The book Boundaries talks a lot about consequences. One of the points it makes that has stuck with me for several years now is that when you prevent someone from receiving their natural consequences, those consequences instead fall onto you. I’ve seen that play out repeatedly in my life.
Consequences can sometimes be good. In those cases, it’s easy to let others receive them. When the consequences are bad, however, it’s tempting to intervene and attempt to “save” others from the natural outcomes of their decisions. Something that helps me remember the importance of doing this is how I’ve seen firsthand that those who don’t learn their lessons keep repeating them. I have plenty of examples of this.
A good example originates from one of my past jobs which involved a lot of cleaning. I’d often go in for my shift to find that whoever worked the previous shift had done little to no cleaning during that time. In most cases, instead of asking the person to work on it before clocking out, I’d jump right in and do it all myself. That sent the message to everyone else that they didn’t have to pull their own weight because I’d pick up all the slack. In addition to making my job more difficult, that also meant the place ran much less smoothly whenever I had time away. This hardly ever changed, regardless of how much I talked about this with my coworkers and employers individually or at team meetings. Even those in charge would still often leave large amounts of work for others. The only times I recall any of that changing were whenever anyone had to experience the full consequences of either failing to do their job or making a horrible decision. In those cases, they learned a lesson, shaped up, and did better moving forward by avoiding those bad decisions.
Unfortunately, not everyone learns. Some folks get caught up making one bad decision after another. Even when the decisions they make are obviously going to turn out badly, they go ahead with them anyway. Only once they’ve hit rock bottom do they fully realize that, without major help from others, they are unable to make good decisions. Unfortunately, as happens with hitting rock bottom, this realization only occurs after doing major harm to themselves and, in most cases, several of their loved ones.
For the kinds of decisions that almost always go well and hardly ever go wrong, it’s understandable when something unexpected makes it go badly. This happens to nearly everyone at some point and is no cause for alarm. However, with the kinds of decisions that almost always go wrong and hardly ever go well, it’s to be expected when something goes badly. Anyone caught off guard by a series of bad decisions that each turn out to have dire consequences is often the only one who didn’t see it coming.
To almost anyone looking in, it can be baffling as to how those consistently making bad decisions could think that they’ll turn out well, especially when they want to do things that are mostly painful and have little to no reward. Someone I once knew had gotten out of an awful situation after being in it for almost two years. Upon hearing that person’s plans to finalize the exit, I immediately sensed that it would turn out badly. My warnings were ignored, and the person ended up right back in the exact same situation. Even after pointing out how I had correctly warned them, they remained in that bad situation for just under six more months. This taught me the powerful lesson that I can only do so much to save someone from themselves.
It only takes a small amount of consistent movement in a particular direction to eventually end up living either a wonderful life or a miserable life. Those who start making small decisions to do things they know are bad and keep doing that each day soon wake up to a mess, while those who take small steps each day toward a better life will quickly see everything falling into place. Get the small things right and the big things will take care of themselves; mess up the small things and the big things will fall apart.
One bad decision in the right place can snowball into such a huge mess that it creates a lower quality of life for the rest of that individual’s days on Earth. Similarly, one good decision in the right place can lead to an incredible life. Because making one good decision can also prevent having to make many other decisions, and because it’s much easier to make one good decision than many good decisions, deciding wisely in key areas will pay off massively in the long run.
It’s best to be around those who make decisions that are overwhelmingly likely to end well and avoid those who make decisions that are overwhelmingly likely to end badly. I’ve learned that the hard way after getting dragged through seemingly endless drama by those who keep making bad decisions, especially when they’re deciding to do things that are all but guaranteed to turn out badly. Only after getting away from them has my life become steady and peaceful. At this point, when I do hit the occasional pothole in life, it’s small and easy to handle. I’ll gladly take that over the hugely problematic situations I kept finding myself in thanks to the various drama queens and kings I’ve known.
I no longer dig myself into a deep hole in the hope of getting someone out of the hole they dug themselves into. Losing my dog Sawyer last year immediately put everything else in my life on hold and forced me to put healing the pain of his death as my number one priority. More than a year later, that pain has gone down tremendously. However, I haven’t forgotten the lessons I learned both before and during 2022 about being extremely careful who I trust and even more careful with who I let in my inner circle. I might occasionally cross paths with those who consistently make bad decisions, but I no longer call anyone like that a friend or let them influence me. I’m blessed to be close to a lot of people who are consistently making good decisions. That, in addition to all the other positive changes I’ve made over the past five years, gives me hope.