I had a few recent realizations about solving problems. Although I love helping other people and can point them in directions that might be beneficial to them, it’s important to show them respect by giving them space to solve their own problems. They might ask for my help or agree to let me weigh in if I ask them, but ultimately they have to do the work themselves.
There is no guarantee that I can solve or even understand someone else’s problems. If I volunteer myself to help out without having sufficient knowledge of the situation and their take on it, I might end up making things worse. Plus they might not want help from me or anyone else. They may want to handle things on their own, or they may just want someone to listen and understand where they’re at. Sometimes listening is the best way I can help someone; they may be able to talk themselves to a solution if I’m there holding space for them.
The book Boundaries has heavily shaped my thinking on this stuff. It’s caused me to make some decisions that were difficult to accept initially but have made more sense to me over time. Namely, it’s shown me the importance of avoiding becoming dependent on other people to solve my problems. I want to be able to sort things out for myself whenever possible and I want the same for those around me. This is a huge part of independence and I don’t want to deprive anyone of being able to utilize this ability. So now I’m very cautious when it comes to giving advice and trying to lend a helping hand. It’s become easier for me to feel into a situation and know what to say and do to make the best impact, and I’m incredibly grateful for that.