Crucial Conversations talks a lot about the feeling of safety in communication. Where there’s not a feeling of safety, communication is largely absent. Some people may still speak to each other by way of yelling, making insults, and mocking each other, but that’s completely ineffective. This lays the groundwork for echo chambers.
Echo chambers arise when certain subjects are considered to be off limits for general discussion and so can’t be discussed in an effective manner. Nobody likes having their voice squashed so when that happens to someone, they may seek out places where they can talk about whatever they like. Those places tend to be full of other people who agree with them and are also sick of being dismissed, so there can a lot of agreement with hardly any pushback. This tends to reinforce existing views without allowing much, if any, discussion from those who think quite differently. In addition to making it hard to see flaws in the ideas being discussed, this also makes it easy to start seeing people who think differently as evil. From there, one is only a few short steps away from wishing harm upon those people, including wanting them to die. I’ve seen that sentiment quite a bit lately and it disturbs me deeply, especially when it comes from people I know.
Far too many people yell at, insult, shame, and threaten people until they either stop outwardly disagreeing or go away. All that does is make those on the receiving end of such treatment more inclined to stick with their existing viewpoints and see those dishing out that treatment as their enemies. If the purpose of this approach is to change minds, then this is a horrible strategy. If the purpose is to make people feel bad and increase existing divisions, then it’s a wonderful strategy. Regardless of the intentions behind that strategy, it almost always originates from talking points developed and practiced in echo chambers. When people from two different echo chambers meet and don’t immediately agree with each other, then the personal attacks and attempts to pound their viewpoints into each other begin, and any hope of productive discourse ends.
Some people seem to misunderstand what I’m about to say next. This doesn’t mean that the alternative to shouting matches and shaming sessions is to do nothing, to ignore people who think differently, or to go along with whatever they say without challenging them. Those approaches also serve no good purpose. The effective alternative is having real conversations with people in which you find out their concerns. Ask relevant questions, encourage them to go deep, and hear them out as they explain where they’re coming from. When I’ve done this from a place of genuine interest and curiosity, it has almost always resulted in the other person being willing to then hear me out and, on at least one occasion, asking for my thoughts before I even began to share them. That sort of connection feels incredible and is essential for building bridges to a better future.
As long as enough people continue to either shut down or totally take over conversations, things will continue as they are. Making things better requires getting out of the echo chambers, having those difficult conversations, actually hearing each other out, and working together to solve problems wherever possible. It’s not always easy, comfortable, or pleasant. However, when the issues involved are important enough, it becomes crucial to put up with the awkwardness and stick with each other long enough to make progress. And above all, remember that we’re all human beings. That’s the way forward.