Avoiding Resistance

Years ago, I watched a show that discussed a man who survived being sucked into a tornado and then thrown onto the ground. This clip briefly mentions that his body was limp at the time of impact; this was because he was knocked unconscious before the tornado picked him up, meaning that he wasn’t able to tense up or brace for impact. As a result, the impact was more evenly distributed over his body, which allowed him to survive and even walk away from that rough landing with no broken bones.

This same approach also works in difficult life situations. Whenever I put up a great deal of resistance to whatever is happening, I always feel worse and tend to make the situation worse as well. I become fixated on arriving at a certain outcome and get upset if things go in a different direction. In contrast, relaxing and surrendering makes me feel at ease and often produces a better outcome. This applies regardless of the type of situation I’m in or whether or not I’ve been in that position before.

As much as I’ve talked about the value of surrendering, I still struggle with putting it into practice. I can easily surrender to certain things at almost any time. With other things, though, I have trouble surrendering even when I’m feeling great, and it becomes almost impossible when I’m feeling bad. I’ve noticed this pattern for a long time now and it may tie into what I’ve heard about how we repeat lessons until we learn them. If that’s what is happening, then I hope I can learn this lesson soon so that I can move on to other things in life.

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Listen to Your Body

The last two days were polar opposites for me. I worked on Thursday and felt terrible for many hours after my shift ended. In contrast, I had yesterday off and felt great for most of the day. What caused the drastic difference? For the most part, it came down to listening to my body and giving it what it needed yesterday vs not doing that the day before.

I didn’t drink nearly enough water and went too long without eating on Thursday. This, combined with the large amount of interactions I had with other people that day and the tremendous stress I’ve felt for most of this week, took a lot out of me. After I clocked out, I stuck around for a while and talked with a coworker to help me settle down. I also skipped the gym and went home to rest and recover. This ended up being a much longer process than I’d anticipated as I spent most of the afternoon flat on my back with a bit of a headache and a feeling of nausea. Fortunately that was the worst it got. As I gradually got hydrated, ate a hearty meal, and continued to rest, I slowly felt more like my usual self. I was feeling good enough around 10:30 to unicycle without issue and I even did some chinups and stretched before bed. By the time I went to sleep, I had been feeling pretty good for a few hours.

The self-care I did Thursday evening got me off to a good start Friday morning. I woke up still feeling quite tired, so I reset my alarm and slept in a bit more. After that, I ate a good breakfast and then went in for a float. That was my second float this week and it helped relax me by eliminating most of my stress. I felt a bit hungry once my float ended so I got some food shortly thereafter. I drank a good bit of water and spent a lot of time by myself since being around other people starts to drain me after a while. As a result, I was able to unicycle around 8:30 and juggled about that same time as well. I finished off with a good dinner, wrote this post, read, did some chinups, and stretched before going to bed.

I often learn lessons the hard way and it looks like this was one of those times. Having one day in which I didn’t take proper care of myself followed by one in which I did communicated this message to me loudly and clearly. Now I can think back to these two days whenever I feel inclined to slack in my self-care, which I hope will help me avoid doing so. Please do yourself a favor and learn from my example so you don’t have to learn the hard way. Listen to your body and give it what it needs. If you’re thirsty, drink a lot of water. If you’re bursting with energy, stand up and move around for a while. And if you’re constantly feeling tired during the day, get more sleep. The better you care for yourself, the better you’ll feel and the more effectively you can live. Take care and I’ll see you in the next post.

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Logical Shortcomings

In a past post, I talked about some things I’ve learned regarding to reason and rationality. Books such as The Righteous Mind, Thinking, Fast and Slow, and Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion have shown me just how irrational and unreasonable we can be without even realizing it. It’s fairly easy to see this in other people but much harder to notice in oneself. I’ve gotten better at seeing it in myself since I’ve read a lot about this stuff and have spent a great deal of time watching my thoughts. However, I still often miss the irrational aspects of my own thinking, especially when I’m sick, tired, or emotional. I’d like to get better at seeing these things within myself and do what I can to foster better conversations, so here are ten examples of logical shortcomings and irrational tendencies that are best avoided.

  1. Focusing on sources that affirm a particular position and ignoring sources that contradict it
  2. Mistaking disagreements over how to best arrive at the end goal for disagreements about the end goal itself
  3. Thinking that because something was a certain way in the past or is still that way in the present, it will necessarily always be that way
  4. Over-simplifying complicated things and over-complicating simple things
  5. Asserting that something is impossible without checking to see if anyone has accomplished it or thinking of potential ways to do it
  6. Attacking someone for holding a particular position instead of refuting or disproving that position
  7. Misrepresenting someone’s ideas and criticizing that misrepresentation as if it’s an honest depiction of what they said
  8. Thinking that something is automatically true or automatically false simply because it comes from a certain source
  9. Changing the meaning of something by taking it out of context and leaving out important clarifying information
  10. Holding two people to different standards; excusing a particular behavior in one person while condemning it in the other
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Turning Points

Two days ago, I listened to this TED Talk from Greg Bryk on my way home from work. This was the second time I’d listened to it and the first time I’ve checked it out since I put some of Bryk’s ideas into practice. I first became aware of the talk before I started my self-improvement journey. Like most other useful things I found back then, I thought it was interesting and probably a good idea but I never did anything with it. Having seen how it’s positively impacted my life, listening to it again was wonderful.

In short, Bryk encourages you to think about the life you want to live and then become the person who can live that kind of life. He discovered this for himself through acting and becoming the characters he played, living as them both on and off stage. In the process, he realized that his dreams were different than the dreams some of his family members wanted him to pursue. Ultimately, he chose to follow his own dreams and live life on his own terms instead of someone else’s. This allowed him to be his own person and have many wonderful adventures that he might otherwise have missed.

I can think of several major turning points in my own life. On these occasions, I decided to go with what felt right for me even when it ran contrary to what someone else wanted me to do. Those decisions always took some courage to make and they involved venturing into unknown territory, but they did a lot of good for me. They allowed me to have experiences that greatly shaped my views of the world, introduced me to some wonderful people, and made me into the man I am today. What would have happened if I’d taken a more conventional path? All I can say for sure is that I would have continued to feel as if I were betraying myself by living the way others expected me to live instead of in a way that aligned with my ideas, values, and dreams. While the path I chose has been extremely difficult at times, it’s also been incredibly rewarding and I’m glad I chose it. I hope that you also choose a life path that aligns with your own values and leads to a life of fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy.

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Bold City Circuit House Show

On Saturday night, I went to a show hosted by Bold City Circuit in Jacksonville, Florida. Three musicians performed in someone’s living room and we all got to share an incredibly close, intimate experience. I figured that the evening would be enjoyable but I had no idea how wholesome and wonderful it would be until it began.

The musicians that performed were Liam Bauman, Taylor Raynor, and Leon Majcen. Throughout the night, they took turns performing both separately and together. Their talent, passion, and love for people and music shone brightly whenever they played or sang. Because we were in a living room, there was no need for microphones or massive sound systems. The simple setting created a very intimate atmosphere and fostered a deep feeling of connection that I’ve rarely experienced this strongly in a group setting. I felt compassion for and a connection to everyone in the room and saw all of them as beautiful, even the people I hadn’t met or seen before that night.

Before the show started, one of the hosts encouraged us to be present throughout the night, and that’s exactly what I did. I found it very easy to stay in the moment, get lost in the music, and appreciate everyone around me. Time lost all relevance and I enjoyed every peaceful moment. I went hours without checking the time, looking at my phone, or thinking about what I’d do later on. Even during the breaks, I still felt very present while socializing and soaking in the experience without caring about social media, the time, or anything outside of that house.

I didn’t expect all of this to happen. This was the first show of its kind for me, so I didn’t know how it would go. I thought it would just be a chance to hang out and listen to some nice music. I had no idea that I’d love it so much and find it so fulfilling. This was easily the best Saturday night I’ve had in a long time. Now that I’ve had this wonderful experience, I hope to go to many more living room shows. I highly recommend you do the same if you get the chance and, if you’re in or close to Jacksonville, check out Bold City Circuit. You’ll be glad you did.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson Joke

This is a funny little story about missing the obvious. It serves as an occasional reminder for me to keep things simple and avoid overthinking. I hope you get a chuckle out of it and maybe a bit of inspiration as well.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decided to go on a camping trip. After dinner, they settled down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?” Holmes asked.

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.”
“Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.”
“Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.”
“Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.”
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”
“What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

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Magic Moments

These are some magic moments that I’ve been thinking about lately. They all come from being as present as possible and getting lost in the moment, whether alone or with someone else. If you think of any other magic moments, I’d love to hear them.

  1. Watching someone do what they love and seeing the passion on their face
  2. Listening to music slowly fade out as the song ends and the sounds around you gradually become audible again
  3. Sharing a genuine smile with someone and feeling that wonderful connection
  4. Being around someone who’s experiencing a joy so profound that they can’t put it into words
  5. Making eye contact with a friendly animal and feeling the love radiating from them
  6. Laughing so hard with another person that everything else fades away and only joy remains
  7. Watching the sunset at the end of a great day
  8. Being out in nature with no artificial lights or sounds to interfere with the experience
  9. Sharing a warm hug with a dear friend
  10. Seeing the look in someone’s eyes when they have a major breakthrough
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Inviting Mara to Tea

I remember reading a story from Tara Brach in Tools of Titans about how the Buddha dealt with Mara. In the story, Mara was a demon that tried to torment the Buddha by creating situations intended to cause him feelings of doubt, fear, anger, and other similar emotions. However, rather than try to send Mara away or resist him, the Buddha would simply say “I see you, Mara” and then invite him to tea. Upon Mara’s arrival, the Buddha would prepare tea and serve both of them before sitting down in peace. Mara eventually left without having succeeded in disturbing the Buddha, who would then resume his normal activities.

This story wonderfully illustrates the power of dissolving unwanted emotions, feelings, and thoughts by acknowledging them and then surrendering to them. In the process, you’ll discover that these things are far less substantial than they’re often made out to be; fully feeling into them from a calm, centered place reveals how weak they truly are. Being able to dissolve unwanted emotions by accepting them and not giving them any power over your life is a powerful practice that can give you a great deal of freedom.

I’m still working on surrendering to unwanted emotions, but already it’s made my life much better. I often practice it in small ways during the day. Sometimes I’ll start thinking about an unpleasant experience from my past and, rather than avoiding it, I’ll dive into it and relive it without trying to make myself feel any particular way. More often than not, this quickly makes the memory lose its potency and I soon forget about it. I’d rather do that than try to suppress and bury unpleasant thoughts, which is something I’ve done for most of my life. I hope this has been helpful for you and that you can find some relief from unwanted emotions by acknowledging them and inviting them to tea.

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Portable Life Hacks

I use a lot of life hacks on any given day, many of which involve doing something with my body. These are nice since I can do them anytime, anywhere, and I don’t need any equipment or technology to make them work (unlike floating, which requires me to be in a certain place within certain hours and makes heavy use of technology, so it’s not always available for me to do). I like having these portable life hacks in mind and I’d like to share them with you now so you can use them whenever and wherever you like.

  1. Triple warmer smoothie. This is probably the most recent life hack I’ve learned. My mindfulness buddy sent it to me earlier this week and it’s quickly become one of my favorite calming techniques. Whether I’m out and about with other people or resting at home, the triple warmer smoothie always makes me feel more relaxed and at ease.
  2. Ground myself. I do this every night to clear myself of unwanted energy before going to bed. I think it’s improved the quality of my sleep and made it easier to doze off. Sometimes I’ll do it during the day if I feel myself getting stressed. To do this, I simply focus on the upsetting thought, take a few deep breaths, and then imagine it going out through the bottoms of my feet and deep into the Earth on each exhale. Touching my fingertips together while I do this also helps.
  3. Eye scramble. One of many incredible things I’ve learned from Charisma on Command. I can stop negative thoughts in their tracks and avoid being overtaken by them with this technique. I often forget about this one but it always works well when I remember to use it.
  4. Relax. It’s easy for me to hold unnecessary tension in my body. Whenever I catch myself doing this, I try to relax and release that tension as much as possible. I concentrate on one area at a time before moving onto the next one. This is much easier to do while sitting or lying down. A few minutes of doing this makes me feel very light and serene.
  5. Adjust how I’m sitting. When I’m having a conversation with someone while sitting down, I typically sit back as that helps keep me relaxed. If the exchange starts turning hostile, staying back in my chair makes it easier for me to stay calm and avoid escalating the situation. Sitting forward, in contrast, indicates to the other person that I’m interested in what they’re saying and makes me more receptive to their ideas. It can also make me appear as well as act more aggressively, so I tend to avoid doing this in tense situations.
  6. Speak softly. In The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale says that it’s difficult to get upset or stay that way while speaking in a whisper. Just as picking the right words is important, so is choosing how I voice them. Speaking softly and slowly has kept good situations from turning into bad ones and prevented bad situations from becoming worse.
  7. Draw out the exhale. Probably the best breath-related life hack I’ve found. Whenever I focus on slowing and controlling my breath, I make the exhale last longer than the inhale. This engages my parasympathetic nervous system and calms me down by reminding my body that I’m ok. There are plenty of good breathing tricks but I particularly like this one because it’s simple to do, easy to remember, and starts working almost immediately.
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Expectations

In the past few years, I’ve seen the power of expectations. More specifically, I’ve seen how they can negatively affect my mood and turn something that might otherwise have been enjoyable into a disappointment. Some people might say that this happened because I’ve had the wrong expectations or because I had my expectations set too high. If that’s the been their experience and they can use expectations to get what they want, then I’m glad for them. For myself, however, I think I’m better off avoiding expectations altogether.

Some of my most enjoyable experiences have come when I wasn’t expecting anything special to happen. These include being blown away by movies that I knew nothing about before watching them, feeling pleasantly surprised at seeing people for the first time in ages, and having wonderful interactions that I never planned or even saw coming. In contrast, some of the most disappointing times in my life have resulted from my unmet expectations. One example that I’ve experienced countless times is showing someone something that I think they’ll enjoy only for them to react differently than I imagined they would. I think that that in particular is a big part of why I’ve moved away from setting expectations. If so, then this is an example of pain revealing the path to freedom.

When I participate in something at this point, I try to set an intention rather than an expectation. The intention can be simple, such as “I’m going to juggle in the park today”. This way, I’ve committed to doing something without expecting it to go any specific way. Doing this also helps me stay in the present moment, prevents me from getting my hopes up, and allows me to see opportunities that I could easily miss if I were focused on a particular outcome. Avoiding expectations and going along with whatever happens is much better than fighting my emotions and creating conflict within myself. This has been an extremely helpful mindset change and I’m glad I made it.

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