A Grief Observed is a short book by CS Lewis. Despite its brevity, it covers much of Lewis’s journey through his grief over the death of his wife, Joy Davidman, whom he calls H in the book. There’s lots of great stuff in here so let’s take a look.
The book starts off in the early days after H’s death. Lewis discusses everything in present tense as he recorded his emotional states and thoughts as they came up rather than reflecting on them later on. His writing covers grief, anger, fear, frustration, and a general sense of not knowing what to do in life outside of his usual work, which seemed to be largely unaffected.
There are three chapters of intense pain followed by one chapter of apparent relief. Lewis may not have been completely out of the woods by the end of the book but he seemed to be feeling much less pain than earlier, along with a renewed faith that he could carry on even without H. At times, he expresses remorse and perhaps even embarrassment at some things he felt, thought, and said earlier when the pain was more intense. Despite that, he doesn’t seem to be too hard on himself for being human and struggling accordingly.
It surprised me to see Lewis, a man best known for his strong defenses of Christianity in a number of other books, question and criticize God’s existence, power, and love in this book. That his grief was so strong as to bring up those feelings, thoughts, and words speaks volumes. I appreciated his courage in stating how he truly felt and how he saw things during the earliest stages of his grieving. Even though this book was originally part of his personal writings and was later published under a pseudonym before finally being republished under his own name, it can be hard to be honest even with oneself about the most painful feelings and the most controversial ideas, plenty of which Lewis included in A Grief Observed. It was wonderful to see him hold nothing back as he described a lot of the painful emotions that he experienced after losing H. He accomplished what few people are willing or able to do in private, let alone in a book made available to the general public.
Lewis talks about his fears of forgetting H and remembering a faulty idea of her rather than she herself. Alongside this was the difficulty of not having her there anymore to dash any incorrect ideas he has about her. I have had similar fears and difficulties since I lost my dog Sawyer. Recently, also I felt fear and frustration over occasionally imagining another dog in his place when recalling some memories from our time together. I wonder if Lewis ever briefly forgot how H looked in his recollections.
I don’t know how long it took Lewis to get to the peace he described in the final chapter but it was encouraging to see him arrive at that point, especially after a long period of him not knowing if he ever would. I’ve had similar experiences with my own grief over losing Sawyer. All the emotional work I’ve done these past few months has given me fleeting moments of peace that, I hope, will become longer, deeper, and more robust as I continue healing.
A Grief Observed is the first CS Lewis book I’ve read in several years. It’s been the most relatable to me of all of his books I’ve read thus far and I’m glad I read it. Reading it once gave me a lot of comfort and I’m planning to reread it soon. I think it could help a lot of people who are struggling with grief and other painful emotions, especially after losing a loved one. I even think it would be helpful regardless of whether or not one agrees with Lewis’s views on Christianity. As with Lewis, it looks like there will be healing for me even in places where it once seemed impossible, and I look forward to that.