Whenever I get into a funk, I explore it to see what it’s telling me. The one I’ve been in lately has an important message about my role in life, especially for how I relate to others. Here’s an exploration of what I mean and also a way to get it off my chest so I can better move through it.
A lot of people, especially people close to me, have told me that I’m smart, wise, and have good ideas. Yet almost nobody ever takes the advice I offer, even when they ask me for advice. In some cases, they even go so far as to tear down my ideas. Needless to say, this creates a lot of confusion in me. How can they praise my ideas one moment and then decry them the next? If they really think so highly of me, why don’t they listen to me?
I often think about how some of the people I admire the most, such as Eckhart Tolle and David Hawkins, would draw huge crowds to their events. Crowds full of people whose lives had been changed by those teachers and were looking for more guidance. Why can’t I draw those crowds? Even though I haven’t been putting my ideas out there for long, I’d think I’ve done enough thus far to get at least a small crowd for the personal growth events I host.
This has impacted my interactions as of late. Although I prefer deep conversations to small talk, right now I most prefer silence. It’s a lot more meaningful and less stressful for me. No words, just being with each other and maybe doing something together if we’re sharing an activity. I’ve had an incredibly hard time having interesting conversations even with friends lately so staying quiet and enjoying the moment is what I prefer for the time being.
Is this an ego thing? Probably. I do have a savior complex and seek to help almost everyone I’m close to, even if they’re not interested in my help. I think this season is meant to help me surrender this so I can move forward without the pain and bitterness that comes with it. That would explain why things have slowed down a lot for me, especially my social gatherings. Fewer things to do gives me plenty of space to let go of what’s holding me back.
Since I can’t find a relevant quote, I’ll paraphrase it here: Being a hero requires someone else to be in trouble. That always gives me pause when I remember it. Ultimately, I’d rather people be well off and not be in a position to need help in the first place. I haven’t thought a whole lot about what I’d do if that’s how the world worked but I realized I have already been acting that way. I’ve been pursuing activities and people I find meaningful without stressing out or attempting to save everyone. That feels great and I plan to keep doing that.
This doesn’t mean I’ve given up all my big goals. I’m simply pursuing them in a different way. In addition to this blog, I’m still working on my communication book and I have a few other books in mind to write someday. Plus I’ll continue having deep conversations with people who are interested in these ideas and I’ll use my business to help those who come to me. My plan is to keep sharing what works for me and let everyone decide what to do for themselves. What works for me may not work for them; even if it does work for them, I can’t make them do it, so why feel upset if they do something different?
It’s easy to talk about doing this. Following through with it is a horse of a different color. I’ve attempted to do this before and didn’t succeed for more than a little while. Given how 2021 turned out for me, the lessons I learned, and all of these recent realizations, I think I now have a much better shot at sticking to this for the long haul. Taking this approach has already given me much more peace than I’ve felt in a long time so it seems I’m on the right track. If so, then this could be the biggest shift of my life and open the door to everything I’ve been building up to for years. I’ll let you know how it goes later this year.