I spent a few years working on a book about effective communication. There were also some parts about healthy emotional management and mindfulness. I had such high hopes that it would inspire many to do things differently and offer guidance on better ways to relate to others and to themselves. At this point, I haven’t worked on the book in at least a year, I hardly ever think about it, and I plan to leave it where it was when I last looked at it. Given how bad things have gotten in the last four years and how they seem to continue getting worse, I’ve given up. Nobody seems that interested in what I have to say on anything, whether in person, through this blog, or elsewhere on the internet. I’m not going to go through the stress, difficulty, and insane amount of work to finish writing that book, edit it, publish it, market it, and then hope that enough folks will read it and apply what they’ve read to make the world vastly better than it is now. With how disappointed I feel at how little impact my work thus far seems to have had and how frustrating it is when my ideas fall on deaf ears, I don’t want to put myself through even more disappointment by putting in all that work only to see it go nowhere.
Fortunately, instead of waiting around endlessly for a book that will never exist, there are other options. One of them is to continue reading my blog. In fact, huge sections of the rough drafts of my potential book were made up of blog posts I’d written long before I ever started writing the book, so you can already access much of the material on this very website. Another option is to read some of the books I’ve recommended in various posts since 2018. They’ve inspired me, allowed me to overcome many lifelong struggles, and are extremely similar to what was going into the book I was writing (although written much better than anything I can put out on these subjects). Without further ado, here is my list.
- Letting Go. Wonderful book by David Hawkins on emotions and how to handle them in healthy ways. This is the most life-changing book I’ve ever read. I credit what I learned from it with allowing me to survive my dog Sawyer’s death, along with all the other insane occurrences over the last four years. I reread this book cover-to-cover every year and occasionally reference certain parts if I’m having major struggles. Every time I look at it, I find something encouraging and practical. Without Letting Go, I doubt I’d still be here, and I’m certain that I’d have never recovered from some of the most deeply painful experiences of my life.
- Homecoming. My second-favorite book on healing. John Bradshaw gives lots of exercises to get in touch with, heal, and reclaim your inner child. I still find myself using one or more of the exercises as needed, whether it’s to keep me in a good place or help me get out of a bad place. This book helps me be gentle to myself, which is often exactly what I need to feel better and get into a better position.
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If I had to pick one book on this list to use for the rest of my life, this would be it. Stephen Covey knocked it out of the park here. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People covers communication, self-care, resolving conflicts, planning, becoming the person you want to be, and so much more. While some of the other books on this list go focus heavily on one particular issue, and thus cover it in greater detail than this book does, I still love this book and see it as a general reference guide for life.
- Nonviolent Communication. My favorite communication book. Marshall Rosenberg did an incredible job at showing the importance and power of focusing on feelings and needs, especially in tense situations. This one trick often allows me to understand where someone else is coming from when everything else has failed. If everyone could accomplish even half of what this book encourages, the world would be a much more peaceful and loving place.
- Never Split the Difference. Another excellent communication book, this one by former hostage negotiator Chris Voss. It’s full of great stuff about empathic listening, building rapports with others, and trying to make the best of a bad situation. Effective communication can often seem like magic, and Never Split the Difference is quite the magical book.
- Crucial Conversations. The last communication book on this list. In addition to sharing many wonderful things from the previous communication books, this one focuses a lot on safety in communication. Since safety is still such a rarity, especially in difficult exchanges, Crucial Conversations remains an incredibly valuable resource.
- Boundaries. John Cloud and Henry Townsend beautifully define and explore what it looks like to set limits on what you’re willing to accept from others (extremely important as many have no limits regarding what they’ll demand of others). Because of emotional and communication struggles from a young age, boundaries have been a lifelong challenge for me. By itself, this book has given me a major boost in the boundary department. The other books on this list have taken my boundaries even further by giving me more courage to set and maintain boundaries as well as improved communication skills to articulate my requests and limits. I love Boundaries and hope that what it has taught me will continue to improve my own boundaries in each area of life.