The Way Out

Posted on October 12, 2019 by admin

Earlier this week, I started reading Letting Go by David Hawkins. A lot of stuff has resonated with me so far but the thing that’s stood out to me the most relates to consistently practicing mindfulness. I see it like using medicine to deal with major pain. While the pain is still there, there’s an urge to relieve it, so it’s natural and easy to keep using the medicine. As the pain gradually goes away, however, the urge for relief becomes lessened until the pain is completely gone, at which point there is no longer a desire for the medicine. When the pain has been gone for long enough, the thought of taking any medicine doesn’t even enter your head.

With emotional matters, however, it’s a different story. I focus heavily on life hacks that help me manage fear, anxiety, anger, and other similar sensations when I’m going through a hard time. Working on that stuff each day makes me feel better and eventually gets me to a place of peace and confidence. Once I’m at that point, I feel so good that I soon forget to practice the stuff that got me there. This causes me to gradually regress until I feel bad enough to start looking for relief again, and the cycle continues. I hope that I can get out of this cycle if I practice surrendering, letting go, and being present every day, not just during rough times.

I’ve thought about this before but I always forget about it and fall back into that cycle. Since I’m reading Letting Go and getting all kinds of great reminders to practice this stuff as well as learning more about how all this works, I think I’ll be able to make this a daily practice from here on out. What I’ve read so far has already gotten me through a rough week and gave me a great Saturday, so I’m optimistic about the future. I’ll talk more about this stuff in other posts once I’ve had some more time to work on it and see what it does for me.

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Joker and Mental Health

Posted on October 11, 2019 by admin

Joker is the best movie I’ve seen in theaters this year because it’s the most real one I’ve seen. It doesn’t shy away from the pain and hardships that come with mental illness and it does a wonderful job at humanizing the main character. I won’t discuss the plot of the movie here. I’m not sure I could do so in written form even if I tried. The best thing to do is see the movie if you haven’t already and then come back to this post. That way you’ll get to experience it for yourself and understand where I’m coming from with what I say here.

Despite how well it’s made, Joker is hard to watch at times. It’s uncomfortable, and even painful, in many places. Mental illness is the same way. Some people who live with a mental illness are in pain all the time. So, rather than get upset at some of the darker things depicted in the movie, why not take that energy and use it to help those who are hurting to not feel so bad? A great way to start is by truly listening to each other. I don’t know how someone else struggles unless they tell me. It’s easy to make assumptions about their life, but that doesn’t do anybody any favors. The more difficult, and more rewarding, thing to do is get to know them and learn how they see the world. Getting to know someone makes it much easier to be kind to them, especially if they start acting in unexpected ways; if they do that, they’re probably hurting and need some extra love and understanding.

Empathy is crucial here. Above all, we should avoid pushing people to their breaking point, especially when they’re already struggling. If we’re not willing to make their lives better, the least we can do is refrain from making them worse (such as treating them as if they’re bad people because of their struggles). Beyond that, we should think of ways to help people in need and then act on them. Steering clear of people who have fallen on hard times and may be dealing with a mental illness just makes their lives worse, as does locking them away in mental institutions and forgetting about them. And yet I still often look the other way when I see someone living on the street and I also usually turn them down if they ask me for something. I didn’t do that on my way home after I saw Joker, however. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I had. I knew that I needed to start making changes in my own life right then and there, especially if I expect others to do the same. We can all examine our actions to see if they’re making things better or worse and change them accordingly.

The Ice Bucket Challenge raised a ton of money for ALS research. I want to start a viral challenge that will do the same for mental health. Since Joker is still in the public eye, I’m thinking of painting my face to look like a clown, donating to a quality mental health organization, and challenging several people I know to do the same within a certain amount of time. I can see this “Joker Challenge” doing a lot of good for mental health. I plan to start it sometime within the next week and I hope it catches on.

Joker has the attention of a lot of people right now, and many of those people are thinking and talking about mental health. If this is anything like past cultural phenomena, then it will be short-lived and whatever happens during this time will be mostly forgotten before the year is up. There is an opportunity here for everyone to do something great for mental health. Something that will forever change the lives of countless people who are either suffering from mental illness or know someone who is. Let’s not waste this opportunity. Let’s not allow this to be just another popular movie. Let’s make this the start of something great. Seriously, let’s do this. Not just talk about it, not just say “Wouldn’t it be great if…”, and not let it pass us by. Let’s actually do it.

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Half a Week with Impostor Syndrome

Posted on October 10, 2019 by admin

I had an exchange recently that made me question everything about my journey and where I’m going. It gave me a case of impostor syndrome that stayed with me for about half a week before finally dissipating. Even though I didn’t feel like going out that night, I went anyway because I figured it would be good for me. When I went out, I didn’t try to act any way other than how I felt. I only smiled when I felt like it and didn’t try to make anything happen. It felt good to avoid reflexively saying I was feeling good while I felt bad and acting like everything was ok when it wasn’t. I acted completely genuinely from the time I walked in until the time I left.

Rather than causing everyone to stay away from me as I thought it would, I think this actually made me seem more approachable. People I know still came up and we enjoyed spending time together. I also had plenty of space for myself when I didn’t feel like socializing. Throughout the night, I managed to avoid people pleasing and had no expectations for anything. I also was able to stay connected enough with my emotions to have fun and feel much more like my usual self by the end. I’m sure I would have felt much worse had I stayed home, so I’m glad I overcame resistance that night and went out for a few hours.

This has been a very interesting experience with no lasting negative consequences as far as I can tell. An encounter I had last night told me that I’m on the right track, even though it doesn’t always feel that way. Most of what I’m going through right now comes down to repeating lessons until I’ve learned them, learning difficult lessons while I’m in a good place in life so I’ll be prepared for more difficult times ahead, and going through this stuff now so I can help others get through similar things in the future. This week has been rough but it’s gotten better, so I’m feeling good about what I’ve learned and I’m looking forward to the next few days.

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The Daily Stoic: “Set the Standards and Use Them”

Posted on October 9, 2019 by admin

Sometimes The Daily Stoic gives me exactly what I need right when I need it. This entry did just that. I’ve been having a hard time lately sticking to my own values and that’s been weighing heavily on my mind. There are some good reminders in here about pausing and checking with myself before I do something; I’m sure those will help me get back on track. I hope they will.

“When the standards have been set, things are tested and weighed. And the work of philosophy is just this, to examine and uphold the standards, but the work of a truly good person is in using those standards when they know them.”

-Epictetus, Discourses, 2.11.23-25

We go through our days responding and reacting, but it’s rare to really pause and ask: Is this thing I’m about to do consistent with what I believe? Or, better: Is this the kind of thing the person I would like to be should do?

The work of living is to set standards and then not compromise them. When you’re brushing your teeth, choosing your friends, losing your temper, falling in love, instructing your child, or walking your dog – all of these are opportunities.

Not, I want to do good – that’s an excuse. But, I will do good in this particular instance, right now. Set a standard; hold fast to it. That’s all there is.

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Review of The War of Art

Posted on October 8, 2019 by admin

The War of Art is a phenomenal book by Steven Pressfield. Although it’s fairly short, Pressfield manages to pack in a lot of fantastic food for thought about the creative process. He draws on his own experiences with writing books and screenplays and passes along what has helped him get through the tough times.

Pressfield focuses a lot on resistance, which is anything that prevents you from working on your creative projects. As he described the various ways in which resistance can manifest, I could see many of them at work in my own life. I’ve found it extremely difficult as of late to sit down and focus on several of the things I love to do. Because I’ve made it a habit to do this every day, I have the discipline to get it done even when I don’t feel like doing it. That is what Pressfield advocates, and it’s what got him through some difficult times in which nobody was interested in anything he wrote. Writing every day and not being deterred by rejection eventually got some of his works published and, in some cases, made into movies.

The War of Art also talks a lot about inspiration. Pressfield discusses the Muses, which are Greek goddesses of the arts, literature, and science. The Muses are said to be the source of great books, poetry, music, movies, etc. They use us to manifest these artistic works on the material plane; all we have to do is listen to what they say to us and then act to create it. This can take some pressure off of us since, although we are the vehicles through which these works come to fruition, the Muses are their original source. I felt like Pressfield discussed the Muses in a literal sense, although a metaphorical interpretation could still prove useful for those who don’t take what he says in this section literally.

What captivated me the most were Pressfield’s thoughts on motivation. He challenges you to ask yourself why you create and whether or not you’d continue working at your passions if you were the only person on Earth. This made me pause and examine what I do and why I do it. For most of my hobbies, I could easily see myself doing them even if I had nobody else with whom to share them; that’s mostly what I do now, except for social hobbies like swing dancing. However, I had a very different answer when it came to my writing. I realized that a lot of what I write is for other people rather than for myself, and that I often end up writing because I want to keep posting every day instead of because I simply enjoy it. I also thought about how much I censor myself because I think it will make my posts more agreeable to more people. Starting with this post, I’m going to focus more on saying what I think even if it’s less popular. This blog is a way for me to put my thoughts into the world and that’s what I’m going to do.

The War of Art is motivational, inspirational, practical, idealistic, and beautiful. The structure of the book is pretty loose as there are three main sections and no chapters. Some entries are less than a page in length and others are, at most, a few pages. I had to focus more than I usually do when I read but the extra attention required was well worth it for what I got out of the book. No matter what type of creative endeavors you enjoy doing, you’ll benefit tremendously from reading The War of Art. I know from experience that my own creative process contains many dry spells and I’m glad to have this book to help me get through them.

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Back to Basics

Posted on October 7, 2019 by admin

Lately, I’ve noticed that I keep leaning to one side when I unicycle, so I’ve gone back to shorter rides in the hopes of figuring out what’s causing me to lean and fixing my form. It seems to be helping thus far, so I’m going to keep at it until I’ve solved that problem. I’ve also done this when I’ve had issues with my juggling, swing dancing, exercising, and other physical hobbies. Additionally, I periodically do this in my life when I notice something I’d like to change.

I’ve learned a lot about self-improvement in a pretty short amount of time and I often forget much of what I’ve learned. Even when I write a blog post about a solid life hack, it can still slip my mind for months at a time. Sometimes, however, I ignore what I’ve learned and choose to act out my old behavior patterns. I try to take a step back during those times and assess what’s going on, figure why I’m acting the way I am, and determine what I can do to change it. Once I’ve done that, I then get ideas for possible solutions. The solutions usually involve focusing on self-care, communication, or trying to see things from someone else’s point of view. Big changes aren’t always necessary; sometimes addressing a few small things can make all the difference.

Going back to basics and reinforcing fundamentals feels like hitting the reset button. I don’t always like doing it because it can feel like taking a step backward. However, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to take a step backward in order to take several steps forward. If what I’m consistently doing isn’t working and shows no sign of improvement, then the best thing to do is get off the path I’m currently on and try something different. As difficult and uncomfortable as this can be, I’m always better off after doing it. I just hope I start realizing when I need to do this and following through with it in the days to come.

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Acting Efficiently

Posted on October 6, 2019 by admin

It always amazes me when I get ideas for how to do something better, especially when it’s something that I previously thought couldn’t be improved. I get better at seeing possibilities for improvement once I’ve been doing a particular task for a good while. When I first start something new, I have no idea how to do it, so I initially just stick with whatever method I’m taught or figure out for myself. Gradually, I begin to think of other ways that might work better and, with enough experimentation, that’s exactly what I find.

As much as I benefit from reading about different strategies for a variety of tasks, I still find a lot of value in using trial and error to develop solid plans. When I’m faced with a problem, I open my mind to all possible solutions, try different ideas as they come to me, ditch what doesn’t work, and refine what works well. My goal is to develop routines and systems that allow me to do things efficiently and effectively; this has gotten much easier as my time management skills have improved. The more I can make completing my work habitual and automatic, the less I have to think about it and the faster I can finish it and move on to other things.

I often get ideas for working more efficiently without much conscious effort on my part. My subconscious is always working to solve problems and, occasionally, it’ll send me a good idea seemingly out of nowhere. This happened last night at work. I don’t close very often, so I haven’t gotten a good feel for how to get everything done in a timely manner. However, I’ve closed enough lately that I’ve slowly been getting more systematic in my approach. Last night’s close was probably the smoothest I’ve ever done and, with practice, I think I can get everything done even faster without sacrificing quality. I was excited to have this breakthrough last night, partly because of how it made my work easier and also for how it acted as a reminder that I can find solutions for any problem in life as long as I’m paying attention.

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Training for Life

Posted on October 5, 2019 by admin
Image result for we don't rise to the level of our expectations

For a while now, I’ve appreciated the idea of preparing for the difficult times in life by undertaking some types of voluntary hardships. I learned about this from listening to athletes who talk about pushing themselves harder in training than they’ll need to in a competition. By getting used to performing at a certain level, they become sufficiently prepared for the competition and have an easier time when the pressure is on.

David Goggins, who frequently participates in ultramarathons, talks about this as a useful tool outside of athletics. He says that choosing to do difficult things each day makes it easier to handle the hard times in life because they then seem normal. Additionally, the good times in life then become much more enjoyable and rewarding. Considering everything he’s experienced in life (much of which he’s chosen to undergo) and how well he’s doing, his method appears to be pretty solid. I’ve definitely gotten a lot out of his approach.

Some things that I do regularly to train for life and build my mental toughness include taking cold showers, avoiding instant gratification, not bundling up for cold weather, stretching, pushing myself to complete a difficult workout, and practicing with my unicycle until I get a certain number of good rides. I’ll also occasionally skip meals and go for a time without sufficient sleep, though I usually save those for when I’m especially busy and have little free time. In addition to helping me get through the hard times in life, I’ve found that routinely incorporating difficult and uncomfortable activities into my life also makes them easier to do, which is the case with all my other habits. Now I can work through soreness or minor injuries since I’m used to pushing myself; I know I’ll heal and feel better, so I’m able to keep going through my usual routines despite the pain and the discomfort. I’m glad I started doing this and I’m excited to continue pushing myself to new heights as I make my way through life.

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Working Through My Thoughts

Posted on October 4, 2019 by admin

Many people are afraid of being alone with their thoughts. I understand and relate to that as my mind still gets the best of me at times. However, the more time I’ve spent by myself with no external distractions, the more comfortable I’ve gotten with it and the more I’ve learned that I don’t have to be afraid of what goes on in my head. In the absence of outside stimulation, things often come to my mind that I don’t normally think about, either because I’m usually distracted by something else or because I’m actively trying to avoid thinking about certain things. It become much harder to ignore those nagging thoughts when I have nothing else to focus on and, in that situation, resisting those thoughts does me more harm than good. Whatever thoughts come up, it’s better for me to relax and surrender to them than try to fight them.

Floating has helped me a lot with this. I feel incredibly safe and comfortable in the pod, so that’s a great place to practice watching my thoughts without getting stuck in them. Additionally, since I prefer to float in silence and darkness, I find it easy to address things that pop into my head. Depending on what experience I have in any given float, I might feel drawn to explore my thoughts deeply or just acknowledge them as they come up. I do my best to wait until my float has begun before deciding on which course of action to take; this makes my float better and gives me some guidance on what to do while I’m in there, guidance which I can easily miss if I go in expecting a certain experience.

I’ve found that addressing my thoughts during the day prevents them from keeping me awake at night. Except for a fan to keep me cool and provide me with some steady background noise, my room is dark and quiet. That’s the perfect environment for me to start thinking about anything and everything, which used to make it hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep. However, since I started working through my thoughts during the day and doing some calming meditation and breath work at night, it’s been much easier for me to fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly through the night. Now, instead of dreading going to bed and wondering what thoughts will wander around in my head, I can look forward to settling in and drifting off to sleep without issue.

If my experience with all of this has taught me anything, it’s that my thoughts only have as much power over me as I’m willing to give them, and that the way to reclaim power for myself is to fully explore them. The more I do this, the better I feel and the less I’m controlled by my thoughts, fears, emotions, etc. If you already do this, then you know what I mean. But if you’ve never done it or you’ve only done it a bit, try it out regularly and see how it improves your life. You’ll be glad you did.

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The Daily Stoic: “The Most Valuable Asset”

Posted on October 3, 2019 by admin

I like what this entry from The Daily Stoic says about self-reliance and independence. While I find immense value in forming and maintaining solid relationships with other people, I still want to always be able to depend on myself. I think the best thing for good relationships is for everyone to develop strength within themselves; their relationships will then be incredibly strong as every individual involved in them is independently strong. Plus if anybody then needs to get through a difficult situation without help, they’ll be in a much better position to do so if they’re strong and self-reliant.

“But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to Fortune, their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance, and therefore can’t be either increased or diminished.”

-Seneca, On the Firmness of the Wise, 5.4

Some people put their money in assets – stocks, bonds, property. Others invest in relationships or accomplishments, knowing that they can draw on these things just as easily as others can draw funds from a bank account. But a third type, Seneca says, invests in themselves – in being a good and wise person.

Which of these assets is most immune to market fluctuations and disasters? Which is most resilient in the face of trials and tribulations? Which will never abandon you? Seneca’s own life is an interesting example. He became quite wealthy as a friend of the emperor, but as Nero became more and more deranged, Seneca realized he needed to get out. He offered Nero a deal: he would give Nero all his money and return all of Nero’s gifts in exchange for complete and total freedom.

Ultimately, Nero rejected this offer, but Seneca left anyway, retiring in relative peace. But one day, the executioners came with their mortal decree. In that moment, what did Seneca rely on? It wasn’t his money. It wasn’t his friends, who, although they meant well, were a considerable source of grief and mourning. It was his virtue and inner strength.

It was Seneca’s most trying moment – his last and his finest.

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