In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about how kids who are taught how to negotiate and gently push back against those around them tend to be more successful than kids who are taught to follow orders and submit to those in positions of “authority”. This is a critical skill as so much in life requires being able to negotiate rather than always accept the first offer one is given. Consequently, the people who grew up learning how to do this are in a much better position than the people who didn’t.
Knowing how to negotiate requires a number of related skills and concepts that serve one well in all areas of life. These include but are not limited to critical thinking, realizing that nobody is always right, understanding that nobody has all the answers, and that there are often better ways to do things than how they’re most commonly done. Even when they’re alone, these skills and concepts allow whoever possesses them to live more effectively and efficiently than those without them. Knowing all of this from a young age affords a lot of time to practice and master them before going out into the world.
It’s possible to learn how to negotiate and everything that goes into it later in life, but that’s hardly an easy feat. I was not raised to negotiate, so I’ve spent a lot of time and effort trying to develop these skills. Overcoming the tendencies I adopted growing up to appease others (particularly those older than me) and satisfy them at my own expense has been a slow, difficult journey. Gradually, however, I’ve gotten better at speaking my mind, sticking up for myself, realizing that someone else’s emotions are their business and not mine, and looking beyond the simple choices with which I’m presented to find other options. I’ve benefited a lot from from reading books about these subjects, but I’ve found that practicing negotiating in everyday life has been crucial to my success. Rather than fretting over the time I didn’t spend working on this stuff, I’m making the best use of the time I have now to practice and improve at it. I’ve improved a lot at all of this in a relatively short time and I’m excited to see how much better I get as I keep working on it.