Leaving a Legacy

Posted on December 21, 2019 by admin

People who try to stay relevant by always talking about current events end up making themselves dated. They’re relevant for a while, sure, but if all they’re doing is focusing on current events, then what happens when those events are no longer current? What happens when people aren’t thinking about that stuff anymore? They lose relevance. If you want to leave a legacy and have a chance of being remembered well after you’re gone, your best bet is to talk about things that are always relevant. Talk about the things we all have in common: our emotions, hopes, dreams, worries, fears, foibles, flaws, our ability to suffer, concerns about death, big questions about life, the desire to live the best life we can, and everything else that we as humans share. All of that is just as relevant now as it was in ancient times and transcends cultural differences. That’s why people who wrote about this stuff back then are still remembered and discussed today. They tapped into things that we can all relate to no matter where or when we live.

What’s more, you can increase your chances of being remembered by offering a unique, interesting, and useful perspective on principles that stand the test of time instead of simply saying what everyone else has already said about them. You might also inspire someone to take your ideas further than you had ever thought possible and make a major breakthrough. However, even parroting the perspectives of other people (while giving them credit for their ideas) gives you much better odds of leaving a lasting legacy than talking about the trivial matters of daily life that are hot for a moment but quickly cool off and fade away, like a message in the sand that washes away when the tide comes in.

In contrast, all the stuff that’s just as relevant today as it was millennia ago and will be just as relevant millennia from now is like a sturdy castle. Nothing is going to erase it from memory or cause it to become lost to time. That castle has long outlived the people who made it and will stick around for a long, long time. Anyone who sees it can think about the people who made it, just as those who come after you can look at what you had to say and remember you as they do. So don’t try to be relevant now by talking about the day-to-day fluff because that will make you become dated before you know it. Instead, talk about the stuff that sticks around and your impact will stick around, too.

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Half the Battle

Posted on December 19, 2019 by admin

The first few days of this week were pretty rough for me and I was super tired by Tuesday night. I talked to a few friends before going to bed and they both gave me a lot of good things to keep in mind that I just wasn’t ready for. On some level, I knew that what they were saying was correct but I wasn’t in any position to apply it that day. I wasn’t even willing to use the life hacks that I talk so much about on this blog. I didn’t do any deep breathing, meditate, or listen to anything encouraging on YouTube. I just marinated in my feelings. Yesterday, I felt much better and did a lot of stuff that I didn’t do the day before. Among other things, I meditated, did breath work, stretched, went to the gym, read a lot, and juggled for a minute or two (plus I had the day off work, which is always nice). Needless to say, Wednesday was a much better day for me than either of the previous two days, and as of today I still feel better than I did earlier in the week.

There is a lot of value in the stuff my friends told me Tuesday night as well as in the life hacks I’ve been collecting for a few years now. However, even though I wasn’t in the mood to use what they told me that night, I was still able to receive it at the time and use it the next day; it stuck with me despite how I was feeling. I think it also helped that I spent a lot of time on Tuesday fully feeling my emotions instead of trying to push them away or bury them. That made me feel better and made it easier to use my life hacks on Wednesday.

It’s worth continuing to learn, study, and find useful things. Even though I’m not always ready to use what I’ve learned right away, there will come a time when I am ready, so it helps to have it available when that time arrives. I don’t always understand something until I’ve heard a few people discuss it from different angles, and I often learn something from one person that allows me to make sense of what I’ve heard from another. I’ve found that out through many of the books that I’ve read. Reading several books on similar subjects really helps me understand and remember the material. For example, reading The Righteous Mind last year made it much easier for me to understand Thinking, Fast and Slow this year as both books discuss the same basic concepts. So I’m going to keep learning, studying, and collecting information because I never know when I’ll be ready to use it and how it will help me when I need it.

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Adventure Motivation

Posted on December 18, 2019 by admin

I’ve talked before about my dream of traveling around the continental US in a camper van and seeing the cool stuff and the hidden gems in each state. Lately, I’ve been thinking about all the stuff that there is to see and do around me. Some of that stuff is in nearby states but a lot of it is in my own city and costs little to no money. Despite this, I hardly go on any adventures on my own. For example, I’ve been to the Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens three times in the past few months because someone invited me each time. The zoo is about half an hour from me, I always enjoy going there, and I can easily afford it, yet I can’t remember going there even one time by myself. Additionally, there are several parks within easy driving distance from me that I’ve been to and greatly enjoyed (such as Ichetucknee Springs), lots of neat little things to do in Jacksonville, and St. Augustine is within an hour’s drive, yet I rarely ever do any of that unless I’m going with someone else. I’ve been to St. Augustine a number of times but only once by myself, and the only reason I didn’t go with anyone that night is because my intention to meet up with some people I know there didn’t happen. So if I don’t take advantage of cool, affordable activities around me now, then why would I pursue much bigger activities later on when I’m by myself in new cities and states?

Several people I know go on small adventures (and sometimes big adventures) by themselves: going on major retreats, moving across the country, attending workshops and weekend events, etc. So why do I hardly do anything special outside my house without being accompanied by at least one person that I know? Maybe my reserved nature has something to do with it. It helps me to go with someone I’m comfortable with; that makes it easier for me to meet new people, try new things, and check out new places. But I don’t think that’s the whole story. I think part of it is the joy that comes from sharing wonderful experiences with those close to me. As amazing as many of the things I’ve done have been on their own, a great part of that wonder has come from being able to do them with friends, including dance workshops, juggling festivals, park visits, weekend adventures, and day trips. So that might affect my ability to go on and enjoy a big road trip around the country without anyone with whom to share the experience.

However, I’ve also been thinking about some of the activities I’ve enjoyed doing by myself, a few of which were at the Florida Theatre. They once showed Buster Keaton’s silent film Steamboat Bill, Jr there with live music to accompany it and I enjoyed seeing it even though nobody I knew went with me. More recently, I saw Steven Wright perform there and had a blast. And I still enjoyed the time I ended up going to St. Augustine by myself; walking around looking at all the Christmas lights, listening to Christmas music from a live band, and seeing the beautiful city was a wonderful way to spend an evening. These are some of the small adventures I’ve loved despite going alone, and I’m sure there will be many more in the coming years. Whether they’re as nice as the events I’ve shared with other people depends on the types of events and who’s around me. I’ll enjoy the experience more if I have meaningful people around me while people with whom I feel little to no connection would probably make no difference. There are also experiences that I enjoy more when I’m alone, such as floating. Floating in solitude and then having alone time afterward to process everything is much nicer than having a lot of people and other distractions around me. This was especially the case with my first float; the only person around me worked at the float center and gave me plenty of space to bask in the post-float glow.

At this point, I don’t think I’ll need to have a road trip buddy to enjoy things like seeing the sunrise in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, touring some amazing bookstores out West, camping out underneath a starry sky, or anything else I plan to experience. With a lot of the things I’ve done, someone inviting me to an event was an easy way to get me out of the house and gave me a reason to do something that I otherwise might not have thought to do. Once I got started, I found many things to enjoy at the zoo, parks, workshops, festivals, performances, and everything else I’ve done. Even if I didn’t have pleasurable company with me, I’m sure I still would have found those experiences meaningful. I hope this means that all I need to undertake an adventure is to have a reason to go and that I can find such a reason outside of the people I know. If nothing else, I can always share my adventures on this blog so you can enjoy them with me. Most likely, it’ll be years before I put this to the test on my big road trip. I don’t think I’ll be in a position to go on that trip anytime soon, so I’ve got plenty of time to plan, prepare, grow, and figure out how to make the most of it before undertaking it, and I hope to have many more wonderful adventures along the way.

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The Daily Stoic: “Know Thyself – Before It’s Too Late”

Posted on December 17, 2019 by admin

I agree with this entry from The Daily Stoic in that lots of people don’t know themselves. I think I know why that may be: self-knowledge is difficult. Examining yourself and knowing yourself inside and out can be quite draining and even demoralizing at times. Shedding light on your psyche can reveal a lot of unpleasant things lurking underneath the surface, so self-knowledge is definitely not for the faint of heart. The insights it provides can be incredibly valuable, however, so I still think it’s worth pursuing.

“Death lies heavy upon one who, known exceedingly well by all, dies unknown to himself.”

-Seneca, Thyestes, 400

Some of the most powerful and important people in the world seem to have almost no self-awareness. Although total strangers know endless amounts of trivia about them, celebrities – because they are too busy or because it hurts too much – appear to know very little about themselves.

We can be guilty of the same sin. We ignore Socrates’s dictum to “know thyself” – often realizing we have done so at our peril, years later, when we wake up one day and realize how rarely we have asked ourselves questions like: Who am I? What’s important to me? What do I like? What do I need?

Now – right now – you have the time to explore yourself, to understand your own mind and body. Don’t wait. Know yourself. Before it’s impossibly late.

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Running on Fumes

Posted on December 16, 2019 by admin

In the West, so many people are addicted to the idea that production is all that matters. They’ve been raised to believe that we should always be busy making things, putting things together, and figuring things out. So they glorify workaholics. They adore the people who are burning the candle at both ends and burning the midnight oil. These are folks who are working all the time at their jobs to put food on the table and take care of themselves and their families but end up with very little time to enjoy their families, friends, and interests. There is also the struggling entrepreneur, who, while working at a regular job, starts working on either starting or growing their business from the time they get off work until early in the morning; the next day, they wake up early to go to their job and start the whole cycle over again. They’re getting hardly any sleep, have hardly any time to themselves, and they spend their whole day working from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed.

Additionally, lots of people see life as one big competition. They think they’ve got to be constantly working, moving, maneuvering, out-thinking, outsmarting, and outwitting others just to stay even, let alone to get ahead. Is it any wonder that people are so stressed out and have so much trouble getting along with each other? In addition to constantly pushing against other people, they’re constantly pushing themselves to go further and be faster, smarter, and better. This is madness and it’s unsustainable.

That’s what a lot of people think of when they think about being successful. They think that if they’re not constantly working, then they’re wasting their lives and they feel useless. They feel bad about taking some time out for themselves to take a nap, go for a walk, or go on vacation. While there’s nothing wrong with producing, building, and creating, when that becomes compulsive and you feel as if you have no other option but to do those things all the time, then it becomes a problem. When the idea of stopping or even slowing down becomes unthinkable, that’s when you’re long overdue for a break. I agree with the idea of creating a lifestyle with built-in breaks so you don’t get overworked and burnt out, and I’d like to see more people do that. Until then, though, I think everyone should carve out a sufficient amount of time for self-care, pursuing things they enjoy outside of work, and showing love and grace to themselves.

The harder you work, the more you need to make time for yourself. It reminds me of the story of the Buddhist monk who says he has to meditate for an hour every day. When someone else tells him that he doesn’t have for that, the Buddhist monk says, “In that case, I need to meditate for two hours every day.” You can only push yourself at top speed for so long before you break down. The busier you are, the more time you need to spend not being busy. That’s largely missing from the West and it’s a big part of why there are so many problems in so many areas of life. So many people are running on fumes and still trying to make everything work, and that doesn’t work. I hope that changes soon.

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Responsibility in Communication

Posted on December 15, 2019 by admin

Perspectives vary greatly from one person to the next on where the responsibility rests in messaging and communication. Some people put the responsibility on the shoulders of the messenger. They say that the messenger must craft a message in a way that is understandable, appreciable, and applicable to the listeners and, if the listeners don’t get it, then it’s the fault of the messenger. Other people would turn that on its head by saying that it’s not the messenger’s fault if the listeners don’t get the message; you can have the best message in the world, crafted and delivered in the best way possible, and some people still aren’t going to get it.

As for me, I think the right answer is somewhere in between. I do my best to communicate in such a way that the listener understands what I’m saying and I will clarify as best as I can if they are confused. Most people I talk to understand what I’m saying by the second or third time if they don’t get it after the first time. However, there are some people who just aren’t interested in hearing what I have to say. I try out a few different approaches with those people until I realize that they don’t care, at which point I move on. No matter how well I’ve worded and delivered my message, some people are never going to get it because they don’t want to get it.

For the most part, though, I take the Extreme Ownership mentality: if someone doesn’t understand me, it’s my responsibility to go back and clarify again and again until they understand. That way I’m not blaming them or getting frustrated at them and I’m looking at things I can control (my ability to speak and word a message) instead of things I can’t control (their ability to listen and understand). I also don’t get frustrated at myself with this mindset. If one of my approaches doesn’t work, I simply try other approaches until one does work, and I make a mental note of how it went so I can do better next time. Other people almost always understand what I’m saying after a few attempts, but if I’ve made a dozen or more attempts and have still gotten nowhere, then I start thinking that this person doesn’t want to understand me, so why continue wasting my breath? That’s my take on responsibility for understanding in communication. I think it’s the messenger’s responsibility in most cases, but when the messenger has done all they can to be understood, then it becomes the responsibility of the listener. I do think, though, that it’s always the messenger’s responsibility to figure out who wants to understand and who doesn’t. I hope this has been helpful and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Emotions and Logic: A Perfect Match

Posted on December 14, 2019 by admin

Where’s the logic in a piece of art that makes your heart soar, whether it’s a song, book, movie, painting, sculpture, performance, or any other kind of art? There is no logic there. Art isn’t supposed to be logical; it’s supposed to make you feel something. There is a time and place for logic. If you want to travel to the moon, then logic (along with facts and reason) will help you get there. But if you want to stand on Earth and gaze up at the moon, marveling at its beauty and wonder, then all the logic in the world isn’t going to help you. That’s squarely within the domain of emotions and feelings.

Logic and emotions both have their place; one can’t act as a substitute for the other even though some people wish that could be the case. Some think that our intellect and our logic separate us from animals, but that’s not so. Animals use intelligence and logic all the time. They use tools to help them do more than they can by themselves (such as apes who use sticks to gather and eat termites), develop complex societies (such as ant colonies), and communicate with each other (such as bees who use dances to communicate with each other about flowers they’ve found, including how far away the flowers are from the hive). There is a lot of logic, complexity, reasoning, structure, and order in the animal kingdom, so the fact that we as humans have all of that doesn’t separate us from animals. However, our emotions and our feelings do separate us from machines, and I hope we never lose that separation as machines become more commonplace both around us and within our bodies.

I used to place a ton of emphasis on logic, reason, and consistency. I thought that I could be completely consistent in my thinking and figure out any number of things without invoking emotion. Looking back, I now realize that my emotions were always present underneath my thought processes, quietly influencing my decisions without my being aware of it. Now I’m enjoying exploring my inner emotional life and learning how this all works from my experiences as well as through books. I’ve learned that emotions can’t be overridden or eliminated with logic. Attempting to do so will only cause the emotions to manifest in other ways, such as pain, disease, anxiety, depression, difficulty interacting with other people, etc. Emotions have something to teach us, so they should be fully felt and experienced. Additionally, emotions and logic can and should complement each other. You can use your emotions to figure out the kind of life you want to live and the kind of world you want to live in and then use logic and reason to figure out how to get there. I feel like I’m at my best when my emotions and logic work together like this as opposed to when I’m running purely on emotion with no logic or purely on logic with no emotion. Like so much else in life, it’s a balancing act, and finding the sweet spot makes all the difference.

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Bubbles and the Inner World

Posted on December 13, 2019 by admin

Even though we all live in the same outer world, everyone still lives in their own inner world; everyone has their own little bubble, if you like. That inner world is shaped by the way they’re wired, their experiences growing up, their life journey thus far, their interests, and so on. Two people who are living in the same area, maybe even interacting with each other or at least seeing each other regularly, can still have very different ideas about the world they live in, the way it’s going, and the way they want to see it go. That can result in a lot of miscommunications, misunderstandings, and altercations if they don’t realize that they’re seeing the world from their own perspectives without taking each other’s perspectives into account. Even if they realize that they’re seeing the same thing from two different perspectives, they don’t know why that is, which makes it very easy for one person to think badly of the other or for both of them to do that. If they took the time to get to know each other and find out why they see things the way they do, then they’d probably have much more respect for each other and be inclined to treat each other better.

That’s why it’s so important to start from the beginning instead of the end (as Simon Sinek talks about in Start With Why). Starting from “We disagree” as opposed to finding out what kind of life the other person has had and what has brought them to see things the way they do is a recipe for disaster. If you listen to someone else’s story, they’ll probably be willing to hear your story and learn why you see things the way you do. From there, you’ll likely find that neither of you want bad things to happen and for people to be worse off than they are; you both want good things to happen and for people to be better off even though you may disagree on how to best make that happen.

So go with someone into their bubble and see what it’s like in there. Spend some time with them and get to know them. If you do that, then you can open up your own bubble to them and invite them in so they can do the same with you. Neither of your bubbles will pop or merge to become one big bubble, but theirs might take on a few of your characteristics and yours might get some of theirs. You’ll both be better off for that interaction and will both have a little window into how someone else sees the world.

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Sadhguru and Recent Realizations

Posted on December 12, 2019 by admin

I had a few major realizations while listening to this Sadhguru video on my way home from work today. The first one had to do with the frustration and even anger that I frequently feel during rush hour. In addition to taking to heart Sadhguru’s points about how getting angry harms me while also being a poor way to get things done, I started thinking about why I feel so much hostility in heavy traffic. Part of it has to do with other drivers who don’t let me merge or try to bully me around on the road, but another element is the feeling of wanting to be somewhere other than where I am instead of focusing on the present moment. I don’t know why I feel the need to rush and get where I’m going as quickly as possible; maybe I’m unintentionally mirroring the actions those around me who adopt that mindset when they drive. Whatever the reason, there’s no need for me to rush as I’ll get where I’m going when I get there. There may be difficulties along the way, such as some drivers not letting me merge exactly when I want to, and so what? That won’t stop me from reaching my destination; all it will do is make the journey less pleasant. This higher mindset helped me avoid anger and frustration on my drive without feeling like I was suppressing anything. I felt a deep sense of peace and everything seemed still and quiet around me, which was wonderful.

The second realization concerned my understanding of other people. I’ve learned a lot about myself since I started my self-improvement journey. I’m regularly getting major insights about why I act the way I do and what I can do to change those actions if I like. It seems like the more I learn, the more I understand how little I know about myself. So if I’m still getting to know myself after a few years of deep study and many more years of regular living, how can I expect to fully understand people I’ve only recently met or have seen briefly without ever interacting with them? I’m capable of giving myself great compassion and empathy when I know the underlying reasons for my behavior, so why not extend those same gestures to other people whom I don’t know nearly as well as myself?

Although I only became consciously aware of these realizations today, I think they’ve been in my subconscious for a while now. I’ve noticed that I’m more inclined to show kindness to other drivers in a number of ways. Additionally, I feel like I’m focusing more on listening to other people and holding space for them without trying to think of a response while they speak or rush in with potential solutions to their problems. The many spiritual videos I’ve watched lately from Sadhguru and other inspirational people have probably made it easier for me to get along with others. At the very least, they’ve been incredibly enlightening and enjoyable to watch. I hope this makes sense and proves valuable to you in some way, and I will see you in the next post.

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Changing My Gym Routine

Posted on December 11, 2019 by admin

Recently, I decided to overhaul my gym routine. I had been pushing myself too hard and too fast at the gym for too long and my progress had ground to a halt. While I’m still focusing on the same exercises, I’m backing off quite a bit in the intensity. That, in addition to changing my gym days so that I’d have more time to work out, means that I’ve missed a lot of workouts lately. I went to the gym today just to get back in the habit of going their regularly and to burn off some extra energy to help me sleep better.

I’m doing way less weight for many more reps than I did before, so my gym trips hardly feel like a workout at this point. But I know from experience, both in the gym and elsewhere in life, that sometimes I have to take several steps backward before I can begin to take even a few small steps forward. As I get used to doing more reps with the lighter weight, I’ll steadily increase the intensity in the hopes of bursting through my previous sticking points in the coming months.

Since I first started going to the gym in 2014, I’ve made a ton of mistakes and learned a lot from them. Earlier this year, I learned how to keep myself on a consistent gym schedule even after coming back from trips or on days in which I didn’t feel like working out. Something else that I learned years ago is that whenever I get impatient and try to progress too quickly, I always end up stalling and having to make major resets. I hope I’ve experienced that lesson enough at this point to find a good gym routine and stick with it so that I can gradually get stronger instead of going up and down in strength like I’ve done for years now. I always do better when I patiently stick to a solid routine at my job, at home, and everywhere else in my life, so I’m looking forward to trying this out at the gym and seeing what it does for me.

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