Review of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is the best book I’ve read in a while and one of the best I’ve ever read. The late Susan Jeffers packs a ton of great stuff into just over two hundred pages while making many big concepts easy to understand. My mindfulness buddy recommended I check it out and I’m so glad I did.

Rather than telling us to avoid fear, Jeffers makes it clear that feeling fear is part of being human. Her approach is to address fear when it appears and work through it so that it doesn’t prevent you from getting where you want to go. She includes many great techniques for this, my favorite being “Five Truths about Fear”. I repeat those truths out loud several times a day, especially when I’m feeling nervous or upset. It’s incredibly effective at replacing my fear with a sense of power that allows me to press through whatever’s going on.

I also like that Jeffers touches on a number of subjects that I’ve learned about through other self-improvement resources. It helps me to have regular reminders to make use of visualizations, affirmations, reframing, and breathing techniques as I can easily forget about this stuff. Additionally, it didn’t feel like she was borrowing from anyone or plagiarizing someone else’s work. She did occasionally reference another author’s work and always gave them the appropriate credit when she did so. However, most of the stuff in her book that seemed familiar to me was simply useful information that anyone can discover on their own if they’re really into self-improvement. And her book contained a good bit of stuff that I had never heard or considered before.

Since I started reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, I’ve noticed a major shift in how I approach any given situation. I’m much more confident that I’ll be ok regardless of what happens and, when I do feel fear, I’m able to center myself and push through it much more effectively than I normally do. This is similar to how I felt earlier this year when I read Boundaries and it’s nice to feel this way again. I’m hoping that if I keep up with the exercises in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway that this will become my new normal and that I won’t lose this feeling like I did before. If you’ve also struggled with fear for much of your life, I highly recommend getting this book. I have a feeling I’ll be returning to it many times to help overcome adversity and make my dreams come true.

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Meaningful Conversations

I love meaningful, one-on-one conversations. All the stuff that enters most exchanges I’m in (feeling rushed to speak, trying to get my points across before someone interrupts me, being ignored, etc) are absent in these wonderful conversations. Instead, we both create and hold plenty of space in which we can talk freely. I’ll usually start out by listening intently (which that I avoid thinking of a response while they talk) to the other person as they speak from their heart; then, in their own time, they’ll give me room to speak and it becomes their turn to listen. Nothing feels forced or unnatural, and neither of us impose anything on each other.

There’s something magical about hearing someone say things I’ve always felt deep down but never mentioned to them and generally have trouble putting into words. Whenever someone gets me in this way, I feel incredibly connected to them. It’s always amazing to discover that someone sees things similarly to me since a lot of my major interests don’t tend to come up in normal discussions. Even though I talk about a lot of big things on my blog, not everyone reads it, which makes it even more awesome when someone has separately acquired similar interests and shows me that I’m not alone.

I always learn a lot about whoever I’m talking to during a deep conversation. It feels like everything else is swept away so that we can focus on each other during our time together. These kinds of conversations are rare, and I’m ok with that. As much as I love them, they can tire me out. Plus I never try to make a deep conversation occur; sometimes I have one within a short period of time after meeting someone and other times several years go by before it occurs. Either way, it always happens naturally and at the right place, at the right time, and with the right people. I’ve had several of these conversations as of late and I’m extremely grateful for that. They’re always a wonderful experience and I appreciate them whenever they occur.

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“Five Truths about Fear”

“Five Truths about Fear” is the best thing I’ve read so far in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I repeat these truths many times throughout the day to retrain my thought processes. Since I started doing this, I’ve felt much more confident and comfortable in every situation. I’m glad I started doing this and I plan to continue doing it since it’s helped me so much.

  1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
  2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
  3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out… and do it.
  4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, so is everyone else.
  5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
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You Can Do It

I’ve learned how to do a lot of stuff that I once thought would be impossible for me. Some things turned out to be much easier than I expected, but many of them were difficult (sometimes even more difficult than I imagined they’d be). How did I learn to do those things? By trusting that I’d get the hang of it if I kept at it long enough and being patient as I failed toward success countless times. Each failure took me one step closer to where I wanted to be and, if I were paying close enough attention, taught me something that allowed me to do better next time.

I often think about this when someone tells me that they can’t juggle. What most of them don’t seem to realize is that I was once in that same position. The only reason I can juggle as well as I can is because I’ve spent the better part of fourteen years practicing. However, those who’ve only seen me juggle within the past few years didn’t see all the time and effort I put into learning and getting better. Additionally, of the handful of people that I’ve taught to juggle, at least a few of them said beforehand that they don’t have the talent for it. Even those who didn’t get the hang of it still know at least one major skill that took them a long time and a lot of practice to learn. This is often a physical skill that requires a lot of coordination. Even if their chosen skill doesn’t require any physical coordination, they still have the potential to learn nearly anything they want. All they have to do is adopt the mindset that they can succeed, put in the time and effort, and (ideally) figure out a good strategy that make things easier for them and allows them to progress more quickly than if they went in without a plan.

Although I’ve learned a lot on my own, I’ve also had help with a number of things, such as swing dancing. Having great dance instructors and mentors has made all the difference for me. They’ve (gently) pointed out things I can do better, given me helpful ways of thinking about the dance, and celebrated with me whenever I’ve reached a new milestone. As a result, I’ve progressed fairly quickly and become a much better dancer than I was when I started just over two years ago. So, while I love figuring things out for myself, I also ask for help when I think it will benefit me, and I’d encourage anyone to do the same.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of all of this, especially when I’m learning something difficult. It’s all a matter of wanting to succeed enough that I put in the work to get where I want to be. Whatever I’m learning may be difficult for a long time, but it’ll eventually be easy if I stick with it. Keeping this in mind has helped me with my unicycle practice since that’s been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever learned and my progress has been very slow. Whenever I get discouraged, I try to remember how far I’ve come with unicycling and how much else I’ve learned in life that I once thought I’d never get. That allows me to keep at it, see regular progress, and, perhaps most importantly, have fun along the way. This is how I approach learning new things and handling the difficulty that often follows. It’s helped me out a lot, so I hope it makes sense to you and helps you out if you decide to try it.

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“Seven Ways to Reclaim Your Power”

This is an excerpt from Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (written by Susan Jeffers) called “Seven Ways to Reclaim Your Power”. All of these methods encourage personal responsibility and focusing on your available options in any situation. I like these kinds of reminders as this stuff is easy for me to forget if I don’t think about it regularly. Without further ado, here are the recommendations.

  1. Avoid casting blame on an external force for your bad feelings about life. Nothing outside yourself can control your thinking or your actions.
  2. Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control. You are doing the best you can, and you are on the way to reclaiming your power.
  3. Be aware of when and where you play the victim role. Learn the clues that tell you that you are not being responsible for what you are being, having, doing, or feeling.
  4. Familiarize yourself with your biggest enemy – your Chatterbox. Use the exercises throughout this book to replace it with a loving internal friend.
  5. Figure out the payoffs that keep you “stuck”. Paradoxically, once you find them, you will probably be able to quickly become “unstuck.”
  6. Determine what you want in life and act on it. Stop waiting for someone to give it to you. You’ll be waiting a long time.
  7. Be aware of the many choices you have – in both actions and feelings – in any situation that comes your way. Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peace with yourself and others.
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Icebergs and Communication

No matter how big an iceberg appears to be, it is always bigger under the surface of the water. Someone who is looking just at what they can see above the water’s surface is only getting part of the picture, so they’re missing a lot of information about the iceberg. Just as an iceberg has much more going on under the surface, so does communication. A lot of communication occurs without speaking, with body language and facial expressions conveying a great deal of information. Additionally, when someone does speak, they can reveal a lot through the words they avoid, the words they choose, and how they use them.

Many exchanges that I see on a regular basis (as well as many more that I once participated in) only focus on what is immediately visible. An individual’s basic worldview, values, opinions on existing problems, and proposed solutions to those problems are frequently overlooked in such exchanges and the focus is kept on one small aspect of whatever is being discussed. This prevents participants from finding areas in which they might see eye to eye and increases the chances of their dialogue going off the rails. When I’m centered, I can observe such an exchange and see that, more often than not, the issue is a lack of good communication rather than a difference in morality; two people can agree that something is a problem but disagree on the best way to solve that problem, and they both end up thinking that they’re on completely different pages when they actually agree for the most part. It’s much harder for me to do this when I’m in a difficult exchange, but I’ve managed to do it on a few occasions by keeping my emotions under control and keeping the bigger picture in mind.

Simon Sinek’s Start With Why has helped me a lot with this stuff. That book explains the importance of making your motivations clear to others and how much that does to facilitate good communication. Bringing to the surface everything that is normally hidden under rhetoric, assumptions, and limited thinking is a far better conversational approach than burying all of that stuff even deeper and making productive dialogue that much more difficult. So if you find yourself in a difficult situation, take a page from Start With Why and think about what’s going on under the surface of that exchange. That simple mindset shift can make all the difference and turn a hostile exchange into a civil conversation.

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The Purpose of the First Draft

I recently saw the following quote attributed to John Dufresne: “The purpose of the first draft is not to get it right, but to get it written.” The more I think about that quote, the more I love it. It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed and have trouble writing something if I think about too much at once. Remembering that quote helps me slow down, relax, and find some place to begin, knowing that I can always rearrange things later on.

This made me start thinking about the process of building a house from the ground up. Early on, the focus isn’t on choosing the paint color or picking out the furniture. Before any cosmetic issues are considered, a whole lot of important things have to be in place, including the foundation, plumbing, electrical wiring, insulation, walls, and roof. Once all the crucial stuff is squared away, then the focus can shift to tweaking and customizing the appearance.

The same applies to writing: write it first and make it look nice later. If there are spelling errors, poorly worded sentences, problems with the structure, or other issues in the first draft, that’s perfectly fine. The point of the first draft is to get your ideas down while they’re still fresh. Once you do that, then you’ll be in a much better position to organize things however you like. I often find it easy to structure everything once I can see all the words on the screen in front of me; it can be difficult when I’m just working with nebulous ideas bouncing around in my head, so I always try to get things written out before I start focusing on the technical aspects. I hope you find this helpful for overcoming writer’s block or otherwise moving forward with whatever creative projects you undertake.

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Review of Bee Movie

Yesterday, I watched Bee Movie for the first time in years. Jerry Seinfeld and Renée Zellweger star as the main characters in this zany animated comedy from DreamWorks. After I spoil the plot, I’ll share my thoughts on the movie.

Barry B. Benson (Seinfeld) is a bee who has just graduated from college and is about to get a job. He’s surprised to learn that he’ll be stuck at whatever job he chooses to do for the rest of his life. Before making his decision, he goes outside the hive to explore New York City. He meets a human named Vanessa (Zellweger) who runs a flower shop and saves him from being killed by her boyfriend (played by Patrick Warburton). The two get to know each other and become friends despite the prohibition against bees talking to humans.

One day, Barry is shocked to see honey being sold in stores. After some investigation, he sues the human race for enslaving bees and stealing their honey. The judge sides with him, meaning that humans can no longer use honey and must return all the honey that they haven’t used to the bees. This makes the bees cease working since they now have a massive surplus of honey. However, because they are no longer doing their jobs, plants all over the world begin to die from lack of pollination, putting animals and humans in grave danger.

Just when they’ve given up hope, Barry and Vanessa get an idea to take flowers from the Tournament of Roses Parade in California back to New York and use them to revive all the dying plants. They run into trouble on the return flight when the flight crew are accidentally knocked out and the autopilot is fried by a lightning strike, meaning that they have to find another way to land the plane. All the bees Barry knows see their predicament on the news and fly to the rescue; their combined strength is sufficient to carry the plane to a safe landing. After they revive all the plants, Vanessa reopens her flower shop and, along with Barry, also provides honey and legal advice.

Although I had seen most of Bee Movie on a few occasions years ago, I don’t know if I’d ever watched it all the way through at one time before yesterday. I went into yesterday’s viewing thinking I’d have a good time and that’s exactly what happened. I still enjoyed the things I remembered and found a lot of new things that made me laugh. The movie’s sense of humor and delivery is right in the sweet spot for my tastes, so I had a blast watching it. Additionally, Seinfeld is one of my favorite shows, so I’m quite familiar with Jerry Seinfeld’s style of comedy and I thought he did a great job as Barry. Renée Zellweger, Patrick Warburton, and everyone else in the movie also gave great performances and made this a fun experience. If you’re in the mood for a funny, lighthearted experience, then check out Bee Movie. It is many things but it definitely isn’t a B movie.

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The Daily Stoic: “Don’t Be Miserable in Advance”

Although I’ve learned a lot about how to avoid worrying, I still deal with it on a regular basis. It has gotten easier over time, however, to settle down and be at peace. This entry from The Daily Stoic, in addition to acting as a good reminder for me to avoid worrying, also contains some stuff that I think will help me succeed in staying more centered and present. This is one of my favorite entries from The Daily Stoic and it appeared at just the right time for me. I got a lot out of it and I hope you do as well.

It’s ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest – by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things.”

-Seneca, Moral Letters, 98.5b-6a

The way we nervously worry about some looming bad news is strange if you think about it. By definition, the waiting means it hasn’t happened yet, so that feeling bad in advance is totally voluntary. But that’s what we do: chewing our nails, feeling sick to our stomachs, rudely brushing aside the people around us. Why? Because something bad might occur soon.

The pragmatist, the person of action, is too busy to waste time on such silliness. The pragmatist can’t worry about every possible outcome in advance. Think about it. Best case scenario – if the news turns out to be better than expected, all this time was wasted with needless fear. Worst case scenario – we were miserable for extra time, by choice.

And what better use could you make of that time? A day that could be your last – you want to spend it in worry? In what other area could you make some progress while others might be siting on the edges of their seat, passively awaiting some fate?

Let the news come when it does. Be too busy working to care.

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Move at Your Own Pace

I do a lot of things in my daily routines. Some things are just for fun while others keep me in a good place and allow me to continue making progress toward where I want to be in life. Most of the time, I can get through each task without issue. Sometimes, however, it’s much more of a struggle. On those days, I try to show myself some compassion and go at whatever pace feels right to me. This usually involves moving at a slower, more leisurely pace as I go; sometimes I even leave a few tasks in an unfinished state and complete them the next day.

I did a lot of this yesterday. Since I had the day off, I decided to disable my alarms and sleep in. I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately so letting my body decide when to wake up felt great. I also decided to take it easy at the gym. Skipping workouts entirely is far too risky for me since I can easily get into the habit of not working out for a month or more, so I just went to the gym and warmed up with light weights. That way I gave my body a break while still doing something to keep me in the habit of working out regularly. And I got most of this blog post finished last night before going to bed and deciding to complete it the morning.

This approach allows me to complete most of my regular tasks and keep the ball rolling on the stuff that’s gotten me to this point while still giving me plenty of time to rest. Giving myself permission to slow down as needed also takes care of whatever issues I’m facing in my life situation. For example, in a recent post, I mentioned how I been feeling antisocial as of late. For whatever reason, that feeling has passed and I feel much more like my usual self. I think it’s because I gave myself enough alone time to recharge and sort out some things within myself before returning to my usual circles. As a result, I’ve had a much easier time connecting with people in meaningful ways this week. It’s taken me a long time to recognize when I need to slow down and actually do it but I’m glad I made it part of my life. It’s done me a lot of good and I hope it does the same for you if you decide to try it in your life as well.

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