The Daily Stoic: “Set the Standards and Use Them”

Posted on October 9, 2019 by admin

Sometimes The Daily Stoic gives me exactly what I need right when I need it. This entry did just that. I’ve been having a hard time lately sticking to my own values and that’s been weighing heavily on my mind. There are some good reminders in here about pausing and checking with myself before I do something; I’m sure those will help me get back on track. I hope they will.

“When the standards have been set, things are tested and weighed. And the work of philosophy is just this, to examine and uphold the standards, but the work of a truly good person is in using those standards when they know them.”

-Epictetus, Discourses, 2.11.23-25

We go through our days responding and reacting, but it’s rare to really pause and ask: Is this thing I’m about to do consistent with what I believe? Or, better: Is this the kind of thing the person I would like to be should do?

The work of living is to set standards and then not compromise them. When you’re brushing your teeth, choosing your friends, losing your temper, falling in love, instructing your child, or walking your dog – all of these are opportunities.

Not, I want to do good – that’s an excuse. But, I will do good in this particular instance, right now. Set a standard; hold fast to it. That’s all there is.

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Review of The War of Art

Posted on October 8, 2019 by admin

The War of Art is a phenomenal book by Steven Pressfield. Although it’s fairly short, Pressfield manages to pack in a lot of fantastic food for thought about the creative process. He draws on his own experiences with writing books and screenplays and passes along what has helped him get through the tough times.

Pressfield focuses a lot on resistance, which is anything that prevents you from working on your creative projects. As he described the various ways in which resistance can manifest, I could see many of them at work in my own life. I’ve found it extremely difficult as of late to sit down and focus on several of the things I love to do. Because I’ve made it a habit to do this every day, I have the discipline to get it done even when I don’t feel like doing it. That is what Pressfield advocates, and it’s what got him through some difficult times in which nobody was interested in anything he wrote. Writing every day and not being deterred by rejection eventually got some of his works published and, in some cases, made into movies.

The War of Art also talks a lot about inspiration. Pressfield discusses the Muses, which are Greek goddesses of the arts, literature, and science. The Muses are said to be the source of great books, poetry, music, movies, etc. They use us to manifest these artistic works on the material plane; all we have to do is listen to what they say to us and then act to create it. This can take some pressure off of us since, although we are the vehicles through which these works come to fruition, the Muses are their original source. I felt like Pressfield discussed the Muses in a literal sense, although a metaphorical interpretation could still prove useful for those who don’t take what he says in this section literally.

What captivated me the most were Pressfield’s thoughts on motivation. He challenges you to ask yourself why you create and whether or not you’d continue working at your passions if you were the only person on Earth. This made me pause and examine what I do and why I do it. For most of my hobbies, I could easily see myself doing them even if I had nobody else with whom to share them; that’s mostly what I do now, except for social hobbies like swing dancing. However, I had a very different answer when it came to my writing. I realized that a lot of what I write is for other people rather than for myself, and that I often end up writing because I want to keep posting every day instead of because I simply enjoy it. I also thought about how much I censor myself because I think it will make my posts more agreeable to more people. Starting with this post, I’m going to focus more on saying what I think even if it’s less popular. This blog is a way for me to put my thoughts into the world and that’s what I’m going to do.

The War of Art is motivational, inspirational, practical, idealistic, and beautiful. The structure of the book is pretty loose as there are three main sections and no chapters. Some entries are less than a page in length and others are, at most, a few pages. I had to focus more than I usually do when I read but the extra attention required was well worth it for what I got out of the book. No matter what type of creative endeavors you enjoy doing, you’ll benefit tremendously from reading The War of Art. I know from experience that my own creative process contains many dry spells and I’m glad to have this book to help me get through them.

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Back to Basics

Posted on October 7, 2019 by admin

Lately, I’ve noticed that I keep leaning to one side when I unicycle, so I’ve gone back to shorter rides in the hopes of figuring out what’s causing me to lean and fixing my form. It seems to be helping thus far, so I’m going to keep at it until I’ve solved that problem. I’ve also done this when I’ve had issues with my juggling, swing dancing, exercising, and other physical hobbies. Additionally, I periodically do this in my life when I notice something I’d like to change.

I’ve learned a lot about self-improvement in a pretty short amount of time and I often forget much of what I’ve learned. Even when I write a blog post about a solid life hack, it can still slip my mind for months at a time. Sometimes, however, I ignore what I’ve learned and choose to act out my old behavior patterns. I try to take a step back during those times and assess what’s going on, figure why I’m acting the way I am, and determine what I can do to change it. Once I’ve done that, I then get ideas for possible solutions. The solutions usually involve focusing on self-care, communication, or trying to see things from someone else’s point of view. Big changes aren’t always necessary; sometimes addressing a few small things can make all the difference.

Going back to basics and reinforcing fundamentals feels like hitting the reset button. I don’t always like doing it because it can feel like taking a step backward. However, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to take a step backward in order to take several steps forward. If what I’m consistently doing isn’t working and shows no sign of improvement, then the best thing to do is get off the path I’m currently on and try something different. As difficult and uncomfortable as this can be, I’m always better off after doing it. I just hope I start realizing when I need to do this and following through with it in the days to come.

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Acting Efficiently

Posted on October 6, 2019 by admin

It always amazes me when I get ideas for how to do something better, especially when it’s something that I previously thought couldn’t be improved. I get better at seeing possibilities for improvement once I’ve been doing a particular task for a good while. When I first start something new, I have no idea how to do it, so I initially just stick with whatever method I’m taught or figure out for myself. Gradually, I begin to think of other ways that might work better and, with enough experimentation, that’s exactly what I find.

As much as I benefit from reading about different strategies for a variety of tasks, I still find a lot of value in using trial and error to develop solid plans. When I’m faced with a problem, I open my mind to all possible solutions, try different ideas as they come to me, ditch what doesn’t work, and refine what works well. My goal is to develop routines and systems that allow me to do things efficiently and effectively; this has gotten much easier as my time management skills have improved. The more I can make completing my work habitual and automatic, the less I have to think about it and the faster I can finish it and move on to other things.

I often get ideas for working more efficiently without much conscious effort on my part. My subconscious is always working to solve problems and, occasionally, it’ll send me a good idea seemingly out of nowhere. This happened last night at work. I don’t close very often, so I haven’t gotten a good feel for how to get everything done in a timely manner. However, I’ve closed enough lately that I’ve slowly been getting more systematic in my approach. Last night’s close was probably the smoothest I’ve ever done and, with practice, I think I can get everything done even faster without sacrificing quality. I was excited to have this breakthrough last night, partly because of how it made my work easier and also for how it acted as a reminder that I can find solutions for any problem in life as long as I’m paying attention.

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Training for Life

Posted on October 5, 2019 by admin
Image result for we don't rise to the level of our expectations

For a while now, I’ve appreciated the idea of preparing for the difficult times in life by undertaking some types of voluntary hardships. I learned about this from listening to athletes who talk about pushing themselves harder in training than they’ll need to in a competition. By getting used to performing at a certain level, they become sufficiently prepared for the competition and have an easier time when the pressure is on.

David Goggins, who frequently participates in ultramarathons, talks about this as a useful tool outside of athletics. He says that choosing to do difficult things each day makes it easier to handle the hard times in life because they then seem normal. Additionally, the good times in life then become much more enjoyable and rewarding. Considering everything he’s experienced in life (much of which he’s chosen to undergo) and how well he’s doing, his method appears to be pretty solid. I’ve definitely gotten a lot out of his approach.

Some things that I do regularly to train for life and build my mental toughness include taking cold showers, avoiding instant gratification, not bundling up for cold weather, stretching, pushing myself to complete a difficult workout, and practicing with my unicycle until I get a certain number of good rides. I’ll also occasionally skip meals and go for a time without sufficient sleep, though I usually save those for when I’m especially busy and have little free time. In addition to helping me get through the hard times in life, I’ve found that routinely incorporating difficult and uncomfortable activities into my life also makes them easier to do, which is the case with all my other habits. Now I can work through soreness or minor injuries since I’m used to pushing myself; I know I’ll heal and feel better, so I’m able to keep going through my usual routines despite the pain and the discomfort. I’m glad I started doing this and I’m excited to continue pushing myself to new heights as I make my way through life.

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Working Through My Thoughts

Posted on October 4, 2019 by admin

Many people are afraid of being alone with their thoughts. I understand and relate to that as my mind still gets the best of me at times. However, the more time I’ve spent by myself with no external distractions, the more comfortable I’ve gotten with it and the more I’ve learned that I don’t have to be afraid of what goes on in my head. In the absence of outside stimulation, things often come to my mind that I don’t normally think about, either because I’m usually distracted by something else or because I’m actively trying to avoid thinking about certain things. It become much harder to ignore those nagging thoughts when I have nothing else to focus on and, in that situation, resisting those thoughts does me more harm than good. Whatever thoughts come up, it’s better for me to relax and surrender to them than try to fight them.

Floating has helped me a lot with this. I feel incredibly safe and comfortable in the pod, so that’s a great place to practice watching my thoughts without getting stuck in them. Additionally, since I prefer to float in silence and darkness, I find it easy to address things that pop into my head. Depending on what experience I have in any given float, I might feel drawn to explore my thoughts deeply or just acknowledge them as they come up. I do my best to wait until my float has begun before deciding on which course of action to take; this makes my float better and gives me some guidance on what to do while I’m in there, guidance which I can easily miss if I go in expecting a certain experience.

I’ve found that addressing my thoughts during the day prevents them from keeping me awake at night. Except for a fan to keep me cool and provide me with some steady background noise, my room is dark and quiet. That’s the perfect environment for me to start thinking about anything and everything, which used to make it hard for me to fall asleep and stay asleep. However, since I started working through my thoughts during the day and doing some calming meditation and breath work at night, it’s been much easier for me to fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly through the night. Now, instead of dreading going to bed and wondering what thoughts will wander around in my head, I can look forward to settling in and drifting off to sleep without issue.

If my experience with all of this has taught me anything, it’s that my thoughts only have as much power over me as I’m willing to give them, and that the way to reclaim power for myself is to fully explore them. The more I do this, the better I feel and the less I’m controlled by my thoughts, fears, emotions, etc. If you already do this, then you know what I mean. But if you’ve never done it or you’ve only done it a bit, try it out regularly and see how it improves your life. You’ll be glad you did.

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The Daily Stoic: “The Most Valuable Asset”

Posted on October 3, 2019 by admin

I like what this entry from The Daily Stoic says about self-reliance and independence. While I find immense value in forming and maintaining solid relationships with other people, I still want to always be able to depend on myself. I think the best thing for good relationships is for everyone to develop strength within themselves; their relationships will then be incredibly strong as every individual involved in them is independently strong. Plus if anybody then needs to get through a difficult situation without help, they’ll be in a much better position to do so if they’re strong and self-reliant.

“But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to Fortune, their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance, and therefore can’t be either increased or diminished.”

-Seneca, On the Firmness of the Wise, 5.4

Some people put their money in assets – stocks, bonds, property. Others invest in relationships or accomplishments, knowing that they can draw on these things just as easily as others can draw funds from a bank account. But a third type, Seneca says, invests in themselves – in being a good and wise person.

Which of these assets is most immune to market fluctuations and disasters? Which is most resilient in the face of trials and tribulations? Which will never abandon you? Seneca’s own life is an interesting example. He became quite wealthy as a friend of the emperor, but as Nero became more and more deranged, Seneca realized he needed to get out. He offered Nero a deal: he would give Nero all his money and return all of Nero’s gifts in exchange for complete and total freedom.

Ultimately, Nero rejected this offer, but Seneca left anyway, retiring in relative peace. But one day, the executioners came with their mortal decree. In that moment, what did Seneca rely on? It wasn’t his money. It wasn’t his friends, who, although they meant well, were a considerable source of grief and mourning. It was his virtue and inner strength.

It was Seneca’s most trying moment – his last and his finest.

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Working Through Pain

Posted on October 2, 2019 by admin

Working through pain instead of trying to bury it has been integral to my personal growth. I’ve discovered that I’ll continue repeating lessons until I’ve learned them and that trying to avoid learning them only adds to my burden and, often, results in me learning the hard way. Avoiding certain people and situations isn’t sufficient, although it can be an essential aspect of the healing process, especially if I’m trying to get away from abuse. Without examining myself and figuring out what I need to change, however, I’ll simply keep ending up around similar people in similar situations. Fortunately there is a way to stop this cycle and be free.

When something keeps coming up in my life, I take it as a sign that I need to work on it. To do that, I’ll move to a place with as few distractions as possible, go as deeply as I can into whatever issue is on my mind, and allow myself to fully feel everything that comes up without trying to shut anything down or rush through it. Sometimes I’ll describe what I’m feeling to someone I trust, but that isn’t essential and it’s not always an option or even desirable. If nobody is around, I can talk myself through this, reminding myself when necessary that I’m ok and can continue working through whatever comes up. Total honesty is crucial here; if I’m dishonest with myself about anything that’s happening, I’ll just make the process longer and more difficult than it needs to be. Once I’ve fully experienced a certain kind of pain, it loses its power over me and becomes a harmless memory. That sometimes requires multiple sessions and a few different approaches, but it’s always worth it.

Even though I’ve gotten more comfortable with this process, I still don’t like doing it. I’d rather stick to things that are lighthearted and enjoyable and ignore the things that lurk in my shadow. However, I still make an effort at least once a week to work through something painful because I know it will make my life better. I’ll have much more personal freedom once I’ve healed that pain and am no longer controlled by it. I appreciate the feeling of lightness that comes with freeing myself from pain, which also makes me much more capable of handling whatever situation I’m in, even the difficult ones. Healing can be a painful process, whether the pain is physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, but I’m willing to go through the pain and the discomfort since I know that there is peace on the other side.

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Classic City Swing 8

Posted on October 1, 2019 by admin

Classic City Swing 8 was the last weekend in September in Athens, Georgia, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. So far, this is the only swing dance workshop I’ve attended more than once. Just like last year, I also visited some friends in Atlanta before and after the event. Here are some highlights from this past weekend.

After unintentionally sleeping in, I braved the morning traffic and went in for my eighth straight float. I wanted to get some peace and quiet before the long drive. That float also gave me some time to focus and mentally walk through everything I still had to do to be ready to go. Then I went home, ate a good breakfast, finished packing, prepared my car, and hit the road. It was about 11:30 by then but I didn’t mind. I was just happy to have all that preparation behind me and started relaxing as I looked forward to my destination. After many hours of driving and one stop for gas, I finally met my friends in Atlanta. We had breakfast for dinner and hung out for a while before going to sleep as everyone was pretty tired by that point. I was glad to see them again and to be out of the crazy traffic for the night. It was a great start to my trip.

I slept in about an hour later on Friday than I had the day before. Since I went to bed at a good time and had been getting insufficient sleep for more than a week, I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time. After breakfast, I continued my visit, which included unicycling for them, until it was time for me to leave in the afternoon. I packed up my stuff, said goodbye, and grabbed some food on the way to Athens. The drive was pretty straightforward even though, like last year, it took me well over two hours due to the heavy traffic that time of day. I ended up getting to the University of Georgia Campus a little after 8. Although the main dance had started by then, the band didn’t start until around 8:30, and most of the other folks from Jacksonville didn’t arrive until much later. I enjoyed listening to the band, dancing, and hanging out with both familiar and unfamiliar faces that night. I stuck around for a good bit of the late night dance, which fortunately was also at the same campus, and met up with most of the rest of the Jacksonville folks before heading to my Airbnb and calling it a day.

We had a good breakfast the next morning and then went back to the campus for the level placement auditions. I got into the Intermediate/Advanced track last year and figured I could get into the Intermediate Plus track this year. However, much to my surprise, I ended up in the Intermediate track. Despite this unexpected turn of events, I managed to get engrossed in the lesson taught by instructors Jon Tigert and Jenna Applegarth. I got several reminders of things that I normally forget when I’m social dancing, especially related to the Lindy circle. Periodic reminders of technical things are helpful since they allow for better communication between myself and my dance partners, which ultimately results in better, more enjoyable dancing. During the lunch break, I walked over to Killer Burgers, a place with great food and no lines. I had a wonderful conversation with someone else from Jacksonville both while we ate and as we rode back to the campus in an Uber after lunch.

The afternoon lesson with instructors Mikey Pedroza and Nikki Marvin also went well. They focused a lot on swingouts and mixing up the timing, which is something I hardly ever do but might start doing more since I feel like I now have a better understanding of it. I took the large block of time after that lesson to go off by myself and recharge for a bit. I found a place that I could unicycle for long enough to get some good practice in without careening down a hill or riding over a ton of bumps. Once I finished with that, I felt much better due to the solitude and headed back to the Airbnb. I laid on my sofa bed and rested a bit more before showering and getting dressed for the main dance.

A group of us went to Mellow Mushroom for dinner that night. It was busy and we had been unable to get a reservation, so we walked around the city for a while and then hung out at the bar until our table was ready. I had predicted that they’d do something to celebrate my birthday during that trip and I turned out to be correct: they got me two coconut cakes, sang Happy Birthday to me, got me some thoughtful cards with nice puns, and covered my dinner. I enjoyed the festivities and had fun talking to everyone at the table. It felt wonderful to be so appreciated by the folks in my dance scene. At the main dance, I had fun dancing with most of the Jacksonville dancers and several from other scenes that I had met during the weekend. I missed most of the late dance due to going out for ice cream at Ben & Jerry’s. Once I found a parking spot, I met up with some other folks from Florida, got some milk and cookies ice cream (tasty but not my favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor), and hung out with them outside the shop before we said good night and parted ways. I danced in the wonderful, air conditioned blues room for a little while before deciding to turn in. I drove back to the Airbnb with a friend from Jacksonville for some much needed sleep.

My first lesson on Sunday was with instructors Peter Kertz and Elze Visnevskyte. They focused a lot on the swingout and had us feeling pretty good about them by the end. That’s unusual for me as I’m usually so worn out by this time that I have trouble with things that are normally easy for me, so this was a nice change of pace. I had ordered a catered lunch that day, so after I got my food, I went to Panda Express with some Jacksonville and Gainesville dancers. Sleep deprivation was in full force during that conversation as we talked about all kinds of weird, goofy, and unusual things and laughed hysterically at ourselves. When we got back to the campus, we had the opportunity to choose from several elective lessons. I chose Swinging Slow, which focused on solo dancing and included learning some choreography that Elze had developed. I was tired, sore, and mentally out of it by that point, but I pushed through and did the routine as best as I could. I was proud of myself for getting through it without giving up. I ended up skipping the second elective, so I said goodbye to some Jacksonville folks who were leaving for home. Instead of dancing, I unicycled, refilled my water bottles, and went back to the Airbnb. I helped one of my housemates clean the kitchen before they headed to the farewell dance. I then worked on some of my own interests, showered, and packed all of my stuff (in addition to grabbing a few things that the others had forgotten) before locking up the place and heading out. I decided to skip the farewell dance this year, so I got some food and gas and drove back to Atlanta.

I got in about an hour earlier than I did the previous year and the drive was much shorter than it had been on Friday since there was almost no traffic on Sunday night. I met up with my friends, told them about parts of the event as they watched football before we all went to bed, once again exhausted from our busy weekends. I finished my daily activities, stretched out, and then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling pretty refreshed despite my busy weekend and sleep deprivation. I enjoyed the remainder of our visit until I had to leave. Although I was planning to leave around 3, it ended up being closer to 4 since I didn’t want to go. I’m glad it worked out that way since, despite getting caught in some heavy traffic, it gave me more time to spend with everyone and still got me home shortly after 10. I hope to visit with them again soon, especially since we don’t get to see each other more than a few times a year. I grabbed some food, hit the road, and stopped for gas once on the way home.

On my long drive back to Jacksonville, I worked through a number of things, including the pain I felt about not making Intermediate Plus this year. That, along with listening to David Goggins on Joe Rogan’s podcast, reminded me of the value of facing pain and fears instead of avoiding them as I used to do. Once I had fully explored my feelings on my level placement, I felt much better and moved on to thinking about other subjects. Additionally, this trip served as both a much-needed break from my regular life and a reminder of the kind of life that I’d like to live. Having several days off from work along with time and money to do what I wanted was wonderful. Staying away from social media for the most part also helped a lot, as did getting plenty of time to myself. I felt more free on this trip, especially during my alone time, than I had in a long time. It was a wonderful taste of what can and will be once I get some things sorted out for myself. The timing was also helpful since the trip coincided with a major turning point in my life and gave me some space to think about my future. Although the trip wasn’t quite as smooth or enjoyable as it was last year, I still enjoyed it and got a lot of good things out of it. It can be its own thing rather than trying to compete with past or future events, and that’s fine. It may not have been exactly what I wanted but it was probably exactly what I needed. Thanks to everyone who made this another great road trip. I appreciate you and I’m grateful for the things you’ve added to my life.

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The Daily Stoic: “Maintain Composure, Maintain Control”

Posted on September 30, 2019 by admin

I’ve gotten much better at staying calm under pressure over the past year. One of the most helpful things I’ve found for this is taking positive action rather than dwelling on the anxious energy I feel in a stressful situation. I also frequently use affirmations to relax myself and push through the fear. And, no matter what happens in any given situation, I always manage to walk away at the end of it; the fear is more often than not worse than the actual event. I appreciate reminders from The Daily Stoic of things like this and I enjoy passing them along so you can enjoy them as well.

“When forced, as it seems, by circumstances into utter confusion, get a hold of yourself quickly. Don’t be locked out of the rhythm any longer than necessary. You’ll be able to keep the heat if you are constantly returning to it.”

-Marculs Aurelius, Meditations, 6.11

We’re going to get caught off guard from time to time. Not just by “black swan” type events – a terrorist attack or a financial panic – but also by minor, unexpected occurrences. Your car battery dies, your friend cancels at the last minute, you suddenly don’t feel well. These situations have a way of throwing us into confusion and disarray. We’ve made an assumption about the world and built plans of top of that assumption. Now that the assumption has collapsed, so too might our organization or understanding.

That’s perfectly OK! It happens. A line of infantrymen will face withering attacks – what’s key is that they don’t allow chaos to reign. Musicians will experience technical difficulties and lose their place from time to time. In both cases, it just matters that they get back into position as quickly as possible.

The same is true for you today. The order and the peace might be interrupted by a new circumstance. OK. Get a hold of yourself and find your way back.

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