A Short Gratitude List

Posted on November 28, 2019 by admin

Since today is Thanksgiving, I thought it only fitting to post about some things for which I’m thankful. Cultivating a spirit of gratitude has vastly improved my life and I could write many posts about what I’m grateful to have. These, though, are what most easily came to my mind when I started thinking about this, so without further ado, here’s my list:

  1. Amazing friends. There are a handful of people with whom I’ve shared some aspects of my shadow and they’ve still loved me and accepted me as I am. Their encouragement and support have gotten me through some incredibly hard times and I’m so grateful for their friendship.
  2. Books. I’ve always loved to read, whether for fun or to learn more about any number of subjects. Books have introduced me to so many things that have made my life better than I ever imagined it could be and it seems to get even better as I continue to read.
  3. Life hacks. I have trouble remembering all the life hacks I’ve learned at this point but there are a few such as meditation, floating, and breath work that I use every day (or every week in the case of floating). All the life hacks that I remember to use make it much easier for me to handle life and overcome my struggles, so I’m definitely thankful for them.
  4. Skills that I’ve developed. Although I have some natural talent for a few things, I have more fun juggling, unicycling, and enjoying the other skills that I’ve spent countless hours learning and improving. They serve as permanent reminders to me that my biggest limitation is my mindset, which I’m sure will be important for me to remember as I tackle some of my big life goals.
  5. Wonderful memories from so many experiences. I love to travel and, as I’ve said in previous posts, I’d rather have a heart full of memories than a shelf full of trinkets. Fortunately, I have plenty of memories from the many trips I’ve taken. Everything from juggling events to swing dance workshops to simple road trips and all the meaningful connections I’ve made during each one of those excursions are going to stay with me for the rest of my days.
  6. The progress I’ve made. I’m more patient, understanding, caring, optimistic, practical, and determined than ever before. It took a lot of work, learning, and pain for me to get to this point. Although this journey has often been difficult, it’s been worth the struggle and I’m glad I decided to undertake it.

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How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Posted on November 27, 2019 by admin

I usually talk a lot about good communication in my posts but today I decided to change things up a bit. This post is all about bad communication. I see all of these things regularly online and occasionally in person. And, even though my communication has improved a lot over the past few years, sometimes I still catch myself falling into one or more of these bad habits. This post can serve as a reminder for me to pay attention to how I communicate and it may even inspire some people to step up their game. If nothing else, it’s a fun way for me to vent a bit about the bad communication I see on a regular basis. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this handy guide on how to lose friends and alienate people.

  1. Put yourself in an ideological box. Do the same for others and verbally trash them if their box doesn’t match yours.
  2. Don’t talk with the other person; talk at them and talk past them.
  3. Don’t take the time to get to know someone and find out what they think and why they think that way. Make assumptions about them and always assume the worst.
  4. Don’t give them any opportunities to explain their thought processes. Use all available time to tell them about yourself, your positions, and why you think the way you do (actually, don’t tell them why you think that way; just tell them that you’re right). Whenever they try to talk, either to ask for clarification or to explain their positions, interrupt and reassert your own positions.
  5. Get as little information from them as possible. The less complicated and nuanced you can make their positions out to be, the better.
  6. Assume that they have bad intentions behind all of their thoughts, words, and actions.
  7. Assume that you are always right and that they are always wrong.
  8. Assume that you know everything about whatever subject you are discussing and that there’s no possibility that they might know something that you don’t.
  9. Desperately cling to anything that supports your positions and reflexively oppose anything that challenges your positions.
  10. Refer to anything that supports your positions as “truth”. Refer to anything that supports the other person’s positions as “propaganda”.
  11. Assume that there will be no negative or unintended consequences as a result of your ideas and that there will be plenty of such consequences from the other person’s ideas.
  12. Focus on everything that divides the two of you and ignore everything that unites you.
  13. Don’t look at the lack of understanding between you and the other person as the problem; look at them as the problem and treat them as an enemy.
  14. Treat your interaction with them as a fight and play to win at all costs.
  15. Ignore the fact that they are a human being and treat them like a monster.
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Out with the Old and in With…

Posted on November 26, 2019 by admin

For about a year now, I’ve been growing away from several views that I’ve held for many years or even my entire life. This started slowly at first but has happened increasingly faster as I’ve continued learning about a wide range of subjects, investigating new things, and allowing myself to fully experience some thoughts and perspectives that I had previously repressed. Talking to several people who either have similar viewpoints or are interested in exploring a wide range of possibilities has also accelerated this process and made me rethink a lot of things.

The most dramatic change I’ve made involves moving away from organized religion. Despite being raised Christian, I never regularly attended church until my senior year of high school and sometimes had a thought in the back of my head that I’d someday leave the faith. Sure enough, and without even intending to do so, that’s exactly what I’ve done. In addition to the conversations I mentioned in the previous paragraph, my experiences with meditation and floating have convinced me that there is far more to life than I had originally thought and that no belief system has a monopoly on truth. There are still things that I find beneficial in Christianity, such as the Golden Rule and exhortations to take care of people in need, but at this point I claim no religion. I simply do what I do in every other area of my life: read a lot, consider a wide range of different perspectives, and find value wherever I can.

I’ve made plenty of other major changes on this journey. Much of what I used to think about family, friendship, society, and life itself has gone away. Since this has all happened in a fairly short period of time, it’s been jarring to say the least. Sometimes I don’t know which way is up, where to go, or what to do. I often feel as if the ground beneath my feet is falling away and threatening to take me with it. Maybe I’ll continue replacing the old ground with some new ground, or maybe I’ll find that I never need any ground in the first place. Either way, I feel much more at peace with myself and with those around me than ever before, so I’m interested to see what else I find as I keep moving down this path.

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A Lesson from Steven Wright

Posted on November 25, 2019 by admin

Last Friday, I saw Steven Wright perform at the Florida Theatre. I normally dislike stand-up comedy but I’ve been a fan of Steven Wright ever since I first heard him several years ago. His act consists of dozens of one-liner jokes, long tangents on strange subjects, clever wordplay, goofy songs, and random silliness delivered in an extremely dry manner. I loved the show and laughed hard at a few jokes and songs that really resonated with me.

Sometime afterward, I started thinking about what happened during that show: everyone in the theatre spent nearly two hours watching a guy walk around and occasionally sit down while saying strange things intended to make us laugh. And this wasn’t a street performer who just started doing his act and happened to attract a crowd; the theatre was booked and tickets started being sold long before that night, and everyone who went to the show knew they were going to see a surreal performance. If this had been a random experience at a park, sidewalk, or workplace, most people would probably have gotten freaked out and left as soon as they could. So it’s less about the material or the type of performance and more about the time, place, and expectations of the people who watch it.

I think this goes beyond performing arts. I’ve thought before about how some things are so commonplace that hardly anyone notices them and other things are so out of the ordinary (without necessarily being dangerous or harmful) that they provoke feelings of fear and uncertainty in passersby. While there are some advantages to generally knowing what to expect in certain places, such consistency and routine activity can also become boring in short order. I enjoy being silly and not taking most things seriously when I can. Some of my favorite customers to talk to at my job are the ones with whom I can be more casual, joke around, or just be real with instead of putting up a false front of “professionalism” and denying major aspects of myself, including my goofy side. I think we’d all benefit from relaxing and stepping outside of the cultural norms that have been around since long before any of us were ever born. Who knows? Maybe life would be a little easier to handle if we all shared more of our true selves with each other and maintained a spirit of playfulness. It’s worth a shot.

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A Tale of Two Years

Posted on November 24, 2019 by admin

This year has been quite different for me than the previous year. Both have been amazing in their own ways and they have a lot of overlap, but they are definitely distinct from one another. I think this is a good thing as what I needed in 2018 was probably different than what I needed in 2019. Here’s what I mean.

Overall, 2018 consisted of starting over after the roller coaster that was 2017. Although I met a lot of new people, traveled to some new places, and tried a lot of new things, it still felt pretty calm and safe. That stability allowed me to learn a lot from all the books I read and helped me avoid repeating many of my past mistakes. However, it was such a comfortable year for me that I ended up suppressing and repressing a lot of painful stuff from previous years. Despite the growth I experienced during, I left 2018 with a lot of stones unturned.

Even though the first half of 2019 was pretty much a continuation of last year, as a whole, it hasn’t been nearly as smooth for me as 2018 was. That’s ok, though, since it’s given me many more opportunities for personal growth and allowed me to work through a lot of the stuff that I didn’t address last year. I’m getting a feel for letting go of much of my emotional baggage instead of just burying it deep under the surface and ignoring it. The more I learn and the more I work through, the more I realize that I’ve just barely scratched the surface of self-improvement and have a lot more room for growth.

I’m glad that I had such a big break in 2018. It was a welcome change from the chaos of 2017 and prepared me wonderfully for the challenges of 2019. I don’t know what the remainder of this year has in store for me, let alone what 2020 will bring, but I plan to take things one day at a time and continue working through whatever comes up along the way. That way, whether any given year or season is difficult or easy, I’ll be able to learn from whatever happens and be that much better off for it.

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Quality Posts

Posted on November 23, 2019 by admin

It’s becoming increasingly more difficult for me to think of new blog posts. What’s been even more difficult lately is writing them; I have trouble with sitting down to work on posts as well as structuring them and finding the right words to use. Between procrastination and writer’s block, I have very little time to get them out and often end up making just a few changes to the first or second draft I write. I’m concerned that the quality of my posts isn’t what it could be or even what it was earlier on when I had tons of ideas.

Nobody has mentioned anything about this to me, so that is comforting. And, as long as you can still understand what I’m trying to say and find value in it, then I’ve succeeded in getting my thoughts across. However, I try to continually improve at whatever I’m doing and, whenever I look back on something I’ve done, I always see things I could have done better. I also tend to get used to doing things a certain way and often end up forgetting to focus on small details that make a big difference. So even if others enjoy my posts as they are, I still want to make sure they live up to my own standards.

I’m looking forward to switching to posting once a week in 2020. That’ll give me much more time to think of new things to discuss and write quality posts before sharing them. I’ll also have more flexibility and energy with which to pursue my other interests. That’s my take on all of this, and now I’d like to hear from you. How do you think my posts have been over the past few months in terms of originality, interest, and quality? Let me know what you think and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Pursuing Meaning

Posted on November 22, 2019 by admin

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl asserts that we are all driven to find meaning in life. Sometimes I have trouble with this concept as so much of what goes on today seems meaningless. However, I just recently realized that this may not be the case. Something that’s meaningful to me might not be meaningful to you and vice versa. So any action, gesture, or speech act can be incredibly meaningful to the right person.

As with communication rhythms and The 5 Love Languages, I think that there can be some difficulty when two people find different things meaningful interact. Someone who loves deep conversations might have trouble relating to someone who prefers lighthearted exchanges, someone who wants to have kids probably wouldn’t be a good match for someone who wants no kids, a nomad may not see eye-to-eye with a person who has lived in one place their whole life, etc. It can be difficult to tell what someone finds meaningful until a good while after meeting them, so early interactions can be awkward until two people either find some way to connect with each other or realize they don’t connect and look for other people who will understand them.

It’s interesting to think about my own interactions with other people and how they’ve changed over time. With some people, I’ve found out just how much I have in common with them and we’ve gradually become closer as we’ve gotten to know each other better. With others, it seemed like we had a lot in common initially but later found out that our interests overlap only slightly. Figuring out who I really click with and who I don’t has vastly improved my interactions and made me more comfortable around those whom I see regularly. Additionally, realizing that everybody has their own idea of meaningfulness and may very well be pursuing it each day has reignited my hope and burned away some of the cynicism that had started growing in my subconscious. Now I’m much better able to enjoy the present and I’m even more optimistic for the future.

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Turning Two Days into a Week

Posted on November 21, 2019 by admin

I had a rare two days off in a row but they felt more like a week. I think that’s mostly because I did a lot of stuff on Tuesday and then had a much more relaxed day Wednesday, so it was a good balance of busyness and calmness. Here are the highlights from those two days.

On Tuesday, I hit the ground running and didn’t stop for most of the day. The first thing I did was take a tour of Sweet Pete’s Candy Shop with a friend. Once the tour ended and we took some pictures, I bought a bottle of some good sarsaparilla (better known as root beer) and enjoyed that as we did a few more things in the downtown area. After that, I bought a tire, got some lunch, and went to a self-defense lesson that I’ve been attending for a few weeks now. The instructor and I both juggled a bit for the first class before the later class started. I had fun and learned a lot during that lesson, and then I enjoyed slowing down and having some time to myself at home.

I got an early start on Wednesday to the few things I did that day. In addition to having the tire installed on my car, I also got some special food for my dog from RawMade Services, went to the gym, and tuned in to a meditation call in the evening. Of course, I went through the usual activities in my daily routine as well, but I had plenty of time to relax and enjoy some quiet time.

It had been a good while since I’d slowed down time and packed as much stuff into two days as I did this week. I’ve gotten sufficient sleep (or close to it) for most of this week and carved out lots of time to myself, and I started this morning with an amazing float, so I feel great despite Tuesday’s busyness. Having two days off in a row is a rare treat for me and I try to make good use of it whenever I get it. I’m satisfied with what I did this time and I hope I’ll be able to say the same next time around.

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Unintended Consequences

Posted on November 20, 2019 by admin

There are consequences for everything you decide to do (and everything you refrain from doing). Some of those consequences are unintended and can’t be easily foreseen or protected against. People may react differently to your proposal than you thought they would, your plan might work better on paper than in practice, you could be incapable of acting as you had intended that day due to sickness or bad news, etc. There are so many variables in any situation, and many of those variables are outside of your control.

Whether your intentions are good or bad, any plan you make will have consequences that you didn’t anticipate. The more complex the plan, the more unforeseen and unintended consequences there will be. If you’re trying to solve a major problem, carefully examine every side of it and get as much information as you can about it before deciding on a solution. Failure to do so can result in no change whatsoever or, at worst, complete disaster. That’s why I recommend starting by solving lots of simple problems and gaining many small victories before moving on to more challenging problems. It’s wonderful to want to solve big problems but make sure you approach them in a way that doesn’t make bad situations worse. After all, good intentions don’t protect people from bad ideas and poor solutions.

I try to keep this stuff in mind whenever I make plans. Doing so helps me remember that I never know what the full impact of my actions will be. Sometimes I find it useful to think of stories involving someone being rude to another person on the way to a job interview only to find out that they were rude to the interviewer. Additionally, when I enter a business, I often remember how it feels to be on the receiving end of customer abuse. Both of those life hacks remind me to treat others well and act as if everyone is doing their best. That way, no matter what happens or what anyone else is going through, I can react in a way that brings peace to myself and, ideally, those around me. Even though I face many uncertainties and unintended consequences each day, I’ve gotten better at acting effectively to make the most of my situation, and I’ve only just begun.

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An Example of Following My Own Advice

Posted on November 19, 2019 by admin

Yesterday, I took my own advice: I listened to my body and gave it what it needed. For whatever reason, I developed a headache toward the end of my shift at work. It wasn’t debilitating but, like all headaches, it was unpleasant and unwelcome. Drinking water and getting some food on the way home helped but it got worse later on. Laying down and spending time on my Kindle didn’t make it go away or reduce its intensity, so I tried other things.

The first thing I did was take some medicine, which I usually try to avoid so I don’t become dependent on it but it felt appropriate here. Next, I decided to try taking a nap. Although I usually can’t nap unless I’m thoroughly exhausted and haven’t had any caffeine for several hours, I managed to nap for about an hour and a half. I set an alarm so that I wouldn’t sleep too long as I still had some stuff to do before calling it a day. When my alarm went off and I shook off the grogginess, the headache was gone and I felt so much better. I then had no trouble finishing the rest of my tasks and heading to bed.

I enjoy pushing myself and seeing what challenges I can overcome. The sense of satisfaction I get from overcoming a difficult obstacle is incredible and hard to reproduce in other ways. However, I’ve slowly come to accept the fact that sometimes I need to take it easy for a bit. Sometimes taking a nap, skipping a trip to the gym, or otherwise resting instead of being active is the way to go. Sharpening the saw isn’t always enjoyable but it’s sometimes necessary and always worth it, both for the rest it provides me as well as how it gives me what I need to resume my normal activities later on. And I’m starting to enjoy it more for those very reasons.

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