Shiny Objects

Posted on April 22, 2020 by admin

After the second Matrix movie debuted, some fans came up with an interesting idea. They began to suspect that everyone in Zion was actually still in the matrix. Instead of being free, they were trapped in a second level designed to make them think they had escaped. Even though the third movie showed that this wasn’t the case, I’ve always been intrigued by this idea and I think there is an inverse of this concept that pertains to self-improvement.

I’ve learned a lot of useful stuff in a pretty short amount of time. Things that help me communicate more effectively with other people, reduce my anxiety, strengthen my immune system, get more accomplished in less time, etc. Despite knowing all this stuff, I realized when I wrote about my best life hacks that I don’t always use everything I know even when it would come in handy. I tend to focus more on learning new life hacks than on using what I’ve already learned. My mindfulness buddy dubbed this “shiny object syndrome”. It’s an issue we both face.

How does this pertain to the Matrix theory? In this case, rather than being stuck despite feeling free as in the Matrix theory, I’m feeling stuck even though I can be free whenever I want. I know enough to be able to pick the locks, open the doors, and walk out anytime. Yet more often than not, I get caught up searching for new stuff in the hopes that the next thing will set me free. The more I look elsewhere for freedom, the more I forget that I’m already holding the key.

It’s fine to add more tools to my toolbag but I don’t want to get so caught up in adding more tools that I stop using the ones I already have. There is a lot I can fix, take apart, and put back together in new ways with just a few good tools and a lot of work. I’ve been neglecting those tools for a long time now and it shows. So now I’m going to resume using what I’ve got to help me with anxiety, relaxation, productivity, meditation, insights, and more. I’m excited to see what that does for me and I hope this has been helpful for you.

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The Daily Stoic: “If You Want to Learn, Be Humble”

Posted on April 15, 2020 by admin

I needed this reminder from The Daily Stoic. Whenever I start thinking I know more than I do, almost inevitably something happens that reminds me how much I don’t know. Usually the reminders are gentle but sometimes they are harsh. This entry was a gentle reminder to stay humble and be open to new ideas and other opinions.

“Throw out your conceited opinions, for it is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.”

–Epictetus, Discourses, 2.17.1

Of all the Stoics, Epictetus is the closest one to a true teacher. He had a school. He hosted classes. In fact, his wisdom is passed down to us through a student who took really good lecture notes. One of the things that frustrated Epictetus about philosophy students – and has frustrated all college professors since time began – is how students claim to want to be taught but really secretly believe they already know everything.

The reality is that we’re all guilty of thinking we know it all, and we’d all learn more if we could set that attitude aside. As smart or successful as we may be, there is always someone who is smarter, more successful, and wiser than us. Emerson put it well: “Every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him.”

If you want to learn, if you want to improve your life, seeking out teachers, philosophers, and great books is a good start. But this approach will only be effective if you’re humble and ready to let go of opinions you already have.

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Look for Common Ground

Posted on April 8, 2020 by admin

I often see people begin a conversation by talking about their points of disagreement rather than their points of agreement. I understand this tendency as I used to begin many conversations like this for years. My experience showed me that this is a horrible approach as it makes civil conversations much more difficult and, in some cases, downright impossible. Starting with points of disagreement tends to put the other person on the defensive, especially if they have woven their personal identity into their views. If they think their views are being attacked, they’ll feel personally attacked and react to save their identity from demise. From there, the conversation can rapidly devolve into yelling, name calling, interruptions, deliberate mischaracterizations of each other’s views, and perhaps even violence. By failing to start by looking for common ground, they are more likely to see each other as enemies, and almost nobody can have a civil conversation with someone they consider to be an enemy.

In contrast, starting with common ground humanizes everyone and shows them that they are more similar than they initially thought. This gets things off to a great start and allows them to have a civil conversation on any number of subjects. Even points of disagreement will be easier to discuss since they started off well, enjoyed talking about things they have in common, and now see each other as friendly acquaintances rather than enemies.

Although I understand the value of starting from common ground, it’s still difficult for me to do at times, especially when I’m upset or talking about sensitive subjects. When I’m in a good place mentally, I can notice that I’m starting to get worked up and take a moment to breathe and remember to focus on common ground. Some days, though, this is much harder to do; it’s on those days that starting with common ground becomes that much more important. That’s when I try to detach from the conversation enough to regain my composure, remember that the other person isn’t my enemy, and ask them some open-ended questions to learn more about their perspective and give myself some time to relax. That usually does the trick and gets the conversation back on track. If you haven’t already adopted this approach, I highly recommend trying it out and seeing firsthand what it can do for your conversations.

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April Fool’s Day: The Longest Joke in the World

Posted on April 1, 2020 by admin

It’s April Fool’s Day once again. I didn’t plan a blog post earlier and it’s late at night right now, so I’m just going to include a link to the world’s longest joke. Since it’s well over 10,000 words long, I decided against copying it and pasting it into this post. Even if you don’t find the joke funny, you might still enjoy reading it as it is a pretty interesting short story in its own right. That’s about all I’ve got to say so without further ado, enjoy the world’s longest joke!

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Finding Answers in the Stillness

Posted on March 25, 2020 by admin

With most of my floats, it takes a while for my thoughts to settle and for any existing tension or anxiety I have to go away before I can get to a place of incredible mental stillness and peace. Once I get to that place, answers start flowing. Sometimes the answers are as clear as if someone whispers them in my ear or plants them in my head. Other times answers come in the form of actions, such as falling asleep if I’m really tired, haven’t been getting enough sleep, or just feel so relaxed from the float that I drift away. I think that the current situation is giving us all a chance to do exactly what I do in my floats: slow down, listen, and be ready to receive answers. Initially, there will be lots of fear, anxiety, panic, depression, uncertainty, and other similar emotions. Given time, though, letting those thoughts run their course without resisting them, fighting them, or trying to get rid of them will cause our thoughts to settle and our minds to come to rest in a place of peace, and then we will start to get answers. What those answers will be and when they will come, I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not going to try to force them to arrive. I’m just going to work on observing my thoughts and staying with my breath as I let my thoughts run their course. Whenever I get into that place of presence and stillness, I’ll be ready to receive whatever is given to me and will pass it on later if I feel drawn to do so.

This doesn’t mean I’ve had it easy during this time. Although I’ve felt less anxious than usual, I have been a bit depressed since all of my social dances, my gym, and my job have been shut down. I miss dancing, seeing my friends, going to my self-defense lessons, and going through my usual routines. Before any of this happened, I had resumed working on the things I’d learned from Letting Go since I hadn’t done much of that stuff in a long time. Now that I’m at home a lot more than usual and have far fewer distractions, I’m even more focused on those things, especially staying present and surrendering. So if anything, this post serves as a reminder for me to take things one at a time and focus on the important things that I can control.

It’s been wonderful to see that lots of people are taking care of themselves during this time, including prioritizing their mental health. Additionally, they are also looking out for those around them, especially those who are in poor health or who lack the necessities. That has given me hope and makes me think that the bad communication and division I’ve seen exists mostly online while a lot of good stuff is being done in real life. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and I think the same is true for most people I know. I feel like we’ve left the old world behind and are moving toward a new world that we’re slowly building with the decisions we’re making right now. I’ll close by saying that my ultimate hope amidst all this craziness and uncertainty is that we will carry with us into the new world whatever lessons we learn during this time of testing.

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6 Good Things to Do Right Now

Posted on March 18, 2020 by admin

If my neck of the woods is any indication, then modern life has been turned upside down as of late. So many businesses, parties, weddings, trips, and small gatherings have been canceled, and it looks like that will only continue. Accordingly, I thought it would be helpful to share some good things to do during this time. This is as much for me as it is for you and I hope it helps all of us.

  1. Get plenty of sleep. I can always tell when I’ve had enough sleep and when I haven’t. Being sleep deprived makes everything more difficult and frustrating. And, as Matthew Walker talks about on this Joe Rogan podcast, sleep is crucial to our health, well-being, and length of life.
  2. Drink a lot of water. Among other things, staying hydrated makes it easier to think clearly, avoid overheating, and exercise more effectively. It’s one of the easiest and most satisfying things you can do for your health. If, like me, you often forget to drink water, you can try this life hack: find a YouTube playlist that’s at least half an hour long (I use this Jim Croce playlist) and take a drink after each song. Doing this once should get you decently hydrated and doing it twice will definitely get you there.
  3. Eat regularly. Being hungry can lead to lots of impulsive and harmful decisions. It also increases stress and can cause headaches, both of which make it harder to make good decisions and interact well with other people. For best results, eat quality food several times a day to stay feeling good and avoid hunger pangs.
  4. Reduce stress. In addition to making you feel terrible, stress can weaken your immune system and make it harder for you to fight off disease. There are all kinds of things you can do to manage, reduce, or even eliminate stress: meditation, breathing techniques, dancing, exercising, reading, talking to loved ones, spending time in nature, hanging out with pets, etc. Focus on whatever helps you avoid stress and do it as often as you need to feel better.
  5. Start or maintain hobbies. This is critical for me right now. My regular swing dance events and self defense lessons aren’t happening for the foreseeable future, so I’ve lost a lot of predictability in my life. As such, it’s important that I keep doing the things I can do by myself, such as unicycling, working on my Spanish, writing, exercising, meditating, reading, and so on. Having something predictable that I can do every day (or a few times a week in some cases) helps keep me grounded and prevents me from going stir crazy.
  6. Keep in touch with loved ones. Although I’m both reserved and introverted (by that I mean being around people tires me out, even if I’m around people I like), I do miss seeing my friends and close acquaintances from swing dancing. Even though online interaction doesn’t fully replace in-person gatherings, it still provides a way for me to keep in touch with good people. Online and text-based communication can do even more to keep you connected with friends or family members who live far away or who are unable to travel to see you right now.
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The Modern Rosetta Stone

Posted on March 11, 2020 by admin

The Rosetta Stone was a monumental discovery. It allowed for the translation of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and allowed modern researchers to understand things long thought lost to history. This opened a flow of information about an ancient civilization that would likely have otherwise remained shut due to the language barrier.

In our times, the problem of communication has less to do with language barriers and more to do with people who speak the same languages but still can’t understand each other. They may hear the words but, in many cases, they’re not actually interested in listening to and understanding those around them. This could be because they’re more interested in speaking than listening, they’re stuck in their own thoughts, or they misunderstand someone and assume the worst about them rather than ask for clarification. Whatever the reason, this causes a lot of unnecessary problems in many areas of life.

I long for a modern Rosetta Stone that will allow anyone to understand those around them if they so desire, whether they’re with complete strangers or dear friends and family members. I’m imagining an approach that’s been tested and shown to work well in nearly every situation that involves communication. This approach could be taught by those who know it to others through regular use in everyday life as well as through intentional lessons designed to break it down and make it clear to everyone who wants to learn it. I’m doing what I can to make that happen through this blog, my daily interactions with others, and a book I’m writing that will contain everything I’ve learned about effective communication. This, along with the people in my life who know how to truly listen and seek to understand the perspectives of others, gives me hope that we can one day solve the communication problem and, in so doing, open a flood of information that will allow us to accomplish nearly anything we wish. That’s my dream and I hope my efforts will help it come true within my lifetime.

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Two Perspectives

Posted on March 4, 2020 by admin

My blog posts are usually positive since I’m generally in a good mood when I write them. Occasionally, however, I go through a season in which I feel extremely negative, anxious, sad, or angry. When that happens, my perspective shifts from being hopeful and optimistic to cynical and pessimistic. On some days I can alternate between those two perspectives several times as the day unfolds. To give you an idea of how much those perspectives differ, here’s a comparison, starting with the negative:

“So many people are so stuck in their own heads and wrapped up in themselves that they don’t know, don’t understand, or don’t care about those around them. They don’t care how much they hurt them in small ways or big ways and how they make their lives just a little bit more difficult and painful. There are a handful of people I’ve come across who see things similarly to the way I see them. They’re willing to listen, willing to learn, willing to do better and be better. Those are the people I’m going to focus on, not the ones who don’t want my help. I’m going to live the best life I can and help those who actually want my help. That’s the best use of my time, my effort, and my energy. Why would I try to help people who don’t want my help? I’m going to do the bare minimum to get by with those people and save my efforts for those that are interested in what I have to say.”

And finishing with the positive:

“I want to do what I can to help others get their lives together as I’m slowly figuring out how to get my own life together. What would happen if even a small percentage of people did that and then helped others do the same? Imagine how much more free, peaceful, loving, compassionate, healthy, wealthy, and thriving the world would be. Whether my own original ideas are what end up doing the greatest good or I end up just pointing the way toward other ideas that more people resonate with, I’ll be happy. Of course, even if the world doesn’t miraculously change, I can still help a few people live with more peace, joy, prosperity, and time for the things they find meaningful. There’s nothing I’d rather do more than this.”

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Testing Myself

Posted on February 26, 2020 by admin

I try to put a great deal of thought and consideration into my views. It’s easy for to make snap decisions and cling to them for emotional purposes but I try to avoid that as much as possible. To see how I’m doing with this, I have a little test that I use on myself every so often. It goes a little something like this.

In addition to asking myself why I think the way I do, I also ask myself “What do I mean by that?” whenever I feel strongly about something. I make myself define my terms, explain things in more than just a few simple words or catchy slogans, and try to figure out why I think the way I do. I keep doing that as I go deeper and deeper into my thought processes to see if I have any inconsistencies or thoughts that I haven’t taken to their full conclusions. Taking ideas as far as they can go is crucial for seeing if they are worth keeping, changing, or abandoning. When I want to get even more out of this practice, I have someone I trust test me. Because they’re not in my head and therefore don’t automatically know what I think, I have to be much more thoughtful and thorough in my explanations. Additionally, they can think of better objections to my ideas than I can and often end up making me rethink some of my views.

Whether I do this by myself or with someone else, it helps me see what I actually think and why I think that way, which allows me to change something in my thought processes if I so desire. Since I’ve been doing this for a good while now, my positions have become more nuanced and less ideological. I can also see ideological tendencies more clearly in myself as well as in others. All of this makes it easier for me to empathize with people, understand different points of view, and communicate effectively on a wide range of subjects. Sometimes I go overboard with testing myself but mostly I save it for occasions in which I’m feeling up to the process as it can be difficult and draining at times. Testing myself has benefited me a lot in a variety of ways and, if you’re not already doing it, I highly recommend giving it a try and seeing what it can do for you.

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4 Ways I Take Extreme Ownership of My Life

Posted on February 19, 2020 by admin

One of the most influential books I read last year was Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. It’s inspired me to take more responsibility for my decisions instead of blaming other people or events for things that I dislike. In the spirit of Extreme Ownership, here are some ways that I’ve taken greater ownership of my life over the past few years.

  1. Going to bed earlier. Of all the things on this list, this is the one I struggle with the most. I find it difficult to put away my electronics and go to bed at night. I’m also used to staying up late and sleeping in the next day, which can make me miserable when I have to get up early. I’ve gotten better lately about going to bed at a decent time and getting enough (or close to enough) sleep even when I have an early day at work. As much as I hate waking up early, I’d rather develop the discipline to go to bed early enough to get sufficient sleep than feel like a zombie the next day or put the blame on my work schedule.
  2. Giving myself more time to commute. I’ve pretty much mastered this, at least for my regular activities outside the house. This is a good skill to have since I drive almost every day and have fairly lengthy commutes. Regardless of where I’m going and what time of day it is, I can get ready and leave early enough to get to almost any function in my normal routine well before I have to be there. Sometimes I’ll take a book with me in case I end up having some time to spare and want something to do besides stare at my phone until I go in. Getting there early gives me more peace of mind and prevents me from being late due to heavy traffic or other potential slowdowns.
  3. Using my time wisely. Good time management is easiest for me when I have a day off or a closing shift at work and hardest when I have an opening shift. When I open, I feel like I end up spending the rest of my post-work day trying to catch up on everything I didn’t get to do before I left the house. In contrast, when I close or have the day off, I have plenty of time to get everything done at a fairly leisurely pace. Either way, I always have at least a few hours of free time even on my busiest days that I can spend as I like and I feel best when I put that time toward things I find meaningful.
  4. Being careful with my money. I’ve had some recent car trouble that cost me a pretty penny. Although I did complain a bit about that at the time, I moved on from it fairly quickly once everything was back to normal. The way I see it, I can either blame unexpected expenses for my financial troubles or I can avoid excessive miscellaneous spending so that I’m better prepared for those rainy days and have more money to spend on things that are important to me. And when something urgent like car trouble does appear, I can get it taken care of right away so that it doesn’t become an even bigger and more expensive problem due to neglect.
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