Finding Answers in the Stillness

Posted on March 25, 2020 by admin

With most of my floats, it takes a while for my thoughts to settle and for any existing tension or anxiety I have to go away before I can get to a place of incredible mental stillness and peace. Once I get to that place, answers start flowing. Sometimes the answers are as clear as if someone whispers them in my ear or plants them in my head. Other times answers come in the form of actions, such as falling asleep if I’m really tired, haven’t been getting enough sleep, or just feel so relaxed from the float that I drift away. I think that the current situation is giving us all a chance to do exactly what I do in my floats: slow down, listen, and be ready to receive answers. Initially, there will be lots of fear, anxiety, panic, depression, uncertainty, and other similar emotions. Given time, though, letting those thoughts run their course without resisting them, fighting them, or trying to get rid of them will cause our thoughts to settle and our minds to come to rest in a place of peace, and then we will start to get answers. What those answers will be and when they will come, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not going to try to force them to arrive. I’m just going to work on observing my thoughts and staying with my breath as I let my thoughts run their course. Whenever I get into that place of presence and stillness, I’ll be ready to receive whatever is given to me and will pass it on later if I feel drawn to do so.

This doesn’t mean I’ve had it easy during this time. Although I’ve felt less anxious than usual, I have been a bit depressed since all of my social dances, my gym, and my job have been shut down. I miss dancing, seeing my friends, going to my self-defense lessons, and going through my usual routines. Before any of this happened, I had resumed working on the things I’d learned from Letting Go since I hadn’t done much of that stuff in a long time. Now that I’m at home a lot more than usual and have far fewer distractions, I’m even more focused on those things, especially staying present and surrendering. So if anything, this post serves as a reminder for me to take things one at a time and focus on the important things that I can control.

It’s been wonderful to see that lots of people are taking care of themselves during this time, including prioritizing their mental health. Additionally, they are also looking out for those around them, especially those who are in poor health or who lack the necessities. That has given me hope and makes me think that the bad communication and division I’ve seen exists mostly online while a lot of good stuff is being done in real life. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and I think the same is true for most people I know. I feel like we’ve left the old world behind and are moving toward a new world that we’re slowly building with the decisions we’re making right now. I’ll close by saying that my ultimate hope amidst all this craziness and uncertainty is that we will carry with us into the new world whatever lessons we learn during this time of testing.

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6 Good Things to Do Right Now

Posted on March 18, 2020 by admin

If my neck of the woods is any indication, then modern life has been turned upside down as of late. So many businesses, parties, weddings, trips, and small gatherings have been canceled, and it looks like that will only continue. Accordingly, I thought it would be helpful to share some good things to do during this time. This is as much for me as it is for you and I hope it helps all of us.

  1. Get plenty of sleep. I can always tell when I’ve had enough sleep and when I haven’t. Being sleep deprived makes everything more difficult and frustrating. And, as Matthew Walker talks about on this Joe Rogan podcast, sleep is crucial to our health, well-being, and length of life.
  2. Drink a lot of water. Among other things, staying hydrated makes it easier to think clearly, avoid overheating, and exercise more effectively. It’s one of the easiest and most satisfying things you can do for your health. If, like me, you often forget to drink water, you can try this life hack: find a YouTube playlist that’s at least half an hour long (I use this Jim Croce playlist) and take a drink after each song. Doing this once should get you decently hydrated and doing it twice will definitely get you there.
  3. Eat regularly. Being hungry can lead to lots of impulsive and harmful decisions. It also increases stress and can cause headaches, both of which make it harder to make good decisions and interact well with other people. For best results, eat quality food several times a day to stay feeling good and avoid hunger pangs.
  4. Reduce stress. In addition to making you feel terrible, stress can weaken your immune system and make it harder for you to fight off disease. There are all kinds of things you can do to manage, reduce, or even eliminate stress: meditation, breathing techniques, dancing, exercising, reading, talking to loved ones, spending time in nature, hanging out with pets, etc. Focus on whatever helps you avoid stress and do it as often as you need to feel better.
  5. Start or maintain hobbies. This is critical for me right now. My regular swing dance events and self defense lessons aren’t happening for the foreseeable future, so I’ve lost a lot of predictability in my life. As such, it’s important that I keep doing the things I can do by myself, such as unicycling, working on my Spanish, writing, exercising, meditating, reading, and so on. Having something predictable that I can do every day (or a few times a week in some cases) helps keep me grounded and prevents me from going stir crazy.
  6. Keep in touch with loved ones. Although I’m both reserved and introverted (by that I mean being around people tires me out, even if I’m around people I like), I do miss seeing my friends and close acquaintances from swing dancing. Even though online interaction doesn’t fully replace in-person gatherings, it still provides a way for me to keep in touch with good people. Online and text-based communication can do even more to keep you connected with friends or family members who live far away or who are unable to travel to see you right now.
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The Modern Rosetta Stone

Posted on March 11, 2020 by admin

The Rosetta Stone was a monumental discovery. It allowed for the translation of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and allowed modern researchers to understand things long thought lost to history. This opened a flow of information about an ancient civilization that would likely have otherwise remained shut due to the language barrier.

In our times, the problem of communication has less to do with language barriers and more to do with people who speak the same languages but still can’t understand each other. They may hear the words but, in many cases, they’re not actually interested in listening to and understanding those around them. This could be because they’re more interested in speaking than listening, they’re stuck in their own thoughts, or they misunderstand someone and assume the worst about them rather than ask for clarification. Whatever the reason, this causes a lot of unnecessary problems in many areas of life.

I long for a modern Rosetta Stone that will allow anyone to understand those around them if they so desire, whether they’re with complete strangers or dear friends and family members. I’m imagining an approach that’s been tested and shown to work well in nearly every situation that involves communication. This approach could be taught by those who know it to others through regular use in everyday life as well as through intentional lessons designed to break it down and make it clear to everyone who wants to learn it. I’m doing what I can to make that happen through this blog, my daily interactions with others, and a book I’m writing that will contain everything I’ve learned about effective communication. This, along with the people in my life who know how to truly listen and seek to understand the perspectives of others, gives me hope that we can one day solve the communication problem and, in so doing, open a flood of information that will allow us to accomplish nearly anything we wish. That’s my dream and I hope my efforts will help it come true within my lifetime.

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Two Perspectives

Posted on March 4, 2020 by admin

My blog posts are usually positive since I’m generally in a good mood when I write them. Occasionally, however, I go through a season in which I feel extremely negative, anxious, sad, or angry. When that happens, my perspective shifts from being hopeful and optimistic to cynical and pessimistic. On some days I can alternate between those two perspectives several times as the day unfolds. To give you an idea of how much those perspectives differ, here’s a comparison, starting with the negative:

“So many people are so stuck in their own heads and wrapped up in themselves that they don’t know, don’t understand, or don’t care about those around them. They don’t care how much they hurt them in small ways or big ways and how they make their lives just a little bit more difficult and painful. There are a handful of people I’ve come across who see things similarly to the way I see them. They’re willing to listen, willing to learn, willing to do better and be better. Those are the people I’m going to focus on, not the ones who don’t want my help. I’m going to live the best life I can and help those who actually want my help. That’s the best use of my time, my effort, and my energy. Why would I try to help people who don’t want my help? I’m going to do the bare minimum to get by with those people and save my efforts for those that are interested in what I have to say.”

And finishing with the positive:

“I want to do what I can to help others get their lives together as I’m slowly figuring out how to get my own life together. What would happen if even a small percentage of people did that and then helped others do the same? Imagine how much more free, peaceful, loving, compassionate, healthy, wealthy, and thriving the world would be. Whether my own original ideas are what end up doing the greatest good or I end up just pointing the way toward other ideas that more people resonate with, I’ll be happy. Of course, even if the world doesn’t miraculously change, I can still help a few people live with more peace, joy, prosperity, and time for the things they find meaningful. There’s nothing I’d rather do more than this.”

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Testing Myself

Posted on February 26, 2020 by admin

I try to put a great deal of thought and consideration into my views. It’s easy for to make snap decisions and cling to them for emotional purposes but I try to avoid that as much as possible. To see how I’m doing with this, I have a little test that I use on myself every so often. It goes a little something like this.

In addition to asking myself why I think the way I do, I also ask myself “What do I mean by that?” whenever I feel strongly about something. I make myself define my terms, explain things in more than just a few simple words or catchy slogans, and try to figure out why I think the way I do. I keep doing that as I go deeper and deeper into my thought processes to see if I have any inconsistencies or thoughts that I haven’t taken to their full conclusions. Taking ideas as far as they can go is crucial for seeing if they are worth keeping, changing, or abandoning. When I want to get even more out of this practice, I have someone I trust test me. Because they’re not in my head and therefore don’t automatically know what I think, I have to be much more thoughtful and thorough in my explanations. Additionally, they can think of better objections to my ideas than I can and often end up making me rethink some of my views.

Whether I do this by myself or with someone else, it helps me see what I actually think and why I think that way, which allows me to change something in my thought processes if I so desire. Since I’ve been doing this for a good while now, my positions have become more nuanced and less ideological. I can also see ideological tendencies more clearly in myself as well as in others. All of this makes it easier for me to empathize with people, understand different points of view, and communicate effectively on a wide range of subjects. Sometimes I go overboard with testing myself but mostly I save it for occasions in which I’m feeling up to the process as it can be difficult and draining at times. Testing myself has benefited me a lot in a variety of ways and, if you’re not already doing it, I highly recommend giving it a try and seeing what it can do for you.

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4 Ways I Take Extreme Ownership of My Life

Posted on February 19, 2020 by admin

One of the most influential books I read last year was Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. It’s inspired me to take more responsibility for my decisions instead of blaming other people or events for things that I dislike. In the spirit of Extreme Ownership, here are some ways that I’ve taken greater ownership of my life over the past few years.

  1. Going to bed earlier. Of all the things on this list, this is the one I struggle with the most. I find it difficult to put away my electronics and go to bed at night. I’m also used to staying up late and sleeping in the next day, which can make me miserable when I have to get up early. I’ve gotten better lately about going to bed at a decent time and getting enough (or close to enough) sleep even when I have an early day at work. As much as I hate waking up early, I’d rather develop the discipline to go to bed early enough to get sufficient sleep than feel like a zombie the next day or put the blame on my work schedule.
  2. Giving myself more time to commute. I’ve pretty much mastered this, at least for my regular activities outside the house. This is a good skill to have since I drive almost every day and have fairly lengthy commutes. Regardless of where I’m going and what time of day it is, I can get ready and leave early enough to get to almost any function in my normal routine well before I have to be there. Sometimes I’ll take a book with me in case I end up having some time to spare and want something to do besides stare at my phone until I go in. Getting there early gives me more peace of mind and prevents me from being late due to heavy traffic or other potential slowdowns.
  3. Using my time wisely. Good time management is easiest for me when I have a day off or a closing shift at work and hardest when I have an opening shift. When I open, I feel like I end up spending the rest of my post-work day trying to catch up on everything I didn’t get to do before I left the house. In contrast, when I close or have the day off, I have plenty of time to get everything done at a fairly leisurely pace. Either way, I always have at least a few hours of free time even on my busiest days that I can spend as I like and I feel best when I put that time toward things I find meaningful.
  4. Being careful with my money. I’ve had some recent car trouble that cost me a pretty penny. Although I did complain a bit about that at the time, I moved on from it fairly quickly once everything was back to normal. The way I see it, I can either blame unexpected expenses for my financial troubles or I can avoid excessive miscellaneous spending so that I’m better prepared for those rainy days and have more money to spend on things that are important to me. And when something urgent like car trouble does appear, I can get it taken care of right away so that it doesn’t become an even bigger and more expensive problem due to neglect.
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A Powerful Empathy Exercise

Posted on February 12, 2020 by admin

You understand your reasons behind many of the things you do, including the outcomes that you hope will unfold. However, you don’t always know or understand those things in someone else, so it can be easy to assume the worst about them, especially if they do something that turns out badly. If you can’t ask them about how they think, then you can try putting yourself in their position. Think about what you might have been hoping to accomplish if you had done those same things. Even if things didn’t turn out as you’d hoped they would, your intentions were still good and you weren’t trying to hurt anyone or cause trouble; chances are that the same is true for them.

To make this easier, you can do something that you find relaxing until you feel some separation between yourself and your views so that you don’t feel as strongly attached to them as you otherwise might. This, in addition to thinking of someone else’s views as if they were your own, will help you put yourself in their shoes and understand why they think the way they do. You’ll then have completed a powerful exercise in empathy and you’ll have a much better understanding of those around you.

Through trying to understand the other person’s perspective, you’ll likely find it much harder to get angry at them for doing something that turned out badly. Instead, you’ll probably find it much easier to think well of them and recognize that they wanted something good to happen even if that’s not the way it worked out. In addition to helping you focus on solving the problem at hand, this will also give you much more mental peace and allow you to save your energy for more important matters later on. I’ve found great success with this when I’ve managed to do it and I hope it serves you as well as it’s served me.

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3 Great Life Hacks for Stressful Situations

Posted on February 5, 2020 by admin

This year has been wonderful to me overall, with lots of pleasant days and hardly any unpleasant ones. When I have had rough days or even just stressful moments during otherwise good days, I’ve used a few solid life hacks to get through them. The following are things I’ve learned from Stoic philosophy and Eastern philosophy. They’ve helped me a lot and I hope they also help you when you need them.

  1. Doing what I can and focusing on one particular task at a time (even if it’s a small task) before moving on to the next one. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I try to calm myself enough to find something to do that will lighten my burden and put me into a better situation. That also helps me avoid becoming paralyzed by stress and unable to do anything. Similarly, focusing on one task at a time and finishing it before moving on to the next one is much less stressful than thinking about everything I have to do at one time. I don’t have to do everything in one fell swoop and reminding myself to keep things simple, do what I can, and work on one thing at a time helps me stay sane even on the busiest days.
  2. Focusing on what I can control instead of what I can’t. I may not be able to control what happens at my job, on the road, or in many other situations in my life, but I can control how I prepare for them and I how I respond to them. I’ve found that coming up with plans to handle busy and potentially stressful times reduces my stress and helps me better handle whatever situation I’m in. I also try to remind myself that I am perfectly capable of coming up with solutions to whatever problems I’m facing once I settle down enough to think clearly, so a difficult moment doesn’t have to bring down my whole day. Having a plan and looking for solutions works out much better than trying to figure out everything as I go and acting as if there’s no way to turn a bad situation into a good one.
  3. Giving myself some challenges to overcome on easy days and allowing myself to rest on rough days. Life isn’t one-note, which is a relief because it would be incredibly boring and predictable if that were the case. That uncertainty can make things tricky but I’ve found a great way to adjust to it. If my day looks to be pretty easy, then I can challenge myself by doing a hard workout at the gym, spending more time practicing with my unicycle, or taking a cold shower. Those physical challenges provide some nice contrast to the easiness and allow me to better handle the hard times, feel accomplished on simple days, and prevent my life from becoming a big marshmallow. On days that appear to be really busy or stressful, I give myself more downtime for rest and leisure. I often lay down when I get home from a long day and sometimes I even end up taking a nap if I’m tired enough. Knowing when to push myself and when to take a break keeps my days from being agonizingly boring or overwhelmingly stressful.
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Changing My Stance on Self-Improvement

Posted on January 29, 2020 by admin

My stance on self-improvement has changed as I’ve gone further in this journey. I still love self-improvement and consider myself to be on a self-improvement journey, but I don’t see it the same way as I used to. I used to see self-improvement as a way to become a different and better person because I didn’t like myself enough and was focusing on learning as much as possible about doing things differently and being better. But as I’ve gone on and learned more, I now see self-improvement as accepting and loving myself as I am and seeing how I can best maximize the qualities I have without trying to change myself to become who somebody else wants me to be.

I see it like an artist who wants to make a sculpture out of a big block of marble. He picks up the hammer and the chisel and chips away everything he doesn’t want until all that’s left is the sculpture. Everything that is gone was never part of the sculpture in the first place; that was just the stuff that the artist had to get through to get to the sculpture within. That’s what I’m doing with self-improvement: I’m chipping away everything that’s not me and is concealing the real me until all that’s left is who I am. This plays into why I really hate when other people are trying to control me, make me do things differently, or be someone other than who I am. When they do that, it feels like they’re trying to take the hammer and the chisel away from me and chip away parts of me that they don’t like and carve me into a sculpture of their own choosing. I want to be my own artist and create my own sculpture. Everyone else can get rid of parts of themselves they don’t like if they want but they can’t do that with me.

Now I do know some people who love me as I am and simply want me to have more self-love, self-acceptance, and peace within myself. That’s perfectly fine with me since they’re not fundamentally trying to change me and it fits in with self-improvement as I see it. They’re just encouraging me to be more myself and love myself as I am. That’s quite different than the people who try to take the hammer and the chisel away from me and carve me into who they think I should be. My close friends have done a lot to fuel my self-love and self-acceptance and I’m grateful to have them in my life.

The sculpture I end up making may be weird and different than the sculptures of those around me and that’s ok. I’ve gotten more comfortable with being awkward and weird, not always knowing what to say, and feeling like I don’t have to say something if I have nothing to say. Overall, I’ve gotten much more comfortable just being myself and observing how people respond. Those who don’t like me? Ok, I don’t need them. I’d much rather be around people who look at the sculpture of my life, see it for all it’s worth, accept all the flaws and the weirdness and the beauty, and say “I like you; let’s be friends.” I’d take those people any day over the people who look at me and say “No, thanks.” The best way to find the people who accept me as I am is to just be myself, see how others respond, and gravitate toward the ones with whom I feel a meaningful connection. That has done so much to improve my life and I’m excited to see what it does for me as I continue to get better at it.

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The Daily Stoic: “Reignite Your Thoughts”

Posted on January 22, 2020 by admin

I think about this every so often. There are long stretches during which I stick closely to my principles and other times that I couldn’t be further from them. Sooner or later, no matter how far I’ve drifted from the things that I value, I always manage to find my way back to them. As I’ve progressed in my self-improvement journey, the times that I’ve veered away from my principles have decreased dramatically and it’s gotten much easier to act according to what I find meaningful. That’s why this entry from The Daily Stoic resonates more strongly with me than most of the other entries from that book, and I’m glad I get to share it with you.

“Your principles can’t be extinguished unless you snuff out the thoughts that feed them, for it’s continually in your power to reignite new ones…. It’s possible to start living again! See things anew as you once did – that is how to restart life!”

-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.2

Have you had a bad couple of weeks? Have you been drifting away from the principles and beliefs that you hold dear? It’s perfectly fine. It happens to all of us.

In fact, it probably happened to Marcus – that may be why he scribbled this note to himself. Perhaps he’d been dealing with difficult senators or having difficulties with his troubled son. Perhaps in these scenarios he’d lost his temper, became depressed, or stopped checking in with himself. Who wouldn’t?

But the reminder here is that no matter what happens, no matter how disappointing our behavior has been in the past, the principles themselves remain unchanged. We can return and embrace them at any moment. What happened yesterday – what happened five minutes ago – is the past. We can reignite and restart whenever we like.

Why not do it right now?

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