Imagine three people seek medical attention. The first has a broken arm, the second is having a heart attack, and the third has a malignant tumor. Without knowing anything else about their situations, it’s easy to see that it’d be a bad idea to give them all the same treatment. If they were all treated for one of those problems, that would help the person who has that problem while leaving the other two high and dry. Worse still would be if all three of them were treated for an issue that none of them had. The proper thing to do is customize the care to fit the needs of each patient. That gives each person the best chance of surviving, recovering, and living a good life thereafter.
The same goes for mental and emotional health. Even if two siblings close in age were traumatized from the same incident (or series of incidents), they may still both respond quite differently. For example, one may retreat inward and become extremely avoidant to any type of conflict while the other may expand outward and become extremely aggressive even in calm situations. The way each responded to the same traumatic experience will necessitate different approaches to helping them both heal and learn healthy ways of living.
Some things are standard for anyone who is struggling. Asking someone what they’re wanting and needing is an excellent starting point. Working through painful emotions is always beneficial. However, each person is still a unique individual who will get more out of a custom-tailored approach than a one-size-fits-all approach.
Unfortunately, this is often lost on those wanting to help. It seems that most folks start by offering what would help them feel better instead of checking in to see what the struggling person needs/wants. A remedy that’s perfect for the person providing help may be wholly inappropriate for the person needing help. This can result in strained relationships, delayed healing, increased health problems from unhealed pain, and other major issues.
When I lost my dog Sawyer last year, I got all kinds of opinions on what I should or shouldn’t do, how I should or shouldn’t feel, and how that experience will or won’t affect the rest of my life. I also heard several painful stories of loss, whether human or animal, from those close to me. I didn’t ask for any of that and I didn’t want it in most cases. Being told more sad stories of loss when I was deep in the worst pain I’d ever felt only made me feel worse. Wanting to avoid all of that unsolicited input is one of the reasons I kept to myself as much as I did over the past year. Fortunately, that solitude allowed me to release huge amounts of pain in ways that I never could have had I listened to what those around me were saying about grief, death, loss, etc. Despite that, I often wonder how my healing journey would have been different if others had asked me how I felt instead of assuming they already knew, inquired as to how they could help me instead of giving advice, and sought to understand my experiences instead of telling me about their own.
Mental/emotional health seems to be much less valued and much less understood than physical health. With how much pain there still is in the world despite countless advances in medicine, technology, poverty reduction, food availability, and so on, I have to think that mental/emotional well-being is the missing piece of the puzzle. For everyone’s sake, I hope that changes soon. That’s entirely possible as there are plenty of resources out there on why trauma develops, how to cure it, and how to prevent it. Even small changes in this area from one generation to the next can yield massive benefits for both current and future generations. I hope to see some major improvements before my time on Earth is through.