

A character in Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Lullaby says, “The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up.” Sometimes grasping the big picture is important, and the Stoics have helped us with that before. A lot of times, though, it’s counterproductive and overwhelming to be thinking of everything that lies ahead. So by focusing exclusively on the present, we’re able to avoid or remove those intimidating or negative thoughts from our frame of view.

A man walking a tightrope tries not to think about how high up he is. An undefeated team tries not to think about their perfect winning streak. Like us, they’re better off putting one foot in front of the other and considering everything else to be extraneous.

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10 Simple Things That Make a Big Difference

Posted on June 19, 2019 by admin

Sometimes I get complacent when things are going well for me and I don’t do the things that will keep me in that good place. When I neglect to do these things, I soon remember the importance of taking good care of myself. This doesn’t guarantee that I’ll always feel great or be free of problems, but it always makes me feel better and allows me to better handle whatever situation I’m in. I hope that this post helps me remember to do these things regularly, especially when it feels like I don’t need to do them. And I hope it does the same for you.

  1. Eat enough food/eat good food
  2. Drink plenty of water
  3. Breath slowly and deeply
  4. Take time to rest/recover as needed
  5. Get enough sleep
  6. Stretch
  7. Exercise
  8. Spend some time outside
  9. Interact with wholesome people
  10. Take time away from social media
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Getting Away

Posted on June 18, 2019 by admin

Lately, I’ve been wanting to get away and live a simple life in a small house or cabin. The more I’ve read about and experienced different ways of living, the less satisfied I’ve grown with many aspects of present society. There are a lot of things worth changing and I want to be sure I know where I’d like to see us go. I figure a good way to do that is to take a break from the madness of modern life, see what it’s like to live differently, and record what I learn in the process. Several people I admire have done something like this and their examples have made me want to do the same.

At the very least, this sounds like it would be a nice retreat. I’m not looking at this as a way to relieve stress or help me relax, although I do think it would help with that. I’ve lived in the same place my whole life and I want to try something new. That’s what really excites me about this idea, and it’s probably why I also love traveling. I’ve been wanting to go on another trip for a while now, even just a day trip to visit with some friends I rarely get to see. I get the urge to do this every so often and I have the means to do it, so why not take advantage of it while I can?

I don’t think I’ll spend the rest of my life in one place. I enjoy nearly everything about living in Florida right now (the heat being a notable exception), but I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to live somewhere else. When I’m finished with my big road trip, I’ll have seen nearly every nook and cranny of the lower 48 and will probably have found at least a few other places I’d like to live. And I may find even more potential places to settle down if I do some international traveling. I can’t imagine how much I’ll learn by traveling all over and living elsewhere, but I’m excited to find out and share it with the world.

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Learning to Be Less Critical

Posted on June 17, 2019 by admin

I grew up around a lot of criticism. Several people close to me would criticize, condemn, and sometimes even mock anyone they thought dressed, spoke, acted, or lived strangely. They even criticized people who appeared more “normal” if their hair, skin, or anything else appeared imperfect or different. And they also criticized me whenever I looked different than they thought I should. I got a lot of criticisms over my hair, clothes, teeth, skin, interests, mannerisms, etc. This got me used to the idea of criticism as a way of life, which caused me a lot of problems.

Making a habit out of criticism cause me to spend a lot of time silently and even verbally criticizing other people. It also resulted in a lot of the internal self-criticisms I’ve dealt with for most of my life. As a result, it became much harder to enjoy spending time around other people out of fear that they’d criticize me or because I tended to criticize them. This prevented me from relaxing and appreciating others as much as I could have. I’m sure it’s also alienated many people I knew and driven them away from me.

To this day I still sometimes find it hard to avoid criticizing people. Fortunately, I have found some things that have shown me the way out. One of the most helpful has been realizing that I don’t know anyone’s story unless they tell me. They may have a specific reason for their appearance or their actions, or they may not. Either way, making assumptions won’t tell me anything about them or result in anything positive; all that will do is cause a lot of problems and make at least one of us feel bad. Even if I know why they are a certain way, what difference does that make? Why should I or anyone else expect them to be a certain way and then feel negatively toward them if they do their own thing instead? That won’t make it any easier to treat them well, help them if they need a hand, or see them in a positive light, so I don’t think it’s worth doing at all.

The other thing I’ve found that helps me avoid criticizing other people is remembering how it felt to be on the receiving end of the unnecessary criticisms I faced growing up. I hated the way that that made me feel and I don’t want to subject anyone else to those same feelings. The first of my rules that I do my best to follow every day involves treating other people as I want them to treat me, so this means refraining from criticizing them. Refraining from criticizing other people also helps me avoid criticizing myself. When I stop looking for things I dislike in others, I start finding things to appreciate in them instead; it works the same way when I do this for myself.

I’ve gradually gotten better at ignoring my inner critic and and seeing others for who they truly are instead of how I perceive them to be. This has also helped me see myself more clearly and objectively. As a result, I’m much more comfortable in everyday life whether I’m alone or with someone else. My relationships also feel much better and more natural since I started learning to be less critical. There are times where criticism is warranted, such as when someone asks for feedback or hurts another person, but I think most of the criticism in the world is unwarranted. My life has improved in so many ways as I’ve mostly stopped being critical, so this has been one of the best changes I’ve ever made and I’m so glad I did it.

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A Cool Pool Party

Posted on June 16, 2019 by admin

Yesterday, I went to a pool party with several friends I know from swing dancing. A few of them rented the clubhouse in their apartment complex for a few hours of swimming, dancing, games, and other types of fun. Here are some highlights from yesterday afternoon.

Most of us started by eating and socializing a bit. There was plenty of good food since it was a potluck party. I even got to take some food home afterward, so we had more than enough for everybody. After a while, we went outside and got in the pool. This is where we spent most of our time and had fun swimming, soaking each other, and floating on an inflatable duck and penguin. I enjoyed being in the pool because it gave us all the opportunity to play around and enjoy each other’s company in a very light, casual environment.

Since yesterday was World Juggling Day, I took my props to the party. There were at least seven jugglers there, so we juggled a lot, showed each other our skills, and had a lot of fun. My favorite part was amazing everyone by doing the Shim Sham while juggling three clubs. I even amazed myself with that since I’d never tried it before, although I’ve been able to do the Charleston while juggling since I first tried it at last year’s World Juggling Day. I also enjoyed juggling while standing on the big inflatable duck in the middle of the pool. That was much harder than anything else I did that day since I had to focus completely on keeping my balance and not think about the juggling. Once everyone had had their fill of juggling, we went back inside to eat some more, play games, and relax a bit before cleaning and resetting the clubhouse and heading out.

Something I didn’t realize until last night is that I went hours without looking at my phone or even having a desire to check it during the party. I was so interested in the people around me and the things we were doing together that the internet didn’t even cross my mind. I was totally content to enjoy the real world, so I completely ignored the online world; I think that was what made the party so enjoyable and so memorable. This is one of the most fun parties I’ve ever attended and I’m looking forward to many more like it.

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The Daily Stoic: “Try the Other Handle”

Posted on June 15, 2019 by admin

I recently started reading The Daily Stoic. This book contains a brief but profound philosophical message for every day of the year. It’s a great way to start my day and a great reminder that life is manageable. Lots of people figured out how to effectively navigate life long before anybody alive today was born and recorded their discoveries so that we can benefit from them thousands of years later. This is the message I read yesterday morning and it was a very timely reminder for me. It starts with a quote from Epictetus and then proceeds to the commentary from Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, the authors of The Daily Stoic. I hope you enjoy it and find value in it.

“Every event has two handles – one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t. If your brother does you wrong, don’t grab it by his wronging, because this is the handle incapable of lifting it. Instead, use the other – that he is your brother, that you were raised together, and then you will have hold of the handle that carries.”

– Epictetus, Enchiridion, 43

The famous journalist William Seabrook suffered from such debilitating alcoholism that in 1933 he committed himself to an insane asylum, which was then the only place to get treatment for addiction. In his memoir, Asylum, he tells the story of the struggle to turn his life around inside the facility. At first he stuck to his addict way of thinking – and as a result, he was an outsider, constantly getting in trouble and rebelling against the staff. He made almost no progress and was on the verge of being asked to leave.

Then one day this very quote from Epictetus – about everything having two handles – occurred to him. “I took hold now by the other handle,” he related later, “and carried on.” He actually began to have a good time there. He focused on his recovery with real enthusiasm. “I suddenly found it wonderful, strange, and beautiful to be sober… It was as if a veil, or scum, or film had been stripped away from all things visual and auditory.” It’s an experience shared by many addicts when they finally stop doing things their way and actually open themselves to the perspectives and wisdom and lessons of those who have gone before them.

There is no promise that trying things this way – of grabbing the different handle – will have such momentous results for you. But why continue to life by the handle that hasn’t worked?

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