Welcome the Mess

Posted on February 10, 2021 by admin

I started cleaning and organizing a few rooms at home toward the end of last year. I knew from past experience that I’d completely fail if I tried to get it all done quickly so I decided to work a little bit each day until I felt satisfied. As I did, I enjoyed the increasingly greater organization and usability of those spaces. I also noticed a lot of emotions coming up, many of which were connected to specific objects that I found. This got me thinking about the link between physical cleaning and emotional cleaning.

I get used to physical messes just as I get used to emotional messes. They become so normal to me that I don’t notice them even though they’re causing me a lot of problems. It’s only when they become overwhelming that I finally start working through them. Whenever I do even a small amount of work, it becomes clear how much those messes were holding me back, how much better I feel, and how much more I’m able to do after cleaning them up.

Whenever there is cleaning of a physical space or emotional space, it’s going to be messy for a while. Maybe even messier than the existing mess. Fear of making a mess or thinking that the mess will become impossible to manage prevents many people from doing the work they need to heal. Something that helps me at times is reminding myself that messiness is just part of the healing process and it will soon pass. Without some physical or emotional upset, there couldn’t be the cleaning or healing that feels so good. I hope that helps you as you work on cleaning up any physical or emotional messes in your own life. It’s difficult at times but always worth it.

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Avoiding Disaster on the Way to Utopia

Posted on February 3, 2021 by admin

I often see people use the word “utopia” to describe what they consider to be an unrealistic or extremely unlikely society. In conversations about how the world could be, once someone characterizes another’s viewpoint as utopian, the exchange usually devolves into an altercation and no further progress is made. Some people consider it dangerous to even attempt to create a utopia and thus view those who want to actually create one with suspicion and mistrust. In this post, I’ll share some of my own thoughts on this subject as I’ve thought about it a lot for most of my life.

Is it dangerous to try creating a utopia? I think the answer requires more information, particularly around what someone means by “utopia”. My idea of a utopia is a world in which everyone is at peace within themselves and can therefore live at peace with those around them. There may still be problems or struggles but they can be solved peacefully rather than violently. Some think of a utopia as a perfect society but I don’t think it has to be that way. I simply think of it as the best that humans can do once they get out of their own way. It’s as close to perfect a society as possible even if it never quite reaches the level of perfection (although it might get there, so why rule out that possibility?).

The way I see it, a utopia has to be built on peaceful grounds if it has any hope of remaining peaceful. A utopia built on violent grounds, such as by killing everyone who is considered to be “the enemy”, won’t last long at all. Violence breeds more violence so a utopia that arrives by bloodshed will soon leave the same way. This is where some people consider utopian thinking to be dangerous. They argue that because a utopia is the best of all possible worlds, those who think in a utopian manner consider that any means necessary to get to a utopia would be acceptable, including any number of horrific acts. By focusing on using peaceful means to arrive at peaceful ends, this problem could be avoided altogether. If done via peaceful means, then I don’t think that creating a utopia would be dangerous at all.

What about the possibility of utopia being at odds with human nature? This question is based on a few assumptions, the first one being that human nature is inherently wicked. I disagree with this as humans have the ability to make decisions that are intended to produce joy as well as decisions that are intended to produce pain. If humans were inherently bad, then we could only make the latter decisions. Another assumption underneath the above question is that human behavior can’t be changed, only nudged in certain directions. In modern societies, incentives act as a way to nudge people toward certain behaviors and away from others. Incentives are not intended to change human nature; they are intended to work within human nature as it currently is to arrive at good outcomes. This works to a point but it’s far from ideal. Before continuing, I’ll say that incentives act to create and reinforce habits, so I don’t see why it’d be impossible to develop the right incentives to change habits sufficiently to create and sustain a utopia. Ultimately, though, I think the best way to go is to find the source of why some people at times make decisions intended to cause pain to themselves or to others and solve the problem at that level. This doesn’t mean that those wishing to live in a utopia have to change who they are. What they can do is examine their lives and work on removing the blocks to being their true selves. That will make any effort to create or sustain a utopia much more likely to succeed as the many problems that stem from unprocessed pain and trauma will no longer be an issue.

Another thing to consider is the importance of testing out ideas. It’s nice to think about how certain ideas may work out but reality doesn’t always match such visions. Ideas that sound good on paper may turn out to be sub-optimal or even catastrophic when actually carried out. This is why it’s good to test out radically different ideas on the small scale first (plus I think any society, utopian or otherwise, has the best chance of succeeding if it’s kept small). If the ideas succeed on the small level, they can be tried out on increasingly larger levels to see if they continue to hold up. If they fail on the small level, then any harm done by them is minimized and something else can be tried instead. That is a crucial point: replacing ideas that don’t work with ideas that do work. For my idea of utopia, my ultimate end is peace, and although I have many ideas on how to bring about and create a peaceful society, I’m willing to come up with new ideas if the ones I’ve thought of thus far prove to be nonfunctional. I wouldn’t have such a willingness to adapt if I were committed to the ideas themselves and didn’t care about the outcomes they created.

Although I hope to see utopian societies become the norm rather than the exception within my lifetime, I don’t know if I will. This doesn’t deter me as I value any progress toward that goal, taking continual steps in that direction will mean that everyone benefits as we get closer, and plenty of my role models planted trees whose shade they never enjoyed. The improvements I’ve seen in my own life over the past seven months have reignited my certainty that I can help us all get closer to a peaceful world even if it doesn’t fully arrive until after I die. That’s what I’m here to do and I’m having lots of fun doing it. Take care and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Choose Your Role Models Wisely

Posted on January 27, 2021 by admin

Be careful when you look to someone for guidance on living your life. Lots of people think they know how life works and how you can live most effectively but plenty of them are struggling hard behind the scenes. Not everyone who says they have the answers actually does and not everything in a book is worth following just because it’s written down.

Before you consider whether or not to take someone’s recommendations, look at whether or not they’re following their own advice. If they are, see how it’s working for them. The true test of any recommendation comes when it’s put to work. What’s good in theory isn’t always good in practice. If someone repeatedly fails to practice what they preach or seems to be miserable as a result of following their own advice, then what they are prescribing probably won’t work out any better for you.

We don’t see the world as it is. We see it as we are. Someone who is holding onto a lot of negative emotions and programs is going to have a negative outlook. As they go about their day, they’ll notice every little annoyance and miss out on the good stuff. In contrast, someone who has let go of their negative emotions and is running instead on positive programs is going to have a positive outlook. They’ll see nice stuff everywhere they go and whatever negative stuff they encounter will roll off their backs without sticking around to make them miserable long after those moments have passed. As you listen to people talk once you’ve gotten to know them and their personas have faded away, you’ll be able to tell whether they’re running on positive or negative programs. The things they talk about, how they talk about them, their general outlook on life (ie believing “life is suffering” vs knowing that life is what you decide it is), and how drained or energized they seem to be will all tip you off as to the lens through which they are seeing the world.

Stick to listening to people who have their lives together. People whose relationships are solid, who are in good shape emotionally and psychologically, and whose list of people they’ve helped to live better lives begins with them. Those who talk a good game but can’t walk their talk aren’t worth your time. They can’t even save themselves so how can they save you?

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A Wave of Nostalgia

Posted on January 20, 2021 by admin

Sometime within the past few weeks, I listened to a cover of “Green Tambourine” from Recess: School’s Out. It immediately took me back to when I first watched that movie in elementary school. I think I saw it during summer break. Either way, I definitely understood even at that time how wonderful it was to have plenty of time to do whatever I liked, including relaxing without any big plans to carry out or goals to work toward. The sense of innocence I had back then and the lack of overwhelm from decades of buried emotions were incredible. Plus I didn’t have a cell phone and spent hardly any time on the internet (although I did watch a lot more TV back then).

Looking back, that feels like another lifetime. It’s been so long since I’ve had the safety and predictability of being a kid. Prolonged breaks with no major work to do, seeing my friends for six or more hours a day, and knowing how almost every day would look. As an adult, all of that has changed. I don’t have regular time off from my job that lasts for weeks or months at a time. My days are and weeks are nearly unpredictable, even in my free time. It’s much harder to visit with my friends due to work, family, scheduling issues, and other things that pop up unexpectedly; all of that makes it so that there are some friends I hardly ever get to see, even when we both want to visit each other. Lately I’ve felt exhausted and like I have hardly any time for anything, even my hobbies at home.

In addition to all of this, I realized why I’ve struggled off and on with socializing since I left high school. For most of my life up until that point, most of my friends were my classmates whom I had known from elementary school onward (some came and went over the years, of course). We’d see each other in class, in the hallway, during lunch, at PE, at school functions, and occasionally at events outside of school. It takes me a long time to get comfortable around new people so to suddenly lose those regular visits with friends I’d known for many years upon graduating was quite a change. Even though I would make friends at my various jobs, extracurricular activities, and volunteering events, it just wasn’t the same as it was in school. Some people I met in these places I’d see multiple times a week while others would vanish for weeks, months, or even longer stretches of time. Instead of spending a good chunk of our day together, we’d get maybe a few hours at most. We didn’t always get to visit much even when we were at the same events. As such, I’ve gone through periods of feeling quite outgoing and sociable with people that I’d gotten to know well followed by periods of feeling super reserved and shy with people I hardly knew at all.

Things make less sense to me every year. I’ve gradually discovered that much of what I learned as a kid was false and I now frequently question whether or not I truly know anything outside of my own experiences. The start of 2021 was pretty smooth for me but the past few weeks have had some hard moments. That’s why all of these thoughts and feelings are coming up. Whenever I feel sufficiently overwhelmed and stressed, I long for the simpler days of being a little kid. Endless summers, regular routines, wide-eyed optimism, and the sense that everything is or will be ok. I had plenty of pain growing up but that was balanced by a lot of stuff that seemed magical, especially when I was living it. Now a lot of the magic is gone. I wish I had had a better idea of what was coming later on. I probably would have done more to prepare for adulthood if I’d understood how different it would be and what I’d be losing. I didn’t know how good I had it until it was gone and I fear that I’ll never get it back.

Fortunately, I can end this post on a high note. All the inner work I’ve done since last year has made me feel consistently better than I ever have before. Even when I have difficult times like I’ve experienced recently, they aren’t as frequent, deep, or lengthy as they used to be. My personal growth has done a great deal to reduce the feeling that I peaked in high school. Additionally, the progress I’ve made has given me a glimpse of how some of my bigger goals could begin unfolding in the near future. I’m only just getting started in life and I look forward to seeing where my journey takes me.

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A Sobering Perspective

Posted on January 13, 2021 by admin

We’re all going to die someday. Even if advances in technology and medicine help us live much longer than we currently can, eventually either time will catch up with us or we’ll decide that we’ve had enough. Death is the great equalizer in that we all have a limited amount of time before we die. Some people believe that life continues after death (as I do) while others believe that there is no life after death. Either way, our lives as they now exist will someday end and keeping that in mind can provide some useful perspective.

Whenever I think about everything that existed long before humans first appeared and how much would still be around if humanity suddenly ended, it reminds me of what’s truly important. Zooming out, along with the related overview effect, makes it hard to stay focused on trivial matters. Why spend your relatively short life pushing people around, getting caught up in pointless drama, and feeling miserable? Even though those things are all pretty common in the modern world, at best, they bring only temporary satisfaction; at worst, they suck all the joy out of life. You’ll never achieve truly lasting contentment by focusing on those things. You’ll always be looking for the next project, the next victory, the next big thing to make you feel whole. Some people go to their graves with this mindset and others give it up in their last moments on their deathbeds. I think the latter situation is much sadder because those folks realize the folly of their ways too late to live differently.

With the knowledge of my own mortality in mind, the only thing that makes sense to me and provides me with lasting satisfaction is to enjoy my life, improve myself, help others, and try to make things better. Whenever I don’t live up to any of those things, I feel bad and wish I had decided differently. I feel grateful that I have adopted this perspective as early in my life as I have. Some people come around to it much later in life and others never get it. I think that widespread acceptance of this perspective could go a long way toward ending the recurring problems of modern life: divisions, fighting, desperation, and the sense of purposelessness that so many people share. I hope this helps you and I will see you in the next post.

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Some of My Thoughts on The Good Place

Posted on January 6, 2021 by admin

I started watching The Good Place late last year and it quickly became one of my favorite shows ever. Everything about it, from the sense of humor to the character development to how they explored some heavy concepts, was a home run as far as I’m concerned. The show ended perfectly instead of being dragged out long after it had overstayed its welcome (as so many shows often are). This post is not intended to be a detailed review of the show as such a venture is beyond what I have the time and energy to do. Rather, it is a space for me to share some of my thoughts on the show’s concepts and overall message that I love so much. Spoilers abound so if you are interested in watching the show, skip over this post until after you’ve finished it.

My favorite shows tend to have a good amount of heart, humor, and intelligence and The Good Place balanced those qualities better than most shows I’ve seen. I can’t think of many shows that can quickly jump from something serious and heartfelt to something lighthearted and funny without ruining the moment. Also, the fact that philosopher Todd May worked on the show is a great example of how committed everyone was to creating intelligent content.

None of the main characters perfectly match my personality or interests but I definitely saw some major aspects of myself in several characters. I resonate with Michael’s desire to make things turn out right, Chidi’s indecisiveness and love of philosophy, Janet’s increased emotional intelligence after each reboot, Eleanor’s struggles with self-improvement, Tahani’s pursuit of new skills, and Jason’s love of a good time. Everyone seems like an actual person rather than a fictional character; I feel like I became friends with them over the course of the show, celebrating each success and mourning every failure. That is quite the accomplishment for the writers and actors to have pulled off.

I love when Michael told the judge that anyone can grow, change, and improve when given enough love and support. That fits in nicely with the idea of having as many reboots, do overs, and chances to get it right as you need to progress through the afterlife. You do your best each time and get better as you go, just like playing a video game level repeatedly until you’re skilled enough to move onto the next level. This is best seen through Chidi’s development over the course of the series. After Michael restored all of Chidi’s memories, he became much more calm and confident than he had been for most of the show. This shows the power of being at peace with all versions of yourself and being whole. He had nearly a thousand versions of himself and all the experiences of each version from which to draw forth wisdom, knowledge, and solutions. His approach to philosophy ultimately ended up becoming more about taking appropriate action rather than endlessly thinking and worrying, which is similar to my own philosophical journey. Janet is another excellent example of personal growth as she became more powerful and more capable of feeling emotions each time she was rebooted. I loved seeing both of their journeys since Janet is my favorite character and Chidi is one of my favorite characters.

The final episodes of the show depict what I think is the ideal afterlife. Rather than going straight to eternal reward or eternal punishment, you learn lessons while you’re on Earth and then spend as much time as it takes to apply those lessons in order to progress through the afterlife. Once you get the hang of it, you can then enjoy visiting with your loved ones in the Good Place for as long as you like. When you’re ready to go, you walk through the Last Door and, as Chidi described so well, return to the universe just as a wave returns to the ocean. I can’t think of an afterlife I like more than that. Additionally, I loved how the show described the Good Place as enjoying time with your loved ones. I learned that for myself over a year ago when I realized that I have much more fun going somewhere with close friends than I do going to the same place by myself. The people I’m with are far more important than where we are and what we’re doing.

Redesigning the afterlife was a nice warning against becoming overly dependent on a certain way of doing things, especially when those things involve judging or controlling other people. Shaking things up and rethinking things is important at times; doing something just because “that’s the way it’s always been done” causes far more problems than it solves. Of course, the big redesign only happened because the main characters went on a number of wild adventures throughout both Earth and the afterlife. If not for that, the afterlife may have remained as it was for much longer or perhaps even forever. Countless people would have been eternally tortured with no hope of ever getting to the Good Place, including the main characters. Sometimes crazy turns of events put you right where you were meant to be so you can carry out your life purpose and make things better for everyone.

Those were the things that stuck out to me the most about The Good Place. I’ll probably watch it again when I’m in the mood for a really nice show. Since I had no idea what was going to happen the first time I watched it, it’ll be interesting to see what I get out of it upon my next viewing since I now know how everything turns out. If you’ve seen The Good Place, what were some of your favorite moments, themes, and characters? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this wonderful show.

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My Reflections on 2020

Posted on December 30, 2020 by admin

Where do I even begin? I didn’t see any of this coming at the start of 2020. This year started off normally for me, right down to attending Lollies and Lemonade in late January exactly as I had done in 2019. By spring, it was clear to me that this would be unlike any other year of my life.

More than almost everything else, 2020 was the year that wouldn’t end. By far the longest year of my adult life, this year felt like several years in one. I think the reason time moved so much slower than it normally does is because so much changed, including me. My normal habits and routines were completely upended early on before being partially restored after a while. Along the way, I developed new habits and routines that I have still kept to this day. I also experienced an amazing personal growth journey this year. Looking back on where I was at the start of this year and where I am now at its end is astonishing; it feels like many years passed between those two points and that I’m almost an entirely different person.

So much of this year was a struggle for me, more than any other year I can recall. Some of the hardest things I experienced included losing swing dancing as a regular activity, being out of work for just over a month when my job temporarily shut down, going on several emotional roller coasters, growing away from some people, and feeling as though I was stuck in a bottomless pit of misery that would keep taking away everything I loved for the rest of my life. I felt miserable for months and experienced new lows across many heavy feelings.

I’m glad to say that I didn’t stay in that place. Every coin has two sides and even the darkest night is followed by the light of a new day. While the first half of my year was full of suffering, the second half was full of peace. Things started looking up for me toward the end of the cross-country road trip I took back in July. One friend I visited on that trip reminded me of the importance of working through my emotions. That changed everything for me. My mood improved tremendously on the penultimate day of my trip as I started naming everything I was grateful for whenever I felt the urge to complain and, for the first time this year, really started using what I’d read in Letting Go back in October of 2019. In the months since that trip, I’ve felt much better overall than I ever have in any year of my life. In addition to all of the emotional healing, I got to enjoy many other nice things this year: lots of swing dancing in the first few months of 2020, watching all of the Unus Annus videos in just over a month, going on my road trip, swing dancing once a month since September, making some new friends, and going on a few work trips (something I’d never done before). I’m certain that I would still be in a rough place emotionally if I hadn’t undergone that major shift this summer so I’m grateful for that.

Had 2020 gone as I thought it initially would, it probably would have been just another year for me: some good stuff, some bad stuff, some stuff I liked, and some stuff I disliked. There probably wouldn’t have been much in the way of personal growth or big changes. I think I would have had a nice, easy, comfortable year. For many months, this year was not what I wanted but I’m sure it was what I needed. Something had to really shake things up for me, get me out of my comfort zone, and make me face some unpleasant emotions that I didn’t want to face (and had actively been putting off facing for most of my life). Having gone through it, I wouldn’t change it if I could. I don’t think I would have learned the lessons that I did if this had been an easy, comfortable, quiet year. I think each year of my life is exactly what I need it to be: 2017 really shook up a lot of things for me, 2018 felt like a nice break, 2019 turned up the heat a little bit, and 2020 turned the heat all the way up. If I hadn’t learned the lessons I needed to learn this year, they would have just been pushed off into some other year and it would have been that much harder to learn them later on. In addition to the personal growth, I’m grateful I got to have so many wonderful experiences despite (or because of) the pain; I’m especially glad this year started off so nicely. I have a new level of appreciation for the nice stuff that I don’t think I would have if I hadn’t gone through the hard stuff.

How has 2020 been for you, and what have you gotten out of this year? Whatever has happened, I hope it ends well for you and teaches you more about peace, love, and joy. Be blessed and I will see you again in 2021.

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Reviewing My 2020 Goals

Posted on December 23, 2020 by admin

Last year, I came up with a handful of goals that I hoped to accomplish this year. I believe it’s better to focus on a few things at a time rather than spreading myself too thin. That’s been a good way for me to avoid burnout and make steady progress in everything I’ve done. How did I do with my goals? Let’s take a look.

  1. Learn some unicycling tricks. Nothing too fancy right away, just some stuff that I can probably pick up in a year or less. Riding backwards, juggling while riding (which I did once earlier this year), starting off without leaning against something, etc. With all the progress I made at unicycling this past year, I think I can go even further next year.

    I absolutely nailed this. Now I can easily juggle while unicycling and free mount almost every time. Additionally, I can unicycle with my eyes shut, free mount with my eyes shut, solve my Rubik’s Cube, and do the YMCA and Macarena. I’m still working on riding backwards but I can do it fairly easily for short distances. Daily practice has paid off tremendously and I look forward to having even more fun while continuing to improve.
  2. Stick to a solid, consistent workout routine. Since I first joined a gym back in 2014, my workouts have been all over the place. Sometimes I’ll go weeks without exercising, other times I’ll not miss a workout for months, and still other times I’ll just do warm up sets and call it a day. My strength has varied dramatically as a result and I never seem to stay at one level of strength for very long before rising or falling to another level. Next year, I hope to hit the gym regularly and stick to a good workout program so I can get my strength where I’d like it to be.

    This didn’t happen. I went to my gym fairly regularly until it closed down in the spring. I’m pretty sure it opened back up a few months ago but I haven’t been back since. My routines have changed dramatically and I’ve fallen out of the habit of going to the gym. Even though I haven’t stuck to a consistent workout regimen, I’ve juggled and unicycled every day this year, played with my rola bola each day since I got it for my birthday back in early autumn, and done chinups almost every day. That’s all kept me in pretty good shape and given me plenty of opportunities to move around rather than staying totally sedentary in my free time. Maybe next year I’ll be able to get my strength training routine down pat.
  3. Start working on my humanitarian plan. I talked about this in a recent post, so I won’t spend too much time on it here. Since I think about it a lot, I might as well try some things out and see what happens. Maybe it will work out in practice similarly to how it looks in my head, or maybe I’ll need to do a lot of things differently. Either way, I’ll at least be moving toward one of my biggest life goals and helping people out along the way.

    Another one that didn’t happen. I kept to myself for much of the first half of this year and was hardly even helping myself during that time. I have done more to help people in the past few months, though not as I have in mind with my humanitarian plan. However, I did learn a lot this year about helping people: certain methods work well for some people but not others, those who don’t want help won’t benefit from it, listening without judgment or attempting to solve problems is often the best way to help someone, and I can help people much more effectively now that I’m in a much better space (more on that in the next point). Maybe I had to learn those lessons before embarking on any major ventures. Either way, I look forward to seeing what opportunities I come across next year to move toward my bigger plans.
  4. Continue healing. I worked through a lot of difficult emotional stuff this year. The more I learn about myself, the more stuff I find to heal. Whether or not this ends up being a lifelong process, it will probably take me several more years to discover and heal everything that comes up. Fortunately I have several wonderful friends who regularly help me on this journey, so I’m ready to keep going and see where it takes me next.

    Of all the goals I had for this year, this is the one I’m most grateful for having accomplished. While I’ve still got a long way to go, I made more progress in emotional healing this year than any other year of my life. I lost so much in 2020 and was in pain for a long, long time. I think I had to go through all that in order to get where I am now. It wasn’t until the pain became overwhelming that I finally started working through my emotions. Once I got through the worst emotions that came from events of this year, I started addressing other, more deep-seated issues. With enough determination and time, I’m confident that I can clear out all of the deeper issues that have plagued me for decades. Given how wonderful and free I feel at this point, I can’t even imagine how much better I’ll feel after several more years of this. I’m excited to see what that looks like for me.
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2021 Goals

Posted on December 16, 2020 by admin

While I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, I still started a tradition of setting goals a few years ago and I’ve been pretty good at sticking with them. Next week I’ll take a look at how I did with keeping my goals from last year. For now, here are some of my goals for 2021. What are some of your goals for next year?

  1. Finish my first book. I have several books that I plan to write and I’ve gotten a good start on the first one. While it’s primarily about communication, it also contains several other related subjects such as mindfulness, emotional work, and healing the world. It’s based on things I’ve learned from reading and listening to great communicators, figured out for myself, and learned through the many interactions I’ve had with countless people in every area of my life. I hope to have it finished by the end of 2021. Once I’m done writing it, then I’ll work on getting it published. I’m excited for this and can’t wait to see where it leads.
  2. Do even more emotional healing. This year forced me to work through a lot of stuff and I made huge amounts of progress. I’ve got much more to work through and I plan to continue doing so every day in 2021. Since I improved my life so much with five and a half months of consistent practice, I’m excited to see where I’ll be after doing this for a whole year. I’m confident I’ll keep this up since I now know both how to go about this and the benefits of doing it consistently.
  3. Spend more time with my friends. When it comes to socializing, I’ve done less of that this year than I have in almost a decade. Digital interactions and phone calls do help but they’re no substitute for in-person interactions. The interactions I have had this year have mostly been wonderful and I’m so grateful for them. I’m hoping to have many more of them next year, especially with some of my closest friends whom I hardly ever get to see.
  4. Read more consistently. I try to read a chapter of a book each day. This year, I was extremely hit or miss with that. Sometimes I went a week or more at a time without doing much reading and other times I read several chapters from multiple books in one day. Even though some of my books had extremely long chapters (over one hundred pages in some cases), mostly it was poor time management or emotional distress that kept me from reading as much as I wanted. So next year, I want to stick to reading at least one chapter a day (more if I like). I’ve gotten better at managing my time and reading throughout the day so I’m confident I can make this happen.
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My 2020 Gratitude List

Posted on December 9, 2020 by admin

For many months, I considered 2020 to be the worst year of my life. So much that I had found, developed, and come to love was taken away from me extremely quickly and with little to no time for me to prepare for it. Some of those things have come back while others are still gone; I don’t know if all of it will ever come back. However, all the inner work I’ve done for almost five months now has given me some new perspectives. I did lose a lot but I also gained a lot, and I don’t think my greatest gains would have come without the intense pain I experienced. Here are a few things for which I’m grateful to the year 2020.

  1. Emotional healing. This takes the top spot on my list as it allowed me to either experience or enjoy (or both) everything else. As I’ve written about before, my success in this area came from consistently practicing surrender as described in the book Letting Go. This allowed me to heal over the course of a few months from a variety of negative emotions that I thought would plague me for the rest of my life. Now I hardly ever think about the situation behind those emotions and when I do it no longer haunts me as it once did. Using surrender on other, deeper emotions has made me much more confident and comfortable when interacting with other people, both new and old alike. It’s also improved my sleep, encouraged me to return to working on my communication book, and given me hope that I’ll be able to accomplish my big life plans. I believe this year was a necessary part of my journey and that I can now do everything I’m meant to accomplish in this life.
  2. Reconnecting with old friends. Several of my close friends live far away so we keep in touch through social media, texts, and the occasional phone call. As such, it’s easy for life events to keep us from interacting for extended periods of time. This year, I got back in touch with one friend with whom I hadn’t had much contact in a few years and another who has had quite a hard time this year. It was so good to pick up right where we left off and see that the time away hadn’t destroyed our friendship. Additionally, I finally met some online friends in person after knowing them for years and that was wonderful. One of many amazing unexpected surprises this year has given me.
  3. Making new friends. I met some new people this year who have become my friends as we’ve gotten to know each other better. Some of them I met online and others in person through swing dancing toward the beginning of the year. It’s been wonderful keeping in touch with them and growing together. I don’t make new friends easily but I’m grateful for the ones I have now and I look forward to our continuing conversations and adventures.
  4. Improving my communication. My communication is better now than it’s ever been. Even though I read several communication books in a row this year, I think the biggest benefit came from all the emotional work I’ve done. That has made it much easier for me to step outside my views, see things from others’ perspectives, and avoid many of the common traps that result in poor communication. I’ve also made a great deal of progress on the communication book I’m writing and I hope to have it finished before 2021 ends. I doubt I’d be doing as well as I am with any of that if I hadn’t experienced what I did this year so I’m eternally grateful for the lessons I’ve learned.
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