Earlier this month, I realized that I’ve been feeling better lately than I have for most of this year. This realization occurred after I had gotten more sleep from going to bed much earlier than usual several days in a row. The extra hour of sleep at the end of Daylight Saving Time made me feel even better. The quality and quantity of sleep I get does more than almost anything else to determine my mood so I’m glad to have improved in both of those areas recently.
There was also extra swing dancing toward the end of last month. Although there used to be swing dancing at the Volstead every Sunday night for most of every year, it’s only been happening twice a month since this past May; before that, it was once a month since November of 2021, and that was after being nonexistent for more than a year. This past October, there was a special third night of dancing on the Sunday before Halloween. Lots of Halloween music, decorations, and costumes made the night extra fun. That additional Sunday dance also meant that there were two Volstead Sundays in a row. Finally, I enjoyed the first Volstead Sunday this month more than almost any other this year. All of that felt like old times and put a little extra spring in my step.
My voice for most of this month has been consistently smoother, steadier, and more resonant. That’s always a sign that I’m feeling hardly any stress, effectively managing the stress that does appear, and doing well overall emotionally. I’ve accomplished that this time around by adding more positives and removing several negatives. Aside from several negatives I’ve removed in recent memory, there’s another huge negative that will be behind me before this month ends. In general, I dislike having things hanging over my head, particularly stressful things. I always feel relieved when something negative ends, especially when it’s something I never have to deal with again. As for the positives, I’ve had plenty of meaningful interactions with good humans and animals. I love visiting lots of puppies every week, frequently petting some neighborhood cats on my walks, and spending more time around humans who make me feel wanted and loved. I’m thankful to have gotten that in spades as of late.
My juggling, in particular my progress with 5 club, has gone incredibly well for almost this entire year. Last month, I went from 5 catches to 6. Last week, I reached 7 catches on Tuesday and then 8 on Thursday! Since I only need 10 catches to juggle 5 clubs, I’m on track to get there well before this year is through. That will allow me to check off a huge goal of mine for this year. I look forward to making that happen soon.
My emotional life has almost never been better than it is now. It’s been almost 7 months since my dog Sawyer’s death. There is still healing to do but I’m feeling much better than I have for most of this year after working through a ton of pain since April. My recent good feelings come in large part from having the courage to face painful emotions in this and many other areas. In especially difficult times, I have to give myself permission (sometimes out loud) to feel whatever feelings need to be felt. Even that has been easier lately. I hope all of this means I’ve worked through enough difficult emotions to be finished with the most painful part of this particular journey. Time will tell.
Whenever I listen to “For the Longest Time” by Billy Joel, it takes me back to when I first heard it: the Volstead in late 2017. That was one of the hardest years of my life. By the time I heard that song, life had improved significantly for me and seemed to keep getting better in every way. While watching others dance as I sat down to catch my breath, I noticed that I felt great for the first time in ages. Years later, I listen to that song every time I drive home from the Volstead. I’ve gotten the same feelings from it the past few weeks as I did upon first hearing it in late 2017. It’s also gotten me thinking about how similar 2022 has been to 2017. Both years took so much from me and didn’t start letting up until almost the end. Despite the pain, they both contained unexpected joys along the way, such as meeting some good new people and getting lots of time with familiar, comforting faces. Sawyer was my most painful loss of this year but wasn’t my only loss, and nothing I’ve lost will come back. Despite those facts, I still have greater peace about my life than I have in a long, long time. I hope this is leading toward another year like 2018 or even 2019. Either of those would be welcome reliefs after 3 years of getting pounded every which way. Whatever happens, I’m feeling good and know that I can always get back up after getting knocked down, even if it takes me a while to find my footing.