My Reflections on 2020

Where do I even begin? I didn’t see any of this coming at the start of 2020. This year started off normally for me, right down to attending Lollies and Lemonade in late January exactly as I had done in 2019. By spring, it was clear to me that this would be unlike any other year of my life.

More than almost everything else, 2020 was the year that wouldn’t end. By far the longest year of my adult life, this year felt like several years in one. I think the reason time moved so much slower than it normally does is because so much changed, including me. My normal habits and routines were completely upended early on before being partially restored after a while. Along the way, I developed new habits and routines that I have still kept to this day. I also experienced an amazing personal growth journey this year. Looking back on where I was at the start of this year and where I am now at its end is astonishing; it feels like many years passed between those two points and that I’m almost an entirely different person.

So much of this year was a struggle for me, more than any other year I can recall. Some of the hardest things I experienced included losing swing dancing as a regular activity, being out of work for just over a month when my job temporarily shut down, going on several emotional roller coasters, growing away from some people, and feeling as though I was stuck in a bottomless pit of misery that would keep taking away everything I loved for the rest of my life. I felt miserable for months and experienced new lows across many heavy feelings.

I’m glad to say that I didn’t stay in that place. Every coin has two sides and even the darkest night is followed by the light of a new day. While the first half of my year was full of suffering, the second half was full of peace. Things started looking up for me toward the end of the cross-country road trip I took back in July. One friend I visited on that trip reminded me of the importance of working through my emotions. That changed everything for me. My mood improved tremendously on the penultimate day of my trip as I started naming everything I was grateful for whenever I felt the urge to complain and, for the first time this year, really started using what I’d read in Letting Go back in October of 2019. In the months since that trip, I’ve felt much better overall than I ever have in any year of my life. In addition to all of the emotional healing, I got to enjoy many other nice things this year: lots of swing dancing in the first few months of 2020, watching all of the Unus Annus videos in just over a month, going on my road trip, swing dancing once a month since September, making some new friends, and going on a few work trips (something I’d never done before). I’m certain that I would still be in a rough place emotionally if I hadn’t undergone that major shift this summer so I’m grateful for that.

Had 2020 gone as I thought it initially would, it probably would have been just another year for me: some good stuff, some bad stuff, some stuff I liked, and some stuff I disliked. There probably wouldn’t have been much in the way of personal growth or big changes. I think I would have had a nice, easy, comfortable year. For many months, this year was not what I wanted but I’m sure it was what I needed. Something had to really shake things up for me, get me out of my comfort zone, and make me face some unpleasant emotions that I didn’t want to face (and had actively been putting off facing for most of my life). Having gone through it, I wouldn’t change it if I could. I don’t think I would have learned the lessons that I did if this had been an easy, comfortable, quiet year. I think each year of my life is exactly what I need it to be: 2017 really shook up a lot of things for me, 2018 felt like a nice break, 2019 turned up the heat a little bit, and 2020 turned the heat all the way up. If I hadn’t learned the lessons I needed to learn this year, they would have just been pushed off into some other year and it would have been that much harder to learn them later on. In addition to the personal growth, I’m grateful I got to have so many wonderful experiences despite (or because of) the pain; I’m especially glad this year started off so nicely. I have a new level of appreciation for the nice stuff that I don’t think I would have if I hadn’t gone through the hard stuff.

How has 2020 been for you, and what have you gotten out of this year? Whatever has happened, I hope it ends well for you and teaches you more about peace, love, and joy. Be blessed and I will see you again in 2021.