Although I do my best to avoid identifying with anything outside of myself, I still feel drawn to the Chaotic Good alignment. Whether fictional characters or real humans, I’ve always loved those who do the right thing even (or especially) if it requires breaking the rules. Fictional characters who do this are nearly universally celebrated and recognized as heroes by real humans. In real life, however, someone who puts morality above rules usually isn’t lauded for it until after they die (and it doesn’t always happen even then). The expectation to follow all the rules, no matter what, is so strong that those who break the rules to do what’s right are often considered to be worse than those who do what’s wrong by following the rules.
The notion that all rules must be followed, and the accompanying notion that the only legitimate way to avoid following a rule is if it gets removed, are both so odd to me. I don’t understand them at all. Beyond the trouble of knowing what all the rules are in any given area of life, it’s also strange to me to follow rules that exist for no good reason (such as rules at a workplace that make it all but impossible to do one’s job). If there’s a good reason behind a rule, I’ll most likely follow it. If there isn’t a good reason, I may or may not follow it. And if there’s either a bad reason behind a rule or following that rule will cause trouble, I’ll most likely break it.
Some rules may always be good. Other rules may only be good in certain situations; when the situation changes, so must those rules. If the rules don’t change to match the situation, then all kinds of bad things can happen. There are countless examples of trouble that occurred from following bad rules to the letter, whether those rules were outdated or were never any good in the first place. Some will even die or kill to uphold rules that don’t benefit themselves or anyone else. That’s the opposite of how it should be: humans aren’t supposed to serve rules, rules are supposed to serve humans. Many of those who brought about some of the worst atrocities in history were “just following orders”, “just doing their jobs”, or something else along those lines. Whatever the excuse, the damage they’ve done remains. If nobody followed awful rules that “required” them to hurt their fellow humans, then those rules and all who create them would be powerless to cause any harm.
Experimenting with breaking rules often shows me which ones are worth following and which ones aren’t. At all of my jobs, I started off doing things as I was trained to do them. In time, though, I gradually discovered better ways of doing many things. These new ways often allowed me to get things done both more effectively and more efficiently. Whenever the new methods didn’t work as well as the old methods, I went back to the old. At least experimenting showed me when to diverge from the established systems and when to abide by them, which is something I wouldn’t have gotten if I had never taken a chance.
This flexibility applies to my self-care. I take stock of how I’m feeling on any given day and what that day has in store for me to know what to do, in what order, and when. There are some things I do every day, but I often vary the order and the intensity to match what each day demands from me. I’ll do a lot on easy days and very little on extremely busy days or recovery days (such as this past Monday, which I mostly dedicated to recovering from a full weekend of juggling, martial arts, magic, and dancing). This allows me to still feel satisfied and make progress while giving myself time to rest and recover from whatever life throws at me. This is so much nicer than trying to stick to exactly the same routine every day no matter how bad I feel.
The more relaxed approach I’ve developed with regard to my routines dovetails nicely with a video I once saw. The guy in the video said, “Don’t be too hard on yourself if you didn’t do the thing today. Go to bed, and when you wake up tomorrow, it’ll be today again, and there’s another chance to do it.” I often remind myself of that during busy, stressful, or otherwise challenging days. Sometimes I’ll do a barebones version of my routine just to say I did it and stay in the habit, but I’ve gotten good at knowing when to stick to that instead of pushing to do everything I do on a good day.
Something I’ve found incredibly useful is focusing on a handful of rules that cover a lot of ground. A few rules cover emotional intelligence, others apply to communication, and some are reserved for how I relate to myself, both around others and when I’m alone. That’s much easier than attempting to follow dozens of individual rules, an approach that has always given me subpar results.
Losing my dog Sawyer last year threw literally everything off track for me. Things I had done nearly every day for years suddenly stopped, and other things I had never done before started up right away to help me navigate the deep grief, sorrow, anxiety, and other painful feelings that arose. Sawyer’s death forced me to adjust my entire life. Thank goodness I somehow managed to do that and use it to heal. That wouldn’t have happened if I had tried to hold onto the old and reject the new.
It’s been incredibly freeing to loosen my relationship to rules. I used to be so tightly bound by my own rules that I could barely do anything. Occasionally I go a bit overboard at this point. Part of that is overcorrection from past rigidness, part of it is figuring this stuff out by doing, and part of it is being human. As long as I don’t go too far overboard, I’m fine with going a bit over the line at times as I strive for a balance between following good rules and ignoring bad rules.