Better Than Nothing

Posted on September 5, 2019 by admin

I’m usually pretty driven when it comes to completing my daily routines. Even when my schedule is tight, I still manage more often than not to get everything done. But I occasionally have days in which I just feel off and have a much harder time finding the will to do anything on my list. On those days, I remind myself that even a small amount of work toward my goals is better than nothing.

For example, if I’m not excited about exercising on one of my gym days, I’ll go anyway and warm up. That way I’ll stay in the habit of going to the gym three times a week, which will allow me to make regular progress and prevent me from missing it for weeks or months at a time. Additionally, once I’ve finished warming up, I’ll typically feel better and be in the proper mindset to finish my normal workout. Similarly, if I don’t feel up to doing my usual amount of chinups, I’ll do one. I’ll stretch for a minute or two if anything more than that seems out of reach. And so on for everything else in my usual routine.

Most of what I do on a daily basis comes down to habit. If I go a day without working on one of my usual tasks, then it’s extremely easy for me to fall out of the habit of doing it and end up avoiding it for extended periods of time; getting back into it then becomes extremely difficult. Spending just a little bit of time every day keeps me on track with my routines and allows me to benefit from them. This also prevents me from being hard on myself since it lets me keep moving in the right direction while I take a bit of a break. I learned this life hack from How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big and, since I’ve adopted it, it’s made it much easier for me to navigate life. If you decide to try it out, I hope it works as well for you as it’s worked for me.

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Look for the Helpers

Posted on September 4, 2019 by admin

When he was a little kid, Mister Rogers’s mother encouraged him to “look for the helpers” in difficult times. Later in his life, he passed that same wisdom onto the rest of us. This is a good way to see stressful situations in a better, more balanced way. Whatever you focus on the most leaves the biggest impression on you, so you can either see the downside of a situation and feel terrible or see the upside and feel better. Looking at those who are helping is a great way to see the upside, as is doing what you can to help (more on that later).

You might be wondering where all the helpers are. Although it can sometimes be hard to see them, they’re out there doing what they can to make the world a better place. Unfortunately, they don’t get as much publicity as those who cause harm. The news primarily focuses on stories involving violence, pain, and controversy because those things draw more attention than stories about peace, love, and joy. You can find the helpers if you look for them, though. They’re out there giving their time and money to those who are in a difficult spot and need a hand.

There are always people who step up and help out in rough situations. And no matter what’s going on, you can step up and be a helper if you feel called to do so. Volunteering is an awesome thing to do, as is donating food, clothes, money, or other resources. If you can do nothing else, you can at least find out about those in need and contact someone who can step in to help them out. The internet has made it easier than ever to do all of this and allows people to move quickly to where they can do the most good. So if you’re upset about a recent tragedy, why not see what you can do to make a positive difference? You’ll be glad you did, and so will the people you helped.

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Thinking Outside the Box: Different Strokes for Different Folks

Posted on September 3, 2019 by admin

Although I haven’t traveled much outside the US or extensively studied other cultures, I’ve still been exposed to enough stuff to know that there are a lot of different ways to approach anything and everything in life. Learning about how people do things in different parts of the world has helped me get good at thinking outside the box and thinking of a number of potential solutions to modern problems. It can be easy to think small, so I decided to make a post about different ways to do some thing in order to encourage everyone (including myself) to think big. Without further ado, here we go.

  1. Communication: The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about some of the differences in communication is language. There are thousands of different languages spoken today, and with all of those languages comes a lot of variance in grammar, writing, slang, etc. Beyond language, there are different styles of communication. For example, some cultures put the burden of responsibility for good communication on the speaker while others place that burden on the listener. There are also different views on how people should speak to strangers, coworkers, friends, family members, and authority figures. This can result in surprise and misunderstandings when people travel from a culture they know well to one that they hardly know at all. However, this can also be a good thing in that it introduces them to different ways of doing things and, in the process, gives them an opportunity to improve their communication.
  2. Counting: This great video from Numberphile blew my mind when I first saw it. I had never put much thought into how something as seemingly simple as counting can differ from one culture to another. Everything from the words for certain numbers, symbols used to represent them, ways to write them out, and more can vary wildly depending on one’s location. Like the guy in the video says, this shows that math isn’t as much of a universal language as it appears to be.
  3. Thinking: Unlike most other things on this list, there’s no need to travel to another country or culture for this entry. Vast differences in thinking can easily be found within a small geographic area, even sometimes as small as a family living under one roof. Some people think in words, others think in pictures, and still others think conceptually. Other ways to think include (but are not limited to) creatively, logically, laterally, continuously, and intentionally. How someone thinks determines a lot about how they live, what decisions they make, and what they accomplish in life. It also affects the way they communicate and how well their message is received by other people who may think differently than them.
  4. Managing emotions: There are many different perspectives on how to properly manage emotions. Many of the differences come from how someone thinks about emotions, such as why we have them, what purpose they serve, and how we should use them. In some cultures, emotions like grief, sorrow, and anger are considered negative and are mostly kept hidden except during extremely difficult periods (such as the loss of a loved one). Emotions such as joy and happiness, meanwhile, are often considered to be positive and worth displaying in casual situations, though they might be considered inappropriate in more formal settings. There are also different approaches to moving on with certain emotions, such as working through them and then leaving them alone vs revisiting them occasionally to understand them better and receive greater healing.
  5. Community: Community has changed a lot over time. Technological and economic conditions have made it easier for people to keep to themselves, resulting in fewer interactions and a reduced tendency for people to take care of each other. However, some people who have chosen to live simpler lives still have strong community ties and receive whatever they can’t obtain on their own from their family members, friends, and neighbors. Additionally, even in more complicated cities, there are still examples of small communities based on shared interests in which participants get to know each other and, when needed, help one other. Despite all the changes it’s undergone, community is still alive and well if you know what to look for and where to look for it.
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Personality vs Character

Posted on September 2, 2019 by admin

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about his extensive research into success literature. He draws a sharp distinction between the earlier works that focused on character and the later works that focused on personality. Since I’ve spent a lot of time reading both kinds of books, I have noticed this distinction as well. The books that have resonated the most with me are the character-focused ones; I find them deeper, richer, and more substantive than the personality-focused ones. Although I still find value in personality development, I’d rather prioritize character development at this point. Covey, along with this article from Art of Manliness, gave me this idea and my experience has convinced me of its validity. With all of that being said, here is Covey’s perspective on personality and character in his own words:

As my study took me back through 200 years of writing about success, I noticed a startling pattern emerging in the content of the literature. Because of our own pain, and because of similar pain I had seen in the lives and relationships of many people I had worked with through the years, I began to feel more and more that much of the success literature of the past 50 years was superficial. It was filled with social image consciousness, techniques and quick fixes – with social Band-Aids and aspirin that addressed acute problems and sometimes even appeared to solve them temporarily, but left the underlying chronic problems untouched to fester and resurface time and again.

In stark contrast, almost all the literature in the first 150 years or so focused on what could be called the Character Ethic as the foundation of success – things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one man’s effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.

The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.

But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic. Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. This Personality Ethic essentially took two paths: one was human and public relations techniques, and the other was positive mental attitude (PMA). Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims such as “Your attitudes determines your altitude,” “Smiling wins more friends than frowning,” and “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.”

Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deeptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the “power look,” or to intimidate their way through life.

Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic. Reference to the Character Ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes.

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Field Day 2.0

Posted on September 1, 2019 by admin

Yesterday I participated in Field Day 2.0, which was an outdoor event organized by someone I know from swing dancing. Just like last year’s Field Day, this one was full of fun, games, and laughter. Here’s an overview of the event.

Despite concerns over potentially bad weather, we had plenty of sun and no rain, so we were able to do everything we wanted. We split up into teams (green and black; I was on the black team) and played lots of fun games involving athleticism, brainpower, and teamwork. We replayed some games from last year and also got to try plenty of new ones; I enjoyed having some familiarity along with new challenges. Everyone on both teams did their best and had a blast. Additionally, despite our competitive natures, nobody went overboard in handling a victory or a loss; everyone was gracious regardless of the outcome, which made the event much more enjoyable.

After we finished, I packed up and headed home. Although I had to close that night at work, I still had enough time to get several things done before grabbing some food and going in for my shift. There was enough separation between Field Day 2.0 and work that I could fully enjoy the outdoor activities without rushing through them or dwelling on my upcoming shift. Apart from feeling physically tired, sore, and a bit sleepy, my shift went fine and wasn’t impacted by the earlier physical activity.

I’m so glad I got to participate in Field Day 2.0. It was great to visit with people I hadn’t seen in a while, challenge my body and my mind, and burn off enough energy to get some excellent sleep that night. Since I don’t go out for sports on the weekends like I used to, this was a great chance to run around and feel athletic again. I’m still dealing with some soreness but that’s a small price to pay for such a fun time. This Field Day was a blast and I’m already looking forward to the next one.

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Take a Break

Posted on August 31, 2019 by admin

One thing that’s always been a challenge for me is taking breaks when I’m practicing something I love. After I get warmed up and find my rhythm, I want to keep practicing until I’m worn out. That works well when I’m on a roll and am doing exceptionally well, but it can be counterproductive if I’m tired, in pain, or otherwise struggling. That’s when I remind myself that taking a short break is the best thing I can do in that moment to improve.

I try to take regular breaks whether I’m doing something that challenges me physically or mentally. For example, if I pause to get a drink or catch my breath while I’m juggling, that gives my arms a chance to relax, which allows me to make more accurate throws and juggle for longer when I start back up. Similarly, taking some time away from a blog post I’m writing often feels like removing a blockage in my stream of consciousness so that the ideas can flow more smoothly. In both cases, a break gives my body a chance to settle down and my subconscious some space to process everything; the result is that I get a boost that makes whatever I’m doing easier and less frustrating.

The ideas of working as hard as you can and not stopping until you accomplish your goal are still pretty common, so that may be why some people find it difficult to moderate their efforts and end up either going overboard or putting in little to no effort. I suspect that some people get frustrated and give up before they learn something new or get better at something they can already do because they’re trying too hard. I’ve seen this many times in juggling: someone is working on learning to juggle, they’re making good progress, and then they get ahead of themselves and decide to quit. Whenever they take a few minutes to rest before resuming their practice, they always do better. So if you’re having trouble with a particular task, walk away from it for a few minutes and then try it again. That may be just what you need to push through a sticking point and move closer to where you want to be.

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Review of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Posted on August 30, 2019 by admin

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is the best book I’ve read in a while and one of the best I’ve ever read. The late Susan Jeffers packs a ton of great stuff into just over two hundred pages while making many big concepts easy to understand. My mindfulness buddy recommended I check it out and I’m so glad I did.

Rather than telling us to avoid fear, Jeffers makes it clear that feeling fear is part of being human. Her approach is to address fear when it appears and work through it so that it doesn’t prevent you from getting where you want to go. She includes many great techniques for this, my favorite being “Five Truths about Fear”. I repeat those truths out loud several times a day, especially when I’m feeling nervous or upset. It’s incredibly effective at replacing my fear with a sense of power that allows me to press through whatever’s going on.

I also like that Jeffers touches on a number of subjects that I’ve learned about through other self-improvement resources. It helps me to have regular reminders to make use of visualizations, affirmations, reframing, and breathing techniques as I can easily forget about this stuff. Additionally, it didn’t feel like she was borrowing from anyone or plagiarizing someone else’s work. She did occasionally reference another author’s work and always gave them the appropriate credit when she did so. However, most of the stuff in her book that seemed familiar to me was simply useful information that anyone can discover on their own if they’re really into self-improvement. And her book contained a good bit of stuff that I had never heard or considered before.

Since I started reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, I’ve noticed a major shift in how I approach any given situation. I’m much more confident that I’ll be ok regardless of what happens and, when I do feel fear, I’m able to center myself and push through it much more effectively than I normally do. This is similar to how I felt earlier this year when I read Boundaries and it’s nice to feel this way again. I’m hoping that if I keep up with the exercises in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway that this will become my new normal and that I won’t lose this feeling like I did before. If you’ve also struggled with fear for much of your life, I highly recommend getting this book. I have a feeling I’ll be returning to it many times to help overcome adversity and make my dreams come true.

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Meaningful Conversations

Posted on August 29, 2019 by admin

I love meaningful, one-on-one conversations. All the stuff that enters most exchanges I’m in (feeling rushed to speak, trying to get my points across before someone interrupts me, being ignored, etc) are absent in these wonderful conversations. Instead, we both create and hold plenty of space in which we can talk freely. I’ll usually start out by listening intently (which that I avoid thinking of a response while they talk) to the other person as they speak from their heart; then, in their own time, they’ll give me room to speak and it becomes their turn to listen. Nothing feels forced or unnatural, and neither of us impose anything on each other.

There’s something magical about hearing someone say things I’ve always felt deep down but never mentioned to them and generally have trouble putting into words. Whenever someone gets me in this way, I feel incredibly connected to them. It’s always amazing to discover that someone sees things similarly to me since a lot of my major interests don’t tend to come up in normal discussions. Even though I talk about a lot of big things on my blog, not everyone reads it, which makes it even more awesome when someone has separately acquired similar interests and shows me that I’m not alone.

I always learn a lot about whoever I’m talking to during a deep conversation. It feels like everything else is swept away so that we can focus on each other during our time together. These kinds of conversations are rare, and I’m ok with that. As much as I love them, they can tire me out. Plus I never try to make a deep conversation occur; sometimes I have one within a short period of time after meeting someone and other times several years go by before it occurs. Either way, it always happens naturally and at the right place, at the right time, and with the right people. I’ve had several of these conversations as of late and I’m extremely grateful for that. They’re always a wonderful experience and I appreciate them whenever they occur.

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“Five Truths about Fear”

Posted on August 28, 2019 by admin

“Five Truths about Fear” is the best thing I’ve read so far in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I repeat these truths many times throughout the day to retrain my thought processes. Since I started doing this, I’ve felt much more confident and comfortable in every situation. I’m glad I started doing this and I plan to continue doing it since it’s helped me so much.

  1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
  2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
  3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out… and do it.
  4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, so is everyone else.
  5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
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You Can Do It

Posted on August 27, 2019 by admin

I’ve learned how to do a lot of stuff that I once thought would be impossible for me. Some things turned out to be much easier than I expected, but many of them were difficult (sometimes even more difficult than I imagined they’d be). How did I learn to do those things? By trusting that I’d get the hang of it if I kept at it long enough and being patient as I failed toward success countless times. Each failure took me one step closer to where I wanted to be and, if I were paying close enough attention, taught me something that allowed me to do better next time.

I often think about this when someone tells me that they can’t juggle. What most of them don’t seem to realize is that I was once in that same position. The only reason I can juggle as well as I can is because I’ve spent the better part of fourteen years practicing. However, those who’ve only seen me juggle within the past few years didn’t see all the time and effort I put into learning and getting better. Additionally, of the handful of people that I’ve taught to juggle, at least a few of them said beforehand that they don’t have the talent for it. Even those who didn’t get the hang of it still know at least one major skill that took them a long time and a lot of practice to learn. This is often a physical skill that requires a lot of coordination. Even if their chosen skill doesn’t require any physical coordination, they still have the potential to learn nearly anything they want. All they have to do is adopt the mindset that they can succeed, put in the time and effort, and (ideally) figure out a good strategy that make things easier for them and allows them to progress more quickly than if they went in without a plan.

Although I’ve learned a lot on my own, I’ve also had help with a number of things, such as swing dancing. Having great dance instructors and mentors has made all the difference for me. They’ve (gently) pointed out things I can do better, given me helpful ways of thinking about the dance, and celebrated with me whenever I’ve reached a new milestone. As a result, I’ve progressed fairly quickly and become a much better dancer than I was when I started just over two years ago. So, while I love figuring things out for myself, I also ask for help when I think it will benefit me, and I’d encourage anyone to do the same.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of all of this, especially when I’m learning something difficult. It’s all a matter of wanting to succeed enough that I put in the work to get where I want to be. Whatever I’m learning may be difficult for a long time, but it’ll eventually be easy if I stick with it. Keeping this in mind has helped me with my unicycle practice since that’s been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever learned and my progress has been very slow. Whenever I get discouraged, I try to remember how far I’ve come with unicycling and how much else I’ve learned in life that I once thought I’d never get. That allows me to keep at it, see regular progress, and, perhaps most importantly, have fun along the way. This is how I approach learning new things and handling the difficulty that often follows. It’s helped me out a lot, so I hope it makes sense to you and helps you out if you decide to try it.

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