Overcoming Guilt

Guilt has been the hardest emotion for me to work through. It’s been present in almost everything I’ve done from a young age since that’s how I was raised. Stand up for myself? Guilt. Fail to stand up for myself? Guilt. Speak my mind? Guilt. Hold my tongue? Guilt. Do something bad? Guilt. Do something good? Guilt. Feel bad about myself? Guilt. Feel good about myself? Guilt. It’s only recently that I’ve pinpointed this as the source of so many of my struggles and have developed anything resembling a healthy, effective way to handle it. Here’s what I’ve learned.

Some experiences have been vastly more difficult than others for me to overcome. Even after letting go of huge amounts of anger, regret, sadness, and grief, I still wouldn’t be able to let go of certain experiences. I didn’t know what was left of them but I could tell something was still there. Eventually, I realized it was guilt. Guilt for feeling badly toward someone (even if they had hurt me). Guilt for not standing up for myself or for the rare occasions in which I’d take a stand. Guilt for still holding on to things that happened decades ago. Guilt for feeling upset in the first place. Once I let go of the guilt from a particular situation, I’d feel a deep sense of peace about whatever happened and mostly forget about it, which is a sure sign that I’ve fully let something go.

I had a recent breakthrough that’s opened up huge doors for me and inspired this post. I’ve gotten good enough at noticing when guilt comes up to prevent it from turning into negative self-talk. Getting bogged down in hateful words or thoughts toward myself was what held me back for so long. Now that I can avoid the words and thoughts and focus instead on the feelings themselves, I can overcome anything. This doesn’t mean it’s always a breeze, however. It may still take me hours, days, or even longer to work through a super difficult experience. Still, that’s a vast improvement over the amount of time it used to take me to work through those experiences, if I ever worked completely through them.

Sometimes reminding myself that the feelings will pass if I give them the proper space to run out is enough to allow me to do it. Though the feelings can be overwhelming at times, it always surprises me how quickly they let up once I let them run. Several times a day, I’ll either sit or lie down for 15 minutes at a time and let go. Whatever strong negative emotions I’m feeling at the start of each session (anger, guilt, grief, rage, etc) are almost entirely gone by the end; even when something remains, it’s always much smaller and less intense at the end than it was at the beginning.

Everything in this post also applies to shame since guilt and shame are so similar for me. Now that I’m so aware of how much guilt has affected me, I find it strange that I never realized it before. Though it’s obvious to me now, it took a long time to figure it out. I don’t regret or feel guilty over the time before I made this discovery. I feel relieved to have had this realization that goes hand-in-hand with my breakthrough earlier this year about my inner judge and I’m finding new ways all the time of working through guilt. Things will be different for me from here on out. Easier, lighter, freer, more joyful, and more peaceful. I hope you receive all of that as well.