While I used to get into at least online fight a day, I’ve gotten pretty good over the last few years at steering clear of them. Unfortunately, that seems to be the exception as there are still plenty of online fights. I even see some folks I know getting into them whereas I never saw them do anything like that before. My post about fighting covers most of what I have to say about this, although I do have some additional thoughts to share that focus more on online fights. Here we go.
- They’re more tempting than real-life fights. Real-life fights come with many more risks and limitations than online fights. With online fights, you get to fight with people that you’ll never meet in person, pause anytime and come back later, post links to things that seem to support your side, take time to craft the perfect point before replying, and say harsh things without the risk of immediate violence or having to face someone you’ve just insulted as you would offline. If you have a lot to do on any given day, you might not have the time or the energy to fight someone in person. However, even busy folks usually find time to engage in one or more online bouts and seem to think that they’re doing something vitally important by trying to force their opinions onto somebody else (which, as with other kinds of fights, fails to change hearts and minds as everyone reacts defensively and says a lot about what they think without ever stopping to consider what someone else is saying). This easy access and host of egoic payoffs make it much harder to resist online fights than real-life fights.
- Dehumanization is much easier online. Another reason that it’s easier to act cruelly toward someone else online than in person is because it’s easy to forget that you’re interacting with another human on the other side of the screen (excluding, of course the times in which you’re dealing with a bot rather than a human). Communicating only through text prevents everyone involved from hearing and seeing how everyone else is communicating, which makes it much harder to figure out if a particular line was meant as a joke, an insult, a clarifying question, or something else. In addition to reminding everyone in an interaction that they are all humans, talking face-to-face with someone is much more likely to bring up meaningful, humanizing things about each other. These can include foods that they enjoy, beloved animal friends (such as my late dog Sawyer), fond memories from early life, and other tidbits that can improve the bond between everyone and make hostility less likely. All of that is much less likely online, hence the hostility of so many online fights.
- Ruining lives is much easier in online fights. Fighting in real life has resulted in countless ruined lives, whether through war, loss of a job or business, family estrangement, friendships ending, etc. Online fights have the potential to cause even more harm. Things stick around much longer online than in person, whether or not they’re true. It’s common in any kind of fight for participants to make awful accusations toward each other. If an awful accusation is believed and shared widely enough, it can result in the total destruction of someone’s reputation, leading to their getting fired, losing support of family members and close friends, financial ruin, and other huge issues that can ruin their life. Jon Ronson’s book So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed contains many examples of this very thing. Thus, while real-life fights can result in lasting harm to one or more participants, this is even more likely with internet fights.