This is a very timely blog post for me as it’s about relaxing, which I haven’t been doing nearly enough lately. While this includes spending time at rest without doing much of anything, I’m talking about being able to relax during daily tasks. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of modern life and spend most of the waking hours stressed out or even in a state of panic. The faster and more intense life gets, the more important it becomes to know how to be at ease even when moving quickly, so that’s what I’m going to talk about today.
When I find it difficult or impossible to relax, it’s usually because I feel like I lack control in whatever situation I’m in or the situation is different than I’d like it to be. It took me a long time to realize this but once I had spent enough time working on myself, it became clear to me. I noticed that relaxing made every situation smoother and more enjoyable. Even when I was busy moving a lot of things around at my job or playing sports, relaxing and not worrying about how things were going helped. I found that it’s possible to do my best, expend a great deal of energy, accomplish a lot, and want things to work out for the best without stressing over any of it. This also makes me less likely to get emotional if a situation doesn’t go how I want it to go or make mistakes due to rushing through it.
I’ve mentioned communication in several posts and how I’ve worked hard to get better at it. While reading books about communication, writing many of my thoughts down so that they’re better organized, and practicing it a lot have all been helpful, the thing that has made the biggest difference for me is relaxing. My best conversations and most eloquent moments have come from states of relaxation during which I wasn’t worried about what to say or how to say it. Ideas for both writing and speaking seem to appear most easily when I’m relaxed and not stressing over what to talk about. If I’m relaxed and easygoing, I think others pick up on that and act accordingly; the same appears to be true for when I’m stressed out or nervous.
Communication is a major part of interacting with other people, but speaking is only one aspect of it. Not every moment has to be filled with words, and some moments are better left in silence. My tendency is to rack my brain for something to say during any moment of silence that lasts more than a few seconds so it doesn’t become “awkward”. However, as I’ve learned more about how to relax and take control of my mind rather than be controlled by it, I’ve started giving some moments space to be. I’ve found that saying something just for the sake of speaking or preventing an “awkward” silent moment tends to create more awkward moments than silence does. Relaxing into a moment prevents it from becoming awkward and offers space for everyone involved to be with each other, continue the conversation when it feels natural, or part ways if they so desire. Additionally, being relaxed around others helps me not feel embarrassed or ashamed if I say something or make a joke that doesn’t get the reaction I was hoping for.
As you might have guessed, there are several books and online resources that have helped me relax and worry less. The ones I’ve found most helpful have been The Power of Now, The Power of Positive Thinking, The Four Agreements, and The Righteous Mind (the last one may seem strange to put on this list but I included it since it helped me understand why people believe the things they do and that it’s not worth getting emotional in interactions those with whom I disagree). Charisma on Command has a lot of great videos on mindset and this one in particular has been a huge blessing to me. And last but not least, I’ve gotten a lot of useful stuff from The Art of Manliness website; even when I’m not looking for life hacks, it’s still fun to read through the articles. Knowing the importance of relaxing and how to relax has done a lot of good for me and I hope the ideas and resources in this post help you as much as they’ve helped me.