Have you ever wondered why some people are so skilled at selling, organizing, or otherwise getting those around them to agree with them? Robert Cialdini, a social psychologist, had those same questions and spent much of his career studying the things that get you to say “yes”. The answers to his questions came in the form of his most well-known book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.
Influence covers six of what Cialdini calls “weapons of influence” that skilled persuaders use to get you to say “yes”. They include reciprocation, commitment/consistency, social proof, liking, authority, and scarcity. He gives each “weapon” its own chapter and includes several examples of it in use. Some of his examples include how members of Hare Krishna use flowers to get donations for their organization, the way location played a fatal role in the Jonestown Massacre, and the reason one man paid four hundred dollars for a one-dollar bill.
Something I greatly appreciate about Cialdini is that he discusses the importance of using persuasion ethically. His reason for writing “Influence” was to point out the various ways that you can be persuaded to do something you’d rather not and give you some tools to effectively resist that unwanted influence, which helped him overcome his tendency to say “yes” to anyone and everyone. There are plenty of people who see persuasion as a way to rip others off and push them around, so it’s refreshing to see someone advocate using it properly.
In the relatively short time since I read Influence, I’ve been able to more easily see weapons of influence in action all around me and, when I’m focused, succeeded in saying “no” and meaning it. Cialdini’s ideas have helped me find that sweet spot between being a pushover and being a jerk. Thanks to him, I have a number of life hacks that I can use to politely decline an unwanted offer instead of going over the top in shutting it down. Because there are so many people vying for your time, money, and support, I recommend reading “Influence” so you can have some things with which to counter unwanted influence. This goes double for those of you who, like me, have struggled with saying “no”. At the very least, it’ll be some interesting reading. At most, though, it could be a real game changer for you and the way you see the world. If you do check it out, please let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts about it.