“Seven Ways to Reclaim Your Power”

Posted on August 26, 2019 by admin

This is an excerpt from Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (written by Susan Jeffers) called “Seven Ways to Reclaim Your Power”. All of these methods encourage personal responsibility and focusing on your available options in any situation. I like these kinds of reminders as this stuff is easy for me to forget if I don’t think about it regularly. Without further ado, here are the recommendations.

  1. Avoid casting blame on an external force for your bad feelings about life. Nothing outside yourself can control your thinking or your actions.
  2. Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control. You are doing the best you can, and you are on the way to reclaiming your power.
  3. Be aware of when and where you play the victim role. Learn the clues that tell you that you are not being responsible for what you are being, having, doing, or feeling.
  4. Familiarize yourself with your biggest enemy – your Chatterbox. Use the exercises throughout this book to replace it with a loving internal friend.
  5. Figure out the payoffs that keep you “stuck”. Paradoxically, once you find them, you will probably be able to quickly become “unstuck.”
  6. Determine what you want in life and act on it. Stop waiting for someone to give it to you. You’ll be waiting a long time.
  7. Be aware of the many choices you have – in both actions and feelings – in any situation that comes your way. Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peace with yourself and others.
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Icebergs and Communication

Posted on August 25, 2019 by admin

No matter how big an iceberg appears to be, it is always bigger under the surface of the water. Someone who is looking just at what they can see above the water’s surface is only getting part of the picture, so they’re missing a lot of information about the iceberg. Just as an iceberg has much more going on under the surface, so does communication. A lot of communication occurs without speaking, with body language and facial expressions conveying a great deal of information. Additionally, when someone does speak, they can reveal a lot through the words they avoid, the words they choose, and how they use them.

Many exchanges that I see on a regular basis (as well as many more that I once participated in) only focus on what is immediately visible. An individual’s basic worldview, values, opinions on existing problems, and proposed solutions to those problems are frequently overlooked in such exchanges and the focus is kept on one small aspect of whatever is being discussed. This prevents participants from finding areas in which they might see eye to eye and increases the chances of their dialogue going off the rails. When I’m centered, I can observe such an exchange and see that, more often than not, the issue is a lack of good communication rather than a difference in morality; two people can agree that something is a problem but disagree on the best way to solve that problem, and they both end up thinking that they’re on completely different pages when they actually agree for the most part. It’s much harder for me to do this when I’m in a difficult exchange, but I’ve managed to do it on a few occasions by keeping my emotions under control and keeping the bigger picture in mind.

Simon Sinek’s Start With Why has helped me a lot with this stuff. That book explains the importance of making your motivations clear to others and how much that does to facilitate good communication. Bringing to the surface everything that is normally hidden under rhetoric, assumptions, and limited thinking is a far better conversational approach than burying all of that stuff even deeper and making productive dialogue that much more difficult. So if you find yourself in a difficult situation, take a page from Start With Why and think about what’s going on under the surface of that exchange. That simple mindset shift can make all the difference and turn a hostile exchange into a civil conversation.

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The Purpose of the First Draft

Posted on August 24, 2019 by admin

I recently saw the following quote attributed to John Dufresne: “The purpose of the first draft is not to get it right, but to get it written.” The more I think about that quote, the more I love it. It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed and have trouble writing something if I think about too much at once. Remembering that quote helps me slow down, relax, and find some place to begin, knowing that I can always rearrange things later on.

This made me start thinking about the process of building a house from the ground up. Early on, the focus isn’t on choosing the paint color or picking out the furniture. Before any cosmetic issues are considered, a whole lot of important things have to be in place, including the foundation, plumbing, electrical wiring, insulation, walls, and roof. Once all the crucial stuff is squared away, then the focus can shift to tweaking and customizing the appearance.

The same applies to writing: write it first and make it look nice later. If there are spelling errors, poorly worded sentences, problems with the structure, or other issues in the first draft, that’s perfectly fine. The point of the first draft is to get your ideas down while they’re still fresh. Once you do that, then you’ll be in a much better position to organize things however you like. I often find it easy to structure everything once I can see all the words on the screen in front of me; it can be difficult when I’m just working with nebulous ideas bouncing around in my head, so I always try to get things written out before I start focusing on the technical aspects. I hope you find this helpful for overcoming writer’s block or otherwise moving forward with whatever creative projects you undertake.

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Review of Bee Movie

Posted on August 23, 2019 by admin

Yesterday, I watched Bee Movie for the first time in years. Jerry Seinfeld and Renée Zellweger star as the main characters in this zany animated comedy from DreamWorks. After I spoil the plot, I’ll share my thoughts on the movie.

Barry B. Benson (Seinfeld) is a bee who has just graduated from college and is about to get a job. He’s surprised to learn that he’ll be stuck at whatever job he chooses to do for the rest of his life. Before making his decision, he goes outside the hive to explore New York City. He meets a human named Vanessa (Zellweger) who runs a flower shop and saves him from being killed by her boyfriend (played by Patrick Warburton). The two get to know each other and become friends despite the prohibition against bees talking to humans.

One day, Barry is shocked to see honey being sold in stores. After some investigation, he sues the human race for enslaving bees and stealing their honey. The judge sides with him, meaning that humans can no longer use honey and must return all the honey that they haven’t used to the bees. This makes the bees cease working since they now have a massive surplus of honey. However, because they are no longer doing their jobs, plants all over the world begin to die from lack of pollination, putting animals and humans in grave danger.

Just when they’ve given up hope, Barry and Vanessa get an idea to take flowers from the Tournament of Roses Parade in California back to New York and use them to revive all the dying plants. They run into trouble on the return flight when the flight crew are accidentally knocked out and the autopilot is fried by a lightning strike, meaning that they have to find another way to land the plane. All the bees Barry knows see their predicament on the news and fly to the rescue; their combined strength is sufficient to carry the plane to a safe landing. After they revive all the plants, Vanessa reopens her flower shop and, along with Barry, also provides honey and legal advice.

Although I had seen most of Bee Movie on a few occasions years ago, I don’t know if I’d ever watched it all the way through at one time before yesterday. I went into yesterday’s viewing thinking I’d have a good time and that’s exactly what happened. I still enjoyed the things I remembered and found a lot of new things that made me laugh. The movie’s sense of humor and delivery is right in the sweet spot for my tastes, so I had a blast watching it. Additionally, Seinfeld is one of my favorite shows, so I’m quite familiar with Jerry Seinfeld’s style of comedy and I thought he did a great job as Barry. Renée Zellweger, Patrick Warburton, and everyone else in the movie also gave great performances and made this a fun experience. If you’re in the mood for a funny, lighthearted experience, then check out Bee Movie. It is many things but it definitely isn’t a B movie.

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The Daily Stoic: “Don’t Be Miserable in Advance”

Posted on August 22, 2019 by admin

Although I’ve learned a lot about how to avoid worrying, I still deal with it on a regular basis. It has gotten easier over time, however, to settle down and be at peace. This entry from The Daily Stoic, in addition to acting as a good reminder for me to avoid worrying, also contains some stuff that I think will help me succeed in staying more centered and present. This is one of my favorite entries from The Daily Stoic and it appeared at just the right time for me. I got a lot out of it and I hope you do as well.

“It’s ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest – by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things.”

-Seneca, Moral Letters, 98.5b-6a

The way we nervously worry about some looming bad news is strange if you think about it. By definition, the waiting means it hasn’t happened yet, so that feeling bad in advance is totally voluntary. But that’s what we do: chewing our nails, feeling sick to our stomachs, rudely brushing aside the people around us. Why? Because something bad might occur soon.

The pragmatist, the person of action, is too busy to waste time on such silliness. The pragmatist can’t worry about every possible outcome in advance. Think about it. Best case scenario – if the news turns out to be better than expected, all this time was wasted with needless fear. Worst case scenario – we were miserable for extra time, by choice.

And what better use could you make of that time? A day that could be your last – you want to spend it in worry? In what other area could you make some progress while others might be siting on the edges of their seat, passively awaiting some fate?

Let the news come when it does. Be too busy working to care.

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Move at Your Own Pace

Posted on August 21, 2019 by admin

I do a lot of things in my daily routines. Some things are just for fun while others keep me in a good place and allow me to continue making progress toward where I want to be in life. Most of the time, I can get through each task without issue. Sometimes, however, it’s much more of a struggle. On those days, I try to show myself some compassion and go at whatever pace feels right to me. This usually involves moving at a slower, more leisurely pace as I go; sometimes I even leave a few tasks in an unfinished state and complete them the next day.

I did a lot of this yesterday. Since I had the day off, I decided to disable my alarms and sleep in. I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately so letting my body decide when to wake up felt great. I also decided to take it easy at the gym. Skipping workouts entirely is far too risky for me since I can easily get into the habit of not working out for a month or more, so I just went to the gym and warmed up with light weights. That way I gave my body a break while still doing something to keep me in the habit of working out regularly. And I got most of this blog post finished last night before going to bed and deciding to complete it the morning.

This approach allows me to complete most of my regular tasks and keep the ball rolling on the stuff that’s gotten me to this point while still giving me plenty of time to rest. Giving myself permission to slow down as needed also takes care of whatever issues I’m facing in my life situation. For example, in a recent post, I mentioned how I been feeling antisocial as of late. For whatever reason, that feeling has passed and I feel much more like my usual self. I think it’s because I gave myself enough alone time to recharge and sort out some things within myself before returning to my usual circles. As a result, I’ve had a much easier time connecting with people in meaningful ways this week. It’s taken me a long time to recognize when I need to slow down and actually do it but I’m glad I made it part of my life. It’s done me a lot of good and I hope it does the same for you if you decide to try it in your life as well.

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Listening and Communication

Posted on August 20, 2019 by admin

Stephen Covey talks a lot about the importance of listening in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Seeking to understand what other people are saying, practicing empathetic listening, asking clarifying questions, giving them plenty of time to talk, and avoiding the urge to reply as quickly as possible are all important aspects of good communication. In fact, communication isn’t possible without listening since talking is only half of the necessary ingredients for communication to occur.

This is still difficult for me to grasp at times. I used to have a lot of trouble truly listening to people since I feel most useful whenever I can help solve a problem and I still often carry this mindset into my conversations. As a result, I’d feel like I didn’t help someone if I couldn’t offer some useful advice. However, I’ve gradually realized how being there to hear someone out without offering any advice or trying to influence their decisions can be the best thing I can do for them. While I occasionally help people solve their problems, most of the time they just want someone who’ll be present and listen while they talk about whatever’s troubling them. Sometimes they talk their way into a solution and sometimes they don’t. Either way, they always get something off their chest and feel better afterward.

I started thinking about this stuff earlier this week after catching up with a friend and giving them plenty of space to talk while listening without trying to respond or offer any advice. During most of the conversation, I wasn’t even consciously thinking of Covey’s recommendations or anything that I typically mention in this blog. I was merely focused on hearing them out and focusing on what they had to say. They thanked me afterward and I could tell they truly appreciated my being there for them. This exchange reminded me of how important this stuff is. I love the feeling I get whenever someone listens to me and makes an effort to understand me, so I try to pay it forward as much as I can. What would the world look like if more people did this? I don’t know exactly but I think it’d be a much better place and I hope to see that happen.

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Overcoming My Impressionability

Posted on August 19, 2019 by admin

I’m super impressionable. How impressionable, you might ask? Well, if I watch a movie and find one particular character likable or relatable, I’ll start acting like them without even trying. Once I start doing this, it can take me anywhere from a few days to more than a month to stop; it all depends on how much I like the character and how big an impression they leave on me. Additionally, I love learning about how other people think. Whenever I listen to someone, I try to keep my mind as open as possible so I can understand where they’re coming from. One downside of this is that it makes me inclined to go along with whatever someone says even when it causes me a lot of problems.

As a result of these tendencies, I’ve been led astray many times. I’ve signed onto organizations, projects, causes, and other big group endeavors because I found them compelling even though something about them felt fishy at the time. I have also done things that were contrary to my values without even realizing it until after the fact. Fortunately, I’ve managed to free myself from all of those things and get to a place of greater independence in how I think, speak, and act. I’m determined to steer clear of blindly following any person or group again and I’ve actively taken steps to avoid repeating those mistakes. Some of what I’ve done in this regard includes avoiding formal membership with as many groups and organizations as possible so that I’m not surrounded by people telling me how to think or what to do, absorbing a wide range of perspectives from many different people to keep me from focusing on just one person’s ideas, thinking things through and deciding for myself how I see the world, and studying persuasion to help me identify when I’m being manipulated and give me some techniques to effectively resist it.

While all of those things have helped, they’ve only taken me so far. I still often have trouble standing up for myself and saying no. A lot of this is due to the fear of what someone might do to me if I let them down. So now I’m working on ridding myself of this fear by finding small ways to assert myself and seeing that nothing bad happens. I did this for a few months earlier this year, so I know from experience that it works. My goal is to do this long enough to make it a habit so that I can benefit from it every day. So far it’s working pretty well. Since I’ve made great progress with everything else I mentioned in this post, I’m looking forward to seeing the progress I’ll continue to make by acting from a place of confidence instead of fear.

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Review of Walden

Posted on August 18, 2019 by admin

Walden is an interesting book by Henry David Thoreau. It covers the period of just over two years that he spent living in a cabin near Walden Pond in Concord, Massachusetts. He did this to see what he’d learn by getting down to the basics and living intentionally rather than living automatically, which is even more common now than it was when he wrote the book.

Thoreau mostly built his cabin by hand, although he did salvage some parts from a nearby abandoned cabin to make things easier. He also grew his own food, went on long walks every day, spent time on the pond in his boat, and lived simply. Despite living well away from everyone else, he still entertained visitors and even regularly walked to the village. This allowed him to enjoy plenty of solitude without feeling lonely or detached.

Thoreau’s writing style made parts of the book difficult for me to understand. Sometimes he’d go off on long tangents about mice, ice, plants, and other similar things. I don’t have the greatest ability to visualize something that I haven’t seen at least once, so I’d often struggle to picture what he was describing. Also, he would often switch from literal into more metaphorical or poetic language, which threw me off and made it easy for me to lose track of what was happening. Since the book was first published in 1854, I don’t know whether this writing style was common at the time or if it mostly came from Thoreau himself. Either way, his writing style occasionally made it difficult for me to stay focused and follow along. Still, enough stuff resonated with me to keep me interested in reading further, so I’d try to catch myself whenever my mind started to wander and refocus my attention.

Even before I read Walden, I loved the idea of living simply in a cabin for a few years; getting a glimpse into that lifestyle from Thoreau’s perspective has made me even more interested in trying it for myself. I think a lot of people would benefit by getting out of the rat race and slowing down for a while. I’m inclined to think that many people who are currently living simply in cabins, tiny houses, and camper vans/RVs were inspired by Thoreau’s writings about his experience in Walden. Thanks to the internet, nearly anyone who is living off the grid can document their journey and share it with the world in real time. I enjoy checking out these kinds of stories every so often and I generally enjoyed reading about Thoreau’s experience in Walden. If any of this sounds interesting to you, then I recommend checking out the book for yourself and seeing what it does for you.

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The Daily Stoic: “Anything Can Be an Advantage”

Posted on August 17, 2019 by admin

I love this entry from The Daily Stoic since I’m a mere three inches taller than Muggsy Bogues. As such, I’ve enjoyed surprising people with my strength, speed, athleticism, and other abilities that they weren’t expecting because of my height. However, there is much more to this entry than matters of height and impressing other people. Just as it states, I’ve found ways to take aspects of myself that many would consider weaknesses and use them to improve my life situation. A little creative thinking can turn practically any challenge into an opportunity for improvement and success, and I love surprising myself by finding new ways to succeed in many different situations.

“Just as the nature of rational things has given to each person their rational powers, so it also gives us this power – just as nature turns to its own purpose any obstacle or any opposition, sets its place in the destined order, and co-opts it, so every rational person can convert any obstacle into the raw material for their own purpose.”

-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.35

At five feet three inches tall, Muggsy Bogues was the shortest player ever to play professional basketball. Throughout his career, he was snickered at, underestimated, and counted out.

But Bogues succeeded by turning his height into the very thing that made him nationally known. Some people looked at his size as a curse, but he saw it as a blessing. He found the advantages contained within it. In fact, on the court small size has many advantages: speed and quickness, the ability to steal the ball from unsuspecting (and significantly taller) players, to say nothing of the fact that players just plain underestimated him.

Could this approach not be useful in your life? What things do you think have been holding you back that, in fact, can be a hidden source of strength?

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