My Pursuit of Meaning

Posted on March 9, 2022 by admin

Meaning is a lot more powerful and more important than pleasure. All kinds of pleasure are really only temporary sensations. Even if some forms of pleasure last a long time, they all will run out eventually. Further, even when they’re happening, they may be appealing to some extent but they’re often shallow and ultimately unsatisfying, which leads to the pursuit of even more pleasure. Meaning sticks around long after the pleasure ends. It’s a much deeper, richer feeling. The feeling of being part of something bigger than yourself. Something that will outlast you. Something that’s been there before you were born and will be there after you die.

Viktor Frankl wrote a lot about this in his book Man’s Search for Meaning. He believed that the pursuit of meaning could get one through extremely difficult situations. Indeed, he used that to get himself through his time in a concentration camp during WWII. As I think about him and other people who went through extremely harrowing, depressing, and dangerous times, I often wonder what they did to keep going. What it was that got them through those situations and out the other side. Some of the most difficult times in my life (such as right now) have come when I struggled to find meaning and purpose in what I was doing. Wondering what my place was in the world.

This has been a real struggle lately as a lot of my plans have fallen through; they either haven’t worked out at all or haven’t worked out the way I’d hoped they would. I’ve had to rethink a lot of things and make some deals with myself. Ultimately, I decided I’m going to follow through with the big plans I have despite my concerns and setbacks. My plans may not work out exactly as I have in mind but they definitely won’t work out if I don’t attempt them. If they do work out, it’ll be a wonderful story to tell. Even if the plans won’t work out no matter how I approach them, at least I’ll have given it my best, I’ll have stories to tell, and I can pursue a more conventional life path as a backup.

All this having been said, I wish that things had worked out as I initially imagined they would. I wish that I had succeeded early on so that I could be a lot closer to where I want to be in life than I am now. To bridge that gap, I’m on a quest to find meaning in my life. This can be in big ways, such as fulfilling my big plans, discovering the purpose of my life, or learning my place in all of this. Or it could be through something smaller, like spending time with a good friend and having a wonderful, special, deep, and fulfilling interaction with them. However it appears, meaning is what I’m looking for at this point. I hope I’ll have good news to report on this soon. It’s been a heck of a year already and it’s just getting started. We’ll see how the rest of it plays out and what I can do to make it a good one.

Posted in Adventures, Getting Along with Each Other, Great Books, Inspirational People, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Embracing the Uncertainty

Posted on March 2, 2022 by admin

Pushing people away leads to isolation. Sometimes this is part of routine self-care, as when taking steps back from socializing to recharge. Other times, it’s done unintentionally by consistently acting in ways that prompt others to disassociate. Whatever its cause, isolation brings with it opportunities to work through deep-seated issues that are difficult or impossible to resolve when surrounded by other people.

Often referred to as the dark night of the soul, these are times when everything seems to be falling apart. They’re always accompanied by the sense that “This isn’t working for me anymore”. Though these occasions can be difficult, they allow time to rest, examine oneself, and see what needs to be changed. If the underlying issues can be identified and resolved, then they, along with the problems they create, will cease to exist and a great deal of peace will take their place.

I’ve had several dark nights of the soul over the past few years; they seem to come around every few years for me. I’m going through one now that involves getting away from people pleasing and finding who I am beyond what I can do for other people. This doesn’t mean I’m now living with no regard for others. It means that I’m finding how to live in healthy ways with both myself and other people, rather than totally sacrificing myself in the hopes of making someone else feel slightly better. One major change I’ve made along these lines is to avoid taking responsibility for someone else’s journey. Unfortunately, even if they know the causes of their struggles, they may not do what it takes to avoid repeating those vicious cycles. Not everyone is going to get it and I’m learning to let them decide for themselves.

I feel like I’ve been making up for lost time this year, especially when it comes to rest, leisure, visiting with my friends, and spending time with my pup. Whenever I think that I should be “doing more”, I remind myself that I can’t pour from an empty cup. Aside from taking better care of myself and working through deep-seated issues, I’m doing what I can to build my future. There’s a lot of uncertainty right now about how that’ll look and how I’ll get there. I’m working on embracing that uncertainty rather than stressing over it. When I look back on this time in six months, a year, and several years from now, I hope it’ll be to recognize how crucial it was to my success even though I couldn’t fully see it at the time. That’s what I keep telling myself as I lay the foundations today for a better tomorrow.

Posted in Adventures, Getting Along with Each Other, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Embracing the Uncertainty

Watching Myself Change

Posted on February 23, 2022 by admin

Watching myself change brings up a lot of mixed emotions. Overall, it’s been a relief to feel increasingly deeper peace, let go of most of my anxiety, and learn more about who I am. Sometimes, though, it’s shocking to consider some of the changes. This is especially the case with things I once believed that I no longer do as well as things I now believe that I never thought I would. Lots of things seemed so certain to me until they didn’t. That’s part of the growing process; finding more pieces of the puzzle brings increasing nuance and understanding.

Sometimes I wonder what people who know me or used to know me think about these changes, if they’re even aware of them. I haven’t worried much about this since I decided that I’ve gotta keep growing and improving even if someone dislikes the direction I’ve gone. Giving myself that permission was incredibly freeing. Talking about my journey helps me find people with similar ideas and journeys. It’s also shown me that some people I’ve known for most of my life and knew me when I was quite different are surprisingly ok with the way my life has gone. This may be because I feel increasingly more comfortable being myself as I go. Being myself makes people feel comfortable to be themselves around me and vice versa.

Several people I know have told me that I’ve put into words something they’ve experienced but haven’t been able to describe. That always feels awesome to hear and it’s one reason I keep sharing my ideas through writing. On that note, I’m glad I started and maintained this blog. It’s served as a record of my ever-changing life philosophy. That philosophy will keep changing and there’ll be inconsistencies, and that’s fine. I don’t know if it’s possible for my ideas to be 100% consistent. There are certainly inconsistencies between what I once believed and what I now believe; that’ll also be the case between what I believe now and what I believe later in life, whatever that ends up being. I look forward to continuing this journey and seeing where it takes me.

Posted in Adventures, Communication, Getting Along with Each Other, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Watching Myself Change

Letting Moments Breathe

Posted on February 16, 2022 by admin
May be an image of nature, twilight, ocean and sky
Beautiful sunset over the St. Johns River

It’s so important to give space for moments to breathe, whether those moments are serious or lighthearted. So many people will watch a video or a listen to a song and talk through the whole thing instead of paying attention to it. As a result, they miss out on the good parts unless someone rewinds it so they can actually be present for the experience. Even if they’re quiet throughout, they’ll often start speaking as soon as it’s over instead of taking a few intentional breaths while they gather their thoughts. When I’m listening to music and a song comes to an end, rather than resume my normal activities right away, I like to give at least a few moments for the song to fully fade out and the world around me to fully fade back in.

There’s a sacredness and magic to doing that. It’s a way to honor what I just experienced and let it fully sink in before moving on. Doing this with people close to me in social situations makes those moments even more beautiful. Instead of making a silence awkward, we soak in it and just be in each other’s presence. It doesn’t get much better than that. If there’s something to say, that’s fine, but no need to add words just for the sake of having words instead of letting the silence be. There’s a lot you can pick up on by being quiet and seeing how each moment feels and breathes rather than thinking or talking so much about it.

Letting moments breathe also makes my hobbies more enjoyable. Whenever I accomplish something that I’ve been working at for a long time or I’m doing something that always requires several attempts before I get it, I like to pause and celebrate afterward, even if that involves simply smiling and sighing with relief. That’s a lot nicer than immediately moving on to the next thing. Also, if I’m swing dancing and there’s a pause in a song or another kind of opportunity to do something a little different and unexpected, taking advantage of it is always delightful for both me and my dance partner.

I’d much rather sit quietly while enjoying a sunset (as I did with a friend earlier this year) than talk at length about how it looks, how it makes me feel, etc. The silent experience is so much more powerful and moving than narrating it. This has been especially important for me lately. For some reason, I’ve had little interest in socializing with even my close friends and I’ve found it extremely difficult to converse in person. It’s easier online but still more difficult than usual. In person, it takes a huge amount of effort so it tires me out easily, unless I’m having silly/lighthearted conversations. Even those I can only handle for so long before I want to fall asleep. Fortunately, I’ve been feeling significantly better after making some small but important changes, so my sociability is steadily climbing once again. That lets me find the right words during the talking moments and allow space to breathe during the quiet moments.

Posted in Communication, Getting Along with Each Other, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement, Swing Dancing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Letting Moments Breathe

Recent Feelings and Realizations

Posted on February 9, 2022 by admin

Whenever I get into a funk, I explore it to see what it’s telling me. The one I’ve been in lately has an important message about my role in life, especially for how I relate to others. Here’s an exploration of what I mean and also a way to get it off my chest so I can better move through it.

A lot of people, especially people close to me, have told me that I’m smart, wise, and have good ideas. Yet almost nobody ever takes the advice I offer, even when they ask me for advice. In some cases, they even go so far as to tear down my ideas. Needless to say, this creates a lot of confusion in me. How can they praise my ideas one moment and then decry them the next? If they really think so highly of me, why don’t they listen to me?

I often think about how some of the people I admire the most, such as Eckhart Tolle and David Hawkins, would draw huge crowds to their events. Crowds full of people whose lives had been changed by those teachers and were looking for more guidance. Why can’t I draw those crowds? Even though I haven’t been putting my ideas out there for long, I’d think I’ve done enough thus far to get at least a small crowd for the personal growth events I host.

This has impacted my interactions as of late. Although I prefer deep conversations to small talk, right now I most prefer silence. It’s a lot more meaningful and less stressful for me. No words, just being with each other and maybe doing something together if we’re sharing an activity. I’ve had an incredibly hard time having interesting conversations even with friends lately so staying quiet and enjoying the moment is what I prefer for the time being.

Is this an ego thing? Probably. I do have a savior complex and seek to help almost everyone I’m close to, even if they’re not interested in my help. I think this season is meant to help me surrender this so I can move forward without the pain and bitterness that comes with it. That would explain why things have slowed down a lot for me, especially my social gatherings. Fewer things to do gives me plenty of space to let go of what’s holding me back.

Since I can’t find a relevant quote, I’ll paraphrase it here: Being a hero requires someone else to be in trouble. That always gives me pause when I remember it. Ultimately, I’d rather people be well off and not be in a position to need help in the first place. I haven’t thought a whole lot about what I’d do if that’s how the world worked but I realized I have already been acting that way. I’ve been pursuing activities and people I find meaningful without stressing out or attempting to save everyone. That feels great and I plan to keep doing that.

This doesn’t mean I’ve given up all my big goals. I’m simply pursuing them in a different way. In addition to this blog, I’m still working on my communication book and I have a few other books in mind to write someday. Plus I’ll continue having deep conversations with people who are interested in these ideas and I’ll use my business to help those who come to me. My plan is to keep sharing what works for me and let everyone decide what to do for themselves. What works for me may not work for them; even if it does work for them, I can’t make them do it, so why feel upset if they do something different?

It’s easy to talk about doing this. Following through with it is a horse of a different color. I’ve attempted to do this before and didn’t succeed for more than a little while. Given how 2021 turned out for me, the lessons I learned, and all of these recent realizations, I think I now have a much better shot at sticking to this for the long haul. Taking this approach has already given me much more peace than I’ve felt in a long time so it seems I’m on the right track. If so, then this could be the biggest shift of my life and open the door to everything I’ve been building up to for years. I’ll let you know how it goes later this year.

Posted in Adventures, Inspirational People, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Recent Feelings and Realizations

Building up and Tearing Down

Posted on February 2, 2022 by admin

Anyone can criticize bad ideas and most people do so. Some people do this to the point that they’ll tear down anyone else’s ideas, even if they’re good. A lot of these people never put up anything themselves, though, since it’s easier to tear down than it is to build. They have no ideas for making things better and they rarely, if ever, say that anyone else’s ideas have any merit. Often, they’ll only comment to show their disagreement, never to contribute meaningfully. These kinds of people can be extremely draining and demotivating.

In contrast, there are people who breathe life into anything and everything they touch. They’re quick to praise others for their good ideas. If they see problems with an idea, they talk first about what they like to show that there’s something worth using there. They can even come up with ways to make bad ideas good and good ideas great. Those people are incredibly motivating and energizing.

Opposing things will only take you so far. It’s not enough to tear down bad things that don’t work; there have to be good things that work well to take their place. That’s why I’ve spent a lot of time experimenting to see what makes my life better. Not just by eliminating things that don’t work but also by finding things that do work. Good times for me to wake up and go to sleep, giving myself the rest and self-care I need to feel better, how to get through my day effectively, and so on. That’s also why I spend a lot of time thinking about what positive changes could be made in the world rather than solely what things could be removed. I’m looking to add value as much as I take away negativity. That is the other side of the coin that’s necessary for major improvements, whether in oneself or in the world in general.

Posted in Communication, Getting Along with Each Other, Humanitarian Things, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Building up and Tearing Down

More of My Thoughts on Taking Chances

Posted on January 26, 2022 by admin

As I look back over my life and realize how many chances I’ve taken, it makes me wonder why taking chances can still frighten me. The unknown hasn’t always made me feel afraid but it has done so for most of my life. Despite the fear, I still like taking chances and exploring a lot of possibilities. Here’s why.

For starters, taking chances gives me a lot of cool stories to tell. That’s one of the greatest benefits of going a lot of places, meeting a lot of people, and doing a lot of things. I always come home from those adventures with lots to talk about and lots of things to share. They give me plenty of great experiences, insights, and lessons to share. I wouldn’t have those if I had stayed put and stuck to a more traditional life path.

Stepping into new experiences also keeps me from wondering what would have happened. This one has gotten me to do a lot of things despite feeling afraid. There’s nothing like the threat of regret to nudge me toward yes to something I want to do. Even if it ends up being a letdown or a dead end, at least I’ll know whereas I may not have known had I said no.

Speaking of dead ends, sometimes it helps to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out; I can always shift into something else, even if I don’t have a backup plan ready in advance. I’ve learned enough difficult skills to know that it often takes many attempts before success arrives. If it becomes clear that some change is required to bring about success, I’ve gotten good at pivoting into that change. This isn’t always easy and it’s almost never instantaneous but it is doable, so I know that I won’t be stuck in a painful situation the rest of my entire life.

It can still be scary to step into something new without knowing what’s on the other side. I’m feeling some of that fear right now as I’m in the middle of some big life changes. No idea what’s going to happen, when it’ll happen, or how I’ll feel about it. Fortunately, the fear of change is much smaller at this point. Even when it does appear, I’ve gotten good at carrying on anyway. In times of doubt, I also like to remember how I’ve often found what I was looking for by going way off the beaten path and not knowing how it’d turn out. In many cases, I also got a great deal of benefits that I never imagined. This is wonderfully illustrated in The Truman Show when Truman began to notice some of the flaws that gradually revealed the false world he was living in. He kept thinking of a button someone once gave him that asked “How’s it going to end?” That’s what he had to answer for himself. He could stay in the imaginary world where he’d be safe from all harm or he could go out into the real world with a lot of unknowns and make his own way in life. He chose the second option. I’m choosing that option as well. Which one will you choose?

Posted in Adventures, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on More of My Thoughts on Taking Chances

Such Sweet Sorrow

Posted on January 19, 2022 by admin

I’ve never enjoyed saying goodbye. At least not to people I’ve grown close to. I’m pretty good at coming up with the right words and speaking from my heart. That doesn’t mean I enjoy it, especially if it’s someone I won’t ever see again or won’t see again for a long time. I often worry that I’ll start crying and feel awkward. Then I start wondering if it’d be better to cry around them to show how much they mean to me.

Despite the difficulty, I still do it. I’d rather go through the pain involved in getting that closure than regret not doing it. That’s why I don’t understand why it’s so common to wait until someone is on their deathbed or even lying in a coffin at their funeral to tell them how much they’re appreciated, valued, and loved. Why isn’t it more common to say those things while that person is still alive and healthy? The same goes for when someone is moving away or going to a different school, job, etc.

Animals often fully express the love they feel for other animals and humans. I see this all the time in my dog as well as most other dogs I meet. The dog isn’t concerned with how anyone will respond, what anyone else thinks, or if the dog will look silly. No room for any of that with so much love pouring out. We can learn a lot from animals in this regard.

I don’t know if people in countries outside the US are more forthright with their feelings. For that matter, I don’t even know if people elsewhere in the US, or even outside some of the circles I’ve been in, are like this. I feel grateful to have gotten to know plenty of people who express their love for each other during the pleasant times, not just the hard times. I hope I come to know more people like this.

A friend recently reminded me of a beautiful idea when it comes to saying goodbye: this isn’t goodbye, it’s see you later. “Goodbye” sounds so definitive whereas “see you later” sounds temporary. I love that. It’s also true more often than not that the parting is only temporary. Whether months or even years go by between visits with a friend, those visits will come around again. That’s why the best way I can think to close this post is to say thanks for reading and I’ll see you later.

Posted in Communication, Getting Along with Each Other, Inspirational People | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on Such Sweet Sorrow

The Value of Playing Games

Posted on January 12, 2022 by admin

Games can be a great way to foster community and civility between people. Even though there is a competitive aspect since nobody likes to lose, there’s still something liberating about playing games. You’re free to act silly, say and do things that you normally wouldn’t, and have a ton of fun. They provide a great opportunity to practice being unconcerned with what others think of you, which can carry over into other areas of life.

They’re also great for teaching lessons about winning and losing. Someone who usually excels at whatever they do may learn how to be humble if they discover a game that challenges them. On the flip side, someone who struggles with a lot of activities but finds a game for which they have some talent can learn how to enjoy their victory without going overboard. Win or lose, there’s always a lesson to be learned and another opportunity to try again later.

Games are my preferred way to break the ice and get to know somebody new or get closer to somebody I already know. They give everyone something to focus on besides small talk or nonstop conversation. There’s typically a lot of laughter, which is incredibly freeing as well as unifying when everyone’s laughing together. This makes it easier for me to relax, be myself, and then interact more comfortably with everyone after we’ve finished playing.

Those are some of the many benefits of playing games with other people, whether you’re playing board games, card games, word games, a sport, or any other kind of game. I love a good game night but you don’t have to wait until then to have fun. Dancing, juggling, telling stories, taking pictures, and almost anything else can become a game if you know how to make it one. Bringing a sense of play into daily life can make hard times more bearable and good times even better. How do you incorporate games and play into your regular life?

Posted in Communication, Getting Along with Each Other, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on The Value of Playing Games

Hiding Emotions

Posted on January 5, 2022 by admin

Negative emotions can make major life changes difficult to handle. However, I find certain positive emotions can make things even more difficult. I don’t mean emotions such as excitement over new adventures, relief from getting out of a painful situation, etc. I mean the emotions that I don’t want to admit I have, even to myself.

When someone I dislike leaves my life, I almost always feel a sense of relief. Sometimes, however, there’s also some sadness mixed in. This usually occurs when my relationship with that person had a mix of highs and lows. While I don’t miss the hard times, I do miss the pleasant times. I also miss the potential of who that person could have been, which is often nothing more than the image in my head of who I once thought them to be.

Despite the pain they’ve caused me, there might still be a part of me that is drawn to that person and will miss them when they’re gone, even if I don’t always understand why. I stuck around as long as I did because of the good times. Although it may be the best thing for my mental health to stop seeing them, that’s not always easy. It can be hard to acknowledge the good, the pleasant, the fun, and the enjoyable that existed alongside the dark, the painful, the abusive, and the unpleasant. It’s way easier to cut someone off if our interactions were all bad and no good. But since that’s rarely been the case in my life, failing to acknowledge the good times that I’ll miss keeps me feeling stuck. That’s why noticing whenever there was some pleasure, some enjoyment, and even some peace is important for healing the pain and moving forward.

When a situation was negative or at least ended badly, I often wish that it hadn’t gone that way. I’ll wish instead that it’d been a positive, healthy situation and that it had ended on a good note. Pretending to not have those feelings and desires keeps the pain going and prevents me from moving forward and getting past the grief. I’d rather be honest with myself and notice all the feelings so I can let them go and be free.

It’s become fairly easy to acknowledge the negative emotions in almost any situation. However, it’s still difficult to acknowledge the positive emotions that appear even in dark times. Simply having this realization has been helpful, as has remembering how I always feel relieved when I finally acknowledge the emotions I’d been hiding from myself. That then frees up a lot of energy that I can spend on more enjoyable things. What’s your experience been with this? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment if you like and I’ll see you in the next post.

Posted in Getting Along with Each Other, Life Hacks, Personal Freedom, Self-Improvement | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Hiding Emotions