2020 Goals

Like many other people, I’ve been thinking lately about some things I’d like to accomplish next year. I don’t consider these New Year’s resolutions as I think that approach is problematic to say the least. Most of the things on my list are just continuations of things I’ve done for most of this year, so I’ve already got a good head start on them. That’s important when it comes to sticking to plans and keeping resolutions and, in my experience, it’s a much better approach than picking a lot of goals at the end of the year and diving in headfirst with no real plan. I know how to make this stuff happen and I’m going to see to it that it does happen next year. Without further ado, here are some of my goals for 2020.

  1. Learn some unicycling tricks. Nothing too fancy right away, just some stuff that I can probably pick up in a year or less. Riding backwards, juggling while riding (which I did once earlier this year), starting off without leaning against something, etc. With all the progress I made at unicycling this past year, I think I can go even further next year.
  2. Stick to a solid, consistent workout routine. Since I first joined a gym back in 2014, my workouts have been all over the place. Sometimes I’ll go weeks without exercising, other times I’ll not miss a workout for months, and still other times I’ll just do warm up sets and call it a day. My strength has varied dramatically as a result and I never seem to stay at one level of strength for very long before rising or falling to another level. Next year, I hope to hit the gym regularly and stick to a good workout program so I can get my strength where I’d like it to be.
  3. Start working on my humanitarian plan. I talked about this in a recent post, so I won’t spend too much time on it here. Since I think about it a lot, I might as well try some things out and see what happens. Maybe it will work out in practice similarly to how it looks in my head, or maybe I’ll need to do a lot of things differently. Either way, I’ll at least be moving toward one of my biggest life goals and helping people out along the way.
  4. Continue healing. I worked through a lot of difficult emotional stuff this year. The more I learn about myself, the more stuff I find to heal. Whether or not this ends up being a lifelong process, it will probably take me several more years to discover and heal everything that comes up. Fortunately I have several wonderful friends who regularly help me on this journey, so I’m ready to keep going and see where it takes me next.
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My 2019 Highlights

This past year would be difficult to describe in a few words or even in one blog post. I could spend ages talking about how 2019 affected me. Instead, I’ll just mention some of the highlights of my year in this post. There was plenty more good stuff but these are the things that most easily come to my mind when I think back on my favorite moments of 2019. This was an incredibly meaningful year for me and I hope 2020 will be just as meaningful in its own ways.

  1. Lollies and Lemonade 2019. I enjoyed this dance workshop more than any other I’ve attended thus far. Getting a break from my usual schedule for a weekend full of Balboa book-ended by a nice road trip with two other Jacksonville dancers was just what I needed. It was a blast from beginning to end and I hope to make it to this workshop in 2020.
  2. Ichetucknee Springs Day. Fun day in the springs with swimming, tubing, swing dancing, meditating in the cool water, and enjoying the company of some fun people. This was the best trip to Ichetucknee Springs I’ve ever had and it was one of the best day trips I had this year. Easily comes to my mind as one of the highlights of 2019.
  3. Getting the hang of unicycling. When I got my unicycle for Christmas last year, I decided that I would practice with it a bit every day. That dedication and consistency paid off as I’m now pretty good at unicycling. I went from not being able to go more than a few feet to being able to ride for almost as long as I want and I even managed to juggle on my unicycle one night. I’m glad I stuck with it even on difficult days when I felt like I’d never get the hang of it. I’ve learned some valuable life lessons, greatly improved my balance, and had a lot of fun through unicycling and I’ve only just begun.
  4. Finding floating. It’s strange to think that I never floated before this year, especially since I now float at least once a week. Floating has done wonders for my mental health and self-improvement; it’s a wonderful way for me to relax, deal with stress, learn more about myself, and see what I can do differently in life. I’m so glad I found it and I plan to keep doing it regularly as long as I can.
  5. Working through my emotions. The latter half of this year has been tough for me emotionally. I’ve faced many new challenges and dealt with lots of old emotions that haven’t been healed, so it’s been quite a struggle at times. Fortunately I’ve also found many great life hacks for working through those emotions and trying to heal them. Those have helped me a lot and I’m sure they will continue to help me as I keep working through whatever comes up.
  6. Cultivating genuine friendships. After learning last year that there’s a difference between friends and acquaintances, I’ve spent much of this year focusing on my true friendships. I still spend time with my acquaintances and appreciate their company but I no longer make the mistake of thinking of them as friends. As a result, I feel much better overall when I interact with other people and I now dedicate most of my attention and energy to the friends who are like family to me.
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Charity and Business: A Recent Realization

For a few years now, I’ve been thinking that the next stage of my life will involve starting my own business and then putting my humanitarian plan into action. I’ve read several business books and done a good bit of other research to prepare for this but I still feel like I’m no closer to entrepreneurship than when I first had this idea. Then I had a realization while I was at work. Instead of putting aside my humanitarian goals until I’m in a better financial situation, why not do what I can with what I have right now? I may not be able to organize, donate, and help people now as much as I’d like to, but I can still make a positive difference by taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves. Doing what I can now will let me develop skill at many things that will help me with my bigger plans later on, both in charitable action and in business. Plus getting into the habit of living a charitable lifestyle will make it easier for me to help even more people when I have more resources; if I’m not in the habit of giving now, it will be much harder for me to get into that habit later.

I don’t think much about entrepreneurship but I think about my humanitarian plan almost every day. That may be a sign that I should focus first on the charitable stuff and come back to the business stuff later. Other people have done it differently but I’m not other people and I’m not here to do things that other people do. Having gotten a behind-the-scenes look at some of what it takes to run a successful business and still being largely clueless about what type of business I’d like to have, I think it’s best to put that stuff on the back burner for the foreseeable future.

The timing of this is perfect as I’ve recently been given a particularly special opportunity that I’m sure will do a lot to prepare me for my future plans on a smaller, more manageable scale. I can’t wait to try out my ideas and see what works and what needs adjustment. The serendipity surrounding this special opportunity is part of the excitement I’ve felt as of late, especially in connection with this realization. When I can, I’ll update you on how this plays out. For now, I’ll close by saying that I’ve felt much better since I received this realization and I’m excited to see where it goes.

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The Daily Stoic: “Life Is Long – If You Know How to Use It”

This entry from The Daily Stoic is all about the importance of good time management. There are many days in which I feel like I’ve got little to no time to do the things I find meaningful but, upon reflection, I notice several things that I could do differently. Instead of spending so much time on social media, I can dedicate that time to reading, juggling, writing, stretching, etc. That works well for smaller things that I can do by myself. It’s more difficult to make that work out with larger things, such as getting enough time freedom to pursue my main life goals. However, difficult doesn’t mean impossible and I’ve gotten pretty good at doing things that many people would consider to be impossible, so it’s just a matter of figuring out what changes I need to make to get where I want to be in life. That way I can look back on my life in my later years and be satisfied that I did the best I could with the time I had.

“It’s not at all that we have too short a time to live, but that we squander a great deal of it. Life is long enough, and it’s given in sufficient measure to do many great thins if we spend it well. But when it’s poured down the drain of luxury and neglect, when it’s employed to no good end, we’re finally driven to see that it has passed by before we even recognized it passing. And so it is – we don’t receive a short life, we make it so.”

-Seneca, On the Brevity of Life, 1.3-4a

No one knows how long they have to live, but sadly, we can be sure of one thing: we’ll waste far too much of life. Waste it sitting around, waste it chasing the wrong things, waste it by refusing to take the time to ask ourselves what’s actually important to us. Far too often, we’re like the overconfident academics that Petrarach criticized in his classic essay on ignorance – the types who “fritter away their powers incessantly in caring for things outside of them and seek themselves there.” Yet they have no idea this is what they’re doing.

So today, if you find yourself rushed or uttering the words “I just don’t have enough time,” stop and take a second. Is this actually true? Or have you just committed to a lot of unnecessary things? Are you actually being efficient, or have you assumed a great deal of waste into your life? The average American spends something like forty hours a year in traffic. That’s months over the course of a life. And for “traffic,” you can substitute so many activities – from fighting with others to watching television to daydreaming.

Your life is plenty long – just use it properly.

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Embracing Discomfort

For many people, it’s easier now than ever before to avoid trials, tribulations, difficulties, and suffering. There are many conveniences to modern life that have eliminated most of the problems that ancient humans faced. Although it’s natural to prefer things that provide comfort and pleasure over things that cause misery and suffering, pursuing the former things doesn’t always guarantee that you’ll get them. I have been seeking comfort more and more lately and I think that has made it harder for me to handle even mildly difficult situations.

It doesn’t help that I’ve fallen away from many of my habits that either challenged me to push through difficulties (such as taking cold showers) or relieved tension in my body (such as stretching). I have time to do this stuff, I just mostly spend it doing other things instead. Once I fall out of a habit, it’s extremely difficult for me to get back into it. I sometimes need help to get back on track, and help arrived earlier this week. My mindfulness buddy sent me this article that discusses how resilience is more important than comfort and happiness. That article reminded me of how David Goggins has used suffering to harden his mind, overcome his past, and become the person he is today. Those two reminders gave me what I needed to recommit myself to embracing the difficulties rather than trying to avoid them.

So far I’ve started out slowly, mainly by stretching and taking cold showers again. I also try to keep in mind that, one way or another, I can find a solution for difficult situations. All of that seems to be helping, as does the nice break I’ve had from my usual routines. Plus I’m remembering that the nice things in life are even nicer after going through challenging times; endless comfort quickly becomes boring and draining. I hope I can keep doing the stuff that helps me instead of falling away from it as I’ve done several times now. I’ll also try to keep in mind that life is all about the journey, not the destination; if I lose my way for a while, I’ll see what I learn from that little detour and then keep on moving.

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A Meaningful Christmas

Christmas day is here once more and it seems that every year it takes me longer and longer to get into the Christmas spirit. Part of this has to do with the loss of some cherished traditions as I’ve grown older and moved into different life situations and lost loved ones. However, I think the biggest factor in this is difficulty that many people have this time of year. So many spend much of December rushing around and stressing out so that they can have one day of peace and rest, and even then their holiday can still be filled with anxiety and depression. What is supposed to be a time of peace on Earth and goodwill to all men can easily become a season of stress, bitterness, and hostility toward one another in the mad rush to get everything right. Rampant commercialization compounds this as it puts more emphasis on getting the perfect gift rather than remembering what truly matters in life.

I used to be blind to the darker side of this season but now I see it almost everywhere. It affects several of my coworkers and customers at my job and I’ve personally felt it affect me for much of this month. Earlier this week, I was thinking about how Christmas used to be my favorite holiday but it doesn’t feel that way anymore, and that really got me down. All of that changed this morning, however. I slept in, exchanged some gifts, sang a few Christmas songs, and watched A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Near the end of the Charlie Brown special, I started thinking about the Christmas truce of 1914. Early in World War I, British and German troops in Belgium stopped fighting each other on Christmas Eve and sang Christmas carols, shook hands, gave each other gifts, and even played football (or soccer as it’s known in the US). That extraordinary display of love and kindness is recreated beautifully in this ad that gave me a long-overdue cry. If that can happen on a battlefield during a war, then it can certainly happen anywhere else.

This season will become what we decide it will become. We can make it a time of fighting, hatred, anger, and stress or we can make it a time of peace, love, joy, and rest. I’d much rather it be the latter and I think everyone else would as well. I doubt that there’s anyone who would truly wish for this season to be difficult and painful; deep down, I think everyone hopes for a restful break during the holidays. That break may come from observing traditions, being spontaneous, visiting loved ones, getting some quality alone time, or anything else that you find meaningful. However you spend the holidays this year, I hope they bring you much love, joy, and peace, and may you take a page from The Muppet Christmas Carol and make it last all year. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours.

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Review of The Tipping Point

The Tipping Point is a phenomenal book written by Malcolm Gladwell. It is an extremely insightful and interesting exploration of how small things can make a huge difference in starting and shaping epidemics (Gladwell uses the term “epidemic” to refer more to social and cultural trends than to the spread of disease). Gladwell covers a lot of ground in the book, so here’s what stood out to me the most.

Gladwell discusses three kinds of people who play a role in epidemics. The first type are the connectors; these are people who know a lot of other people. They may not be close friends with everybody they know but they regularly keep in touch with them and are deeply fascinated by learning a lot about other people. If you want to get a message or an idea out to a lot of people, you could send it to everyone you know but a better approach is to send it to a connector and ask them to send it out. Next are the mavens, who know a lot of stuff. Marketplace mavens can tell you where to get a good deal on a new car, what to look for in a TV, which hotels are worth staying at, etc. They can give you all kinds of good information about products, prices, and deals in the marketplace. Marketplace mavens aren’t the only types of mavens, however. Although he doesn’t refer to himself as such, Gladwell fits the definition of a maven. He collects information on a wide range of subjects. The more information you have, the more connections you can make between seemingly separate bits of information and the clearer the big picture becomes. Mavens are real helpful if you need to know where to go to get something specific or if you just need to know a lot about a few subjects. Then you’ve got your salesmen. Pretty self-explanatory: they can persuade people to buy, sell, trade, or join a cause or organization. They’re helpful for getting people to support your ideas once they’ve heard your message. All three of those types of people are important in creating tipping points and starting epidemics.

There are other factors involved in getting things to tip, such as context. For example, Paul Revere’s ride was likely as successful as it was because it took place at night when most people were home to receive his message and knew it was urgent due to the lateness of the hour. There’s also the matter of how contagious something is. While this term is usually refers to the spread of diseases, Gladwell uses it in discussing how easily an idea or message spreads. A non-contagious trend might never move past a handful of people while a contagious trend can encompass a whole country or even the world. Additionally, there is the stickiness of a trend. Even if a message reaches millions people, they might quickly forget about it and move on, which means the message didn’t stick. In contrast, a sticky message can stay with them for years and may even make them change their behavior. You don’t need a lot of big things to change the world; you can start a worldwide movement just by getting a few small things right, and it can happen much faster than you think.

One of the things that stood out to me the most came from the chapter on smoking. In that chapter, Gladwell said that some people smoke because they’re depressed. Nicotine temporarily boosts dopamine and norepinephrine levels and helps depressed smokers feel better, which means that they’re essentially treating their depression by smoking. Accordingly, those who smoke because they’re depressed have a much easier time quitting if they are given effective treatment for their depression rather than if they’re simply told how bad smoking can be for their health. This was a wonderful example of how directly addressing the problem itself is a much better strategy than trying to manage the symptoms of the problem, a message that applies to quitting smoking as well as everything else in life.

Malcolm Gladwell really outdid himself with The Tipping Point. I don’t know how he found out all this stuff or pieced it all together but I’m glad he did. He saved me a lot of time by compiling everything into this book so that I didn’t have to go on a big scavenger hunt to learn what he discusses. The Tipping Point is incredibly profound, fascinating, encouraging, and inspiring to me and I’m sure it will help me in my quest to change the world. Plus it’s easy to read and understand since Gladwell writes in plain English, uses lots of stories to illustrate his points, and clearly explains what he means every step of the way. In closing, whether you just want to know how epidemics occur or you want to change the world, I highly recommend checking out this book. It’s a great read and has been, and I’m sure it will continue to be, instrumental in changing the world for the better.

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Getting the Most out of Your Float

I’ve floated almost 60 times as of this writing and in the process I’ve learned a lot about how to maximize the experience for myself. Floating affects everyone differently and no two of my floats have been exactly the same, so I hesitate to say that I’ve found the perfect formula for everyone. However, I do think there are some actions that will increase any given person’s chances of having an enjoyable experience. So without further ado, here are my recommendations for getting the most out of your float.

  1. Book your float when you have a day off and have almost no other plans. This will allow you to relax afterward and fully process and enjoy the experience without having to rush off right away. If you can, have your first float at night so you can go home and go to bed for some amazing sleep.
  2. Eat decent meal and drink a decent amount of water a few hours before your float. While you’re in the pod, you should feel comfortable rather than hungry and dehydrated or stuffed and over-hydrated.
  3. Avoid consuming alcohol, caffeine, and sugar a few hours before and after your float. Those can negatively affect your experience while floating and take you out of the post-float glow after your float.
  4. Arrive early to make things easier on yourself and the float center employees. If it’s your first float or your first float at this particular location, listen attentively during the orientation so you know what to do and how the process works. Ask any relevant questions that you have before you start your float.
  5. Use the restroom before you float so you feel more comfortable in the pod and can stay in until the session is over.
  6. If your pod has an adjustable lid and fills up before you get in, then keep the lid shut while the pod is filling so it gets warmer inside. The water should be close to body temperature, so it’s not like getting into a hot tub or a hot bath.
  7. Shower before you get in the pod. Start with a warm shower and slowly turn the temperature down as cold as you can stand it. That will make the water in the pod feel even warmer in comparison.
  8. Put in your ear plugs before showering so they seal better and are less likely to fall out of your ears while you’re floating. If they’re the foam kind, rolling them between your fingers and holding them in your ear until they fully expand also helps.
  9. Float nude so you avoid getting distracted by clothes or a bathing suit.
  10. Get in before the pod finishes filling, shut the lid, and keep it shut the whole time to maximize your experience and keep it warm. If you get too warm in there, open the lid a few inches to vent some of the heat until you’re comfortable again. Better to start too warm and cool down than to start too cool and try to warm up.
  11. Go in without expectations. Accept whatever happens in there, whether you fall asleep, have a meditative experience, get some creative ideas, work through difficult emotions, get reminders of things you can do better in life, etc. The float might not give you what you want but it will give you what you need, so embrace whatever it gives you.
  12. Focus on your breath and breathe more slowly on the exhale than on the inhale to calm your body. If you start feeling anxious, remind yourself that you’re ok and try to watch your thoughts and feelings without getting stuck in them. Breathing slowly through your nose and from your diaphragm will help you with this.
  13. Try out several positions until you find a comfortable one to float in. Change positions as needed to relieve pain, restlessness, or discomfort. Otherwise, try to keep still and let your body rest by relaxing all your muscles and allowing the water to fully support you.
  14. It may take you a while to fully get into the experience, especially if it’s your first float. After 20-30 minutes, you’ll probably be in the “float zone” and start seeing how incredible it can be.
  15. Shower afterward to rinse off all the salt, get dressed, and, if you can, take some time to stay at the float center and bask in the post-float glow before returning to your normal life.
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The Daily Stoic: “Stake Your Own Claim”

This entry from The Daily Stoic resonates a lot with me. I used to rely heavily on other people for my ideas. If I liked what someone said, I tended to take what they said as gospel without thinking it through or looking at it from other angles, or thinking much for myself. I still love listening to what certain people have to say but I now take everything with a grain of salt, especially if I’m listening to someone I really like. My thoughts and perspectives aren’t always as consistent as they once were, and that’s fine with me. I like that I’m thinking more for myself now, so having some inconsistencies doesn’t bother me. I’d rather have those inconsistencies than depend completely on somebody else to think for me. Whether or not I can work out all the inconsistencies and contradictions in my thinking, I plan to continue thinking for myself, finding value wherever I can, and sharing my ideas with anyone who will listen.

“For it’s disgraceful for an old person, or one in sight of old age, to have only the knowledge carried in their notebooks. Zeno said this… what do you say? Cleanthes said that… what do you say? How long will you be compelled by the claims of another? Take charge and stake your own claim – something posterity will carry in its notebook.”

-Seneca, Moral Letters, 33.7

Musing in his notebook about the topic of immortality, Ralph Waldo Emerson complained how writers dance around a difficult topic by relying on quotes. “I hate quotation,” he wrote. “Tell me what you know.”

Seneca was throwing down the same gauntlet some twenty centuries before. It’s easier to quote, to rely on the wise words of others. Especially when the people you’re deferring to are such towering figures!

It’s harder (and more intimidating) to venture out on your own and express your own thoughts. But how do you think those wise and true quotes from those towering figures were created in the first place?

Your own experience has value. You have accumulated your own wisdom too. Stake your claim. Put something down for the ages – in words and also in example.

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“How the Big Band Stole Christmas” (And My Anxiety)

Last night, I got to be part of the Crescendo Amelia Big Band “How the Big Band Stole Christmas” show in Fernandina Beach. I briefly unicycled in front of the stage during one of the songs and juggled in the lobby during the intermission. I also got to listen to the show from backstage and sit with the audience toward the end. As always, Crescendo Amelia and everyone else in the show did a spectacular job and I’m so glad I could be part of it. This was the first time I’d performed since I juggled at the previous Crescendo Amelia Big Band show at Theatre Jax earlier this month. Last night was also the first time I’ve performed with my unicycle. I thought it went quite well considering that I couldn’t unicycle at all this time last year and I’ve only gotten really good at it within the past few months.

On my way home from the show, I had a startling realization: I realized that it had been a while since I felt so good. Although I had a little anxiety on my way to the show, most it went away once I got there. I had a bit when I unicycled and a bit more later when I started juggling, but that was about it. The rest of the time, I felt fine talking to and being around other people. I enjoyed myself and felt calm, relaxed, and happy. That was such a nice contrast to how I’ve felt lately. I’ve been feeling stressed and down for much of this week. Some days I get quite stressed out at work and I often find myself feeling stressed even on my way to work. When things are going well, I tend to start wondering how long that’s going to last before things start going downhill. With all that in mind, last night’s show was a breath of fresh air. Getting out of my usual routines and being in a situation that was purely positive made me feel wonderful. Plus I had far fewer responsibilities than I do in other areas of my life. I just had to go out there, do my best, and have fun, and that’s exactly what I did.

I did my best at the show and felt like I didn’t let myself or anybody else down. Getting away from stressful, complicated situations and into simpler, nicer situations made me feel amazing last night and I still feel pretty good today. Also, even though I was super tired by the time I got home since I had been awake for almost 20 hours, I don’t remember feeling tired after performing or interacting with anybody. That was another nice change of pace as I’ve been feeling very drained from many of my interactions this week. Those are my takeaways thus far from last night and I’m going to keep thinking about it to see what else of value I can use in my regular life. This has the potential to do me a lot of good and I’m excited to see where it goes.

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