Over the last few years, I’ve noticed something odd about emotional work. Sometimes when I focus on letting go of negative emotions, I have a hard time doing so. In other situations when I’m not focused on emotions, negative emotions will come up without any effort. They can come up in stressful situations, naturally, and they also tend to come up during peaceful times, such as weekends or on trips. Here’s my take on this.
I used to hate this every time it happened as I didn’t want any negativity to ruin the peaceful times. Most of the time now, I see it as signs that I’m feeling good enough to let negativity come up without overwhelming me and use it as an opportunity to release pain so that it no longer haunts me in good or bad times. That lets me enjoy the good times even more when more of the bad is gone, makes the remaining bad easier to handle when it comes up elsewhere in life, and makes the bad less likely to linger indefinitely.
I got pretty comfortable doing this in sensory deprivation floats several years ago. With all the craziness that I’ve experienced since then and how little free time I have at this point, it’s gotten harder to use peaceful times to work through painful emotions. I’d rather let those times just be peaceful since I have so much stress on a regular basis. That makes it extra challenging to let pain come up when I’m trying to relax and enjoy some downtime. I still do my best to do so, though, as it allows me to more easily enjoy lovely moments even after something upsetting happens. For example, when I felt extremely upset at the Magic Kingdom earlier this year, I was able to welcome the emotions effectively enough to feel much better and enjoy the remainder of my trip there that afternoon. Crying, having ice cream, meeting several of the characters, and experiencing more fun attractions turned what could easily have been a disastrous trip into one that was still wonderful despite the upsets.
As you’ll know if you’ve read most of my other posts over the last 3 and a half years, this is what has allowed me to enjoy life even after my dog Sawyer and other loved ones have died. In contrast, trying to force myself to smile, act as if I feel good, and everything else that ignores the pain has only ever made me feel worse. It saddens me that pretending the pain isn’t there has become the norm, whether for oneself or with others. Just as in Inside Out how Sadness successfully comforted Bing Bong by listening and responding compassionately to his pain while Joy failed by trying to make him ignore his pain, so, too, in real life does healing come from feeling.
The progress I’ve made lately has given me hope that it’ll become easier to let negative feelings come up in good times. My general mood has been much higher than usual, I’ve gotten over upsetting things much more quickly, and I’m better able to completely forget about work when I’m at home later in the day. I sincerely hope that this is the start of my new normal rather than just a temporary increase in peace. Time will tell, and practice will make it more likely to become permanent.