Perspectives vary greatly from one person to the next on where the responsibility rests in messaging and communication. Some people put the responsibility on the shoulders of the messenger. They say that the messenger must craft a message in a way that is understandable, appreciable, and applicable to the listeners and, if the listeners don’t get it, then it’s the fault of the messenger. Other people would turn that on its head by saying that it’s not the messenger’s fault if the listeners don’t get the message; you can have the best message in the world, crafted and delivered in the best way possible, and some people still aren’t going to get it.
As for me, I think the right answer is somewhere in between. I do my best to communicate in such a way that the listener understands what I’m saying and I will clarify as best as I can if they are confused. Most people I talk to understand what I’m saying by the second or third time if they don’t get it after the first time. However, there are some people who just aren’t interested in hearing what I have to say. I try out a few different approaches with those people until I realize that they don’t care, at which point I move on. No matter how well I’ve worded and delivered my message, some people are never going to get it because they don’t want to get it.
For the most part, though, I take the Extreme Ownership mentality: if someone doesn’t understand me, it’s my responsibility to go back and clarify again and again until they understand. That way I’m not blaming them or getting frustrated at them and I’m looking at things I can control (my ability to speak and word a message) instead of things I can’t control (their ability to listen and understand). I also don’t get frustrated at myself with this mindset. If one of my approaches doesn’t work, I simply try other approaches until one does work, and I make a mental note of how it went so I can do better next time. Other people almost always understand what I’m saying after a few attempts, but if I’ve made a dozen or more attempts and have still gotten nowhere, then I start thinking that this person doesn’t want to understand me, so why continue wasting my breath? That’s my take on responsibility for understanding in communication. I think it’s the messenger’s responsibility in most cases, but when the messenger has done all they can to be understood, then it becomes the responsibility of the listener. I do think, though, that it’s always the messenger’s responsibility to figure out who wants to understand and who doesn’t. I hope this has been helpful and I’ll see you in the next post.