So many people seem to be concerned about things that are ultimately beyond their control. Systems, institutions, practices, traditions, and even entire, cities, states, and countries. Not to mention the mundane actions of other people whom they may not even know. All of those (except for other people) are often thought of as “ours”; that is, the systems, institutions, and so on are thought of as belonging to or within the control of the people who live under and are directly affected by them. If that were the case, then I don’t think that so many people would feel as hopeless as they appear to feel. It’s as if most people who say that “we” control all of those things don’t actually believe what they say. They may truly believe deep down that the idea of popular control of the institutions they live under is an illusion intended to keep them following the wishes of those who are actually in charge. Despite this, they still seem to feel guilty for decisions made over which they have no say.
Stephen Covey would say that these issues arise when someone’s circle of concern is outside their circle of influence. In other words, they’re too focused on things outside of their control and not focused enough on what is within their control. Going further, I think that the more things one attempts to control, the worse one feels. Everything I’ve seen, both in myself and in other people, makes me think that the desire to control comes primarily from fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of not getting what is wanted, fear of disappointing someone, and a general fear that something bad will happen if one isn’t in control. Additionally, those who were raised with the burden of responsibility for everyone else’s feelings on their shoulders while their own feelings hardly ever mattered seem to feel a great deal of guilt upon noticing the many problems in the world. This is especially an issue when the pain caused by those old behavior patterns hasn’t been healed. If this applies to you, then here’s a little encouragement. Everyone who made you feel responsible for their feelings and attempted to guilt you into feeling bad when you’d done nothing wrong? They’re the ones who were in the wrong, not you. So please be kind to yourself as you work on undoing the negative conditioning that was forced upon you.
Letting go of a lot of fear over the past few months has helped me relax into things I can’t control and made me focus more on things that I can influence. Additionally, losing a great deal of the desire for control has freed me from feeling guilty over the outcomes of decisions which were never mine to make or influence in the first place. That’s been an enormous relief and I’ll gladly take it any day over the anxiety, feelings of helplessness, and inaction (or ineffective action) that come from focusing on things outside my circle of influence.
There is peace, freedom, and opportunity for effective action in relinquishing all that which is beyond your control and seeing where you have the ability to make positive change. Taking care of yourself and your loved ones while focusing on what you can control are all healthy, necessary, and, truly, the only effective things to do. If enough people did this, then, in addition to all of them feeling much greater peace, I think it would largely sort out the major problems that never seem to get solved with current approaches. Is that actually what would happen? I don’t know, but let’s find out together, shall we?