I worked through more grief in 2022 than in any other year of my life. That’s nearly all I could do on most days for months after my dog Sawyer’s death. Although I still have some grief and other types of emotional pain, most of it has gone thanks to all the inner work I did last year. With that in mind, here are several good books for grief that have gotten me through the most painful experience I’ve ever had.
Letting Go by David Hawkins: still my number one resource for healthy emotional processing. I’m certain that all the work I did based on this book from late 2020 onward prepared me to be able to handle Sawyer’s death and life without him. That didn’t make it easy but it did allow me to make it through the pain. I spent most of 2022 using everything I learned from this book, especially the parts around handling grief, sadness, and depression. It’s been incredibly valuable this year in helping me through the more recent emotions of anger, frustration, and bitterness. As if that weren’t enough, it’s also reminded me to welcome the positive emotions, whether they’re from my memories with Sawyer or from other enjoyable aspects of my life. Thanks to all of that, I feel better now than I did for most of last year, and I continue feeling a little better almost every month as I continue working through the remaining pain. I don’t think I could have made it this far without what I learned in Letting Go and I’m so thankful I found it.
Homecoming by John Bradshaw: the beauty of Homecoming is its focus on original pain, meaning the pain and trauma that almost everyone experiences early in life. So much of my own pain in adulthood can be traced back to that original pain that is still crying out to be healed. The more I work through that pain, the more relief I feel. This book helped me a lot when I worked through the exercises in 2021. Rereading it earlier this year (without actually working through it a second time) reminded me of a lot of useful things, such as the importance of being kind and gentle with myself. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I do my best to see the scared little kid who needs love, comfort, and understanding. Recognizing and soothing that part of me always brings tremendous relief and allows me to get through anything with greater ease.
When a Pet Dies by Mister Rogers: the only entry on this list focused specifically on the pain of losing a beloved animal friend, this book was so helpful. Even though I first read it about eight months after Sawyer’s death, I still found it incredibly comforting. I imagined Mister Rogers reading it to me in the same calm, comforting voice he used in the episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood about death. The book also helped me identify what emotions I was feeling, including ones that I was unintentionally neglecting. When a Pet Dies is a wonderful gift from an incredible human who has touched generations of kids and families, and it made the most painful experience of my life a little easier to bear.
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis: it was incredible to read about how Lewis, known for his strong Christian apologetics work, struggled with faith, doubt, and anger at God after his wife’s death. Since my own faith journey has wound through and around some interesting, unexpected, and confusing paths over the past six years, knowing that Lewis faced similar challenges gave me some comfort. Although overwhelming for a long time, his pain eventually subsided and some semblance of peace returned; the same has occurred with me. Sometimes (though not all the time), knowing that I’m not alone can help, especially if someone I admire has made it through an incredibly painful loss. That’s some of what I got out of A Grief Observed.