A Profound Shift

Posted on March 10, 2021 by admin

I had a major breakthrough last Thursday. It all started with a song I’d heard many years ago on The Brady Bunch called “Til I Met You”. I found the song last week on YouTube and listened to it a lot. On my way into work a few days later, I had it almost memorized so my mind wandered a bit as I sang it. The song sounds like a love ballad in which the singer is describing how much better his life became after meeting a special someone. However, everything changed for me when I started thinking of myself as that special someone in my own life. Immediately I started crying and I struggled to sing the rest of the song. The realization was that it’s not another person who makes my life great. The best times of my life have come when I’m in tune with and at peace within myself. I’m blessed to have several wonderful friends and family members but I’ve always been disappointed whenever I’ve expected them to do for me what only I can do for myself.

This was similar to the realization I had when listening to “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel last year: I can be my own best friend and take care of myself in ways nobody else can. However, the realization from The Brady Bunch song felt much deeper and more profound. I don’t know why but I suspect it’s related to all the inner work I’ve done since last year and how well I had been taking care of myself in the days leading up to hearing that song.

My mood has been elevated ever since that day, difficult tasks have become easier, and whatever stress I’ve felt has been lessened in addition to being insufficient to stop me from doing important things. This has been the biggest shift I’ve experienced this year. I have a feeling it’ll be a permanent shift and a major stepping stone toward lasting peace. This is going to be my year. I know what to do and I’m going to keep doing it, one step at a time.

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Opposites

Posted on March 3, 2021 by admin

Something I’ve learned from Taoism is that seemingly opposing concepts or forces are actually two halves of the whole. Without day, there’d be no night. Without the back side of a coin, there’d be no front side. As I progress with my inner work, I find it increasingly easier to remember this and notice that my enjoyment of life also becomes increasingly greater.

In addition to being leisurely productive, the days I enjoy the most are full of opposites. Times of working intensely punctuated with times of extreme leisure. Times of moving around a lot (unicycling, juggling, dancing) followed by times of hardly moving at all (lying down, meditating, floating). Times of busyness before times with nothing to do. Times of pushing myself preceding times of pampering myself. Times of being social and times of being in solitude. This way I rarely get bored and can be meaningfully productive while still having plenty of time to rest and enjoy my day.

My most challenging days are the ones that have one dominant trait: going nonstop. Instead of being leisurely productive, I have to get a lot of things done very quickly throughout the day and have very little time to rest. Those days are both physically and emotionally exhausting for me. I normally need at least a few days to myself to recover from those (fortunately rare) occasions and I hope to get my life to a point that they never happen.

I hope that my exploration of a slower, more intentional way to live, along with sharing it through this blog, helps make this approach to life more widespread. Everyone should be able to live at a comfortable pace. If more people did, then everyone would be better off. Less stress, more peace, fewer conflicts, more time to spend with loved ones, and fewer problems overall. Plus I’d get to have many more leisurely productive days and hardly any manically busy days. I think this type of shift in living is not only possible but necessary for the survival and well-being of humanity. That’s why I’ve dedicated my life to making it happen and work toward it almost every day, one breath at a time.

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Review of Stranger Than Fiction

Posted on February 24, 2021 by admin

Late last year, I watched Stranger Than Fiction. I enjoyed it immensely and found myself thinking long and hard about a number of things afterward, so I thought it deserves a review. Spoilers abound so check out the movie before reading on if you don’t want it ruined.

Harold Crick (Will Ferrell) is an IRS employee who lives an incredibly consistent, predictable life. This all changes one day when he begins to hear a voice narrating his actions. The voice belongs to an author named Karen Eiffel (Emma Thompson) who is writing her latest book about a man also named Harold Crick. By listening to what she says, Harold learns that he will soon die. He begins searching for her in a desperate bid to stay alive.

Harold enlists the help of literature professor Jules Hilbert (Dustin Hoffman) to figure out what’s going on. Together, they gradually eliminate possible types of stories as they attempt to discern whether Harold’s life is destined to be a comedy or a tragedy. While all of this is happening, Harold also begins auditing a woman named Ana Pascal (Maggie Gyllenhaal). Though initially hostile toward one another, the two gradually glow closer and become romantically interested.

Harold eventually finds Karen and begs her to spare his life. She gives a rough draft of the story to Professor Hilbert. After reading it, he tells Harold that the death she has written for him is more meaningful and poetic than any death that could naturally happen to him. Harold comes to the same conclusion after reading it for himself and encourages Karen to finish the story as she has drafted it.

Having accepted his fate, Harold walks to the bus stop as usual. He is hit by a bus while saving a boy on a bike and is taken to the hospital. Rather than kill him off, however, Karen decides to save his life by having a piece of his watch stop him from bleeding to death. Ana is relieved that he survived and Karen tells Professor Hilbert that she will rewrite the book to match the new ending.

I knew almost nothing about Stranger Than Fiction other than the basic plot. Almost everything in the movie was a surprise for me, which was nice as I prefer to go into a movie knowing as little about it as possible. This was one of the deeper, richer movies that I watched toward the end of last year. I don’t know why but I was watching a lot of lighthearted movies at the time. This was a nice change of pace and felt like just what I needed: not too heavy and not too light. The central message I got was to live life as best as possible for ourselves and those around us as long as we can. When our time comes, we can then face death with peace and acceptance rather than fear and resistance.

One of the few things I didn’t fully like was the ending. I would have preferred an ending in which Harold died saving the boy. I like movies that remind me that life doesn’t always involve happy endings and such an ending would have been a nice way for this movie to conclude. The story seemed to be building toward a grim finale so having him live felt forced to me. Not as forced as some happy endings in other movies but still forced. However, it felt less forced when I considered another aspect of the ending. Harold stepped out to save the boy despite knowing it would cost him his life and Karen rewrote the ending of her book to save Harold despite knowing it would cost her her masterpiece. He was willing to sacrifice himself to save the both the boy and the book but she chose to sacrifice her original story to save both Harold and the boy. That realization gave me more appreciation for this ending and I think it works fine when viewed from this perspective.

Stranger Than Fiction is a solid movie that has something for almost everybody. If you haven’t seen it yet and if anything I’ve discussed above sounds interesting to you, I encourage you to check it out. Even if it’s been spoiled for you, it’s still well worth the watch.

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Gentle Lessons

Posted on February 17, 2021 by admin

Every so often, I get opportunities to dig deep and work on things within myself without too much pain. I call these opportunities “gentle lessons”. Here are a few relatively recent examples.

The first example concerns my dog, Sawyer. He went in for surgery to remove a bunch of infected teeth last November. His age and heart murmur reduced his chances of surviving the surgery. I was a wreck. I had so much fear that he wouldn’t make it and I’d lose my little buddy. I spent a lot more quality time with him in the days leading up to his surgery and cried a lot after he went in. Fortunately he made it and is doing fine to this day. Better than he was before, actually, since those teeth are no longer causing him discomfort. Even after the animal hospital called to say he was ok, however, I still was a mess. It took me a long time to come down from that heightened emotional state and feel like myself again. Later, I realized that this situation allowed me to work through a lot of emotions around Sawyer that I had neglected for years. I worked through all of them without having to lose him. Now I spend a lot more quality time with Sawyer and my relationship with him is much better as it no longer contains so much fear, sadness, and other negative emotions. I consider this to have been an extremely gentle lesson.

The other example occurred in late January of this year. I had to make a difficult phone call at my job and I got all worked up beforehand. The call ended up going much better than I thought and I felt so relieved afterward. That situation showed me where I needed to direct the focus of my inner work so that’s exactly what I started doing shortly thereafter. So far that shift in focus has done wonders for me and given me more overall peace than I’ve ever had before (more on this in a future blog post).

Gentle lessons are my favorite types of lessons. They teach me or point me toward something important for my personal growth without being excessively harsh. If I don’t take advantage of them when they come up, then I’ll inevitably encounter increasingly rougher lessons until I finally pay attention. As such, I do my best to listen for the gentle lessons and grab them before they pass me by. Do you take advantage of gentle lessons when they present themselves to you? If so, what’s an example that you vividly remember? Take care and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Welcome the Mess

Posted on February 10, 2021 by admin

I started cleaning and organizing a few rooms at home toward the end of last year. I knew from past experience that I’d completely fail if I tried to get it all done quickly so I decided to work a little bit each day until I felt satisfied. As I did, I enjoyed the increasingly greater organization and usability of those spaces. I also noticed a lot of emotions coming up, many of which were connected to specific objects that I found. This got me thinking about the link between physical cleaning and emotional cleaning.

I get used to physical messes just as I get used to emotional messes. They become so normal to me that I don’t notice them even though they’re causing me a lot of problems. It’s only when they become overwhelming that I finally start working through them. Whenever I do even a small amount of work, it becomes clear how much those messes were holding me back, how much better I feel, and how much more I’m able to do after cleaning them up.

Whenever there is cleaning of a physical space or emotional space, it’s going to be messy for a while. Maybe even messier than the existing mess. Fear of making a mess or thinking that the mess will become impossible to manage prevents many people from doing the work they need to heal. Something that helps me at times is reminding myself that messiness is just part of the healing process and it will soon pass. Without some physical or emotional upset, there couldn’t be the cleaning or healing that feels so good. I hope that helps you as you work on cleaning up any physical or emotional messes in your own life. It’s difficult at times but always worth it.

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Avoiding Disaster on the Way to Utopia

Posted on February 3, 2021 by admin

I often see people use the word “utopia” to describe what they consider to be an unrealistic or extremely unlikely society. In conversations about how the world could be, once someone characterizes another’s viewpoint as utopian, the exchange usually devolves into an altercation and no further progress is made. Some people consider it dangerous to even attempt to create a utopia and thus view those who want to actually create one with suspicion and mistrust. In this post, I’ll share some of my own thoughts on this subject as I’ve thought about it a lot for most of my life.

Is it dangerous to try creating a utopia? I think the answer requires more information, particularly around what someone means by “utopia”. My idea of a utopia is a world in which everyone is at peace within themselves and can therefore live at peace with those around them. There may still be problems or struggles but they can be solved peacefully rather than violently. Some think of a utopia as a perfect society but I don’t think it has to be that way. I simply think of it as the best that humans can do once they get out of their own way. It’s as close to perfect a society as possible even if it never quite reaches the level of perfection (although it might get there, so why rule out that possibility?).

The way I see it, a utopia has to be built on peaceful grounds if it has any hope of remaining peaceful. A utopia built on violent grounds, such as by killing everyone who is considered to be “the enemy”, won’t last long at all. Violence breeds more violence so a utopia that arrives by bloodshed will soon leave the same way. This is where some people consider utopian thinking to be dangerous. They argue that because a utopia is the best of all possible worlds, those who think in a utopian manner consider that any means necessary to get to a utopia would be acceptable, including any number of horrific acts. By focusing on using peaceful means to arrive at peaceful ends, this problem could be avoided altogether. If done via peaceful means, then I don’t think that creating a utopia would be dangerous at all.

What about the possibility of utopia being at odds with human nature? This question is based on a few assumptions, the first one being that human nature is inherently wicked. I disagree with this as humans have the ability to make decisions that are intended to produce joy as well as decisions that are intended to produce pain. If humans were inherently bad, then we could only make the latter decisions. Another assumption underneath the above question is that human behavior can’t be changed, only nudged in certain directions. In modern societies, incentives act as a way to nudge people toward certain behaviors and away from others. Incentives are not intended to change human nature; they are intended to work within human nature as it currently is to arrive at good outcomes. This works to a point but it’s far from ideal. Before continuing, I’ll say that incentives act to create and reinforce habits, so I don’t see why it’d be impossible to develop the right incentives to change habits sufficiently to create and sustain a utopia. Ultimately, though, I think the best way to go is to find the source of why some people at times make decisions intended to cause pain to themselves or to others and solve the problem at that level. This doesn’t mean that those wishing to live in a utopia have to change who they are. What they can do is examine their lives and work on removing the blocks to being their true selves. That will make any effort to create or sustain a utopia much more likely to succeed as the many problems that stem from unprocessed pain and trauma will no longer be an issue.

Another thing to consider is the importance of testing out ideas. It’s nice to think about how certain ideas may work out but reality doesn’t always match such visions. Ideas that sound good on paper may turn out to be sub-optimal or even catastrophic when actually carried out. This is why it’s good to test out radically different ideas on the small scale first (plus I think any society, utopian or otherwise, has the best chance of succeeding if it’s kept small). If the ideas succeed on the small level, they can be tried out on increasingly larger levels to see if they continue to hold up. If they fail on the small level, then any harm done by them is minimized and something else can be tried instead. That is a crucial point: replacing ideas that don’t work with ideas that do work. For my idea of utopia, my ultimate end is peace, and although I have many ideas on how to bring about and create a peaceful society, I’m willing to come up with new ideas if the ones I’ve thought of thus far prove to be nonfunctional. I wouldn’t have such a willingness to adapt if I were committed to the ideas themselves and didn’t care about the outcomes they created.

Although I hope to see utopian societies become the norm rather than the exception within my lifetime, I don’t know if I will. This doesn’t deter me as I value any progress toward that goal, taking continual steps in that direction will mean that everyone benefits as we get closer, and plenty of my role models planted trees whose shade they never enjoyed. The improvements I’ve seen in my own life over the past seven months have reignited my certainty that I can help us all get closer to a peaceful world even if it doesn’t fully arrive until after I die. That’s what I’m here to do and I’m having lots of fun doing it. Take care and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Choose Your Role Models Wisely

Posted on January 27, 2021 by admin

Be careful when you look to someone for guidance on living your life. Lots of people think they know how life works and how you can live most effectively but plenty of them are struggling hard behind the scenes. Not everyone who says they have the answers actually does and not everything in a book is worth following just because it’s written down.

Before you consider whether or not to take someone’s recommendations, look at whether or not they’re following their own advice. If they are, see how it’s working for them. The true test of any recommendation comes when it’s put to work. What’s good in theory isn’t always good in practice. If someone repeatedly fails to practice what they preach or seems to be miserable as a result of following their own advice, then what they are prescribing probably won’t work out any better for you.

We don’t see the world as it is. We see it as we are. Someone who is holding onto a lot of negative emotions and programs is going to have a negative outlook. As they go about their day, they’ll notice every little annoyance and miss out on the good stuff. In contrast, someone who has let go of their negative emotions and is running instead on positive programs is going to have a positive outlook. They’ll see nice stuff everywhere they go and whatever negative stuff they encounter will roll off their backs without sticking around to make them miserable long after those moments have passed. As you listen to people talk once you’ve gotten to know them and their personas have faded away, you’ll be able to tell whether they’re running on positive or negative programs. The things they talk about, how they talk about them, their general outlook on life (ie believing “life is suffering” vs knowing that life is what you decide it is), and how drained or energized they seem to be will all tip you off as to the lens through which they are seeing the world.

Stick to listening to people who have their lives together. People whose relationships are solid, who are in good shape emotionally and psychologically, and whose list of people they’ve helped to live better lives begins with them. Those who talk a good game but can’t walk their talk aren’t worth your time. They can’t even save themselves so how can they save you?

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A Wave of Nostalgia

Posted on January 20, 2021 by admin

Sometime within the past few weeks, I listened to a cover of “Green Tambourine” from Recess: School’s Out. It immediately took me back to when I first watched that movie in elementary school. I think I saw it during summer break. Either way, I definitely understood even at that time how wonderful it was to have plenty of time to do whatever I liked, including relaxing without any big plans to carry out or goals to work toward. The sense of innocence I had back then and the lack of overwhelm from decades of buried emotions were incredible. Plus I didn’t have a cell phone and spent hardly any time on the internet (although I did watch a lot more TV back then).

Looking back, that feels like another lifetime. It’s been so long since I’ve had the safety and predictability of being a kid. Prolonged breaks with no major work to do, seeing my friends for six or more hours a day, and knowing how almost every day would look. As an adult, all of that has changed. I don’t have regular time off from my job that lasts for weeks or months at a time. My days are and weeks are nearly unpredictable, even in my free time. It’s much harder to visit with my friends due to work, family, scheduling issues, and other things that pop up unexpectedly; all of that makes it so that there are some friends I hardly ever get to see, even when we both want to visit each other. Lately I’ve felt exhausted and like I have hardly any time for anything, even my hobbies at home.

In addition to all of this, I realized why I’ve struggled off and on with socializing since I left high school. For most of my life up until that point, most of my friends were my classmates whom I had known from elementary school onward (some came and went over the years, of course). We’d see each other in class, in the hallway, during lunch, at PE, at school functions, and occasionally at events outside of school. It takes me a long time to get comfortable around new people so to suddenly lose those regular visits with friends I’d known for many years upon graduating was quite a change. Even though I would make friends at my various jobs, extracurricular activities, and volunteering events, it just wasn’t the same as it was in school. Some people I met in these places I’d see multiple times a week while others would vanish for weeks, months, or even longer stretches of time. Instead of spending a good chunk of our day together, we’d get maybe a few hours at most. We didn’t always get to visit much even when we were at the same events. As such, I’ve gone through periods of feeling quite outgoing and sociable with people that I’d gotten to know well followed by periods of feeling super reserved and shy with people I hardly knew at all.

Things make less sense to me every year. I’ve gradually discovered that much of what I learned as a kid was false and I now frequently question whether or not I truly know anything outside of my own experiences. The start of 2021 was pretty smooth for me but the past few weeks have had some hard moments. That’s why all of these thoughts and feelings are coming up. Whenever I feel sufficiently overwhelmed and stressed, I long for the simpler days of being a little kid. Endless summers, regular routines, wide-eyed optimism, and the sense that everything is or will be ok. I had plenty of pain growing up but that was balanced by a lot of stuff that seemed magical, especially when I was living it. Now a lot of the magic is gone. I wish I had had a better idea of what was coming later on. I probably would have done more to prepare for adulthood if I’d understood how different it would be and what I’d be losing. I didn’t know how good I had it until it was gone and I fear that I’ll never get it back.

Fortunately, I can end this post on a high note. All the inner work I’ve done since last year has made me feel consistently better than I ever have before. Even when I have difficult times like I’ve experienced recently, they aren’t as frequent, deep, or lengthy as they used to be. My personal growth has done a great deal to reduce the feeling that I peaked in high school. Additionally, the progress I’ve made has given me a glimpse of how some of my bigger goals could begin unfolding in the near future. I’m only just getting started in life and I look forward to seeing where my journey takes me.

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A Sobering Perspective

Posted on January 13, 2021 by admin

We’re all going to die someday. Even if advances in technology and medicine help us live much longer than we currently can, eventually either time will catch up with us or we’ll decide that we’ve had enough. Death is the great equalizer in that we all have a limited amount of time before we die. Some people believe that life continues after death (as I do) while others believe that there is no life after death. Either way, our lives as they now exist will someday end and keeping that in mind can provide some useful perspective.

Whenever I think about everything that existed long before humans first appeared and how much would still be around if humanity suddenly ended, it reminds me of what’s truly important. Zooming out, along with the related overview effect, makes it hard to stay focused on trivial matters. Why spend your relatively short life pushing people around, getting caught up in pointless drama, and feeling miserable? Even though those things are all pretty common in the modern world, at best, they bring only temporary satisfaction; at worst, they suck all the joy out of life. You’ll never achieve truly lasting contentment by focusing on those things. You’ll always be looking for the next project, the next victory, the next big thing to make you feel whole. Some people go to their graves with this mindset and others give it up in their last moments on their deathbeds. I think the latter situation is much sadder because those folks realize the folly of their ways too late to live differently.

With the knowledge of my own mortality in mind, the only thing that makes sense to me and provides me with lasting satisfaction is to enjoy my life, improve myself, help others, and try to make things better. Whenever I don’t live up to any of those things, I feel bad and wish I had decided differently. I feel grateful that I have adopted this perspective as early in my life as I have. Some people come around to it much later in life and others never get it. I think that widespread acceptance of this perspective could go a long way toward ending the recurring problems of modern life: divisions, fighting, desperation, and the sense of purposelessness that so many people share. I hope this helps you and I will see you in the next post.

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Some of My Thoughts on The Good Place

Posted on January 6, 2021 by admin

I started watching The Good Place late last year and it quickly became one of my favorite shows ever. Everything about it, from the sense of humor to the character development to how they explored some heavy concepts, was a home run as far as I’m concerned. The show ended perfectly instead of being dragged out long after it had overstayed its welcome (as so many shows often are). This post is not intended to be a detailed review of the show as such a venture is beyond what I have the time and energy to do. Rather, it is a space for me to share some of my thoughts on the show’s concepts and overall message that I love so much. Spoilers abound so if you are interested in watching the show, skip over this post until after you’ve finished it.

My favorite shows tend to have a good amount of heart, humor, and intelligence and The Good Place balanced those qualities better than most shows I’ve seen. I can’t think of many shows that can quickly jump from something serious and heartfelt to something lighthearted and funny without ruining the moment. Also, the fact that philosopher Todd May worked on the show is a great example of how committed everyone was to creating intelligent content.

None of the main characters perfectly match my personality or interests but I definitely saw some major aspects of myself in several characters. I resonate with Michael’s desire to make things turn out right, Chidi’s indecisiveness and love of philosophy, Janet’s increased emotional intelligence after each reboot, Eleanor’s struggles with self-improvement, Tahani’s pursuit of new skills, and Jason’s love of a good time. Everyone seems like an actual person rather than a fictional character; I feel like I became friends with them over the course of the show, celebrating each success and mourning every failure. That is quite the accomplishment for the writers and actors to have pulled off.

I love when Michael told the judge that anyone can grow, change, and improve when given enough love and support. That fits in nicely with the idea of having as many reboots, do overs, and chances to get it right as you need to progress through the afterlife. You do your best each time and get better as you go, just like playing a video game level repeatedly until you’re skilled enough to move onto the next level. This is best seen through Chidi’s development over the course of the series. After Michael restored all of Chidi’s memories, he became much more calm and confident than he had been for most of the show. This shows the power of being at peace with all versions of yourself and being whole. He had nearly a thousand versions of himself and all the experiences of each version from which to draw forth wisdom, knowledge, and solutions. His approach to philosophy ultimately ended up becoming more about taking appropriate action rather than endlessly thinking and worrying, which is similar to my own philosophical journey. Janet is another excellent example of personal growth as she became more powerful and more capable of feeling emotions each time she was rebooted. I loved seeing both of their journeys since Janet is my favorite character and Chidi is one of my favorite characters.

The final episodes of the show depict what I think is the ideal afterlife. Rather than going straight to eternal reward or eternal punishment, you learn lessons while you’re on Earth and then spend as much time as it takes to apply those lessons in order to progress through the afterlife. Once you get the hang of it, you can then enjoy visiting with your loved ones in the Good Place for as long as you like. When you’re ready to go, you walk through the Last Door and, as Chidi described so well, return to the universe just as a wave returns to the ocean. I can’t think of an afterlife I like more than that. Additionally, I loved how the show described the Good Place as enjoying time with your loved ones. I learned that for myself over a year ago when I realized that I have much more fun going somewhere with close friends than I do going to the same place by myself. The people I’m with are far more important than where we are and what we’re doing.

Redesigning the afterlife was a nice warning against becoming overly dependent on a certain way of doing things, especially when those things involve judging or controlling other people. Shaking things up and rethinking things is important at times; doing something just because “that’s the way it’s always been done” causes far more problems than it solves. Of course, the big redesign only happened because the main characters went on a number of wild adventures throughout both Earth and the afterlife. If not for that, the afterlife may have remained as it was for much longer or perhaps even forever. Countless people would have been eternally tortured with no hope of ever getting to the Good Place, including the main characters. Sometimes crazy turns of events put you right where you were meant to be so you can carry out your life purpose and make things better for everyone.

Those were the things that stuck out to me the most about The Good Place. I’ll probably watch it again when I’m in the mood for a really nice show. Since I had no idea what was going to happen the first time I watched it, it’ll be interesting to see what I get out of it upon my next viewing since I now know how everything turns out. If you’ve seen The Good Place, what were some of your favorite moments, themes, and characters? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this wonderful show.

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