Several entries in The Daily Stoic come across to me as dismissive of unwanted or difficult emotions but this one does not. This entry highlights the importance of feeling everything and working through it rather than trying to suppress or repress anything. I’ve focused a good bit on working through my thoughts, feelings, and emotions this year, so I loved reading this entry earlier today. I also like what it says about finding the positive as I think any situation can contain a valuable lesson, even the difficult ones. The only point of disagreement I have is the recommendation to immediately work through whatever you’re feeling. In some situations, I feel like I need a bit of time before I can appropriately address my emotions; sometimes immediate action feels too painful or counterproductive, so I’ll sit with myself for a bit until I’m in a better state of mind. Maybe I’ll need less of that later on in my journey, but for now, I always give myself that time when I feel I need it. Still, this is a solid entry from The Daily Stoic and one of my personal favorites that I’ve read thus far, and I hope it brings value to your life.
“It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it.”
-Seneca, On Consolation to Helvia, 17.1b
We’ve all lost people we were close to – a friend, a colleague, a parent, a grandparent. While we were suffering from our grief, some well-meaning person did their best to take our mind off it or make us think about something else for a couple hours. However kind, these gestures are misguided.
The Stoics are stereotyped as suppressing their emotions, but their philosophy was actually intended to teach us to face, process, and deal with emotions immediately instead of running from them. Tempting as it is to deceive yourself or hide from a powerful emotion like grief – by telling yourself and other people that you’re fine – awareness and understanding are better. Distraction might be pleasant in the short term – by going to gladiatorial games, as a Roman might have done, for example. Focusing is better in the long term.
That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.