Replicating the Benefits of Floating

Posted on September 29, 2019 by admin

At the time of this writing, I’ve floated for seven days in a row and hope to make it to day eight before taking a break. These daily floats have made me feel wonderful and allowed me to easily handle whatever life throws me; they’ve given me an attitude of “I’ll be ok” no matter what happens. I feel so much better than I usually do that I’m concerned about losing this feeling and its positive effects when I go back to floating once or twice a week. The question I’ve had in the back of my head ever since I started thinking about this is how can I stay in this good place without floating every day?

I think I now have an answer to that question. During one of my floats last week, I started thinking about why floating makes me feel so good and how I might be able to reproduce some of its affects in my daily life. One thing that’s been consistent throughout all of my floats has been the quiet time to myself that they’ve given me. Although I may not be able to replicate this to the same extent outside of a float, quiet time away from everyone else is something I can easily arrange for myself. I already meditate a few times a day, so it would be no problem for me to take some extra time to do that in a calm, quiet place. That would also get me away from social media, which is another benefit I get from floating. Some of the stuff on my newsfeed is incredibly negative but even the stuff that’s positive or neutral can still be draining if I’m looking at it constantly. I feel better after taking a break from it for a while so that could be another good way to get a benefit from floating without getting in the pod. That’s all I’ve got for now but I’m sure I’ll think of more things to do as I go.

The thought occurred to me that I may be getting addicted to floating since I’m concerned about how I’ll feel when I take some time away from it. Looking at it that way motivated me even more to figure out how to feel good and navigate life without relying on floating. I want everything I use, whether it’s floating, meditation, breath work, or any other life hacks, to be my tools rather than my master; those things should all enhance my life, not control it. I’m feeling pretty good now about this plan and I’m looking forward to seeing what happens when I step back from floating every day and try something else.

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Review of Never Split the Difference

Posted on September 28, 2019 by admin

Never Split the Difference is a wonderful book by Chris Voss. Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, shares the techniques he used to secure the safe release of hostages from their captors and gives examples of how we can use those same techniques in our own lives. Here are some of the things from the book that really stuck out to me.

The foundation of Voss’s work consisted of empathizing with the captors and demonstrating to them that he understood what they were saying. To accomplish this, he would, among other things, repeat back to them a few key words that they said, restate their points in his own words, ask plenty of open-ended questions and give them space to answer them, and control his own emotions so as to create a calm atmosphere to relax the captors. This approach allowed him to persuade most captors to release their hostages without harming them or let down their guard so the hostages could escape. In some cases, he was even able to free hostages without paying any ransom money at all. That shows how effective these techniques are for dealing with angry, violent people in highly dangerous situations.

Voss also includes examples of these techniques in everyday life from both his own experience and the experiences of those he teaches to negotiate. He shows how they can be used to get a better deal when buying a vehicle, improve a difficult business relationship, and ensure that someone with whom you’ve made a deal holds up their side of the bargain. Additionally, he includes an example of how even a negotiation that starts off well can end badly if someone loses their temper and starts attacking the other person. This shows the importance of controlling oneself in order to have any hope of a successful negotiation.

Never Split the Difference was a fantastic read that reminded me of several things I already knew and introduced me to some new things as well. I’m particularly interested in the techniques Voss describes for their potential to defuse tense situations. If they can be used to free hostages from life-or-death situations without anyone getting hurt or killed, why couldn’t they work to calm down angry customers, employers, friends, family members, and strangers? The limited amount of practice I’ve had with some of these techniques since I read the book has already drastically improved my communication and listening abilities and shown me that Voss’s recommendations do indeed work. In addition to asking open-ended questions, something that’s particularly helped me is focusing on the real problem of resolving the underlying issue rather than getting upset at anyone else involved in the situation. I’m excited to continue practicing what I’ve learned from Never Split the Difference and seeing what it does for me. And, as usual with these book reviews, I encourage you to check this one out if you’re interested in this subject.

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Floating to Different Frequencies: My Experiences

Posted on September 27, 2019 by admin

Earlier this week, I finished an amazing experiment. I found a list of frequencies to try during meditation and decided to see what would happen if I listened to them while floating. All of them relaxed me, I got some great insights from nearly every one of them, some were extremely powerful, and others were much more mild in their effects. Here are some highlights from the notes I made after each of those floats.

174 hz: I drifted in and out of sleep toward the end of this float, which felt like several hours even though it was just one. The frequency was relaxing and kept me focused on positive stuff the whole time. That’s about all I remember from this float.

285 hz: This frequency was super relaxing. Like the previous one, I drifted in and out of sleep a few times. Something I’ve noticed lately in many of my floats is that I tend to get restless and want to move around after a while whereas I normally feel comfortable staying still the whole time. In this float, I stayed still early on and got restless toward the end. Still, I felt good overall in the pod and I felt great afterward.

396 hz: I stayed awake during this float, though I didn’t try to sleep or stay awake in any of them; I just went in without expectations and embraced whatever happened. Apart from stretching out a bit toward the end, I was comfortable to stay still most of the time. I found it easy to work through things that I struggle with without feeling angry, sad, or any other negative emotions that normally accompany this process.

417 hz: I drifted in and out of sleep and still had some good insights. These include the fact that everyone is in their head and approaches life from their own level of understanding, it’s best to have compassion and understanding for everyone, and that we all live in an incredibly beautiful world. I also desired peace with everyone during that frequency and found it easy to shrug off things that would normally get to me. Afterward, I felt super relaxed and “cleansed”, as if I had worked through a lot of emotional gunk. Lastly, and I don’t know what this was about, but I saw colored lights a few times when I tuned into the frequency even though there were no lights on in the pod for most of my float. Whatever it means, it was cool and made this one a little extra memorable.

432 hz: This was by far the best frequency I tried and gave me one of my best floats ever. It was incredibly similar to my first float in that time melted away, I lost track of myself and my life outside the pod, and felt one with everything in the universe. I felt wonderful almost the whole time, stayed awake from beginning to end, felt like I was floating in love, and was happy and laughing when I got out afterward. This frequency also gave me more insights than any other one I tried. The ones I remember included the understanding that I’ll be fine no matter what happens to me in life or in death, our lives continue even after our bodies die, I can think back to how I felt during this float (or any of my other excellent floats) to feel better if I get stressed, I’m better off making and holding space for insights and answers instead of trying to force them, the float pod is the safest place in the world because I can feel fine regardless of what I think about in there, and floating has the potential to enlighten the world if enough people do it regularly. I look forward to floating to this frequency many more times and seeing what it does for me each time.

528 hz: Another frequency that gave me a lot of good insights and made me feel incredibly comfortable. I realized how important it is to have empathy for other people, that I can work through things in the pod as I feel drawn to address them, that everyone should float but I can hold space for those who can’t or won’t, acknowledge resistance and then work around it, use my gifts to heal people who are hurting, I am enough, and feel the fear and do it anyway. As I received all this good stuff, it was easy for me to stay still and relax, which made this a very nice frequency to use in a float.

639 hz: I think I fell asleep a time or two to this frequency. Unlike some of the others, I stretched and moved a lot. The only insight I remember getting was that inner transformation is better than superficial external changes. Also, I saw white bright lights a few times in total darkness; I may have been dreaming when this happened, though it was hard to tell in this float.

741 hz: Sometimes my legs feel super restless when I float, although they felt fine in this one. As I stretched a bit, I also worked through a difficult situation in my head, reminded myself that I’ll be ok, remembered the importance of surrender and loving-kindness, and dedicated myself to focus on solving problems rather than attacking other people. The biggest insight I got out of this float had to do with personal responsibility for how I’m feeling: if I’m not responsible for anyone else’s mood, is anyone else responsible for mine? Ultimately, I get to decide how to respond to whatever happens to me, so I’m going to work on remembering that and do my best to avoid giving anyone else the power to control how I feel.

852 hz: The water felt cooler than usual in this float but I still enjoyed it. This was the first float in a while in which I ate breakfast before going in, which may have contributed to the upset stomach I experienced several times. Despite feeling uneasy some of the time due to my stomach and some stress from thinking about an upcoming event, nothing bad ended up happening in there. I repeated some calming affirmations, reminded myself to surrender and stay in the present moment, and detach and observe my behavior from outside myself. This was a good reminder to me that even floats that are far from ideal can still be relaxing and insightful if I approach them correctly.

963 hz: This frequency felt like a nice way to end the experiment. After working through a lot of difficult stuff and receiving so many insights from the other floats, it was refreshing to just have a chance to relax. My mind wandered through many different things without getting stuck on any one thing in particular. I did get some insights and reminders, however, such as I’ll be fine, adopt a problem-solving mindset rather than a complaining one, get more sleep, and figure out how to keep the good feelings I get from floating even when I’m not doing it every day.

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The Daily Stoic: “How Can You Know If You’ve Never Been Tested?”

Posted on September 26, 2019 by admin

This entry from The Daily Stoic resonates quite strongly with me. When I think back to the most difficult season of my life, I can become sad or angry at how much it hurt to go through everything that happened. However, I can also think of how I made it through that time and the ways it directed me toward most of the wonderful things I have in my life right now. Swing dancing, self-improvement, several of my closest friendships, and plenty more all either came shortly after that experience or as a direct result of it. As painful as it was at the time, I’m now grateful for what I learned during that time. While I wouldn’t wish suffering on anyone, I’d hope that any suffering they do experience ends up strengthening them and showing them how capable they are.

“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent – no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”

-Seneca, On Providence, 4.3

Most people who have gone through difficult periods in their life come to later wear those experiences as badges of honor. “Those were the days,” they might say, even though they now live in much better circumstances. “To be young and hungry again,” another might say wistfully. “It was the best thing that ever happened to em,” or “I wouldn’t change a thing about it.” As tough as those periods were, they were ultimately formative experiences. They made those people who they are.

There’s another benefit of so-called misfortune. Having experienced and survived it, we walk away with a better understanding of our own capacity and inner strength. Passing a trial by fire is empowering because you know that in the future you can survive similar adversity. “What does not kill me makes me stronger,” Nietzsche said.

So today if things look like they might take a bad turn or your luck might change, why worry? This might be one of those formative experiences you will be grateful for later.

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The SAM Strategy

Posted on September 25, 2019 by admin

This is generally what I do, or at least what I try to do, when I’m in a stressful situation. When I can manage to follow a strategy close to this, it always makes me feel better and allows me to better handle whatever situation I’m in. I realized afterward that the first letters of each step spell out “SAM”, so I’ll call this the SAM Strategy. If you ever feel overwhelmed and need help getting through a tough situation, just think of our good friend SAM.

  1. Stop: Stop whatever you’re doing so you can focus on grounding yourself. You have many options available for this. Focusing on your breath, breathing more slowly on the exhale than you did on the inhale, mentally describing or counting things you see around you, thinking about one of your favorite memories, and even leaving the situation for a few minutes if possible are some ways you can use to center yourself and let your body know that everything is ok. If you’re talking to another person, you can ask them an open-ended question that’s relevant to the situation. That takes their focus off of you for a bit and gives you some time to listen, which may very well solve whatever issue is occurring. Your goal here is to get out of the story that your mind is telling you so that you can calm down, see the situation more clearly, and then move onto the next step.
  2. Act: Once you’ve calmed yourself, take some positive action. Anything that puts you in a better position than you’re currently in (eating, drinking water, taking a nap, working on an important task, etc) is fair game here. Taking positive action gives you something to focus on and prevents you from being paralyzed by anxiety, which can easily cause you to become overwhelmed once again. Once you’ve done that, you’re ready for the final step.
  3. Move on: Do your best to move past that situation after it’s over. It’s tempting to go over it repeatedly in your head, think about what you did versus what you could have done, etc. Rather than dwelling on the situation or trying to force it out of your mind, move on to something else that requires a lot of attention. Just like in the second step, this will help you avoid becoming overwhelmed or get stuck thinking about what just happened. If you do this right, you’ll soon become engrossed in whatever you’re doing and forget all about that previous situation. Then, if you happen to think about it later once you’ve physically and mentally moved on from it, you won’t be nearly as upset by it as you were earlier.
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Life Lessons from a Car Tire

Posted on September 24, 2019 by admin

Last week, the low tire pressure indicator in my car came on, so I filled all the tires and went on my way. The indicator came back on a few days later, so I found out which tire was low and filled it up. I figured at that point that the tire probably had a slow leak so I kept adding air as needed and got it patched this morning. I’m glad to have that behind me but it did get me thinking about several things.

For starters, I stayed on top of this situation much better than I did in a similar situation two years ago. My failure to properly address a leaky tire at that time caused a massive blowout that also damaged my car during a road trip. It took away a lot of my time and cost me a good bit of money to replace the tire and repair the damage. Ever since then, I’ve been scrupulous at keeping my tires properly inflated so that I don’t have to go through any of that trouble again. I learned the hard way that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure and that’s a lesson that I’m not going to forget.

My other thought on this concerns what happened last night. After I got off work, I was adding air to the leaky tire when my portable air compressor broke down. I’d had it for years and used it many times, so that plus the fact that it was relatively cheap means that I probably got my money’s worth out of it. Still, it surprised me and made me a bit frustrated. I tried seeing if the car place across the street could fill or patch the tire but it could not. Then someone at the nearby convenience store told me about a place a few blocks away that might be able to help me; the place was closed by the time I got there. Fortunately, a nearby gas station had an air pump and, after buying something in the store so I’d have some change to use at the pump, I refilled the tire and set off for home. Even though I got discouraged and frustrated a few times, I mostly stayed focused on solving problems rather than complaining about the situation. As a result, I got the problem solved fairly quickly and I’m not dwelling on that experience like I would be if I had gotten too emotionally invested in it.

I think the fact that yesterday was my fifth straight day of floating helped me a lot, both in last night’s situation as well as in every other area of my life. I’ve felt much more calm as of late and I can slow down and think of different plans to address unexpected difficulties instead of getting overwhelmed by them and becoming paralyzed from indecision. Taking a calm, positive approach to whatever happens has done me a lot of good and, although floating every day for almost a week now has helped remind me of this, I hope I’ll figure out how to remember it and live by it every day whether I float or not.

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Communication in Difficult Situations

Posted on September 23, 2019 by admin

In The Righteous Mind, Jonathan Haidt says that it’s easier for us to find errors in other people’s thinking than in our own thinking. Lately, I’ve noticed this in myself with regards to communication. I’ve learned enough about communication to usually see where the people involved in a hostile exchange went wrong and what they could have done to make it go much more smoothly. However, I have an incredibly hard time doing this when I get involved in one of those exchanges. No matter who initiates it, I almost always feel my heart start racing, my temperature rising, and my adrenaline flowing. It’s difficult for me to reign myself in and remember the important aspects of good communication that I talk about so frequently on this blog.

As with everything else in my life, I think there are ways to resolve this. For example, Haidt talks about the value of involving other people in the search for truth. Properly-run collaborative groups allow people can present their ideas to each other in the hopes of fixing as many problems in an idea or proposition as possible. Having input from many different people means that some of them will notice mistakes that others missed. So I can seek feedback from those around me as to how I can improve my communication when I’m stressed. That will probably be difficult for me to do when my emotions are running rampant but if that feedback prevents me from making a huge mess for myself, it will be well worth it.

Something else I can do is practice “stepping back” from any situation I’m in. This can be as simple as pausing to take some deep breaths before I speak. Listening to what others have to say without working on a response is also highly effective at facilitating good communication. And one technique that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is trying to see myself and my behavior from someone else’s perspective. Observing what I’m doing as if I were watching another person can help me see whether or not I’m staying true to my values. Of course, none of these approaches will work if I forget about them or refuse to use them. One way to avoid falling into that trap could be to practice these things in calm, civil situations so that they become second nature to me; that should make them easier to use in stressful, difficult situations. I’m interested to see how it goes with these things and, as always, I’ll keep you updated on whatever happens.

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Be a Seeker

Posted on September 22, 2019 by admin

Perhaps the one thing that has done the most for my personal growth has been my tireless search for knowledge, truth, and life hacks. Being a seeker has pointed me toward countless wonderful resources for improving myself in ways I never thought possible. With nearly any issue I’ve faced, sooner or later I’ve found something that’s given me a potential path to victory. The more places I’ve gone to for information, the better I’ve gotten at improving myself and developing nuanced perspectives that help me understand and navigate the world.

Inspiration can appear anytime, anywhere. I’ve found it in books, songs, movies, TV shows, cartoons, dreams, and conversations with other people. The most seemingly innocuous things can provide me with incredible knowledge and insight if I’m paying attention. Sometimes I’ll realize the profundity of something many years after I first experienced it. Even though it can take a long time before I’m ready to fully understand some things and their implications, I think they still affect me in a positive way even if I’m not consciously aware of them.

Although this is still difficult for me to do at times, I strive to learn with an open mind and try to stay away from proving or disproving my own views. If I’m looking for evidence in favor of something I believe, I’ll find it; the same is true for evidence against things I believe. Whenever I set out to do anything other than learn, I stand a good chance of missing something useful and further entrenching myself in my current perspectives. It’s much more interesting to me (in addition to being much more frightening) to soak up as much information as I can and genuinely consider it even if doing so causes me to change my mind about something I’d once considered to be set in stone. That’s how I’ve grown and freed myself from limiting viewpoints, and it’s gotten easier the more I’ve done it.

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When

Posted on September 21, 2019 by admin

When we feel so alone,

Thank goodness for those who make us feel seen and appreciated.

When we’re “expected” to act a certain way,

Thank goodness for those who let us act how we feel.

When we can’t properly express our feelings,

Thank goodness for those who know what we mean.

When we get stuck thinking about our flaws,

Thank goodness for those who remind us of our strengths.

When we’re our own worst enemies,

Thank goodness for those who act as heroes.

When our lives are full of storms,

Thank goodness for those who bring us some sunshine.

When we have nowhere else to turn,

Thank goodness for those who give us refuge.

When we need a friend,

Thank goodness for those who answer the call.

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The Real Problem

Posted on September 20, 2019 by admin

This is an excerpt from Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. Here, Voss emphasizes that in any disagreement, the real problem is the underlying issue rather than any of the people involved. Focusing on resolving the issue helps everyone keep things civil while working toward a solution, which is why it’s crucial to keep this in mind, especially in tense situations.

Before we move on, I want to emphasize how important it is to maintain a collaborative relationship even when you’re setting boundaries. Your response must always be expressed in the form of strong, yet empathic, limit-setting boundaries – that is, tough love – not as hatred or violence. Anger and other strong emotions can on rare occasions be effective. But only as calculated acts, never a personal attack. in any bare-knuckle bargaining session, the most vital principle to keep in mind is never to look at your counterpart as an enemy.

The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is. So focus on the issue. This is one of the most basic tactics for avoiding emotional escalations. Our culture demonizes people in movies and politics, which creates the mentality that if we only got rid of the person then everything would be okay. But this dynamic is toxic to any negotiation.

Punching back is a last resort. Before you go there, I always suggest an attempt at de-escalating the situation. Suggest a time-out. When your counterparts step back and take a breath, they’ll no longer feel that they are hostage to a bad situation. They’ll regain a sense of agency and power. And they’ll appreciate you for that.

Think of punching back and boundary-setting tactics as a flattened S-curve: you’ve accelerated up the slope of a negotiation and hit a plateau that requires you to temporarily stop any progress, escalate or de-escalate the issue acting as the obstacle, and eventually bring the relationship back to a state of rapport and get back on the slope. Taking a positive, constructive approach to conflict involves understanding that the bond is fundamental to any resolution. Never create an enemy.

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