I try to keep my actions consistent with my words, but I’ve struggled with that for most of my life. Too often, I’ve talked about the importance of kindness and then done something that’s incredibly mean or otherwise unkind. Something that’s helped me avoid doing this is putting myself in someone else’s shoes and giving them the benefit of the doubt.
For example, I’ve gotten a lot more patient over time when I drive. I used to honk at other drivers just about every time I drove; at this point, I rarely do so unless I feel endangered by someone else’s actions. A trick I use when I’m on the road is to remind myself that I don’t know what’s going on with anyone out there but myself. Maybe someone is driving slowly or being slow to start moving because they’re a new driver and haven’t quite gotten the hang of it yet. Maybe the person who signaled for a turn and slowed down only to speed up again and turn at the next street instead did so because their GPS is malfunctioning. Maybe the driver trying to merge at the last moment never drove on this particular road before and didn’t realize they’re in a turn-only lane.
I’ve been in each of those situations and my intention in all of them was to get where I was going safely, not to inconvenience anyone else. Sometimes other drivers honked at me or drove so close behind me that (insert phrase here), but other times they’d be patient with me and give me time to get my bearings straight. I always appreciated the latter drivers and I try to keep this in mind when I drive. I don’t know what is going on with any driver except for myself. Even if I do, I can’t control what they do on the road; I can only control what I do and how I react to them. Rather than getting upset over things I can’t control, I try to relax, breathe through it, and focus instead on what I can control, whether I’m driving or in any other situation in life that involves interacting with others.
Giving others the benefit of the doubt and refraining from making assumptions about them has been incredibly freeing. It’s helped me relax, prevented me from bringing negativity into a situation, and improved my interactions with others. Don’t Make Assumptions is one of the agreements in The Four Agreements, which is one of my favorite books and one of the most helpful that I’ve read. I think about it whenever I start feeling stressed and there’s always something in it that helps me feel better no matter what situation I’m in. I’m grateful for great books like this and the life hacks they contain; they’ve made a huge positive difference in my life and I hope they can do the same for you.