A Life Lesson from Time Travel Movies

Posted on December 4, 2019 by admin

One of the best posts I’ve ever seen online said that, thanks to time travel movies, lots of people are familiar with the idea that small changes in the past can radically change the present, but very few people think that small changes in the present can radically change their future. I saw that post right around the time I started getting my life together and it has guided my thinking ever since. And I’ve seen how it has worked to get me much closer to where I want to be in life, so this idea has passed the usefulness test with flying colors.

On the subject of time travel, sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to talk to my future self and see how I turn out. Then I recently started thinking about how my past self would feel if he could see where I’m at now. I think he’d be impressed with how far I’ve come, how well I’ve done with everything that life’s thrown at me, and how much small victories have done to get me where I’m at today. Additionally, I think he’d be in awe of how I’ve learned to manage and, in some cases, even overcome challenges that I’ve faced from a young age.

Knowing that I’ve come a long way from where I used to be and that I can go even further by getting the small details right is very encouraging. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets me through a rough patch. What also helps is keeping in mind that my journey doesn’t have to be perfectly linear; as long as I’m moving in the right direction more often than not, a few bad days or difficult seasons aren’t going to spell doom. So the next time you’re feeling glum about where you’re at or where you think you’re going, remind yourself how far you’ve come and see what small changes you can make to get closer to where you want to be.

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Breaking My Social Media Addiction… Again

Posted on December 3, 2019 by admin

I’ve noticed that once I write a blog post, I sometimes forget what I wrote about, as if the information were hanging out in my memory just long enough for me to write about it. There have been a few occasions in which someone I know in person has mentioned liking something I mentioned in an older post and I’ll have to ask them what I said in it. This can give me some difficulty in remembering the lessons contained in certain posts or points of view I had about books I read a long time ago. A perfect example of this is the post I wrote earlier this year about my social media addiction.

For a while, I was able to stick to the stuff in that post and successfully avoided spending hours aimlessly surfing the internet. Soon enough, though, my old habits resurfaced and I was right back where I started. Things stayed pretty much the same for me until a few days ago. A friend worked with me on this and gave me some more good things to do instead of spending so much time online, such as catching up on reading some of my books, juggling, unicycling, and doing other things that feed my soul.

Since that conversation, I’ve been using guided meditations right before bed and shortly after waking up, prioritizing reading, and avoiding social media much more than I usually do. I’ve felt much more at peace than I usually do, each day feels slower and more enjoyable, and I’m finding it much easier to be productive now that I have a lot more free time. And staying away from social media has actually been easier than I thought it would be. I think part of that is because I’m feeling so good and I know that scrolling through an endless newsfeed is a great way to lose that good feeling, so the temptation to jump back on is easy to avoid. I’m feeling pretty good about my chances of continuing to limit my social media use going forward and, in the meantime, I’m just going to keep enjoying this good feeling and the increased productivity.

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The Daily Stoic: “You’re Going to Be Ok”

Posted on December 2, 2019 by admin

When I’m feeling stressed, I sometimes remind myself of the message from this entry from The Daily Stoic. However, I prefer to say “I’m ok” as framing it in the present tense helps calm me down and makes me see the situation more clearly. Plus if I’m upset, the last thing I want to do is think that I have to wait until some point in the future before I can feel better. Phrasing aside, this is a good reminder to focus on the present moment instead of dwelling on what happened in the past or fretting about what may happen in the future.

“Don’t lament this and don’t get agitated.”

-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.43

There’s that feeling we get when something happens: It’s all over now. All is lost. What follows are complaints and pity and misery – the impotent struggle against something that’s already occurred.

Why bother? We have no idea what the future holds. We have no idea what’s coming up around the bend. It could be more problems, or this could be the darkness before the dawn.

If we’re Stoic, there is one thing we can be sure of: whatever happens, we’re going to be OK.

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Review of The Princess Bride

Posted on December 1, 2019 by admin

I’ve seen bits and pieces of The Princess Bride for years but never saw it all the way through until last week. I’m glad I finally watched the whole thing because it’s a wonderful movie and I had a lot of fun watching it. Before I share more of my thoughts on it, I’ll give a spoiler-filled recap of the plot. If you haven’t seen it yet, skip to the last paragraph or, better yet, watch it before reading this review. Ready? Ok, here we go.

A young boy is sick in bed, so his grandfather reads him a story in the hopes of making him feel better. The story tells of a woman named Buttercup who falls in love with her farmhand named Westley. Before they can marry, Westley is presumed to have been killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts and Buttercup is heartbroken. Making matters worse, Prince Humperdinck decides to marry her and she is forced to accept.

The wedding is delayed, however, when she is kidnapped by Vizzini and his henchmen, a giant named Fezzik and a Spanish fencer named Inigo Montoya. Their plans are ruined when the Dread Pirate Roberts appears and defeats each of them before rescuing Buttercup. Just as Prince Humperkinck and his men arrive, Buttercup learns that Westley is the Dread Pirate Roberts and the two of them briefly evade Humperdinck before being captured. Humperdinck promises Buttercup that he will release Westley but instead has him tortured to death.

Fezzik and Inigo meet again and decide to search for Westley as Inigo believes he can help him find the man who killed his father many years ago. After they discover his body in the torture chamber, they take him to Miracle Max and beg for his help. Because Westley is merely “mostly dead” and, therefore, “slightly alive”, Max is successfully able to revive him. Westley develops a plan to invade the castle, rescue Buttercup, and allow Inigo to avenge his father’s death. The plan works perfectly and they all ride away on horseback to the perfect fairy tale ending. Meanwhile, the sick boy ends up loving the story despite initially being extremely skeptical and asks his grandfather to read it to him again the next day. His grandfather replies “As you wish”, which, just like in the story, means “I love you.”

The Princess Bride is a rare movie in that it appeals to nearly everyone who watches it. I think everyone I know who’s seen it has enjoyed it. That’s a pretty rare accomplishment for a movie but not surprising for this one since it has something for everyone: action, adventure, comedy, romance, and plenty of heart. The small amount of behind-the-scenes footage I’ve seen makes it appear that everyone enjoyed working together and had a lot of fun making the movie, and it shows in their performances. I just love watching everyone onscreen, especially during the funny moments. The comedy is a good mix of over-the-top silliness and casual deliveries that meshes perfectly with my sense of humor. And the tone of the movie is well balanced so that the lighthearted moments don’t overshadow the more serious moments and vice versa. All of this makes The Princess Bride a fun movie that anyone can enjoy watching over and over again.

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Be the Change

Posted on November 30, 2019 by admin

So many people say they want the world to be vastly better than it is yet hardly anyone is willing to make the changes necessary for that happen. When someone does recognize that massive changes are required to make the world the way they want it to be, they think that they don’t have to make those changes; another person or a lot of other people have to make those changes, but not them. They think that they can’t do anything in their current position and that even if they made a huge change, it wouldn’t make any difference. And so what happens? Nobody makes any changes, not even small ones, because they think “Oh if I make a small change or even a big change, nothing’s going to happen.” So nobody does anything and nothing changes. Everybody’s waiting on everybody else to make things better.

What would happen if even a small number of people made a few small changes? There’d be lots of changes, big ones and small ones alike. And what would happen if a small number of people made some huge changes? Then other people would take notice of them because people take notice of anything that’s markedly different than what they’re used to seeing. A few observers would be inspired to make some huge changes as well, and they would inspire others to do the same, and so on. There’d be even more people who would be inspired to make big changes, and they’d also inspire others to make big changes of their own. And there would be many, many more people who would be inspired to make small changes, and they would inspire many, many more people to make their own small changes. So, whether somebody makes a huge change, a big change, or just a small change, they’re still going to make a big difference.

“The Star Thrower” illustrates this perfectly: a boy was picking up starfish on the beach and throwing them back into the ocean so they wouldn’t die when someone came up and chastised him for doing that and said he wouldn’t be able to make much of a difference. In response, the boy picked a starfish up, threw it into the ocean, and said “I made a difference to that one!” With that one action, he saved more starfish than the person who told him he was wasting his time and he’d still have been a hero even if he had stopped there. But he kept at it and others around him joined in, including the critic, and together they saved all the starfish.

What would happen if that boy had said “You’re right” and given up? Then nobody else would have joined in and those starfish would have died. His positive attitude and persistence made all the difference. So don’t wait around for other people to solve problems and save the world. Find problems you can solve and then solve them yourself. Look at your own life, your own talents, and your own resources and see what positive changes you can make, even if they’re small changes. If you do that, then regardless of what anybody else does, you will have made things better. And in the process, you will inspire others to join in, and they’ll inspire still others to join in, and so on. So don’t wait for the change; be the change.

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Friendsgiving 2019

Posted on November 29, 2019 by admin

Yesterday, I got together with some of my swing dancing friends in St. Augustine for a special Thanksgiving celebration. “Friendsgiving”, as we called it, was a wonderful way to spend the day and I enjoyed every minute of it from beginning to end. Here are some of the things we did.

I was one of the last to arrive but managed to make it shortly before lunch began. When the food was ready, we sat down and feasted while listening to some music and enjoying each other’s company. A few others came in toward the end of lunch and, once everyone was there, we took a few pictures together before heading out to take more pictures at Flagler College and go for a nice walk around town. Then we headed back to change into some more comfortable clothes and watched The Princess Bride. I had seen most of it on several previous occasions but yesterday was the first time I’d watched the movie all the way through. We talked and visited some more after the movie ended before saying our good nights and parting ways.

In addition to being one of the best Thanksgiving celebrations I’ve ever had, Friendsgiving was also one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. It was wonderful to relax and visit with so many amazing people, including some whom I don’t get to see very often. Although it was just one day, it felt like we had spent several days with each other by the time it ended. Friendsgiving was a fantastic event and I’m so thankful that I got to be a part of it.

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A Short Gratitude List

Posted on November 28, 2019 by admin

Since today is Thanksgiving, I thought it only fitting to post about some things for which I’m thankful. Cultivating a spirit of gratitude has vastly improved my life and I could write many posts about what I’m grateful to have. These, though, are what most easily came to my mind when I started thinking about this, so without further ado, here’s my list:

  1. Amazing friends. There are a handful of people with whom I’ve shared some aspects of my shadow and they’ve still loved me and accepted me as I am. Their encouragement and support have gotten me through some incredibly hard times and I’m so grateful for their friendship.
  2. Books. I’ve always loved to read, whether for fun or to learn more about any number of subjects. Books have introduced me to so many things that have made my life better than I ever imagined it could be and it seems to get even better as I continue to read.
  3. Life hacks. I have trouble remembering all the life hacks I’ve learned at this point but there are a few such as meditation, floating, and breath work that I use every day (or every week in the case of floating). All the life hacks that I remember to use make it much easier for me to handle life and overcome my struggles, so I’m definitely thankful for them.
  4. Skills that I’ve developed. Although I have some natural talent for a few things, I have more fun juggling, unicycling, and enjoying the other skills that I’ve spent countless hours learning and improving. They serve as permanent reminders to me that my biggest limitation is my mindset, which I’m sure will be important for me to remember as I tackle some of my big life goals.
  5. Wonderful memories from so many experiences. I love to travel and, as I’ve said in previous posts, I’d rather have a heart full of memories than a shelf full of trinkets. Fortunately, I have plenty of memories from the many trips I’ve taken. Everything from juggling events to swing dance workshops to simple road trips and all the meaningful connections I’ve made during each one of those excursions are going to stay with me for the rest of my days.
  6. The progress I’ve made. I’m more patient, understanding, caring, optimistic, practical, and determined than ever before. It took a lot of work, learning, and pain for me to get to this point. Although this journey has often been difficult, it’s been worth the struggle and I’m glad I decided to undertake it.

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How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Posted on November 27, 2019 by admin

I usually talk a lot about good communication in my posts but today I decided to change things up a bit. This post is all about bad communication. I see all of these things regularly online and occasionally in person. And, even though my communication has improved a lot over the past few years, sometimes I still catch myself falling into one or more of these bad habits. This post can serve as a reminder for me to pay attention to how I communicate and it may even inspire some people to step up their game. If nothing else, it’s a fun way for me to vent a bit about the bad communication I see on a regular basis. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this handy guide on how to lose friends and alienate people.

  1. Put yourself in an ideological box. Do the same for others and verbally trash them if their box doesn’t match yours.
  2. Don’t talk with the other person; talk at them and talk past them.
  3. Don’t take the time to get to know someone and find out what they think and why they think that way. Make assumptions about them and always assume the worst.
  4. Don’t give them any opportunities to explain their thought processes. Use all available time to tell them about yourself, your positions, and why you think the way you do (actually, don’t tell them why you think that way; just tell them that you’re right). Whenever they try to talk, either to ask for clarification or to explain their positions, interrupt and reassert your own positions.
  5. Get as little information from them as possible. The less complicated and nuanced you can make their positions out to be, the better.
  6. Assume that they have bad intentions behind all of their thoughts, words, and actions.
  7. Assume that you are always right and that they are always wrong.
  8. Assume that you know everything about whatever subject you are discussing and that there’s no possibility that they might know something that you don’t.
  9. Desperately cling to anything that supports your positions and reflexively oppose anything that challenges your positions.
  10. Refer to anything that supports your positions as “truth”. Refer to anything that supports the other person’s positions as “propaganda”.
  11. Assume that there will be no negative or unintended consequences as a result of your ideas and that there will be plenty of such consequences from the other person’s ideas.
  12. Focus on everything that divides the two of you and ignore everything that unites you.
  13. Don’t look at the lack of understanding between you and the other person as the problem; look at them as the problem and treat them as an enemy.
  14. Treat your interaction with them as a fight and play to win at all costs.
  15. Ignore the fact that they are a human being and treat them like a monster.
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Out with the Old and in With…

Posted on November 26, 2019 by admin

For about a year now, I’ve been growing away from several views that I’ve held for many years or even my entire life. This started slowly at first but has happened increasingly faster as I’ve continued learning about a wide range of subjects, investigating new things, and allowing myself to fully experience some thoughts and perspectives that I had previously repressed. Talking to several people who either have similar viewpoints or are interested in exploring a wide range of possibilities has also accelerated this process and made me rethink a lot of things.

The most dramatic change I’ve made involves moving away from organized religion. Despite being raised Christian, I never regularly attended church until my senior year of high school and sometimes had a thought in the back of my head that I’d someday leave the faith. Sure enough, and without even intending to do so, that’s exactly what I’ve done. In addition to the conversations I mentioned in the previous paragraph, my experiences with meditation and floating have convinced me that there is far more to life than I had originally thought and that no belief system has a monopoly on truth. There are still things that I find beneficial in Christianity, such as the Golden Rule and exhortations to take care of people in need, but at this point I claim no religion. I simply do what I do in every other area of my life: read a lot, consider a wide range of different perspectives, and find value wherever I can.

I’ve made plenty of other major changes on this journey. Much of what I used to think about family, friendship, society, and life itself has gone away. Since this has all happened in a fairly short period of time, it’s been jarring to say the least. Sometimes I don’t know which way is up, where to go, or what to do. I often feel as if the ground beneath my feet is falling away and threatening to take me with it. Maybe I’ll continue replacing the old ground with some new ground, or maybe I’ll find that I never need any ground in the first place. Either way, I feel much more at peace with myself and with those around me than ever before, so I’m interested to see what else I find as I keep moving down this path.

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A Lesson from Steven Wright

Posted on November 25, 2019 by admin

Last Friday, I saw Steven Wright perform at the Florida Theatre. I normally dislike stand-up comedy but I’ve been a fan of Steven Wright ever since I first heard him several years ago. His act consists of dozens of one-liner jokes, long tangents on strange subjects, clever wordplay, goofy songs, and random silliness delivered in an extremely dry manner. I loved the show and laughed hard at a few jokes and songs that really resonated with me.

Sometime afterward, I started thinking about what happened during that show: everyone in the theatre spent nearly two hours watching a guy walk around and occasionally sit down while saying strange things intended to make us laugh. And this wasn’t a street performer who just started doing his act and happened to attract a crowd; the theatre was booked and tickets started being sold long before that night, and everyone who went to the show knew they were going to see a surreal performance. If this had been a random experience at a park, sidewalk, or workplace, most people would probably have gotten freaked out and left as soon as they could. So it’s less about the material or the type of performance and more about the time, place, and expectations of the people who watch it.

I think this goes beyond performing arts. I’ve thought before about how some things are so commonplace that hardly anyone notices them and other things are so out of the ordinary (without necessarily being dangerous or harmful) that they provoke feelings of fear and uncertainty in passersby. While there are some advantages to generally knowing what to expect in certain places, such consistency and routine activity can also become boring in short order. I enjoy being silly and not taking most things seriously when I can. Some of my favorite customers to talk to at my job are the ones with whom I can be more casual, joke around, or just be real with instead of putting up a false front of “professionalism” and denying major aspects of myself, including my goofy side. I think we’d all benefit from relaxing and stepping outside of the cultural norms that have been around since long before any of us were ever born. Who knows? Maybe life would be a little easier to handle if we all shared more of our true selves with each other and maintained a spirit of playfulness. It’s worth a shot.

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