Be careful with what you consume, especially the negative. Too much negativity will drag you down. What’s more, it’ll skew your perception of reality by making you think that everything is much worse than it actually is. Focusing excessively on the negative will make you miss a lot of the good stuff and leave you with less energy to pursue the things you love.
The news is full of negativity. So much that a fairly well-known saying about the news is “If it bleeds, it leads.” Stories that are shocking, saddening, enraging, or controversial take precedence over stories that are calming, joyful, soothing, or lovable. In his TED Talk, Steven Pinker makes the point that “You never see a journalist who says ‘I’m reporting live from a country that has been at peace for 40 years.'” It’s no surprise that so many who are glued to the news seem to be in permanent bad moods. This is why I don’t watch the news and do my best to stay away from as many news stories as possible. When I occasionally see or hear a negative news story, I always notice an immediate downturn in my mood. On a side note, I use the term “news” loosely since much of it is better described as editorials (opinions) rather than actual news (facts). If I’m looking for opinions on things I already know, editorials can be useful. If I’m looking for information on recent events, actual news is the way to go. More often than not, I’d rather look at historical sources (which are more likely to be correct than news that is shown when hardly any information is known) and form my own opinions than be told what to think.
Everything in the previous paragraph also applies to social media. Sometimes I get caught up scrolling for minutes at a time, pausing occasionally to look at frustrating, depressing, or otherwise upsetting things. Once in a while, I even end up intentionally seeking out negative stories. When I’m feeling incredibly low and keep running across negative things online, I have to take breaks from the internet to recover my peace. Much as I dislike doing that, I still do it as needed to avoid sinking into an even lower place.
When I’m feeling lots of negative emotions, I make sure to offset them with a lot of positive stuff. Some things I find helpful include participating in fun activities, spending time with humans and animals I love, and getting plenty of physical activity. Taking a warm shower at the end of rough days always makes me feel much better and improves my sleep. All of that, in addition to working through the negative emotions, helps me feel better by reminding me that there’s more in life than just the negative situation or mood I’m in.
I also find it helpful to have several good things going at one time. Having at least a few things going well makes it easier to handle one or two things that may be going poorly. Aside from the positive feelings that come from success, those successes also remind me that whatever isn’t working is only part of the story and prevent me from spending too much time on the negative. As long as I don’t take on too much at once, this is a hugely beneficial practice.
I’ve had to be extra careful with negativity since losing my dog Sawyer last April. All of my activities have been majorly affected, especially my in-person interactions. There have been many changes regarding who I spend time around, what we talk about, how long we interact before I take time for myself, and more. I don’t know why but for at least the past decade, lots of people vent to me without permission (and without even asking, most of the time). A conversation will quickly shift into the things they hate, their bad day at work, the unpleasant state of things, etc. Gossip and putting me in an awkward position by talking badly about people that both of us know are also common. Sometimes even complete strangers dump all their problems on me. A few of them go even further by bringing up lots of their own negativity whenever I talk about having a hard time. That makes me feel even worse and doubles the amount of negativity without doing anything to solve any of it. Spending even a small amount of time around those folks leaves me feeling incredibly drained afterward, so I minimize my exposure to them.
Fortunately, I’ve done pretty well to get the overwhelmingly negative humans out of my life over the past few years. The ones who always focus on the dark clouds and never the silver linings; the ones who always point out the one thing they dislike instead of the many things they like; the ones for whom nothing is ever good enough as they make it known to everyone within earshot; the ones for whom complaining is their native tongue and who don’t want to learn another language. Those folks have always dragged me down even when I’ve felt on top of the world and they drag me down even more when I’m already feeling bad. It’s as if they cling to anyone who appears to be doing better than they are in the hope that they won’t drown in their sorrows, even though such efforts usually drown both them and whoever gets stuck with them. Sometimes they still pop into my world but mostly they stay away at this point. I’m glad that most people I interact with regularly treat me much better than the ones I’ve described above.
I strive to be consistent by keeping most of my negativity to myself. Sometimes I’ll ask someone close to me if I can vent and they almost always say yes. This is a pretty rare occurrence since I’ve learned so much about managing my emotions in a healthy way. Even when I do vent, I still have to work through the emotions on my own time if I want to feel better in a lasting way. Additionally, I do what I can to make the interactions I seek out enjoyable for everyone involved. Although I haven’t mastered any of this, I’ve improved significantly at it since I made it a priority. I hope I continue to improve.
When I have occasionally gotten drawn back into drama and negativity, the horrible feelings I’ve had after (and often during) those kinds of interactions have reminded me why I avoid that stuff like the plagues they are. Sometimes I simply leave negative scenarios and other times I stay silent in them rather than joining in the negativity. Whether either of those approaches affects what those around me do, they both minimize my exposure to the negativity and prevent me from getting my hands dirty.
I have no patience at this point for gossip, drama, horrible communication, rumors, or anything else that’s needlessly negative. Talking effectively with my loved ones about issues we have that are worth working through together? Sure. Something that’ll just create or spread pain and misery? No way. I’m not engaging in that anymore. The more I withdraw from all of that, the more peaceful my life becomes. When I come across pure negativity after long periods of time away from it, it seems even more intolerable to me and my resolve to avoid it becomes even stronger. I think all these boundaries I’ve set up against negativity are a large part of why I get hardly any of this stuff anymore when it used to constitute a huge portion of my interactions with others. I look forward to seeing how this goes as I continue healing and getting better at eliminating the negativity around me.
