A Short Guide to Mindfulness Meditation

Some people have told me that they haven’t tried meditation because they don’t think they can calm their minds enough to be free from thought. I don’t know what it’s like to be in their heads but I have managed to learn how to settle my incredibly active mind and stop my thoughts altogether, at least for short periods of time. Additionally, what I usually say when I’m talking to other people about this is that meditation doesn’t have to involve abstaining from thinking. Mindfulness meditation involves watching whatever thoughts appear without judging, labeling, resisting, or becoming overwhelmed by them. In this post, I’ll describe how I typically meditate, although this isn’t set in stone. If this method works well for you, cool. Either way, you can try out different things until you find a method that you like.

Start by sitting upright on the edge of a couch, bed, or chair. This keeps you more alert than laying down or sitting with some type of back support. Close your eyes and take slow, controlled breaths. Focus on each breath as it comes in and goes out; notice how your body moves and changes as you do this. After a few minutes, you’ll find it easier to breath even more slowly and more deeply. Keep as much attention on your breath and your body as you can. If you notice some thoughts coming in, simply observe them without trying to hurry them along, change them, get rid of them, or get lost in them. When you can, shift your focus back to your breath and your body. You might think that you’ve failed at this point but, by noticing that you’re thinking and then returning your attention to the present moment, you have succeeded at mindfulness meditation. Continue this as long as you like and, when you’re through, take a minute to enjoy how you feel as you look around the room before resuming your regular activities.

With regular practice, you will likely see major positive changes in your life from mindfulness meditation. It will also become easier to meditate over time as well and you may find yourself doing it while you’re waiting in line, traveling by bus or plane, relaxing in bed at night, etc. This might also help you get to the point that you can go without thought for brief periods of time. Finally, there are a number of guided meditations that you can check out if you like. Sometimes I use this guided meditation from Alan Watts if I’m particularly stressed or having a lot of trouble focusing; no matter how I’m feeling at the start, it always makes me feel much better by the end. I hope all of this makes sense and, if you try mindfulness meditation, I hope it adds much value to your life.

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Resistance and Surrender

Letting go of resistance is key to living my best life. It’s natural for me to react defensively to anything that I dislike and wish that it ends as soon as possible. However, in most cases, that does nothing to end the unwanted situation; all it does is create a lot of unnecessary suffering within myself, which makes the situation feel longer and more drawn out than it actually is. There is a much better approach.

I’ve heard the idea that action is the solution to fear. I agree with this to an extent. Action can reduce, suppress, or even eliminate fear in some cases, but what happens if you’re unable to act? What if you can’t work toward completing a goal, exercise, remove yourself from the situation, or even move your body? Action is of no use to you then, so what can you do? Surrender. Acknowledge whatever emotions and thoughts arise within you and offer no resistance to them. Even if you’ve lost the ability to do everything else, this still preserves your freedom to choose how you respond to your situation and prevents anyone or anything outside of you from dictating your response.

Whatever I don’t address and work through remains stuck in my subconscious where it can cause me all kinds of problems. Observing my thoughts without resisting, judging, labeling, or getting stuck in them lets me see how flimsy they truly are and removes their power over me. As difficult as it can be to work through certain thoughts and feelings, I’d rather go through the comparatively minor pain of bringing them into the light than live with the much greater pain of leaving them in the dark.

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The Daily Stoic: “Revenge Is a Dish Best Not Served”

Another reminder from The Daily Stoic of something that’s hard for me to do. Even if I don’t retaliate against someone who I think has wronged me, you can bet I’m fantasizing about doing so. What helps me sometimes avoid acting out those fantasies is reminding myself that I don’t know what other people are going through in life, that they may not have intended to hurt me, and that responding with compassion and forgiveness makes the world a little bit better. Additionally, whenever I choose not to fight fire with fire, I feel a great sense of peace both in the moment as well as later on. That usually helps me respond appropriately and I hope I get better at this the more I practice it.

“The best way to avenge yourself is to not be like that.”

-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.6

“How much better to heal than seek revenge from injury. Vengeance wastes a lot of time and exposes you to many more injuries than the first that sparked it. Anger always outlasts hurt. Best to take the opposite course. Would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or a bite to a dog?”

-Seneca, On Anger, 3.27.2

Let’s say that someone has treated you rudely. Let’s say someone got promoted ahead of you because they took credit for your work or did something dishonest. It’s natural to think: Oh, that’s how the world works, or One day it will be my turn to be like that. Or more common: I’ll get them for this. Except these are the worst possible responses to bad behavior.

As Marcus and Seneca both wrote, the proper response – indeed, the best revenge – is to exact no revenge at all. If someone treats you rudely and you respond with rudeness, you have not done anything but prove to them that they were justified in their actions. If you meet other people’s dishonesty with dishonesty of your own, guess what? You’re proving them right – now everyone is a liar.

Instead, today, let’s seek to be better than the things that disappoint or hurt us. Let’s try to be the example we’d like others to follow. It’s awful to be a cheat, to be selfish, to feel the need to inflict pain on our fellow human beings. Meanwhile, living morally and well is quite nice.

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The Way Out

Earlier this week, I started reading Letting Go by David Hawkins. A lot of stuff has resonated with me so far but the thing that’s stood out to me the most relates to consistently practicing mindfulness. I see it like using medicine to deal with major pain. While the pain is still there, there’s an urge to relieve it, so it’s natural and easy to keep using the medicine. As the pain gradually goes away, however, the urge for relief becomes lessened until the pain is completely gone, at which point there is no longer a desire for the medicine. When the pain has been gone for long enough, the thought of taking any medicine doesn’t even enter your head.

With emotional matters, however, it’s a different story. I focus heavily on life hacks that help me manage fear, anxiety, anger, and other similar sensations when I’m going through a hard time. Working on that stuff each day makes me feel better and eventually gets me to a place of peace and confidence. Once I’m at that point, I feel so good that I soon forget to practice the stuff that got me there. This causes me to gradually regress until I feel bad enough to start looking for relief again, and the cycle continues. I hope that I can get out of this cycle if I practice surrendering, letting go, and being present every day, not just during rough times.

I’ve thought about this before but I always forget about it and fall back into that cycle. Since I’m reading Letting Go and getting all kinds of great reminders to practice this stuff as well as learning more about how all this works, I think I’ll be able to make this a daily practice from here on out. What I’ve read so far has already gotten me through a rough week and gave me a great Saturday, so I’m optimistic about the future. I’ll talk more about this stuff in other posts once I’ve had some more time to work on it and see what it does for me.

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Joker and Mental Health

Joker is the best movie I’ve seen in theaters this year because it’s the most real one I’ve seen. It doesn’t shy away from the pain and hardships that come with mental illness and it does a wonderful job at humanizing the main character. I won’t discuss the plot of the movie here. I’m not sure I could do so in written form even if I tried. The best thing to do is see the movie if you haven’t already and then come back to this post. That way you’ll get to experience it for yourself and understand where I’m coming from with what I say here.

Despite how well it’s made, Joker is hard to watch at times. It’s uncomfortable, and even painful, in many places. Mental illness is the same way. Some people who live with a mental illness are in pain all the time. So, rather than get upset at some of the darker things depicted in the movie, why not take that energy and use it to help those who are hurting to not feel so bad? A great way to start is by truly listening to each other. I don’t know how someone else struggles unless they tell me. It’s easy to make assumptions about their life, but that doesn’t do anybody any favors. The more difficult, and more rewarding, thing to do is get to know them and learn how they see the world. Getting to know someone makes it much easier to be kind to them, especially if they start acting in unexpected ways; if they do that, they’re probably hurting and need some extra love and understanding.

Empathy is crucial here. Above all, we should avoid pushing people to their breaking point, especially when they’re already struggling. If we’re not willing to make their lives better, the least we can do is refrain from making them worse (such as treating them as if they’re bad people because of their struggles). Beyond that, we should think of ways to help people in need and then act on them. Steering clear of people who have fallen on hard times and may be dealing with a mental illness just makes their lives worse, as does locking them away in mental institutions and forgetting about them. And yet I still often look the other way when I see someone living on the street and I also usually turn them down if they ask me for something. I didn’t do that on my way home after I saw Joker, however. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I had. I knew that I needed to start making changes in my own life right then and there, especially if I expect others to do the same. We can all examine our actions to see if they’re making things better or worse and change them accordingly.

The Ice Bucket Challenge raised a ton of money for ALS research. I want to start a viral challenge that will do the same for mental health. Since Joker is still in the public eye, I’m thinking of painting my face to look like a clown, donating to a quality mental health organization, and challenging several people I know to do the same within a certain amount of time. I can see this “Joker Challenge” doing a lot of good for mental health. I plan to start it sometime within the next week and I hope it catches on.

Joker has the attention of a lot of people right now, and many of those people are thinking and talking about mental health. If this is anything like past cultural phenomena, then it will be short-lived and whatever happens during this time will be mostly forgotten before the year is up. There is an opportunity here for everyone to do something great for mental health. Something that will forever change the lives of countless people who are either suffering from mental illness or know someone who is. Let’s not waste this opportunity. Let’s not allow this to be just another popular movie. Let’s make this the start of something great. Seriously, let’s do this. Not just talk about it, not just say “Wouldn’t it be great if…”, and not let it pass us by. Let’s actually do it.

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Half a Week with Impostor Syndrome

I had an exchange recently that made me question everything about my journey and where I’m going. It gave me a case of impostor syndrome that stayed with me for about half a week before finally dissipating. Even though I didn’t feel like going out that night, I went anyway because I figured it would be good for me. When I went out, I didn’t try to act any way other than how I felt. I only smiled when I felt like it and didn’t try to make anything happen. It felt good to avoid reflexively saying I was feeling good while I felt bad and acting like everything was ok when it wasn’t. I acted completely genuinely from the time I walked in until the time I left.

Rather than causing everyone to stay away from me as I thought it would, I think this actually made me seem more approachable. People I know still came up and we enjoyed spending time together. I also had plenty of space for myself when I didn’t feel like socializing. Throughout the night, I managed to avoid people pleasing and had no expectations for anything. I also was able to stay connected enough with my emotions to have fun and feel much more like my usual self by the end. I’m sure I would have felt much worse had I stayed home, so I’m glad I overcame resistance that night and went out for a few hours.

This has been a very interesting experience with no lasting negative consequences as far as I can tell. An encounter I had last night told me that I’m on the right track, even though it doesn’t always feel that way. Most of what I’m going through right now comes down to repeating lessons until I’ve learned them, learning difficult lessons while I’m in a good place in life so I’ll be prepared for more difficult times ahead, and going through this stuff now so I can help others get through similar things in the future. This week has been rough but it’s gotten better, so I’m feeling good about what I’ve learned and I’m looking forward to the next few days.

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The Daily Stoic: “Set the Standards and Use Them”

Sometimes The Daily Stoic gives me exactly what I need right when I need it. This entry did just that. I’ve been having a hard time lately sticking to my own values and that’s been weighing heavily on my mind. There are some good reminders in here about pausing and checking with myself before I do something; I’m sure those will help me get back on track. I hope they will.

“When the standards have been set, things are tested and weighed. And the work of philosophy is just this, to examine and uphold the standards, but the work of a truly good person is in using those standards when they know them.”

-Epictetus, Discourses, 2.11.23-25

We go through our days responding and reacting, but it’s rare to really pause and ask: Is this thing I’m about to do consistent with what I believe? Or, better: Is this the kind of thing the person I would like to be should do?

The work of living is to set standards and then not compromise them. When you’re brushing your teeth, choosing your friends, losing your temper, falling in love, instructing your child, or walking your dog – all of these are opportunities.

Not, I want to do good – that’s an excuse. But, I will do good in this particular instance, right now. Set a standard; hold fast to it. That’s all there is.

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Review of The War of Art

The War of Art is a phenomenal book by Steven Pressfield. Although it’s fairly short, Pressfield manages to pack in a lot of fantastic food for thought about the creative process. He draws on his own experiences with writing books and screenplays and passes along what has helped him get through the tough times.

Pressfield focuses a lot on resistance, which is anything that prevents you from working on your creative projects. As he described the various ways in which resistance can manifest, I could see many of them at work in my own life. I’ve found it extremely difficult as of late to sit down and focus on several of the things I love to do. Because I’ve made it a habit to do this every day, I have the discipline to get it done even when I don’t feel like doing it. That is what Pressfield advocates, and it’s what got him through some difficult times in which nobody was interested in anything he wrote. Writing every day and not being deterred by rejection eventually got some of his works published and, in some cases, made into movies.

The War of Art also talks a lot about inspiration. Pressfield discusses the Muses, which are Greek goddesses of the arts, literature, and science. The Muses are said to be the source of great books, poetry, music, movies, etc. They use us to manifest these artistic works on the material plane; all we have to do is listen to what they say to us and then act to create it. This can take some pressure off of us since, although we are the vehicles through which these works come to fruition, the Muses are their original source. I felt like Pressfield discussed the Muses in a literal sense, although a metaphorical interpretation could still prove useful for those who don’t take what he says in this section literally.

What captivated me the most were Pressfield’s thoughts on motivation. He challenges you to ask yourself why you create and whether or not you’d continue working at your passions if you were the only person on Earth. This made me pause and examine what I do and why I do it. For most of my hobbies, I could easily see myself doing them even if I had nobody else with whom to share them; that’s mostly what I do now, except for social hobbies like swing dancing. However, I had a very different answer when it came to my writing. I realized that a lot of what I write is for other people rather than for myself, and that I often end up writing because I want to keep posting every day instead of because I simply enjoy it. I also thought about how much I censor myself because I think it will make my posts more agreeable to more people. Starting with this post, I’m going to focus more on saying what I think even if it’s less popular. This blog is a way for me to put my thoughts into the world and that’s what I’m going to do.

The War of Art is motivational, inspirational, practical, idealistic, and beautiful. The structure of the book is pretty loose as there are three main sections and no chapters. Some entries are less than a page in length and others are, at most, a few pages. I had to focus more than I usually do when I read but the extra attention required was well worth it for what I got out of the book. No matter what type of creative endeavors you enjoy doing, you’ll benefit tremendously from reading The War of Art. I know from experience that my own creative process contains many dry spells and I’m glad to have this book to help me get through them.

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Back to Basics

Lately, I’ve noticed that I keep leaning to one side when I unicycle, so I’ve gone back to shorter rides in the hopes of figuring out what’s causing me to lean and fixing my form. It seems to be helping thus far, so I’m going to keep at it until I’ve solved that problem. I’ve also done this when I’ve had issues with my juggling, swing dancing, exercising, and other physical hobbies. Additionally, I periodically do this in my life when I notice something I’d like to change.

I’ve learned a lot about self-improvement in a pretty short amount of time and I often forget much of what I’ve learned. Even when I write a blog post about a solid life hack, it can still slip my mind for months at a time. Sometimes, however, I ignore what I’ve learned and choose to act out my old behavior patterns. I try to take a step back during those times and assess what’s going on, figure why I’m acting the way I am, and determine what I can do to change it. Once I’ve done that, I then get ideas for possible solutions. The solutions usually involve focusing on self-care, communication, or trying to see things from someone else’s point of view. Big changes aren’t always necessary; sometimes addressing a few small things can make all the difference.

Going back to basics and reinforcing fundamentals feels like hitting the reset button. I don’t always like doing it because it can feel like taking a step backward. However, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to take a step backward in order to take several steps forward. If what I’m consistently doing isn’t working and shows no sign of improvement, then the best thing to do is get off the path I’m currently on and try something different. As difficult and uncomfortable as this can be, I’m always better off after doing it. I just hope I start realizing when I need to do this and following through with it in the days to come.

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Acting Efficiently

It always amazes me when I get ideas for how to do something better, especially when it’s something that I previously thought couldn’t be improved. I get better at seeing possibilities for improvement once I’ve been doing a particular task for a good while. When I first start something new, I have no idea how to do it, so I initially just stick with whatever method I’m taught or figure out for myself. Gradually, I begin to think of other ways that might work better and, with enough experimentation, that’s exactly what I find.

As much as I benefit from reading about different strategies for a variety of tasks, I still find a lot of value in using trial and error to develop solid plans. When I’m faced with a problem, I open my mind to all possible solutions, try different ideas as they come to me, ditch what doesn’t work, and refine what works well. My goal is to develop routines and systems that allow me to do things efficiently and effectively; this has gotten much easier as my time management skills have improved. The more I can make completing my work habitual and automatic, the less I have to think about it and the faster I can finish it and move on to other things.

I often get ideas for working more efficiently without much conscious effort on my part. My subconscious is always working to solve problems and, occasionally, it’ll send me a good idea seemingly out of nowhere. This happened last night at work. I don’t close very often, so I haven’t gotten a good feel for how to get everything done in a timely manner. However, I’ve closed enough lately that I’ve slowly been getting more systematic in my approach. Last night’s close was probably the smoothest I’ve ever done and, with practice, I think I can get everything done even faster without sacrificing quality. I was excited to have this breakthrough last night, partly because of how it made my work easier and also for how it acted as a reminder that I can find solutions for any problem in life as long as I’m paying attention.

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