There’s a concept I first heard about in high school called “the path of least resistance”. From what I’ve gathered, it’s a way to avoid rocking the boat or upsetting anyone, so it’s an appealing option for some people. I’ve certainly chosen it plenty of times, although I’ve often regretted it afterward. That’s because, in my opinion, while it’s always an available option, the path of least resistance is not always the best way to go.
The path of least resistance appears to be a tool for minimizing resistance between two or more people in a given interaction. If one person wants to do a particular thing and you want to do something else, the path of least resistance would involve one of you giving up your plans and going along with what the other person wants. This assumes, of course, that neither of you are seeking win/win solutions and that one of you is expected to “lose” in this interaction. However, while this creates minimal resistance between the two of you, it has the potential to create a lot of resistance within yourself. By giving up your plans to please someone else, you may feel a great deal of negativity toward yourself; if you are in the habit of regularly deferring to others, you may very well start to resent yourself as well as the other people with whom you interact.
There are times when deferring to someone else may be the best course of action. As long as that is an occasional exception rather than the general rule, I think that would minimize the chances of resistance, frustration, or any other negativity appearing in those situations. However, if constant deference becomes the norm, then I think that’s a huge problem, especially if one person is always deferring to another. In that case, the one caught up in people pleasing will suffer from a low sense of self-worth and an inability to say no. The one who always gets what they want will acquire a sense of entitlement and a reduced ability to accept when things don’t go their way. If you get fed up with constantly deferring to the other, you may eventually put you foot down and assert your boundaries. The other person will likely resist and then accuse you of being selfish. This tactic is intended to make you back down and give them what they want, because who wants to be seen as selfish? However, if this happens to you, take some time to look at how things have been going and ask yourself if you want them to continue happening this way. Also, isn’t it selfish of them to always expect you to defer to them when they’re never willing to defer to you or find a path that lets you both get what you want? Who’s truly being selfish in this situation?
The way I see it, the true path of least resistance is the one that minimizes all the possible resistance in a given situation. This includes both the resistance between, say, yourself and the person with whom you’re interacting as well as the internal resistance you both feel toward yourselves. I don’t think it’s worth letting other people walk all over you and always saying no to yourself just so you can maintain an appearance of peace that doesn’t actually exist. If you start asserting your boundaries, you will probably be met with a great deal of resistance. After that’s been going on for a while, some people might get upset that they can’t push you around anymore and then leave to find their next victim. This is why setting appropriate boundaries and having resistance where needed is so important: it reveals the toxic people around you and removes them from your life. So keep this in mind in your interactions, especially if you tend to defer to others more often than you should. You can save yourself a lot of grief and improve your relationships by making a few simple changes and making sure to look out for yourself.