I’ve seen a lot of divisive stuff online lately. I’m not going to say what it is but I think you know to what I’m referring. For this blog post, I’m going to focus on things that unite us and explore some things I’ve learned that I think have the potential to put out some of the fires and foster dialogue rather than division.
Everyone I’ve met and gotten to know has expressed a desire to live as they see fit, including (but not limited to) pursuing their passions and supporting good causes. Further, most people want the same for others. I’ve never met anyone who said they want other people to live short, miserable lives full of poverty, sickness, and violence. Nor have I met anyone whose stated motivation is that they want to make the world a worse place and they believe that their ideas will accomplish that. Whenever I’ve talked to anyone about the well-being of other people, they’ve expressed a desire for everyone to have what they need to live long, happy, and full lives. It’s true that there are some people in the world who actively seek to cause harm, but those people are a drop in the bucket compared to the people who want the best for everyone.
Most of the debates and arguments I’ve seen about making the world better are hardly ever framed that way. I see almost nobody attempting to have civil discussions in which they look for ways to solve problems and help people. Instead, I see a lot of people talking past each other while assuming (and many times outright saying) that the other person is heartless, crazy, selfish, or something else along those lines. Because they often start the exchange by disagreeing on the means to the end, focusing first on their differences rather than their points of agreement, and showing more interested in stating their own perspective than trying to understand someone else’s perspective, they almost always end up thinking that they also disagree on the end itself. Thus, major issues, such as healthcare, are typically framed as good vs evil: some people want everyone to have healthcare and others don’t. The reality is that most people want healthcare to be affordable and they simply disagree on the best way to make that happen. I chose healthcare as an example since it has been a hot topic for such a long time now, but any other major issue would have illustrated that point just as well.
The Righteous Mind offers a lot of great information about why people think the way they do and has greatly influenced my thinking with regards to discussions. Once I read the book, it became a lot easier for me to understand and get along with people even when we disagreed strongly about a significant issue. It’s hard to see someone in a bad light when I know they want things to go well and understand why they see their ideas as the best way to make that happen. Additionally, gaining control over my ego instead of letting it control me has helped a lot. Staying present, which I learned a lot about from The Power of Now, helps me listen to what other people have to say without feeling the need to immediately respond, contradict them, or think badly about them for disagreeing with me. Actually listening (a necessary skill for good communication) to someone and trying to understand their perspective also shows me how much we have in common, which is essential for working together and solving problems; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People talks a lot about these aspects of communication, so it’s another great resource for this area. I think the lessons contained in “The Righteous Mind”, “The Power of Now”, and “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” can help bring a great deal of civility and understanding to important conversations. Like most people, I want to make the world better, and the more who are willing to focus on common ground and come up with workable solutions to modern problems, the better off we’ll all be.