Working Through Tough Times

Posted on April 28, 2019 by admin

Whenever I go through a rough time, I try to observe my reaction to it and adjust my actions accordingly. If I start getting bogged down in misery and negativity, then I’ll make extra efforts to do things that I find enjoyable and healing. For example, I usually bring food from home to eat on my lunch break at work. This helps me save money, gives me more time to enjoy my break, and is probably healthier than eating out. On difficult days, however, I’ll go out to a restaurant and order some food I love. That allows me to have something that makes sense on a day where nothing else does and gives me some distance from the madness. Looking forward to that small change and enjoying it when it arrives can turn my day around and make it easier for me to get through the rest of it.

I’m most vulnerable to getting lost in negativity when I’m at home. Since I’m on my own time there and can withdraw from other people and events, it’s harder to distract myself from my thoughts. If I catch myself in time, I can focus on getting myself back on track before it’s too late; if I’m already in a bad mood, that becomes much more difficult and makes me more likely to lose my way for a while. This is where continuing with my normal routines helps me. Taking care of myself makes it much easier to get through the difficult times than giving into the negativity and shutting down. Sometimes a simple shower is enough to get me out of my head for a while and make me feel better. As long as I have something familiar around me and can work on my regular routines, I never stay down for long.

Ultimately, I try to focus on what I can do instead of what I can’t do. Looking for solutions keeps my sights set on something positive and prevents me from getting lost in my problems. I can remember several occasions in which I thought there was no hope of improvement only to find one or more ways to improve my situation, often within the same day. It still sometimes takes a while for my emotions to settle, but I think getting involved in something beneficial and productive helps me feel better faster. Plus keeping some positive momentum going keeps me on track; if I sink into negativity for a long time, it’s much harder to get started again. That’s what I’ve found helpful for working through tough times and I hope you find some of this useful as well.

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Regression to the Mean

Posted on April 27, 2019 by admin

This is an excerpt from Thinking, Fast and Slow about Daniel Kahneman’s time spent working with flight instructors in the Israeli Air Force. Kahneman starts off with one of the instructor’s responses to his point that rewarding good behavior is more effective than punishing bad behavior; Kahneman then refutes that response with a simple explanation and exercise. I like how he clearly explains the tendency to see one thing as causing another even when that’s not the case. Without further ado, here’s the story.

He began by conceding that rewarding improved performance might be good for the birds, but he denied that it was optimal for flight cadets. This is what he said: “On many occasions I have praised flight cadets for clean execution of some aerobatic maneuver. The next time they try the same maneuver they usually do worse. On the other hand, I have often screamed into a cadet’s earphone for bad execution, and in general he does better on his next try. So please don’t tell us that reward works and punishment does not, because the opposite is the case.”

This was a joyous moment of insight, when I saw in a new light a principle of statistics that I had been teaching for years. The instructor was right – but he was also completely wrong! His observation was astute and correct: occasions on which he praised a performance were likely to be followed by a disappointing performance, and punishments were typically followed by an improvement. But the inference he had drawn about the efficacy of reward and punishment was completely off the mark. What he had observed is known as regression to the mean, which in that case was due to random fluctuations in the quality of performance. Naturally, he praised only a cadet whose performance was far better than average. But the cadet was probably just lucky on that particular attempt and therefore likely to deteriorate regardless of whether or not he was praised. Similarly, the instructor would shot into a cadet’s earphones only when the cadet’s performance was unusually bad and therefore likely to improve regardless of what the instructor did. The instructor had attached a causal interpretation to the inevitable fluctuations of a random process.

The challenge called for a response, but a lesson in the algebra of prediction would not be enthusiastically received. Instead, I used chalk to mark a target on the floor. I asked every officer in the room to turn his back to the target and throw two coins at it in immediate succession, without looking. We measured the distances from the target and wrote the two results of each contestant on the blackboard. Then we rewrote the results in order, from the best to the worst performance on the first try. It was apparent that most (but not all) of those who had done best the first time deteriorated on their second try, and those who had done poorly on the first attempt generally improved. I pointed out to the instructors that what they saw on the board coincided with what we had heard about the performance of aerobatic maneuvers on successive attempts: poor performance as typically followed by improvement and good performance by deterioration, without any help from either praise or punishment.

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The Domino Effect

Posted on April 26, 2019 by admin

I’ve previously written about how small victories can add up over time to major wins. I recently started thinking about this again, and that reminded me of this video involving small dominoes knocking down increasingly larger ones. Even though each domino is noticeably larger and heavier than the one before it, they all come down without any difficulty. The first one took almost no effort to topple, yet, according to the guy in the video, it started a chain reaction that would have eventually brought down a domino the size of the Empire State Building. It certainly works with much larger dominoes, as we can see in this video.

Likewise, if you’re not already at the place you want to be in life, you can start moving in that direction by making one small change for the better. That change may not seem like much at first, but it’ll start a chain reaction that will clear obstacles and open doors along your path. And it’ll do so at a pace that lets you adjust to your changing situations so that you’ll be prepared for each level as you approach it. This is much easier than trying to topple the biggest domino first; that’s still possible, but it requires a lot more energy at the outset and results in a much faster chain reaction, which gives you almost no time to adjust. Sometimes major changes in a short span of time are the best way to go, but I prefer to keep it simple and manageable.

This also applies to the world around you. You never know how a seemingly small gesture toward another person can affect their life, and the lives of the people they know, etc. Even something as simple as a genuine smile can be enough to turn someone’s mood around and positively impact all of their experiences for the rest of their day. Even if you can’t see the fruit of your actions, it’s still good to pay it forward when you can.

I’m going to keep this in mind for when I’m feeling frustrated or wary about the future. It helps that I’ve seen how well this has worked in my own life since I started doing it, but I still need an occasional reminder. There’s always some small thing I can do to make my situation better and help me get through a trying time. I’ve made extensive use of this so far and I plan to continue using it as I keep moving forward in life.

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Learning New Things

Posted on April 25, 2019 by admin

I’ve been thinking lately about practice, especially after reading Outliers. It’s easy to forget how much time and effort it can take to become proficient in something, especially when watching someone who does it exceptionally well. I often overlook the countless hours of practice that are behind an astounding gymnastics routine, incredible speech, beautiful painting, or other work of art. If I take a moment to think about how an expert got so good at their chosen skill or if I try it for myself, I’m reminded of how much work it takes to master something. I don’t know if I’ve mastered anything, but I’ve certainly gotten good at several things I used to think I’d never even learn, such as swing dancing, juggling, solving Rubik’s Cubes, bicycling, and typing. For the remainder of this post, I’ll focus on the first two skills on that list.

When I talk about juggling or swing dancing with someone who doesn’t know how to do either, they often say “I could never do that” or “I don’t have the coordination for that”. Well, contrary to what several people I know have said about my abilities, I didn’t have the coordination for those things when I started them. I certainly had the ability to learn how to do them (and I think almost everyone else does as well), but I don’t think I have much natural talent for either of those skills. The reason I learned them and got good at them is because I wanted to learn how to do them, so I kept practicing until I got the hang of them. That persistence paid off, as did the continued practice that has made each of those skills fairly easy for me at this point.

But someone who sees me do something difficult and make it look easy isn’t seeing the years I spent struggling to get where I am today. If they could see footage of all the drops, missteps, timing issues, and other mistakes I’ve made along the way, they’d know that it took a lot of practice for me to get good at these things; they’d probably then be more motivated to give them a try, knowing that they’ll also get there with enough time and proper practice. I’ve seen this happen a lot, particularly when someone has a good teacher to show them the ropes and guide them through the initial learning curve.

I’ve gotten so much joy out of practicing my hobbies and sharing them with other people, and I love seeing their faces light up when they do something they never thought possible. That’s why it breaks my heart when someone says they can’t do something and doesn’t even give it a try. If they try it, get a feel for it, and decide it’s not for them, fair enough. But by not trying it because they think they can’t do it, they could be missing out on an incredibly fun, rewarding activity that’ll last a lifetime. I had no idea how much I’d enjoy juggling and swing dancing when I started them, or how much they would add to my life. If someone else can experience even a fraction of what those things have done for me, it’s well worth the effort on my part to introduce them to these skills and help them get started. I always love being part of that and I hope it continues and catches on with more people in more places.

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Seeing More of the Bigger Picture

Posted on April 24, 2019 by admin

The past few years of my life have been unlike any others. Without even meaning to do so, I started on a path of radical self-improvement and experienced some major changes in several of my views. I still don’t know exactly how this journey began, but I’ve made more progress toward where I want to be in life in a couple of years now than I did in the past decade, and my progress appears to be accelerating all the time now.

I’ve always been quick to observe (and often point out) what I considered to be errors in the thought process of other people. Since last year, with the help of books like The Righteous Mind and Thinking, Fast and Slow, it’s become easier to see more of the errors in my own thinking, which has also made me slower to criticize the way others think. Sometimes I catch my errors as they’re happening, but I usually only recognize them well after the fact. Still, being more aware of them has saved me a lot of trouble and motivated me to be sure I’m on the right track with my views (which I’ve done primarily through reading a lot of books that offer explanations for a variety of phenomena in life, with most of my focus being on the stuff in our heads).

It’s become harder for me to be dogmatic or ideological since I started paying more attention to my thought processes, ceasing to identify with my views, finding out more about how my brain works, and learning more of the variables that affect everything in existence. This has made it easier to understand other perspectives, though I still often end up disagreeing with someone after hearing them out and absorbing their take. Seeing more of the bigger picture has shown me where lots of things fit together and complement each other, even things that seem incompatible or contradictory at first glance. As a result, my views have become more nuanced and, I hope, more accurate over time.

I’ve also thought of a ton of ideas for potential solutions to problems, both in my own life and elsewhere in the world. Several of these ideas seemed to come to me fully formed, as if someone else had written them and placed them in my head. My blog has been a way for me to get these ideas out there and organize my thinking so that new ideas come to me more easily. It’s also helped me make regular progress on the book I’m writing about my experiences and realizations, which I hope to have published sometime in the next decade. There’s a lot of writing, editing, and living I have to do before it’s ready, but I always get excited thinking about the impact it’ll have when it’s ready for publishing. I just stumbled onto this path and, with the way everything’s fallen into place since then, I’m sure that this was all meant to be. Thank you for sharing this amazing journey with me. It’s been a great ride and it’ll only get better from here.

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Things I Do When I’m Stressed

Posted on April 23, 2019 by admin

I’ve noticed some things I tend to do whenever I’m stressed, especially for extended periods of time. When I start doing these things, I try to figure out what’s causing the stress and work on taking care of that. Otherwise I would feel as if I’m merely treating the symptoms of a disease without doing anything to the disease itself, a course of action that may provide temporary relief but would ultimately do more harm than good in the long run. With that in mind, these are some of the things I do when I’m stressed.

  1. Bite my lips. I’ve done this for years and I don’t know why. Using lip balm regularly has helped me nearly eliminate this bad habit, but I still find myself doing it when I’m particularly stressed. This is one of the first things I notice and it lets me know right away that something is wrong.
  2. Eat out a lot, especially at fast food restaurants. Eating out is easier than preparing food at home, so if I don’t have much energy or I’m feeling upset, I tend to go to one of several restaurants that I enjoy. My love of fried food and sweet treats makes me even more likely to indulge during the rough times.
  3. Stay up late. I may be hoping to avoid dreaming about what’s on my mind, trying to stretch out the day so I don’t have to face tomorrow’s responsibilities, or lacking the will to get ready for bed. Either way, I tend to get way less sleep than I need when I’m stressed, which makes me more stressed and causes me to miss more sleep, and so on. Fortunately, this one eventually sorts itself out; once I’m tired enough, I’ll turn in earlier and get plenty of sleep. I wish everything else on this list fixed itself.
  4. Get less done. Being stressed makes it harder for me to think clearly and focus while also draining me of energy, so I’m less productive during times of stress. When I do engage in my regular activities, I typically do so with less enthusiasm and vigor than usual. Sometimes sticking to my routine helps lift my spirits, but other times it takes me a good while to feel like myself again.
  5. Lash out more easily. I’m more likely to make assumptions and take things personally when I’m stressed, which increases my chances of lashing out at those around me. I’ve gotten better at controlling myself over time, though, so I don’t do this as much as I used to.
  6. Spend more time away from people. I get drained by extensive interaction with other people even when I’m in a great mood, and being stressed makes me get worn out faster. If I do go out, I may be more closed off than usual, such as not saying much or sitting toward the end of a group. Once I’ve spent enough time by myself and I’m in a better mood, I become more social and begin to seek out enjoyable interactions once again.
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Managing Your Time

Posted on April 22, 2019 by admin

When I was a little kid, other people set up my schedule and determined how I spent most of my time. I found it easy to handle a lot of things during this period in my life: playing in the school band, playing soccer, singing in an ensemble, and, on top of all of that, keeping up with my schoolwork and a few other things I did every week. However, as I steadily acquired more control over my schedule, I gradually lost a lot of motivation and had few (if any) regular hobbies or interests. Even when I did find things I enjoyed, I couldn’t manage my time nearly as effectively as those who once did it for me, so I didn’t make time for the things I loved doing. It wasn’t until I started learning about effective time management that I was able to do more of what I love and have less filler in my days.

I suppose I got my first glimpse into the world of time management when I stopped watching TV back in 2012 during a fast at my church. When the fast ended, I continued avoiding TV because I had lost interest in it by then. Since I watched a lot of TV, ceasing to watch it freed up a great deal of time that I could spend on other activities, although I think I mostly just switched to other ways to kill time. Still, it showed me that I can reduce filler in order to make time for more meaningful things. It also probably helped me move toward being aware of how much time I spend on different activities and seeing where to make changes to free up more time for my passions.

Time is your most precious resource since you can’t get more of it. You can always find ways to make more money, get more stuff, or consume more content; you can’t recover lost time, and you’re losing time every moment that you’re alive. Additionally, if you don’t manage your time and decide how it’ll be spent, someone else will, and you probably won’t like the decisions they make for you. So if you want to have enough time to pursue your passions and interests, the best thing you can do is learn about effective time management. For that, I highly recommend The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In this book, Stephen Covey shows the different ways that we can spend our time (some are beneficial and others are wasteful) and gives a lot of advice for managing it such that we can remain productive while still having plenty of opportunities to enjoy ourselves, including addressing important matters early on so they don’t become big problems that take up a ton of time. I think this is what really helped me refocus a lot of my priorities and plan out my days so that I can pursue my interests and my self-improvement work and still (usually) get enough sleep. The Art of Manliness also has a few good articles on time management and getting more out of each day. I hope this post has inspired you to put more focus in managing your time so that you can move a bit closer to living your best life. Believe me, it’s worth the effort.

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Realizations About Three Songs I Love

Posted on April 21, 2019 by admin

Sometime within the past few weeks, I was talking with my mindfulness buddy about a video of dogs set to some nice music. I had some big realizations during that conversation about a few particular songs and why they mean so much to me. I’d like to talk a bit about them in this blog post.

The dog video has relaxing guitar music playing over cute Shiba Inu dogs. That made me start thinking about how much unconditional love dogs display to their families. Dogs are basically love incarnate, and love is ultimately the foundation of what will save the world. This video caught my attention and made me realize it has an important message underneath it. The music and the dogs playing with each other made me feel alive in the best way.

Another special song to me is “Rainbow Connection” from The Muppet Movie. This one tells me that there are more people like me out there who understand the things I talk about on my blog and are working on leaving the world better than they found it. I may end up working alongside some of them or our paths may never cross. Either way, I’m not alone because there are many more lovers and dreamers in the world, so we will be able to make a positive difference within our lifetimes. And, since I see a lot of myself in Kermit the Frog, it means a lot to me that he sings this song.

The third song that has an extra special place in my heart is “I Got a Name” by Jim Croce. No matter what anyone else says or how I’m feeling at any given moment, I am somebody. I’m moving forward and upward in life, I’m going to be free, and I’ll get there even if those before me didn’t. Jim Croce is one of my favorite musicians and this is by far my favorite of his songs.

I’m so glad that I finally figured out why those songs mean so much to me and make me feel so good whenever I listen to them. This is one of many things I love about having a mindfulness buddy. While we often offer each other advice, we’ve also learned a lot from simply talking to each other and figuring things out as we go; that’s exactly what happened with the realizations I had about those songs. I had never though much about why they make me feel a certain way before that conversation but once I got started, the ideas kept flowing until I had my answers. Now that I know why I love those songs so much, I’m excited to continue receiving answers to other questions about my life and seeing where those answers take me.

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Direct Alternatives vs Indirect Alternatives

Posted on April 20, 2019 by admin

In How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, Harry Browne talks about direct and indirect alternatives. Essentially, a direct alternative is something that is within your control, and an indirect alternative requires someone else’s involvement. Browne encourages readers of the book to us direct alternatives rather than indirect alternatives wherever possible. Although I had been familiar with this concept before I read the book, seeing it spelled out so clearly and illustrated with many examples has made me put it into practice like never before.

One way I’ve made use of direct alternatives is in my interactions with other people. I’ve spent a lot of time working on not taking anything personally rather than trying to control anyone else’s actions. I’m not where I want to be with this yet but it’s made my life a lot better in a relatively short amount of time. Another area where I’ve used this life hack is in my employment. Instead of continually trying and failing to make my workplace function as I think it should, I’ve found another place that is much closer to what I have in mind. Lastly, I’ve used direct alternatives for a few years now when sharing my ideas with other people. I used to argue until I was blue in the face, trying desperately to convince someone else to come around to my position. Ever since I stopped arguing, I’ve gradually developed the approach I now use. I state my thoughts on a given subject if I feel inclined to do so (mostly through my blog posts) and I don’t try to change anyone else’s thinking. If someone disagrees with me, fine. We might talk about it if we’re both up for a conversation, and I’ll do my best during that exchange to understand their perspective. And if someone agrees with me, then we might also have a conversation in which we share helpful things we’ve found on our respective journeys. I much prefer this to arguing and getting frustrated.

I’ve felt much happier and freer since I started focusing more on direct alternatives and less on indirect alternatives. I also feel much less dependent on other people than I used to since I now look for ways I can take action rather than waiting for someone else to give me directions. This has eliminated a lot of problems from my life and made me more capable of effectively handling the remaining challenges. I’m so glad I started making use of direct alternatives and I look forward to finding new ways to improve my life with them.

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A Wonderful Change

Posted on April 19, 2019 by admin

Right now, the biggest change I’m experiencing is a change of jobs. I’ve long been looking for something else and I’ve finally found it. Even though I haven’t been at this new place for long and I’m still working at the other job, I’ve greatly enjoyed the journey thus far. Here are some of my observations.

I started thinking a lot about this a few days ago during my lunch break: how much I’m enjoying the job, how it’s much more in line with my plans for my life than any other job I’ve had, and how nice it is to be able to work by myself for extended periods of time in a calm, peaceful place. When I’m done for the day, I often feel better and more refreshed than I did when I first went in, and I normally feel great at the start of the day. I first noticed this one evening when I got off after a fantastic day. The setting sun painted beautiful colors across the sky, the weather was still and temperate, and I still had plenty of time to enjoy my day before going to bed. Ever since then, I’ve remembered that feeling at the end of my shift and carried it with me into whatever else I’ve done. That’s an amazing feeling and I’m so glad I get to experience it regularly.

In addition to the excitement and happiness I feel from working at this new place, I’m also excited about it for financial reasons. My finances have been the most difficult area for me to improve as it’s been a struggle to replace bad financial habits with good ones. I’ve steadily made progress, however, and now I get to make money doing something I love. This is a big step toward financial freedom and I’m so excited for that. It shows that all the time I’ve spent reading and learning about finances and business has paid off (no pun intended) and taken me closer to where I want to be in life. The fact that it also pays well is icing on the cake.

I’ve become a lot freer and happier since I started this job. This is a dream come true and I didn’t see it coming until it arrived; I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Although I did actively pursue this and shift a lot of things around to make it work once the opportunity presented itself, it still feels like it just fell right into my lap. Of course, all the personal development work I did last year prepared me for this opportunity and put me in position to seize it when it appeared. I don’t think I’d have been qualified for this job or even wanted it if I hadn’t spent so much time growing and improving myself. There have been some challenges with this change (the biggest one being that I have no regular days off right now), and a lot is still up in the air for the time being. But I’ll gladly take the difficulty of change over the pain of feeling like I’m at a dead end any day. This whole experience has been a major sign that things are going according to plan. I’m so excited to see where this takes me and what lessons I’ll learn along the way.

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