One of the things I hate receiving from others more than almost anything else is criticism. Looking back, so many of my interactions growing up involved heavy criticism, both of who I was and what I did. This came from family members (whether older or younger than me), classmates, teachers, and others who worked at school. Much of the criticism seemed endless, with whoever was forcing it upon me going on and on at great length while I was expected to sit there quietly and take it. Even when it didn’t reach those extremes, my many critics would still often belabor the point; they’d spend minutes rehashing something they could easily have said in under thirty seconds and explain things four or five different ways when one way sufficed.
Unfortunately, while I received mountains of criticism when I was growing up, it has also followed me into adulthood. I’ve been heavily criticized at different jobs by customers, coworkers, and those above me in the company hierarchy. Criticism has flowed so much in my different hobbies and interests, both from those more skilled than me and from those less skilled. The vast majority of this criticism has been unsolicited, much of it was useless, and a fair amount happened in public or semi-public places instead of in private. All of that makes me feel ashamed, embarrassed, and resentful of the critics.
While I criticize a lot of ideas and group actions, I almost never criticize individual humans, especially in a group situation. This is especially the case when I’m teaching or helping someone with an activity I know pretty well, such as juggling. In those cases, I’ll point out the positives and encourage them to do more of that rather than just telling them what not to do. In addition to being much easier to hear, that also is much more practical since there are endless wrong ways to do anything, so just telling them not to do things repeatedly doesn’t get them closer to how to do it properly. I also only offer feedback if someone requests it and I make sure to avoid embarrassing the person, especially if others are around.
Simply put, excessive criticism hurts me. When someone criticizes almost everything I do and almost never compliments me, I feel so discouraged and demoralized, as if I can’t do anything right. Rather than encouraging me to do better in order to please the critic or show them up by doing something they thought I couldn’t, the guilt, shame, embarrassment, confusion, and disappointment that heavy criticism brings with it all make me want to quit or say, “Do it yourself!” Criticism also makes me wonder why any critic asks me to do anything if they always want me to do it differently and never give me credit, even managing to seemingly go out of their way to criticize me when I do something the way they want it done!
When one or more humans hang out in a casual situation, criticism is almost always unnecessary. There’s no need for anyone to criticize another’s taste in food, drink, music, movies, TV, books, general entertainment, hobbies, interests, clothes, fashion, or anything else. With subjective preferences, nobody is right or wrong in what they enjoy, and criticism just makes the critic look silly. Unfortunately, criticism seems incessant in most human interactions nowadays (gossip, venting, complaining, unsolicited advice, mockery, sarcasm, condescension, excessive opinions, etc.), which is why I prefer my own company most of the time.
I reckon this is a big part of why I was so gentle with my dog Sawyer. Aside from how he made it easy to love him and be kind to him, we both got criticized excessively, and I wanted to give him more compassion, understanding, and patience. I’m sure that’s part of how we got as close as we did and remained close friends until his death. That’s a trait that my closest human family members and friends also share: lots of compliments, little criticism, and gentleness when criticism does arise. I wish everyone else would learn from these beautiful souls and be kinder and less critical toward those around them. Much as I hope that happens, I’m not holding my breath for it.