What’s the Rush?

Posted on June 7, 2019 by admin

How many people do you know who are always rushing around, never stopping to catch their breath or smell the flowers? For them, the present is an obstacle preventing them from getting to some point in the future where they’d rather be. However, even when they get to the future, they can’t enjoy it because they’re thinking about yet another future moment. Or they might see the present as a protective barrier between themselves and a future that they dread. They’re so busy worrying about the future that they can’t find any peace in the now. In either case, they’re living their whole lives for the future and never for the present.

They can even do this when they go on vacation. Because they’re so used to rushing through life, they might also rush through what should be a time for them to slow down and relax. In fact, getting out of their normal routines, being in different places, and feeling like they have to do everything on their itineraries may make them even more stressed during their vacations than they are in their regular lives. This defeats the entire purpose of the vacation and just reinforces the bad habits they’ve developed for navigating life.

Of course, this is all completely unnecessary. There is no need to rush. Since rushing is caused by an anxious state of mind and is not simply moving quickly, you can settle your thoughts and still move at a fast pace without feeling panicked, stressed, or any other type of strain that originates from rushing. Even if you go on vacation, you can follow a set schedule and still do everything at a leisurely pace. The key is to live in the present moment and take things one step at a time. This allows you to fully experience whatever situation you’re in and enjoy it if you so desire. If you get anxious or start thinking about the future again, you can try focusing on your breath, watching your thoughts, or listening to a guided meditation (like this one from Alan Watts) to bring you back to the present. This way, no matter your life situation, you’ll feel much better and be able to act far more effectively than you ever could by rushing. Your life exists in the present moment, so don’t rush through it and miss out on everything it has to offer.

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Life Paths

Posted on June 6, 2019 by admin

There is so much pressure to follow a certain path in life. I see so many people who are burnt out, going through the motions, and doing things that other people want them to do instead of things that they want to do. A lot of this comes from family members, especially older ones who followed paths that used to work well but no longer do. They’re doing well because of the paths they chose, so they think that those paths will also work well for anybody who follows them. Unfortunately, many of them don’t realize that the world in which they grew up no longer exists, so attaining fulfillment and success often requires finding or even forging a new path. Friends can also add pressure in these situation, and all this pressure from friends and family members can cause a lot of conflict in these relationships.

Someone who doesn’t want to follow a more traditional path may feel resentful toward those who expect them to do so; they may feel like they’re being forced to live a certain way and do things that they “should” do just to please the people close to them. The family members may want to help them avoid getting hurt, failing, or otherwise ending up in a bad life situation; they may think that the person they’re trying to help is ungrateful or foolish. It’s possible for some people to have bad intentions behind their words and actions, but it’s more likely that everyone involved has good intentions. Poor communication skills, including making assumptions, speaking without listening, and listening to reply instead of to understand, make these kinds of situations worse and turn people away from each other. Improved communication can make things better, but it doesn’t guarantee that anyone will agree with your position. You may still have to decide between following your dreams and living how other people think you should, and that can be a very difficult decision.

Fortunately, you can still take ownership of your life, live intentionally instead of just automatically doing what’s expected of you, and figure out a plan that works well for you (if you haven’t already done that). Thanks to the internet, it’s easier than ever to discover and investigate many different life paths, get advice directly from people who are living their dreams, and figure out how to live as you like. This wasn’t available until relatively recently when the internet exploded in popularity and usefulness, so people who grew up without it had far fewer opportunities to find alternatives to traditional life paths. A select few had access to someone who lived differently and could show them the way, but most people probably ended up choosing a life path based on the way their friends and family members thought they should live. Nowadays, you can befriend and regularly converse with people who share many of your life goals regardless of your location; even if they live far away from you and there is nobody in your neck of the woods who understands you, you can still find solace and support in your long-distance friends.

I’ve gotten mixed responses whenever I’ve mentioned some of my life plans. My family members have typically recommended that I pursue a more common path and have even attempted to talk me out of my plans. As a result, I’ve refrained from saying much more to them, especially since they haven’t tried what I have in mind and can’t offer me advice about how to do it or whether or not it’s worth pursuing. In contrast, several of my friends have encouraged me to pursue my plans them and, in some cases, said that they have similar plans of their own; a few of them have even done some of the things that I have thus far only dreamed of doing. Whenever someone close to me responds positively to my goals and offers me practical advice for achieving them, I feel like we grow even closer and that I can share more of my heart with them. I’m fortunate to have several friends like this in Jacksonville and in other parts of North America. They’re either living the life of their dreams or working toward it. They motivate me to keep pursuing my dreams with their encouraging words and actions, they sometimes give me advice on how to get where I want to be, and they’ve helped me get onto and stay on this productive path. I’m grateful for their friendship and everything they’ve done to help me figure out the life path that’s right for me.

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Adding Positive Experiences

Posted on June 5, 2019 by admin

I discovered a life hack last year that works wonders for recovering from difficult, awkward, or even painful situations. I have a hard time forgetting such situations and I tend to replay them in my head. Mindfulness meditation and floating have reduced this tendency, although it still happens more than I’d like. What I’ve found helpful for dealing with this is to revisit the places where those bad experiences occurred and have good experiences in them. This way, I have something positive to think about, which balances out the negative and takes a great deal of weight off my shoulders.

Most of my travels have been fairly smooth and largely free of issues. However, I have had some negative experiences in Alabama and Orlando, Florida, within the past few years. What’s helped me accept and move past these experiences is going back and having fun there. Both of my enjoyable experiences happened to involve swing dancing: I went to Orlando last year for an evening of dancing and I went to Alabama earlier this year for Lollies and Lemonade 2019. At this point, when I think about the hard times I had in those places, I can also think about the good times I’ve had there, which always makes me feel better. This has also gotten rid of the fear and anxiety that I developed after those negative experiences and replaced it with a sense of peace and excitement. As a result, I’ve been able to go on a lot of trips and keep a positive attitude, knowing that I can take steps to avoid most potential problems and find solutions for any that do occur along the way. This has made my trips much smoother and more enjoyable and allowed me to indulge my love of traveling.

This also works when I’ve had an awkward interaction with another person. After such an interaction, I’ll often give them space for a while so we can both process what happened and respond in our own ways. Once we’ve had some time to do that, it’s easier to reconnect and have a more enjoyable interaction the next time since I now have a better idea of what to avoid doing. Even if I’ve had some awkward interactions with other people, having a lot of positive experiences with them definitely makes me feel more at ease around them and I’m sure it works the same way for them as well. Whether I use this life hack to feel better around people or places, it always does the trick and allows me to move forward in life with excitement and confidence. And I hope it does the same for you.

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Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Posted on June 4, 2019 by admin

If you’ve read some of my other blog posts, you probably gathered that I’m an incredibly curious person. I’ve always loved learning new things, figuring things out, and trying to understand how the world works. There is so much that I don’t know, including a wide range of subjects that I don’t even know exist. Fortunately, there are people who do know a great deal about these things and have created numerous resources through which they share their knowledge. These people have taught me much more in a few years than I could ever learn on my own in a lifetime of studying.

There have been so many occasions in which I’ve learned about something new or looked at something familiar from another angle. Through reading a lot of books that cover related subjects, I’ve noticed patterns and bits of information that come up repeatedly and seem to fit well together. For example, several of the books I read last year caused me to rethink a lot of things about our ability to make decisions and shaped my current position on free will. I also benefit from simply learning the way other people see the world. Sometimes I’ll stumble across an idea that I’ve thought about before but never heard anyone else discuss. These serendipitous moments have always caught me by surprise (especially when they happen at just the right time) and suggested to me that I’m on the right track in those areas.

I’m sure it would have a lot more gaps in my understanding if I hadn’t stood on the shoulders of many giants. Their works act as a guide or map for one small area of the world, and the ones I enjoy the most can explain complex ideas in simple, clear terms. Whenever I come across something that’s particularly inspiring, enlightening, healing, or otherwise useful, I like to pass it along so others can benefit from it. At this point, I can act as a bridge to a good deal of helpful and interesting information (most of which I’ve learned from other people, but there are a few things that I’ve figured out myself), and I regularly give recommendations to those close to me when they’re looking for help. I love doing that and I think that’s what I was put on Earth to do, so I look forward to a lifetime of pointing people toward things that will make their lives better.

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Paul O’Neill and Keystone Habits

Posted on June 3, 2019 by admin

This is an excerpt from Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit that explains the power of “keystone habits”, habits which, in Duhigg’s own words, “start a process that, over time, transforms everything.” When Paul O’Neill became the CEO of the Aluminum Company of America (also known as Alcoa), he made it clear that his primary focus was on keeping workers safe and aiming for zero worker injuries. Once this change was implemented, it resulted in major improvements at the company and created many positive benefits for the workers, managers, customers, and shareholders. I love this example because it shows the importance of properly-ordered priorities and the many benefits that come from doing the right thing. Without further ado, here’s how it happened:

O’Neill’s safety plan, in effect, was modeled on the habit loop. He identified a simple cue: an employee injury. He instituted an automatic routine: Anytime someone was injured, the unit president had to report it to O’Neill within twenty-four hours and present a plan for making sure their injury never happened again. And there was a reward: The only people who got promoted were those who embraced the system.

Unit presidents were busy people. To contact O’Neill within twenty-four hours of an injury, they needed to hear about n accident from their vice presidents as soon as it happened. So vice presidents needed to be in constant communication with floor managers. And floor managers needed to get workers to raise warnings as soon as they saw a problem and keep a list of suggestions nearby, so that when the vice president asked for a plan, there was an idea box already full of possibilities. To make all of that happen, each unit had to build new communication systems that made it easier for the lowliest worker to get an idea to the loftiest executive, as fast as possible. Almost everything about the company’s rigid hierarchy had to change to accommodate O’Neill’s safety program. Hew as building new corporate habits.

As Alcoa’s safety patterns shifted, other aspects of the company started changing with startling speed, as well. Rules that unions had spent decades opposing – such as measuring the productivity of individual workers – were suddenly embraced, because such measurements helped everyone figure out when part of the manufacturing process was getting out of whack, posing a safety risk. Policies that managers had long resisted – such as giving workers autonomy to shut down a production line when the pace became overwhelming – were now welcomed, because that was the best way to stop injuries before they occurred. The company shifted so much that some employees found safety habits spilling into other parts of their lives.

Duhigg later continues:

O’Neill never promised that his focus on worker safety would increase Alcoa’s profits. However, as his new routines moved through the organization, costs came down, quality went up, and productivity skyrocketed. If molten metal was injuring workers when it splashed, then the pouring system was redesigned, which led to fewer injuries. It also saved money because Alcoa lost less raw materials in spills. If a machine kept breaking down, it was replaced, which meant there was less risk of a broken gear snagging an employee’s arm. It also meant higher quality products because, as Alcoa discovered, equipment malfunctions were a chief cause of subpar aluminum.

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Small Talk

Posted on June 2, 2019 by admin

I’ve never been a fan of small talk. At best, it’s a harmless way to pass the time. At worst, it’s draining and completely uninspiring. I prefer talking to people I know well since that typically minimizes small talk and opens up more opportunities for engaging conversations. However, I have found some life hacks that have helped me navigate small talk and get something positive out of it when it comes up.

In How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, Les Giblin describes small talk as a way to break the ice and move onto more meaningful subjects. I had never thought about it that way before but it makes sense to me, especially when I’m talking to someone I just met. It takes me a while to open up to other people, so easing into that process with small talk helps. I’ve also found it helpful to use something I learned from a few acting classes I took years ago. There is a technique in improvisation called “Yes, and…” in which one participant agrees with what another has said and adds to it. That keeps the scene going smoothly and creates plenty of options for all participants to contribute. Clearly, I don’t always agree with what someone says in a regular conversation, but I can still expound on what they’ve said, share my thoughts about our current topic, or respond with more than just a simple answer.

As I hinted at in the first paragraph, I generally try to avoid talking to people who primarily converse in small talk. In such conversations, I feel little to no connection with the other person, often feel uncomfortable, and don’t know what to say or do after the first few minutes (sometimes even sooner than that in some situations). This is a big part of why I tend to avoid social settings when I don’t already know at least one person there. If someone I know introduces me to another person and then walks away, I often feel lost when talking to the new person. This feeling becomes exacerbated if they start asking what I do for work, where I live, or other questions that I find totally uninteresting and make me want to disengage. Sometimes I do disengage and walk away, but other times I’ll try to try to save the conversation. On those occasions, I’ll try shifting to other subjects, such as what they like to do for fun. That takes a lot of pressure off me, puts the spotlight on them, and moves us into an area of conversation where, in my experience, both of us will be happier.

All of these things have made it easier for me to avoid a lot of small talk and handle it well when I can’t avoid it. As with everything else, having a plan in mind helps me deal with whatever happens, especially in situations that are highly predictable. This makes my conversations more interesting and enjoyable, which makes me feel more at ease in my close encounters of the social kind. If you also detest small talk, then I hope you also find these life hacks useful for avoiding it entirely or moving past it as quickly as possible.

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A Lovely Season

Posted on June 1, 2019 by admin

This is an interesting season in my life. In short, it feels like I’m retired. This might seem like a strange thing to say, considering that I’m still working at my new job, I have about as many hours as I did at my previous job, and I still pursue my passions every day. Plus it’ll probably be several years, maybe more, before I can actually take a very early retirement and dive headfirst into some of my bigger life goals. Yet despite many things in my life staying the same, there have been enough changes as of late that I’ve noticed a profound difference.

The biggest change by far has been getting my new job. This job is extremely different from my old job, including the environment. My new job has a much more relaxed atmosphere than my previous job and it shows. Most of my previous coworkers complained about a variety of things nearly every time they spoke. There are far fewer complaints at my current job and my coworkers seem to have a solutions-based outlook that keeps them optimistic and always moving closer to where they want to be in life. I also get to spend a good deal of time by myself, which I enjoy since extensive interaction with other people tires me out. I rarely feel as tired, stressed, or upset at the end of the day now as I did at my previous job; sometimes I even leave feeling more refreshed than I did at the start of my shift. I’d say the work I’m doing now is easier than what I used to do, but it often doesn’t feel like work because I love doing it. A lot of people dream of being paid to do what they love and I’m so grateful that I get to do that.

Even though my weekly workload hasn’t changed much, I still feel like I have more time to do things that I enjoy outside of work. I think this is because I’m mostly working morning shifts. At my previous job, I’d wake up, spend a few hours getting as much done as I could, work most of the afternoon and early evening, and then come home and finish whatever I didn’t get done before work. Even when I slowed down time, I still often felt like I had to rush in my free time. Now, whenever I finish up for the day, I’ve got most of the afternoon and all of the evening to spend as I like. This gives me plenty of time to go to the gym, unicycle, read, write (which I can also do at my current job and couldn’t at my previous job), stretch, and do whatever else I want. Even when I go at a slow pace, I still manage to fit almost everything in before I go to bed. It usually feels like I have two days off once my shift ends, which is a very nice feeling and makes my schedule pretty laid back.

Overall, I feel consistently happier now than I have in a long time. I love that I’m getting paid to do something that is much more in line with my life plans than any other job I’ve had. There is almost nothing in my life at this point that could cause me stress and, since I’ve gotten much better at managing my emotions and thoughts this year, I feel pretty calm most days; even a bad day for me at this point is nothing compared to what it used to be. This feels like a much-needed break and I’m loving every minute of it. I’ll probably continue enjoying this honeymoon phase for another month or two. By then, I think I’ll be used to this new schedule and it’ll feel normal to me. I’ll probably feel inclined at that point to move on to the next big thing for me since that’s how I tend to approach life. If all goes well, then I’d like to take another look into entrepreneurship and financial freedom. I certainly have the time and the positive mental state to learn more about starting a business and using it as a bridge to reach my dreams. For now, it feels like I’m getting a taste of what my life will look like in the future when I can do everything I’m doing now to an even greater degree. I look forward to that and, in the meantime, I’m going to continue enjoying each new step along this wonderful journey.

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Infinity Stones and Life Hacks

Posted on May 31, 2019 by admin

Many of the recent Marvel movies feature Infinity Stones, which are six cosmic objects that each control a certain aspect of the universe (space, time, souls, minds, power, and reality). Each individual Stone is already incredibly powerful on its own and becomes even more powerful when it’s combined with one or more of the other Stones. Characters who possess multiple Infinity Stones can do things that nobody else can, including warping reality on a universal scale if they get all six Stones. I love the concept of the Infinity Stones and, sometime after I saw Avengers: Endgame, I started thinking about the similarities between the Stones and life hacks.

Like the Infinity Stones, life hacks allow me to control a lot of things in my life, including (but not limited to) my thoughts, my responses, and my time. Whenever I use life hacks, I have much greater control over my life than I don’t use them or choose something that doesn’t provide my desired outcome. Additionally, like the Stones, life hacks become more powerful when I use two or more of them together. For example, How to Win Friends and Influence People has a lot of good stuff about interacting with other people, but reading it by itself might make some people pushovers. I think it did that to me and it’s taken me a long time to figure out what stuff in there is worth practicing and what I can ignore. When I read Boundaries earlier this year, it helped me find my voice and stick up for myself, so reading both books gave me better results than reading just one. Other books that work well in combination are The Power of Now and The Four Agreements; being present and at peace mentally makes it easier for me to remember and live by the agreements. Whether I combine several life hacks to compensate for a weakness in one (or both in some cases) or to make their effects stronger, I find many of them work better together than they do separately.

I enjoy comparing life hacks to the Infinity Stones. Since I’m a big fan of the Marvel movies, it helps me remember to use life hacks and it makes them feel like superpowers to me. It also makes them more fun to use. Although, unlike the Infinity Stones, I have way more than six life hacks, I find new ones all the time, and I don’t need a big gauntlet to use any of them. I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and found it useful and I will see you in the next one.

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The Path of Least Resistance

Posted on May 30, 2019 by admin

There’s a concept I first heard about in high school called “the path of least resistance”. From what I’ve gathered, it’s a way to avoid rocking the boat or upsetting anyone, so it’s an appealing option for some people. I’ve certainly chosen it plenty of times, although I’ve often regretted it afterward. That’s because, in my opinion, while it’s always an available option, the path of least resistance is not always the best way to go.

The path of least resistance appears to be a tool for minimizing resistance between two or more people in a given interaction. If one person wants to do a particular thing and you want to do something else, the path of least resistance would involve one of you giving up your plans and going along with what the other person wants. This assumes, of course, that neither of you are seeking win/win solutions and that one of you is expected to “lose” in this interaction. However, while this creates minimal resistance between the two of you, it has the potential to create a lot of resistance within yourself. By giving up your plans to please someone else, you may feel a great deal of negativity toward yourself; if you are in the habit of regularly deferring to others, you may very well start to resent yourself as well as the other people with whom you interact.

There are times when deferring to someone else may be the best course of action. As long as that is an occasional exception rather than the general rule, I think that would minimize the chances of resistance, frustration, or any other negativity appearing in those situations. However, if constant deference becomes the norm, then I think that’s a huge problem, especially if one person is always deferring to another. In that case, the one caught up in people pleasing will suffer from a low sense of self-worth and an inability to say no. The one who always gets what they want will acquire a sense of entitlement and a reduced ability to accept when things don’t go their way. If you get fed up with constantly deferring to the other, you may eventually put you foot down and assert your boundaries. The other person will likely resist and then accuse you of being selfish. This tactic is intended to make you back down and give them what they want, because who wants to be seen as selfish? However, if this happens to you, take some time to look at how things have been going and ask yourself if you want them to continue happening this way. Also, isn’t it selfish of them to always expect you to defer to them when they’re never willing to defer to you or find a path that lets you both get what you want? Who’s truly being selfish in this situation?

The way I see it, the true path of least resistance is the one that minimizes all the possible resistance in a given situation. This includes both the resistance between, say, yourself and the person with whom you’re interacting as well as the internal resistance you both feel toward yourselves. I don’t think it’s worth letting other people walk all over you and always saying no to yourself just so you can maintain an appearance of peace that doesn’t actually exist. If you start asserting your boundaries, you will probably be met with a great deal of resistance. After that’s been going on for a while, some people might get upset that they can’t push you around anymore and then leave to find their next victim. This is why setting appropriate boundaries and having resistance where needed is so important: it reveals the toxic people around you and removes them from your life. So keep this in mind in your interactions, especially if you tend to defer to others more often than you should. You can save yourself a lot of grief and improve your relationships by making a few simple changes and making sure to look out for yourself.

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Handling Fear

Posted on May 29, 2019 by admin

Fear has been in my life for as long as I can remember. Sometimes it’s appeared as a small amount of anxiety and other times it’s made me freeze in my tracks, preventing me from doing anything. The most effective thing I’ve found with regards to handling fear is to prevent it from rising in the first place. When I’m focused, I can do this through meditation, floating, watching my thoughts, and controlling my breathing. It’s easiest to maneuver in life when I’m not afraid, but it’s still incredibly difficult for me to prevent fear from appearing and I often fail at it. If I can’t prevent fear, then the next best thing is to manage it.

I have a fairly good track record of staying the course and accomplishing my goals despite being afraid at times, so it’s gradually gotten easier to face my fears. As I move increasingly further out of my comfort zone and experience more of life, I feel much more comfortable in new situations than ever before. Additionally, after I’ve stayed in a new position for a while (usually long enough to have a good idea of what to expect), I then feel the urge to move beyond it and into yet another new comfort zone that’s even more challenging than the previous one. This can be difficult, but each level prepares me for the next one, so it usually feels more like a big step rather than a huge leap. Although I may stumble a bit and take a while to find my balance, I always manage to stabilize after I’ve taken that next step.

More often than not, the bad things that I’m afraid will happen never end up manifesting; it’s always a relief whenever this happens, as is feeling the fear dissolve until it’s gone. Even though I regularly make preparations to increase the chances of things going smoothly, I still sometimes get nervous that something might end badly. In those cases, I say to myself, “I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it.” That simple phrase does two things. First, it helps me relax and avoid stressing over the outcome. And second, it reminds me that there are ways to handle whatever problems might arise and that I won’t be stuck in a bad position as long as I look for solutions. Having a solutions-based mindset helps me avoid a fear-based mindset and allows me to act more effectively when things do start going downhill.

I think that that is the answer to fear: preventing it whenever I can, managing if it appears, doing good things even if I’m afraid, and focusing on solutions. I’ve already done this in several areas, so now I just have to keep it in mind as I move toward some things that I’ve been avoiding out of fear. It may be tough, but having a plan that’s proven itself elsewhere in my life will make it easier and less stressful. I hope these realizations help you as much as they’ve helped me.

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