Guilt Over Healing

Posted on January 7, 2026 by admin

Anyone who’s read my blog in the recent past likely knows that I’ve struggled greatly since my dog Sawyer died almost four years ago. I’m glad to say that the pain is almost gone, and the little bit that remains is nothing compared to what it was at its worst. Despite that, I still often feel guilty about feeling less grief over Sawyer’s death. Let’s explore that together in this post.

I’ve seen and heard so many messages about how grief is the price of love or a sign you still care about lost loved ones. I disagree with both of those and see them as intellectualizations that make the pain persist by keeping one focused on overthinking everything instead of releasing the painful emotions. Still, I find myself wishing that I thought about Sawyer (and dreamed about him) as much as I did when the pain of his death was so overwhelming that I often didn’t know if I’d survive it. That seems to be part of the sentiment behind this beautiful song, along with concern that getting over a lost loved one would also mean getting over the love that was shared.

There is also some fear that I’ll forget about Sawyer or start to forget important details about him if I keep getting over his death. C. S. Lewis expressed similar concern after his wife’s death in A Grief Observed. He mentioned his concern over the possibility of remembering an inaccurate version of his wife rather than who she actually was since she was no longer around to instantly set the record straight. I wonder if that’s why I’ve developed certain routines after Sawyer died, which includes looking at some pictures and videos of him every day. Either way, I’m glad that those routines have kept him on my mind, made me recall so many of our wonderful times together, and reminded me how he looked and sounded and acted.

No matter where they appear in my life, guilt and shame remain some of the most difficult emotions for me to release. I suspect that part of the trouble I have releasing them in this situation comes from how little I did to stand up for Sawyer and possibly get him more time toward the end of his life. Since his death, I’ve seen several stories of dogs who seemed to be near the end of their lives and then made miraculous recoveries; in some cases, they got several more years with their families. I’ll never know if that would have happened with Sawyer. I still wish I had advocated much more strongly for him. If that had gotten us any additional time together, even just a few more days, it would have been worth it. Even more worth it if it meant he’d still be with me today.

I still desperately wish Sawyer were alive on Earth, and I don’t know if that will ever change. I feel no guilt about missing him, even with all the folks who’ve told me over the past few years to not feel bad and do something to distract me from my emotions. However, I know that it will take a lot more work to release the guilt and shame I feel around feeling less pain over Sawyer’s death. The same goes for the guilt and shame I feel over some things I did with him and many things I didn’t do with him, especially doing little to stand up for him toward the end of his life. Sometimes just remembering how badly I failed him is enough to push me through fear, discomfort, and other limitations so that I can do something rather than do nothing and regret it later. Since this all still weighs heavily on me and since one of my goals for 2026 is to make peace my normal state, I plan to continue working through this pain this year until it’s gone and I can finally have peace around healing from the loss of my best friend ever.

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2025 Year End Review

Posted on December 31, 2025 by admin

At the end of each year, I like to look back on it and consider how it all went. Each year always gives me plenty to reflect upon, and 2025 gave me even more than usual. Let’s take a look at how 2025 went for me.

In a way, 2025 was the year of goodbyes for me. I said goodbye to so much: routines, places, activities, and even some humans and animals. One of the biggest changes was getting and keeping a steady day job. Among other things, that helped me out a lot financially and made many of the highlights in this post possible. However, it also took away a great deal of my free time, forced me to change a lot of habits and routines, and put me around a lot of difficult humans, including one of the biggest bullies I’ve ever encountered. As such, one of the best things to happen to me this year also brought about massive changes and losses.

One major change that I never imagined happening was that I stopped going out swing dancing regularly. This was mostly from having to psych myself up so much before going out, feeling uncomfortable on many nights out, and disliking how predictable and shallow the interactions had become (in addition to some needless drama and hostilities that seemed to become par for the course at some dance events). Although having to wake up early the next day for work made it difficult, I stopped going out regularly over a month before I got that job. While I’ve gone out a few times to other dances since then, 2025 has been my lightest year for dancing since I started going regularly back in 2017.

I had a blast on all of the Disney trips I took to Disney’s Hollywood Studios, the Magic Kingdom, and Animal Kingdom. They were all fun despite some difficulties (especially on my second day at the Magic Kingdom) and the fact that many attractions I love at Disney World closed down shortly after my trips. In fact, the main reason I took those trips was to say goodbye to MuppetVision 3D, PizzeRizzo, Muppets Courtyard, Tom Sawyer Island, the Liberty Belle riverboat, the Rivers of America, the Boneyard, the Dinosaur ride, and the rest of Dinoland U.S.A. Almost all of those attractions are already gone, and Dinoland U.S.A. will be gone soon. So many things from those parks that gave me wonderful memories as a kid are or will soon be nothing but memories.

I also said goodbye to MOSH at the location where it was for longer than I’ve been alive. Nothing about the outside has changed in the times I’ve driven by it since my last visit there. I don’t know how the inside looks at this point. I don’t think I want to know. It’s been heartbreaking to see the various difficult changes at Disney World parks this year. I don’t want to add even more heartbreak by seeing difficult changes at an equally special place.

The saddest part of this year for me was saying goodbye to my grandparents’ house. This was the first year since 2020 that we didn’t have a family gathering there around Christmas. Even after my grandmother’s death in late 2024, I still visited with some family members there as we sorted through everything, kept some mementos from my grandparents while donating or throwing away other belongings, and finished preparing their house for sale. Since their house was sold in late January and I got to spend a few nights there both to help with last preparations and also to make and enjoy some final memories, 2025 is probably the last year that I’ll get to visit family, spend the night, walk around the yard, and make more wonderful memories at that lovely house. Sometimes it still physically hurts to think that I’ll likely never get to do any of that again for the rest of my life. I did drive by their house a few days before New Year’s Eve just so I could see it once more before 2025 ended. That brought me some comfort. I’ll likely do that again a few times next year.

This was the first full year, first full calendar year, first birthday, and second Thanksgiving and Christmas without my maternal grandmother. It’s also been over three and a half years as well as four birthdays, Thanksgivings, and Christmases without my dog Sawyer. Those losses plus some extra busyness from work made it take longer than usual for me to get into the Christmas spirit. If I remember right, 2017 was when I started feeling sad around Christmastime, and each year has featured that. This year, it started on December 6th, mostly from missing the way so much used to be. I wish my loved ones were all still here and that I had more time away from work the week of Christmas. I was glad when the work we had scheduled on Christmas Eve got cancelled, which gave us an extra day off and let me spend Christmas Eve exploring a lovely lantern display at the zoo. That helped me get into the Christmas spirit and get out of the work mindset before the big day.

I’ve had hardly any contact with someone who used to be a close friend and no contact at all in over a year from someone who was like a mom to me. I don’t know why either of them did that, or why they hadn’t responded to my attempts at reaching out. One of them did eventually respond. As nice as that was, I don’t know if our friendship will ever be what it was before the long radio silence.

I miss the abundance of free time I used to have. Even after about nine months at my day job, I still don’t have a good balance between time and money. There’s so much I want to do, both in my usual routines and elsewhere, and work gives me hardly any time to do it. At least it’s also given me much more money than I’ve had in many years. I hope that investing will someday give me tons more free time so I can do as I like along with plenty of money with which to live comfortably. I’m glad that I’ve taken steps toward that by investing much more this year than I have in previous years, mostly into the Roth IRA I started earlier this year. For now, I’m enjoying the time I have off for Christmas and New Year’s and am dreading going back to work in early January.

On top of all of that, I still dealt with car and health issues this year. I don’t know what I’d have done if I didn’t have the money from my job to get my car back in good shape after some close calls and a few disgusting incidents. My health has been easier and far less costly in comparison. However, some tooth and gum issues that have flared up in the last week of this year have gotten me feeling concerned. I scheduled a dentist appointment for late January. I hope that can sort out the issue, and that I can get in earlier if someone cancels. Still, I fear what might be going on and what might be needed to fix it.

Fortunately, there were plenty of enjoyable parts of 2025. One highlight was when I learned how to ride the giraffe unicycle that someone from my local juggling club gave me. The seat post it came with was too short for me, which made riding incredibly difficult. After buying a longer seat post, it became much easier and made riding much more comfortable. It then took almost no practice to get the hang of it due to all the years of unicycling I’ve done.

While I did hardly any professional performing this year, the few gigs I had went splendidly. The Mardi Gras gig was fun and fairly easy, despite lots of sun. Dickens on Centre was the best one I’ve performed at so far. Nearly everything went well, everyone involved seemed to have a great time, and I loved seeing so many familiar faces in and around the event. The same goes for Crescendo Amelia’s How the Big Band Stole Christmas shows. I didn’t drop at all when I juggled onstage and had fun dancing in another number. With both of the winter gigs, it was wonderful seeing lots of familiar faces, many of whom I’ve seen every year I’ve done those events. I hope to see them all again next year.

One of the most interesting and unexpected observations came when I rewatched After Life in the last few days of this year. During the heavier emotional moments of the show, I noticed that the pain I felt through most of the viewings I had after Sawyer’s death was almost completely gone. Letting go so much over the last five years has paid off tremendously. With After Life, it allowed me to enjoy more of the funny parts while still having compassion for the characters and sometimes tearing up at the extra sad stuff without crying nearly as hard or as much as I did before.

Overall, 2025 was an extremely mixed year for me. I’m glad to say that it wrapped up quite well, and I’m glad it wasn’t as awful as several other years of my life have been, including most of the years in this decade so far. That said, I wish it had been much better, and I’d go so far as to say it was a bad year that had some nice moments and a good ending. I hope that the progress I made this year will carry over into next year and help make 2026 a much better, kinder, and gentler year for me.

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Reviewing My 2025 Goals

Posted on December 24, 2025 by admin

It’s time to review my goals for this year. Overall, I think I did pretty well, especially considering how tumultuous 2025 was and how many major changes occurred. Let’s check out my results and see if you agree.

  1. Have more important conversations. Though these are often difficult, I dislike calling them “difficult conversations.” That often sets them up for failure or prevents them from happening altogether. Despite all the communication skills I’ve learned and all the emotional pain I’ve released that’s made those skills easier to use, I still struggle to voice my concerns, needs, and requests with those close to me. Although I believe in disconnecting from abusive humans, I don’t want disconnection to be my go-to response whenever things get uncomfortable with humans who aren’t abusive. I fear that that is what is happening. This is still uncomfortable for me to do, so I believe it will be the hardest of my goals for next year. However, it’s worth dealing with the temporary discomfort to prevent the permanent loss of my important relationships. I plan to face a lot of that discomfort next year.

    I certainly faced a lot of discomfort this year regarding conversations. While there were some successes, there were also some failures. Even where there were successes, some of them came from a vastly different approach to the effective communication I’ve studied so much since 2018. That was most notable when I put a bully in his place after I got fed up with his consistent cruelty. Although that seemed to be effective as he pays me almost no attention at this point and is far less likely to bully me than he was before I stood up to him, I don’t want that approach to become my norm. I’ll save that for those like him who don’t respect any other approach and keep working on improving at using my civil approach for everybody else.


  2. Thrive financially. This year, I survived financially. Next year, I want to thrive. No more working almost every day only to have the small amount of money I make disappear much faster than it comes in. No more skating the line between staying afloat and sinking. And no more having to be absurdly strategic with how I handle my finances week to week. I want to get back to where my financial situation was years ago, when I could easily go on several multiday trips a year outside of work, handle unexpected expenses without issue, and consistently save money by making much more than I spent every month while still regularly enjoying things that cost money (eating out frequently, impulse purchases, group activities at the movie theater or bowling alley, and so on). If 2025 picks up where 2024 looks as if it will leave off, then I’ll be able to do all that and more. I feel excited for it.

    This was my most successful goal by far! Having a steady day job since April made it much easier to stay on top of my bills, save and invest money regularly, and have plenty of fun money to play with. Since I’ve done so well here and am still on an excellent path financially, I believe I can retire this goal and make room for another one next year. Even if this is no longer on my main goals list, I believe that my financial situation will continue to flourish due to the good habits I’ve developed and progress I’ve made this year, and I look forward to it getting to an even better place next year.


  3. Heal other pain. Over the last two years, I’ve been able to heal nearly all the pain around my dog Sawyer’s death. That’s remarkable to me as for over a year, I was in so much pain that I thought I would never feel any better. Since I feel much better now in that area, I want to go deeper into other painful areas, especially the original wounds that have been with me since I was a little kid. It was a pleasant surprise to find that healing the pain of Sawyer’s death also healed some other pain. Additionally, it showed me that even pain that seems unending can still be healed with enough attention over time. Now that the worst pain I’ve ever felt is mostly gone, I look forward to seeing what a year of focusing on older, deeper pain will do.

    Mixed results here. There were some breakthroughs and healings as well as recognition of how much I’ve healed in certain areas. I definitely noticed far less pain around Sawyer’s death and life without him. Unfortunately, there was also regression elsewhere, such as the increased anxiety I felt in many social situations as well as more sensitivity to how others treated me. This concerned me quite a bit since I have far less time for healing now due to work. It made me wonder how much I can continue to heal, if at all. Fortunately, there was some progress this month, especially during the holiday performances I did and after getting some good advice from George Vaill. I hope that continuing to heal pain, especially pain from my upbringing, will bring me greater progress and peace.
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My Goals for 2026

Posted on December 17, 2025 by admin

It’s time again to pick the top goals that I’d like to accomplish next year. As I have for the past few years, I’ll be keeping this list short so as not to overwhelm myself and give myself a better chance at accomplishing more of these. Without further ado, here are some things I hope to do in 2026.

  1. Make peace my normal state. When I was doing at least one sensory deprivation float a week, I typically felt good in daily life. I felt even better when I did some experiments involving floating every day for a week or more. That got me to some incredibly deep states of peace that stayed with me the whole time I did those experiments and lasted for days even after I resumed my normal one float per week. Once I learned how to let go and practiced it for hours a day, I felt similarly at peace, even at a few points after I stopped floating entirely. With the deaths of my dog Sawyer and my grandmother plus tons of other issues for almost four years in a row now, I’ve long since lost that state of peace. That’s why my main goal for 2026 is to make that peaceful state my natural, daily state. Even though letting go while sitting or lying down got me through a lot of challenging times, it seems like learning how to let go while walking, talking, driving, working, reading, writing, juggling, unicycling, and doing other things in life is what I need to get to a lasting place of peace. With that in mind, 2026 will be the year that I learn how to let go continuously and feel peaceful in my daily life.

  2. Stand up for myself without being a bully. Despite all the progress I’ve made in my healing journey, I still act like a doormat more often than I’d like, and sometimes the bulldozer comes out when someone has pushed me too far. I want to keep improving at voicing my concerns and setting and maintaining boundaries effectively without going overboard. I hope that the better I get at addressing concerns when they’re still small early on, the better I’ll get at setting and maintaining boundaries without becoming like one of the many bullies I’ve encountered.

  3. Get more sleep. After adjusting my sleep schedule a lot for work this year, I got pretty good at going to bed early enough to get sufficient sleep on both work nights and weekends. Unfortunately, that fell by the wayside after a few months. At this point, I tend to get enough quality sleep on my days off and not nearly enough quality sleep on work nights. Even when I go to bed at a good time on work nights, I often toss and turn, which makes me feel even more tired the next day. My sleep is even worse on the days when I have to wake up much earlier for work than usual. I suspect that going to bed much earlier will give me more time to settle into bed and fall asleep. I also believe that spending less time on my phone before bed will make it easier to drift off to sleep. I look forward to getting better sleep and more of it in 2026.
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Pressure in Conversation

Posted on December 10, 2025 by admin

For as long as I can remember, I have noticed an immense amount of pressure in interactions with others. This goes all the way back to when I was a little kid, and although I didn’t recognize it consciously as pressure at the time, I still felt uncomfortable whenever it appeared. Unfortunately, it has followed me into adulthood and seems to be becoming more common. Here’s what I’ve seen.

One of the most common examples is pressure to respond. This often comes in the form of someone asking the same question repeatedly without giving me any time to think of an answer. It’s also an example of the harder someone tries to get something, the less successful they are. The more they repeat the question, the more they prevent me from being able to think of a response, and the farther away they get from their goal of getting a response. It’s even worse when they start talking quickly in an anxious voice to add pressure for me to respond quicker than is comfortable for me. Sometimes I’m able to wait them out until they finally stop asking the question long enough for me to put together a response. Other times, I give half of an answer out of frustration while they’re still asking me the question. I’d like to get better at staying quiet until they quiet down, though some people seem like they’ll never quiet down and wait for an answer.

Similar to this is saying the same thing over and over again, regardless of what I say in response. One example occurred at a gig when someone kept saying “You can drink here” every time I said, “I’m good” until I finally said, “I don’t drink alcohol!” Since I don’t know that person’s intentions, all I can go by is how it came across to me, and it seemed as if the person was trying to pressure me into drinking. Another similar example is when I worked at a retirement home and a coworker said I could eat some of the leftover food. Even after I twice said that I’d rather eat the food I brought from home, she still kept saying, “You can eat this.” Rather than continue giving an explanation that seemed destined to fall on deaf ears, I left the room and ate the food I brought. I don’t know why some people believe that the proper thing to do when someone declines an offer is to keep making the offer repeatedly instead of respecting the boundary and moving on.

It’s also common for others to try pressuring me into giving a particular answer or agree with what they’ve just said even if I disagree. They also try to pressure me into talking about something I’d rather avoid, or talk when I’d rather stay silent. If I resist long enough and strongly enough, some folks I know will talk in a much louder voice with much greater intensity and even hostility. I’m having some success at avoiding falling into their traps when they do that, though not as much success as I’d like.

There is also pressure to listen to what others have to say, no matter what. Some will drone on seemingly endlessly without giving me any room to add to the exchange or any space with which to process what they’ve said, and seemingly without noticing that I have no interest in or understanding of what they’re saying. A few folks have even wanted me to look directly at them the whole time, which only makes it harder for me to understand them since human faces are highly distracting to me. Even when it’s my turn to talk, most folks I’ve known will still act as if it’s their turn by interrupting me and then continuing to interrupt even when I keep talking through the interruption; some even continue to interrupt me after I request not to be interrupted. This is the strangest and most frustrating to me when someone who has just talked nonstop for minutes on end will then interrupt me when I finally get to speak again and am only a few seconds into my contribution. Did they not get enough time to speak during their longwinded monologue and so have to steal time from me to say even more while letting me say almost nothing?

One of the weirdest (and definitely most upsetting) parts of this is the difference between how everyone described above treats me versus how they treat others. While some treat everyone like this, others only treat me in that manner and treat others much better than they treat me. This always makes me feel upset (sometimes to the point of crying when I’m alone later on), and has caused me to back away a lot from the folks who’ve treated me so much worse than they treat others.

It still blows my mind how good my late dog Sawyer was at communication. Most of the times I talked to him, he got quiet and actually listened to what I was saying. He also seemed to understand most of it. I also did my best to listen to and understand him, though I believe he was more successful than I was. Sawyer definitely did a much better job of listening to and understanding me than most of the humans I’ve known have done, and without the pressure of so many human interactions I’ve had.

The few humans I’ve known who come close to matching Sawyer tend to be hard to access as they live far away and have quite busy lives. As such, I tend to mostly keep to myself in my own time and don’t talk to a lot of people in person. Text-based communication is much easier as I have plenty of time to think about what someone’s said before responding, can say as much as I like, and there are no interruptions. I don’t know if anything that I’ve said above will change. I’m not holding my breath for it. All I can do is continue healing, communicating in ways that are comfortable for me, and finding those who communicate similarly while setting boundaries against those who make effective communication impossible. Here’s hoping that gets easier over time.

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The Big One-Way Trip

Posted on December 3, 2025 by admin

Occasionally, I’ll think about how weird time is. One can move in any direction in space yet can only move forward in time. In some cases, that’s wonderful. Spending enough time to learn almost any activity will result in huge improvements over the years, and it’s nice that that progress can’t be easily undone by randomly going backward in time. However, being stuck moving constantly forward in time also has major downsides. I’ll talk about some of those in the remainder of this post.

As a kid, I remember thinking about how a moment in time, once it’s passed, is gone forever. That no two days are exactly the same and that a day that’s already happened will never come back again. I don’t know what exactly got me thinking about that since that was long before I read, watched, or otherwise consumed any major work about humanity’s one-way journey through time. As I’ve looked into more such works and had more experiences I wish would repeat, it’s been increasingly more on my mind. A particularly poignant and painful reminder is this clip from Fred Penner’s Place in which Ernie Coombs sings about every day passing away shortly after his wife died. I have no idea how he got through that song as well as he did in the midst of what must have been an unbelievably painful experience.

There is also the loss of particular skills over time. I’ve lost track of how many skills are either super rusty or nonexistent at this point simply because I don’t practice them anymore. Magic is an excellent example. Since I haven’t practiced magic in over a year, I can remember almost none of the tricks I learned. It’s been interesting to go from easily doing a variety of different tricks to not recalling how to do most of them. Even with skills I’ve kept up with, I’ve noticed changes in my abilities based on how much I practice, how well I practice, and how my body has changed over time. Everyone seems to lose some ability as they age and find it incredibly hard to do certain activities that they found much easier when they were younger. It’s disconcerting to see my skills at juggling decrease in some ways now compared to how they were at my peak. I hope that regular practice at least keeps them from declining any further.

I wish it were possible to move through time as easily and freely as I can move through space. I’d love to go back to places, events, buildings, areas, and activities that are now gone or not worth me going there anymore. Whether they’ve been destroyed or are far worse than they once were, I miss being able to make new memories there. I’m so glad for the memories, pictures, videos, and other mementos I have of those wonderful lost times with some wonderful animals and humans. Most of all, I’d love to revisit the precious moments I had with my dog Sawyer, a few other animal family members, and my grandparents. I miss all of them dearly and sometimes find myself physically aching over the fact that I won’t get to visit them again for the rest of my Earthly life. I so wish we’d had more time together, that I’d been more present with the time we had, and that I could check in with them once in a while. I hope to learn from my past mistakes in this area by making good use of my remaining time.

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The Value of Little Projects

Posted on November 26, 2025 by admin

Life can easily become overly complicated, big, and scary. Whenever that happens, I find myself focusing in on much smaller matters. That’s why I’d like to talk a bit about the value of little projects in this post.

I’m talking about low-stakes creative projects that I find fun, useful, and satisfying. They may pertain to something I already enjoy, or they could be something new to me. Unlike anything involving work, school, or some other obligation, I decide what projects I undertake, to what extent, in what ways, and for how long. That prevents me from feeling pressured to do them in a certain way or for anybody else’s approval; whatever happens, I’ve only got to please myself with the results, and that is tremendously freeing.

These are especially beneficial when I feel stressed about some bigger issues in my life and need something easy and lighthearted to reduce stress and give me a small victory. That seems to be when I take on more such projects than usual. Sometimes they occupy more of my time than the bigger issues hanging over my head as the smaller projects are much easier to handle. That feeling of accomplishment can lift my spirits and remind me what I can do enough to get me through the larger, more stressful issues at hand. Even doing the laundry can check all those boxes. Laundry is a particularly good example since the washer and dryer do most of the work, it’s easy and fairly quick, there’s less of a mess after doing laundry, and I then have more clean clothes to wear when the laundry is done.

I felt inspired to write about this after starting my current project of removing rust from parts of my giraffe unicycle and a few other things. Much to my delight, the Evapo-Rust I tried worked wonderfully! Beyond that, it’s been fun to look into this stuff that I had hardly any interest in until the last few weeks. While there’s still much more that I don’t know about it, I now know far more than I did before I started this journey.

Another example is the cardboard shirt folder I made last December based on this YouTube tutorial. I had a lot of fun making it, about as much fun using it, and love seeing the end results, which are much better than I can get when I fold shirts by hand. It was a nice little project to work on while still feeling upset over my grandmother’s death a few months earlier.

I’ve taken on lots of small projects since my dog Sawyer died. A recent realization is that the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly routines I’ve developed to keep Sawyer’s memory alive are small projects of sorts. I always feel better after completing them, I often look forward to doing them again, and my doing them has little to no impact on anybody else. Also, and along with the other small projects I’ve undertaken, they help ground me, give me something nice to focus on in a world that seems to relish obsessing over negativity, and make my life better overall. I love them and look forward to continuing them.

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The Importance of Quitting

Posted on November 19, 2025 by admin

Two concepts often talked about in the business world are continuous improvement and creative destruction. Continuous improvement looks to see where progress can be made with existing systems, routines, services, products, and so on. There has been a lot of work at making things increasingly more efficient over time. In contrast, creative destruction is about pivoting from one thing to another as needed. This could look like making a different product that seems to now be in demand even if doing so requires one to quit making an existing product that’s selling well. Someone I know once described continuous improvement as constantly working to make a better widget while creative destruction is knowing when to quit making a better widget and start making the doohickey. While I do find value in continuous improvement, creative destruction fits in better with this post, which is about the importance of quitting.

Some folks say that quitting is one of the worst, if not the worst, things you can do. They have tons of motivational pep talks about never giving up, continuing to move forward, and persevering through anything and everything. Nope. By focusing so much on diving headfirst through obstacles, they neglect to see if there are easier ways to get around those obstacles, or if there are other ways to get where they want to go that have few, if any, obstacles. Sometimes, they might even choose a needlessly difficult path so they can satisfy their pride by bragging about intentionally going the hard way.

Beyond that, there are countless stories of people having great success and even totally transforming their lives after they quit one or more things. So many have improved their health by quitting eating junk food and living sedentary lives. Others have made things much better for themselves and their loved ones by quitting one or more toxic relationships. Rather than figure out how to manage their counterproductive habits, they quit them and then prospered. The sooner you quit something bad and start doing something good, the better. Habits can take a long time to change, so the longer you go down the wrong path, the longer it’ll take and the harder it’ll be to get onto a good path.

Some of the things I’ve quit include suppressing my emotions, letting others walk all over me (mostly), bad jobs, toxic relationships, and letting the negative opinions of others stop me from doing what’s good for me. That last point is easiest to see with my healing journey after my dog Sawyer’s death. Some might think I’m wallowing in misery or find it insane that I still talk and sing to Sawyer by his grave. They can think that all they want. I know that those and other activities and routines I’ve developed since losing Sawyer have reduced the overwhelming pain that was drowning me for over a year to nearly nothing. What I’m doing is helping me heal, and I’ll keep it up regardless of whether or not anyone else understands or approves of it.

Over time, I’ve gotten better at sticking with the things that work well for me and quitting those that work badly. In many cases, I’ve benefited more from stopping quitting something bad than starting two or more good things. Getting rid of that which does more harm than good makes room for more of the good in relationships, business, and life overall. That’s why I’m glad to have quit so much in my life and why I’ll never quit quitting.

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Tribute to Pal

Posted on November 12, 2025 by admin

When I first got you over a decade ago

I couldn’t have guessed how close we’d grow

Though some see you as just a car

I see you for what you truly are

You are a bridge to fine folks and things that I’ve found

Many of them, sadly, no longer around

Remembering how you drove around Sawyer and me

Always cheers me up and fills me with glee

We’ve journeyed together on countless road trips

And you’ve kept in confidence the words from my lips

As well as the moisture from my many tears

That fell due to so many pains through the years

I named you Pal because you’ve always been one

And you’ll continue until our days together are done

It’s always so hard to drive another car

When you’re in the shop, so near and yet so far

Fixing you up always reminds me of how

I’ve lost oh so much over many years now

There are so many folks I’ve lost whom I miss

And I don’t want to add your name to that list

I’ll do what I can to keep you around

With the help of the best car mechanics in town

And if someday we must finally part

I’ll always hold onto you deep in my heart

I hope this poem will let everyone see

How special and valuable you are to me

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Go Easy on Easygoing Folks

Posted on November 5, 2025 by admin

There is a disturbing tendency to treat laidback folks badly because they won’t make a scene or act upset. It’s common to pressure them to give up something they want, always put others before themselves, or make last minute changes to plans they made long ago. Here’s my take on this.

While some folks who appear easygoing truly are, other times it’s one or more trauma responses in play. In my case, the fawn trauma response has often prevented me from sticking up for myself, doing what’s best for me, and putting my needs above the wants of others. As a result, I’ve agreed to many things that I didn’t want to do, backed away from many things that I wanted to do, said things that others wanted to hear, and avoided saying things that I wanted to say. All out of fear of what others might do to me if I sufficiently displeased them (a fear that was based on what many DID do to me as a little kid when I said or did something they disliked).

Another issue this caused me was being made to support others emotionally when my own emotions were a mess. In some cases, this was done by people who only ever reached out to me when they wanted me to support them. When things were going well for them, I never heard from them. Yet whenever they wanted a shoulder to cry on or an ear to talk off, they contacted me. Of course, when I needed support, they were either absent or just talked more about their own problems instead of hearing me out and giving me the same kind of support I had so often given them. It’s no exaggeration to say that drowning in misery and still being expected to rescue someone else, especially when that person was in a lifeboat while I was barely treading water, were some of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. It blows my mind that anybody can be that selfish.

Despite the personal development progress I’ve made, I still find it difficult to deal with those who think that my seemingly easygoing personality makes it ok to always put me last. On the rare occasions in which I have strongly stood up for myself, I’ve received one of two responses. The more common response is for one or more folks to double down and try (often successfully) to intimidate me into backing down and going along with whatever they want. The much rarer and much nicer response is for everyone to back off and respect my wishes. Fortunately, since I put a bully in his place last month, I have far less fear of standing up for myself. Even if that doesn’t work out, I am much quicker at this point to avoid those who try to push me around and won’t take no for an answer.

Sometimes it helps to remember my dog Sawyer’s approach to boundaries. Similarly to other dogs, Sawyer was quite docile and friendly in everyday life while still letting everyone know where he drew the line. He primarily set his boundaries through light growls or moving away from an activity he didn’t want to do and only escalated if those approaches failed. Among the many wonderful things Sawyer taught me, being kind while still setting and maintaining boundaries is one of his most valuable lessons.

Still, I wish that everyone would go easy on easygoing folks. It wears me out to push back against those who think my concerns, interests, and plans don’t matter. Given how many people have done this to me and continue to do so unless I stick up for myself, that’s one of the biggest reasons that I prefer being by myself more often than not. Even if nobody else does, I will respect my own wishes, give myself what I need, and avoid treating myself as disposable. To end this, I’ll say thank you to anyone who is kind to the easygoing folks they know. For anyone who pushes them around and acts as if their interests don’t matter, do better.

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