Who are you? Not the role you play at your job, in your family, or in your community. Not the political, religious, or philosophical beliefs you hold. Not your nationality or ethnicity. Not what you enjoy doing in your free time. Not the image that others have of you. And not even your name or the image that you have of yourself. All of that is outside of you. Some of it may describe things close to you but none of it describes the real you. The you that existed before you became aware of everything else and the you that will still be there when it all goes away. Who is that?
Only you can say for sure who you are but anyone can say who you aren’t: a concept. Concepts are methods by which the mind organizes aspects of life in an attempt to understand it all; this means that concepts only “exist” in the mind. However, getting too caught up in concepts actually obscures understanding. If you’re convinced that your concept of a thing is the actual thing itself, then it becomes easy to think “Oh, I know all about this because I’m familiar with it.” That can make you see attributes that aren’t really there and miss ones that are. True understanding requires leaving concepts behind and observing what is with as open a mind as possible.
The same goes for understanding yourself. In addition to not being a concept, you are also not your views. This is so crucial and seemingly obvious yet is so often ignored. All the time I see people identifying with their views or a role they play in life. Weaving either of those into their sense of self makes it much harder to avoid feeling personally attacked when they are questioned or criticized. That’s why hostile exchange around sensitive matters are so common. Ceasing to identify with concepts and roles means no feeling of personal attack and few, if any, ego defenses.
You can practice this now if you like. Get into a still, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes and focus on your breath for a few minutes. As the inner activity settles, begin recalling some things with which you identify. Set each one to the side as it comes up; you can pick them up again later if you like. For now, focus on getting down to the core of who you are by allowing everything else to fall away. At that point, there’s nothing to defend that’s not you, and by then you know yourself so well that you’ll feel no need to defend yourself. All the concepts you have of yourself are gone and all that remains is the real you that’s been buried underneath everything else.
Don’t put yourself in a box and think that that box defines you from beginning to end. You deserve better than that. You’re so much more complex, intricate, wonderful, and amazing than any words or concepts could ever describe. Putting yourself in a box is a great way to ignore truths and believe lies about yourself. It also can prevent progress by making you think that how you are now is truly who you are and can’t be changed. So don’t do yourself a disservice by limiting yourself. Step out of all the boxes you’re in and learn the truth of who you really are. Be free.